Searching for the Same Light
by piratewench78
Summary: "I've moved on. You gotta move on too." What might have happened if that was the end of the story. Very AU.
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm back. And with something that's really very different. This is a Deacon/Rayna story and yet it's not. It's very AU and it comes from a place of frustration I was going through over how Rayna was treating Deacon and how I thought Deacon should stand up for himself. So imagine a world where Rayna actually marries Luke and it forces Deacon to pick up the pieces and move in a different direction.**_

_**I know this kind of turns everything on its head, but I hope you'll give it a shot and see what you think. It may surprise you.**_

_**Special thanks to Rachel Wilder for encouraging me to step out with this and for being my first set of eyes.**_

* * *

Emma Taylor was excited. She'd been invited by her friend Josh Osborne to participate in an In the Round at the Bluebird Café that night, along with Jimmy Robbins and Jeff Cohen. This was going to be a great foursome. She was in the bathroom of her East Nashville townhouse finishing up her makeup. She wore her favorite boots and she modeled herself in front of her floor length mirror. Her jeans were a perfect fit, not too tight, but they showed off her long legs and her tight ass. She had an old vintage cream colored tunic with a deep V neck and long flowing sleeves. She ran her hands through her thick mane of chestnut brown hair.

She'd been in Nashville for four years, chasing her dream of being a country singer. She'd come to Nashville from Odessa, TX, with intermediate stops in Dallas and Austin. She'd spent three years at the University of Texas in Austin, only to decide that her heart's desire wouldn't be realized with a college degree. She figured out pretty quickly once she got to Nashville that her ticket to success was going to be songwriting, not singing, and she'd been fortunate to gain a publishing deal within six weeks of moving to Tennessee. She'd had songs she'd written and co-written recorded by some of the biggest names in country music and in her four short years, had already had ten number ones and many other hits.

She loved playing the Bluebird and this was shaping up to be the best In the Round group yet. She raced out of the house and was surprised at how light traffic was. She got to Hillsboro Pike way early so she stopped in Starbucks for a decaf. When she made her way to the Bluebird, the early show was still going on. She slipped in the back door and down the hall. She could see someone standing, watching the show, guitar case in hand. He was tall with dark hair and she could see he was wearing a green shirt and well-worn jeans. He turned as she walked up and she actually felt herself get a little wet. She recognized Deacon Claybourne right away. He was definitely sex appeal personified.

Deacon looked at the dark haired woman walking up behind him. He'd never met her, but surmised she was Emma Taylor, who was the only female songwriter in the round that night. She glanced up at him and he couldn't help but notice how pretty she was.

Emma smiled shyly, her nose crinkling. "Hey," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Emma Taylor."

Deacon smiled back and took her hand. "Deacon Claybourne," he said.

She looked surprised. "I didn't know you were going to be here tonight," she said.

"I'm subbing for Jeff Cohen."

"Well, I'm going to have to up my game then," she said with a wink. "I've heard you play and I know you're the legend of the Bluebird."

Deacon laughed. "I'm sure that's not true. But I guess you have the advantage. I haven't heard you before."

She grinned broadly, showing off perfect teeth. "Be prepared to be blown away by my awesomeness then," she said and Deacon laughed.

* * *

When it wasn't her turn, Emma spent the night watching Deacon. He was seated across from her, which made that easier. He was well-known around town in the songwriting community and was known as one of the premiere guitar players in Nashville. Now that he was trying to make it as a solo artist, his profile was rising. Emma knew he'd been in Rayna Jaymes' band for over twenty years and they'd been a couple prior to her marrying Teddy Conrad, the current mayor of Nashville. Deacon had stayed mostly out of the spotlight until the news had gotten out that Rayna's oldest daughter had been fathered by him. She'd heard around town that Deacon Claybourne carried a really tall torch for Rayna Jaymes, even though she had married Luke Wheeler some months back. He did have some sadness in his eyes, even when he smiled, and she felt certain that many of the songs he sang that night were about his old love.

He certainly did give her the tingles, though, despite his past. But she thought he was probably someone to steer clear of, if he was still singing songs about a woman who'd married someone else.

* * *

Deacon watched Emma all night. He was surprised their paths hadn't crossed before. She was a masterful lyricist, with clever phrasing and sweet poetic meanderings. She intrigued him. He knew he wanted to get to know her better. At the end of the night, he leaned towards her. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

She looked at him. "Drinks are free. For us."

"So they are. Can I get you a free drink then?"

She smiled. "Diet Coke would be nice. Thanks."

"You sure you don't want something stronger?"

She shook her head. "I don't drink." He nodded and got up to go to the bar. She watched him as he stood waiting for their drinks, thinking he was a really hot man.

When he came back with her Diet Coke and a water for himself, he moved to sit next to her. "You were right about your awesomeness," he said.

She smiled shyly. "I was kidding about that, you know."

He laughed. "But you still were awesome."

"Well, thank you." She took a sip of her drink. "I'm surprised you still do this, now that you're out touring."

He shrugged. "It's a good place to try stuff out. And it keeps me humble." She smiled and he was struck again by how pretty she was. She looked to be in her thirties, with long, thick chestnut brown hair that fell in sexy waves around her shoulders and down her back. Her hazel eyes were warm and inviting. A smattering of freckles ran across her pert nose. She was certainly the opposite of Rayna. Which was a good thing.

She finished her Diet Coke. "Hey, thanks for the drink. And I enjoyed playing with you tonight."

He realized he didn't want to let her get away. "Um, would you like to get together sometime?"

She felt a fluttering in her heart, but said, "Look, I know who you are and I know about your history with Rayna Jaymes. I know she got married not that long ago and I'm thinking you're still carrying a bit of a torch for her, from what I've heard. I don't want to get mixed up in that. I am, however, open to being friends."

Deacon scowled. "I'm not carrying a damn torch for Rayna Jaymes," he said. "I'm not asking you to jump in bed with me. Just coffee or something. But forget it, I guess." He started to get up.

"Wait," she said, a part of her not wanting to let things end like that. He looked back at her, still with that annoyed look on his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude." She smiled. "Coffee would be nice. If the offer still stands, that is."

Deacon looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "Ugly Mugs? Tomorrow at ten?"

She nodded. "I'll see you then."

* * *

As he drove home, Deacon thought about her comment about him carrying a torch for Rayna. It had pissed him off when she said it, but if he was honest with himself, he knew it had been hard to give up on them. Even now, after she'd gone ahead and married Luke in a big, media-event wedding. The only positive part of that, from his perspective, was that she and Luke had merged their tours into a nauseating "Honeymoon Tour" and he was the odd man out in that arrangement. He'd been let out of his contract with a very generous settlement and he'd been relieved not to have to watch that every night. Plus it enabled him to get untangled from Pam, Luke's backup singer that he'd allowed himself to get into an ill-advised dalliance with. It had been a fun tour fling, but it had put him in Luke's path more than he'd liked.

Maddie was still miserable, and that led to the other aspect of Rayna's marriage that was a positive. She was spending a lot more time with him, with Rayna and Luke on the road so much and Maddie's intense dislike for Luke, and they had bonded over their shared hurt. But he knew that it wasn't good for him to encourage that in her and he'd needed to move past it himself. It hadn't been easy, but Rayna had changed so much that he'd found himself thinking about her less and less. Tonight had been the first night in a long time that he'd found himself focusing on someone else. In just a short few hours of knowing her, Emma Taylor had crawled up under his skin, and he wanted to get to know her better.

* * *

Emma felt bad about what she'd said to Deacon about Rayna. Hell, she didn't know him and she sure didn't know Rayna Jaymes. She had parroted some gossip column crap and that left a bad taste in her mouth. She had liked him right away, sensed he was good, honest people. He had a sadness about him that spoke to a lot of life experience. She thought he was in his mid-forties, so older than she usually went for, but she had been intrigued. She also had to admit that she wondered what it would be like to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers, and to feel him deep inside her. It had been a long time since she'd had a relationship and she wondered what it might be like to have one with someone that seemed as complex and electric as Deacon Claybourne.

She hadn't had a boyfriend since before she'd left Texas, although she'd dated a few people here and there. She always adhered to her three-date rule about sex and had never let things progress to that point. She had high standards – her best friend, Leah, would say she was too damn picky – but she wasn't into one night stands and casual, breezy friends-with-benefits deals. She was someone that liked relationships, but only if they were right. She'd been in a fairly long-term relationship in Austin that had ended unpleasantly, so she felt like she could feel some of what she assumed was Deacon Claybourne's pain over losing Rayna to yet another man. There had been a spark between them, she was sure of that. Maybe one day she'd be in a position to ask him if he'd felt the same attraction she had and if he'd felt that same certainty that they had a deep connection.

* * *

Deacon kept an eye on the door at Ugly Mugs and felt his heart beat a little faster when he saw Emma Taylor walk in. She saw him and waved, then walked up to the counter to place her order. When she sat down across from him, he was surprised at how happy he was to see her.

"Hey, I'm sorry that I didn't think to tell you last night where this place was. I hope you didn't have trouble finding it," he said.

"No, I knew exactly where it was. I come here a lot. I don't live too far from here."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "You live in East Nashville?"

Emma smiled, and he thought again how beautiful she was. "Don't all the music people live in East Nashville? Well, except for the headliners. I guess they live in gated mansions and communities."

Deacon laughed. "Yeah, I guess they do."

Emma took a sip of her coffee. "So, how often are you at the Bluebird these days?"

"Not as often as I'd like. I used to do every third Thursday…."

"Yeah, I know. I've seen you there more than once."

That intrigued him. "Do you go a lot?"

She shrugged. "It depends on who's playing. I like to hear my friends. And then there are some, that when they're there, you want to make a point of being there." She smiled shyly. "You've always been one of those people. Although, I promise, I wasn't stalking you or anything. I really didn't go all the time, but I have seen you there a few times." She wasn't going to tell him just how many times she'd gone to hear him play.

Deacon was laughing. "Thanks for clearing up the stalker part."

Emma blushed. "You're known around town, Deacon. At least, among the songwriters and musicians." She picked at a napkin. "The first time I heard you there, I'd been here a little over a year. I'd heard your name a lot, so when it worked out to see the show, I did. I was impressed enough that I went and found your album. The first one."

Deacon looked surprised. "Really?"

Emma nodded. "Really. I was really impressed. How come you never did anything with that?"

He shrugged. "A lot of reasons. I was with Rayna then and it would have meant going out on the road without her, so there was that. But…" He hesitated, not sure how much to share or how much she might already know. She obviously knew about his relationship with Rayna, so he wasn't sure how much digging she might have done. But he liked her, and he wanted to get to know her better, so he decided to take a chance. "I was an alcoholic."

Emma tilted her head. "But sober now, right?"

He nodded. "Just over fourteen years. Well, except for a couple days back about a year and a half ago. But back before I got sober, I had a long, long history of being a drunk. And I drank a lot. I went to rehab five times before I got it right. So I was not really in good shape to be going out on the road by myself. Rayna was the one who took care of me and if I hadn't had her then, well, I probably would have been dead a long time ago."

Emma thought it was no wonder he still carried a torch for Rayna. She'd been his caretaker all those years. "Well, your first album was excellent. I think my favorite song was 'A Life That's Good'. I know a lot of your songs are pretty personal. At least that's what I've heard. What was that one about?"

Deacon took a deep breath. Somehow it didn't feel right telling that story. "Just kind of a wish for the future. Kind of what I've always hoped for."

Emma wondered, but let it go. "I've got your EP too. Are all the songs on the albums yours?"

Deacon nodded. "Yeah. It's the one thing I feel like I do pretty good, writing songs."

"I would agree. I know you've had a lot of number ones with Rayna and some others too. That last one you did with her was a bouncy, peppy number. 'This Time'. Kind of different for you."

He nodded. "Your last one was a pretty fun one, too, as I recall."

Emma laughed. "Yeah, 'American Kids'. It was fun to write. Luke and Shane are good guys and always in the mood for something upbeat and playful. I was pretty sure as soon as Kenny picked it, it would go number one. But I still appreciate it every single time."

They sat quietly for a moment and sipped on their coffee. Then Deacon cleared his throat. "So, listen, I'm doing this thing with some other writers at Douglas Corners on Saturday night. Why don't you come? Bring your guitar. I can probably get you up on stage to play with us."

Emma sat back. "Sure. I'd love to." She looked at her watch. "Listen, I've got a meeting at my publisher about someone wanting to buy one of my songs." She smiled. "I'm glad we did this. Thanks for giving me another chance."

He smiled. "No problem. So, we're on at nine Saturday. Come about eight thirty or so and I'll introduce you to everyone."

She stood up. "I will. And thanks, Deacon." She raised her hand in a wave and left. As she walked out to her car, she thought about him and wondered what kind of hold Rayna Jaymes still had on him. She'd done some digging and found a pretty incendiary Rolling Stone article that was written not long before Rayna had married Luke Wheeler. Since there was very little written about the two of them before, it seemed somewhat out of character for Rayna Jaymes to dish the way she had about her former lover, bandleader, and friend. It had not been completely flattering, the way she'd talked about Deacon, and Emma wondered what was bubbling under the surface that had caused her to be that open about things that had happened so long ago. Things that it would have seemed had been resolved, since Deacon had been in Rayna's band nearly the whole time she was married to Teddy Conrad. But then Luke Wheeler was then, and still was, a fame whore. Rayna Jaymes wouldn't have been able to keep a low personal profile after hooking her star to his.

She thought about Rayna. One of her songs had been put on hold by Rayna's producer not too long after Emma had come to Nashville. But nothing happened with it and Lady Antebellum had picked it up instead and made it a hit. She knew Rayna had grown up in fashionable Belle Meade and she had that smooth, classy look and persona to her. She'd always been pretty close to the vest about her private life, at least until she got involved with Luke Wheeler. She'd heard whispers that Rayna had done it to prop up a fading career, using Luke's fame to bolster her albums and tours. She'd formed her own label and was having decent success with that. Deacon seemed like such a down to earth guy; she wondered what he'd been doing with someone like Rayna Jaymes.

* * *

Deacon was intrigued by Emma. Still. He wanted to get to know her better and he saw her as a bit of a challenge. He had found himself wanting to open himself up to her, in hopes that she would show interest. She was a tough nut to crack, that was for sure. He was glad she'd agreed to come to the Saturday show. He really did want to see more of her.

* * *

When Saturday rolled around, Emma found herself going back and forth on whether to go to Douglas Corners after all. On the one hand, it was a Saturday night and she kind of wanted to stay at home and chill. But Josh Osborne had just been teasing her about not getting out enough. And, although she wasn't sure she wanted to go down that road, she found herself wanting to spend more time with Deacon Claybourne. Her first thought – that he was a complicated man – seemed to be true. He'd had a long, tumultuous relationship with one of country music's most powerful women, who spurned him to marry another man. Yet, they'd had a child together and he had been in her band until about two years ago. He was a recovering alcoholic, which gave her more pause than the rest. It was a lot to take on someone with an addictive personality. But he was hot and she was interested. More than that, she was pretty sure he was interested in her.

So here she was, primping like she was going out on a date. She had to laugh a little as she acknowledged that she was trying to look sexy and attractive for him. And she also acknowledged that the female part of her, that was attracted to a man and wanted him, was attracted to Deacon. When she walked into the club and he turned and smiled at her, she admitted to herself that she was smitten. More than smitten. She felt herself get a little hot at the thought of him touching her, kissing her. She tried to shake it off, but that little warmth in her core wouldn't go away.

"Emma!" He waved her back behind the stage. When she walked up, he gave her one of those awkward 'we're sort of friends even though we don't know each other well' hugs. "Glad you made it." He turned and introduced her to the other players. Jane Bach was the de facto leader that night and was someone Emma knew of, but had never met before.

"We're glad to have you here," Jane said, when Deacon had turned away. "Deacon speaks highly of you."

Emma laughed. "I hardly know him, so that's quite flattering."

Jane looked over her shoulder, then leaned into Emma. "I think he's got a thing for you. He hasn't stopped talking about you."

"Oh." Emma felt that little coil of desire snake through her. "Interesting."

It turned out to be a fun evening. She mostly just played in, but towards the end of the show, Jane asked her to do a couple of her hits. She did 'Downtown', ironically the song that was not picked up by Rayna Jaymes, later recorded by Lady Antebellum. And then she finished the night with one of her favorites, a song recorded by Blake Shelton.

_Mine would be you, taillights fading, daylight breaking, standing there like a fool / When I should have been running, yellin' out something, to make you wanna hold on to the best love ever / Babe, can you tell me the one thing you'd rather die than lose? / Cause mine would be you / Mine would be you._

As the applause started, Deacon pointed towards her and shouted out "Emma Taylor, ladies and gentlemen!" She smiled, at the crowd and then at Deacon.

She hung out after the show with the other writers and then Deacon walked her out to her car. "I'm glad you came," he said, smiling at her.

She smiled back. "Thanks for asking me. That was a lot of fun." He was standing close, looking at her as though he wanted to kiss her. She wasn't ready yet. "It's kind of late, so I need to head on," she said.

Deacon looked a little disappointed, but he kind of shrugged his shoulders. "I'd really like to share some song ideas with you. Maybe one day next week?"

She nodded. "Sure. I'd like that."

He winked. "If you'll give me your number, I'll call you."

She laughed. "Okay." He pulled out his phone and she gave him the number and then he returned the favor. She put her phone away and looked at him. "Well, thanks again. I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Emma," he said, as he watched her put her guitar in the backseat of her car, get in and drive off. He wanted to get to know her better. He was definitely going to call her.

* * *

Deacon drove up to the cabin. He'd been spending more time there lately, when Maddie wasn't visiting. It helped to get away from Nashville and be someplace where there were no TV's or cell phones keeping him more up-to-date on what was going on the world than he wanted to know. When he got there, he pulled his fishing gear out of the truck and went to sit on the dock, casting his line in and thinking.

He used to come here and think about Rayna, but he hadn't done that in a while. After she had told him that she was going to choose Luke, she'd seemed to turn into a different person. Definitely not the Rayna he had known. The Rayna he knew was not one to attach her name to cars or makeup or some other commercial venture. The music had always spoken for her, but it didn't seem like that anymore. He knew it was a big deal for her to launch her own label, but he also knew she had Lamar's money now and the worry that it would all implode on her was gone. Plus Luke was a mega-star making millions.

Deacon snorted when he thought about Luke Wheeler. What a buffoon. Deacon didn't think Luke had ever written a piece of music himself. He courted the beer and pick-up truck crowd, rowdy fans that made lots of noise and didn't care much for good music. He was slick though, Deacon gave him that. Back in the beginning, when they were all just getting started, Luke was always chasing the money, always trying to ingratiate himself with whoever he thought could get him ahead. He had a way about him, polite and deferential, that Deacon knew was completely fake, but Luke could sell it. Deacon didn't know how to do that, didn't want to do that, which was probably why he was opening for openers and still playing gigs at the Bluebird. Sure, he'd made his own fortune on selling his and Rayna's songs, and he was more than comfortable now, but it irritated him to see someone without a lot of talent make it big based on schmoozing and selling his name.

When Rayna had started dating him, Deacon had been surprised. Luke was the total opposite of what Rayna stood for. But here she was, married to him now. And seemed to be happy about it. She was not only the queen of country music, she was the queen of name recognition and sponsorships. She had practically neglected Maddie and Daphne in her zeal for superstardom and creating the Ruke or Layna brand, whichever the hell mash-up name they were.

She'd finally taken a break, Maddie told him, and he was glad for the girls. But she still didn't have time to talk to him and usually let the nanny drop off Maddie. That was when he'd finally figured out that it was truly over for the two of them. They had gone in different directions and, even if she'd shown up on his doorstep now, he wasn't interested in playing that game again. The good news was that now there was Emma Taylor.

He smiled to himself as he thought of her. She was a beautiful woman, with her long brunette hair, her warm hazel eyes, the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She had curves in all the right places and she dressed to enhance them. She was an incredible guitar player and her songs were amazing. She had a truly special way with lyrics. She had an easy smile and an engaging laugh. She was smart and easy to talk to. He got hard thinking about her, which was kind of unusual, considering she hadn't shown any interest in that kind of relationship. At least not yet.

His mind drifted and he thought about what she might look like with no clothes on, underneath him. He imagined himself entering her, making love to her long into the night. He groaned in frustration, his erection straining at his jeans. He leaned his head back on the chair, wondering what to do about that. He wanted to touch her, to feel her skin against his own, his lips on hers, to wind his fingers in her hair. He was going to have to figure out a way to get closer to her.

He finally had to relieve his discomfort, and after he had, he went inside and wrote a song for her. A song that he wasn't sure he'd ever play for her, because it was all about his yearning and it laid him open in a way he'd never been before.

He wondered if one day he'd get to tell her how he'd figured out she was the woman he'd been waiting for.

* * *

When Emma pulled into the parking lot at Shelby Park, she saw Deacon leaning against his truck. She pulled up next to him and waved. When she got out, he pushed himself away from his truck and picked up his guitar case and messenger bag.

"Hey," he said, with a smile. He looked up. "Great day to be outside."

Emma smiled as she opened her trunk and pulled out her own guitar case. "It is. This was a great idea. Do you come here often?"

He shrugged. "If I need to get out of the house." He started to walk and she fell in step with him. They walked down towards the river and found a spot along the rock wall near the shoreline. They sat and opened up their guitar cases, pulling out their instruments. "Want to try writing something?" he asked.

Emma breathed in. "Write with Deacon Claybourne? Seriously? You don't co-write."

He smiled. "That's not true. I have lots of co-writes."

Emma raised an eyebrow. "With Rayna Jaymes. But not anyone else."

He chuckled. "Well, that is mostly true. But that was a long time ago. Although I did do a few co-writes with Juliette Barnes a couple years back."

She winked. "Well, I would not turn down a co-write with you." She smiled. "Where should we start?"

* * *

_All I want is what I had / See I'd trade it all just to get him back / He's moving on, I guess I'm not / We all want what we ain't got._

_We all want what we ain't got / We all want what we ain't got / You see I wanted the world until my whole world stopped / A love like that ain't easily forgot / We all want what we ain't got._

When they finished singing it all the way through, Emma sat back against the wall. "Wow, that was pretty intense." She looked up at Deacon. "That turned pretty personal. Did it make you think about Rayna?"

Deacon worked his lip, shaking his head. "You did most of the lyrics, so that's on you." He smiled. "It did sound like it could be about her. But would you believe me if I told you that it wasn't really that at all?"

Emma thought about that. "Yeah. Because it was pretty personal for me too." She smiled back at him. "But a male artist could sing it and the meaning flips."

"That is true." He slid down to the ground next to her, leaning his guitar against the wall. "That felt good," he said. Then he leaned towards her and kissed her.

He had surprised her with the kiss. At first, all she thought was that she liked it. She liked the feel of his lips on hers, but after a moment she pulled back and put a hand over her mouth. "I'm not ready for that," she said.

Deacon sat back. "What are you afraid of, Emma?"

Emma sighed. "Several things, actually. I'm afraid you're not over Rayna Jaymes. I know she's married and you said you've moved on, but you have a child together and that ties you to her forever. I'm afraid to be with someone who's an alcoholic. You mentioned having a brief relapse and that's scary to think about. What if it happened again?" She looked over at him. "And you're a lot older than me. That scares me the most."

Deacon laughed. "I can't do anything about that last one, so I guess you'll just have to work through that." Then he turned serious. "Yeah, Rayna and I have a daughter and that won't ever change. But she chose Luke. I was mad at first and I hoped maybe she'd change her mind before the wedding. But she didn't and I had to get past it. That kind of put the period on the relationship. I've accepted it and moved on." He worked his lip. "I've been sober a really long time. I will always have to work at it, I can't lie. But the one time I lapsed was probably the lowest point in my life. I felt betrayed by the person I trusted most and all I wanted to do was wipe that away and drinking seemed like the way to do that. But it really didn't and it just created a bigger mess. And I realized that I'd stayed sober all those years for someone else and that wasn't a good enough reason. So now I do it for me. So I can be a good dad and a good man." He looked at Emma. "And maybe, someday, a good partner with someone new."

Emma sat quietly, then looked back at Deacon. "I like you. A lot." He smiled. "But I've been out of the dating game for a while and I don't want to jump into something too fast. I like getting to know you and I'd like to keep doing that. First. Are you okay with that?"

Deacon nodded. "As long as we can hang out and get to know each other, yeah. You can call the shots."

She smiled. "Thanks." She reached out and patted his arm. "And thanks for writing with me. That's the highlight of my time in Nashville so far."

* * *

As he drove home, Deacon realized she was the first woman he'd wanted like he'd wanted Rayna. Only this time he realized it was different – this was the first woman he'd wanted that was his equal.

_**A/N: The two songs included here are "Mine Would Be You" by Blake Shelton and "What We Ain't Got" by Jake Owen.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I want to thank those of you that are giving this a try, even when you'd rather look away. We've got a long way to go before it's all said and done, so I hope you'll stick with it.**_

Emma looked up at the knock on the door jamb. Deacon was standing there, looking amazingly hot, as he always did. She smiled as she tried to push aside the fluttering in her stomach. "Hey, there," she said. "I didn't really expect to see you here."

He smiled at her and walked in. "I told you I would come. I'm a man of my word." She had told him about the publishing house where she normally worked and he had told her he might stop by to see her. He had surprised himself a little by heading over there the very next day.

She felt the fluttering make a deep dive down to her core. _Stop it, Emma._ "Well, have a seat."

He did and he looked around the room. "So this is where you do all your writing?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, most of it. I like having a place to come to and work. Where do you normally write?"

"At home, mostly. When I'm out on the road, I write then too. And sometimes in the park." He winked at her.

Emma put her guitar down and sat back against the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. For a moment she was tongue-tied. She was not going to let her emotions get away from her, but he was definitely a delicious man. "So when do you go back out on tour?"

"Not for a couple of months. I'm going out with Tim McGraw this time."

Emma nodded. "I guess that's less stressful then your last tour."

Deacon laughed. "Yeah. It is."

Emma decided to change the subject. "How long have you been in Nashville, Deacon?"

"I came to Nashville when I was almost seventeen. So getting close to thirty years." He smiled ruefully. "Damn, that makes me sound old."

Emma nodded. "You _are_ old."

Deacon laughed out loud. "And how old are you?"

Emma grinned. "I just turned thirty-three. So _not_ old." She sat forward and put her feet on the floor. "Where are you from?"

"Mississippi."

"Any family still there?"

Deacon worked his lip a moment and Emma noticed a dark shadow that seemed to cross over his eyes. She wondered what that was about. "Just my sister. My niece is here in Nashville."

"And your daughter."

Deacon nodded. "Yeah. And my daughter."

"Tell me about her."

Deacon's face lit up. "Her name is Maddie. Maddie Conrad. She, uh, that's the name of the man that raised her. Anyway, she's almost fifteen, but she wants to be twenty-five."

Emma smiled. "Don't we all when we're fifteen?"

"I guess." He gave her a rueful smile. "Anyway she's really talented. She's got her mama's voice and my guitar playing skills, I guess."

"Do you get to spend a lot of time with her?"

Deacon grinned. "Yeah, I do. Which has been great. So, what about you? Where are you from?"

"Texas. Odessa, to be specific. That's in west Texas. Growing up there was good, I guess, but I was always hoping to make it big and get out of Odessa. And I kinda did. I went to UT – that's the University of Texas – for a few years and then started playing gigs around Austin and writing with some of the local writers there."

"Austin's a great music scene."

"It is. But Nashville's the mecca, so I finally got up the courage to come here about four years ago." She smiled. "I wanted to be a performer. I'm not making this up, but I actually wanted to be another Rayna Jaymes when I came here. But while I'm a pretty good songwriter, I'm not that great of a singer."

Deacon gave her a small smile. She noticed his eyes turned a little sad. "It's a lot of hard work to get to be a headliner like that. Trust me, I saw it all first hand."

"Yeah, but now you're out on your own. What made you finally decide to do that?"

Deacon took a deep breath. "Well, about a year and a half ago I figured I needed to make some changes in my life in general. A lot happened around that time, not a lot of it very good, so I decided to give it a shot. That had been my plan too, when I came here, like I told you, but I ended up with Rayna and so it really didn't happen."

"Do you like it, now that you've taken the plunge?"

"I do. I mean, it's tough, being out on the road, away from Maddie. And I'm not the headliner, so it's not a ton of money and the sets are short, but it feels good being out there on my own."

She sat back and sighed. "I can't lie. I'm jealous. I wish it would have worked out for me."

He smiled at her. "You'll have to come meet me out on the road somewhere and I'll invite you onstage. Then you can see how it feels."

Emma blushed. "Ah, we'll see." Then she smiled at him. This felt good, it felt comfortable, and, weirdly, it felt totally and completely right.

* * *

Deacon and Emma met again for coffee at Ugly Mugs. This time they sat outside on the brick retaining wall, since it was a warm day. Emma was really enjoying spending time with him, but she wanted to know more about him. She thought about the shadow that had seemed to cross his face when he'd mentioned family. "So tell me about growing up in Mississippi," she said. "Home of the blues."

The ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Not much to tell," he said.

Emma looked at him closely. "You said just your sister was still there. Are your parents still alive?"

Deacon shook his head and looked down at his hands. "No."

Emma noticed he was clenching his jaw and thought maybe she shouldn't push. It seemed obvious that there were things he couldn't, or wouldn't, talk about. "Okay," she said. "No big…."

He turned to look at her, a dark frown on his face. "I didn't have the kind of life you did, Emma," he said. His tone was dark, although he didn't seem angry, more like he was haunted. "My mama loved my father, but it was a bad kind of love." Emma looked confused. "My father was a mean drunk. As far as I know, always was. I guess when he was younger, he was that bad boy type and my mama loved the bad boys, from what I heard. But I think he was more than she signed on for."

She looked at him. "Did he hit her?"

He laughed sarcastically. "He beat her. A lot. Made her a shell of what she was. When Beverly and I were young, she'd try to protect us, but eventually she couldn't even do that. Stopped trying."

Emma felt a cold chill run through her and swallowed hard. "So what happened?"

Deacon shrugged. "She went crazy. Got locked up and then she killed herself." Emma gasped. "My father didn't even care. Life was pretty bad for me and my sister then. When I decided to leave and come to Nashville, she was supposed to come with me, but she had a boyfriend and she stayed. Which meant that she didn't really get away from him. Our father."

"What happened to him?"

"Got so drunk one night he fell down a hill and broke his neck. It was finally over. Except that I ended up a drunk just like him. And Beverly ended up crazy just like our mama."

No wonder he was so dark, Emma thought. What a horrible way to grow up. She reached out and squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry, Deacon."

He breathed in and rubbed his hands over his face, then turned back to look at her, his face carefully neutral. "So, now that you've heard that downer of a life, tell me more about yours. It's gotta be a helluva lot better than that," Deacon said.

Emma looked at him a little sadly. "You never know about people's lives, Deacon."

"Well, yours can't be that bad."

Emma looked up at him. "Well, I told you I grew up in Odessa. West Texas. Scourge of America. Texas is a great place to be from, but west Texas not so much. Anyway, my dad was the head football coach at my high school and my mom was an emergency room nurse."

"Sounds all wholesome, all-America to me."

Emma shrugged. "It was a blessing and a curse. My dad was always in his office or on the field, handling football stuff, so I didn't see him much. But when the team did good, my stock was on the rise. My mom was a really good nurse and she loved doing that. It made her feel like she made other people's lives better, at probably the worst time of their life." She smiled. "But then when I was sixteen, my mom had a baby. It wasn't really planned, at least not then, and it really messed up my life for a while. She was all into being pregnant and my dad was just over the moon. Then when the baby came, well, babies are a lot of work, and there's not a lot left over for the big sister."

"So what did you do?"

"Acted out. Ran with the wrong crowd, smoked weed, dated inappropriate boys."

Deacon raised his eyebrow. "Inappropriate?"

Emma smiled. "Older than me, stoners, they'd sometimes let me get drunk. I had lots of fights with my parents over that. But eventually things settled down. I started to like my sister, Gracie, and then I dated a football player, which my mom thought was great but my dad wasn't thrilled about. But things evened out and I went off to college at Texas. Did normal stuff. Joined a sorority, went to class, had fun. I was a music major and I used to play at college events and wrote songs. Kind of how I started." She stopped. "And then it all went to hell."

Deacon frowned. "What happened?"

Emma sighed and looked away. "It was after a game. Dad and Mom and Gracie were on the way home. They were hit head on by a drunk driver just a couple blocks from the school."

Deacon breathed in sharply. "Damn. So that's why you don't drink."

"Yeah, that's it. It's part of why all of that scares me a little. Dad died at the scene and Mom died on the way to the hospital. Gracie hung on for a couple days but I had to sign off on turning off life support. Sucks to do that when you're twenty."

Deacon put his arm around her and hugged her. "I get where the song comes from now. _You see I wanted the world until my whole world stopped / A love like that ain't easily forgot / We all want what we ain't got."_

Emma nodded. "That's it exactly. My whole world stopped that day. I didn't get to see my parents. At least not before they died. At least I got to hold Gracie's hand." She sighed. "You aren't supposed to have to deal with that when you're young."

Deacon pulled her against his shoulder. "I can't imagine doing that. I'm so sorry, Emma. What did you do then?"

"Quit school. Started playing music more, writing. Writing really depressing songs, actually. But eventually I came out of it, although I kept up the music end. And now I'm here." She smiled. "Maybe I wouldn't be doing all this if things had been different. But I ended up meeting Shane McAnally, who changed my life. And it's given me the chance to do what I love." She paused a moment. "And to meet you."

Deacon smiled. He hugged her again and then leaned down and kissed her forehead. "At some point, you're gonna say yes to me," he said softly.

She looked up at him. "Yeah, at some point you're right, I am."

* * *

Since it was a sunny day, Deacon had suggested meeting at the park. Emma got there first and staked out a spot along the rock wall, where they'd hung out before. She saw Deacon's truck pull up and he got out. From the other side of the truck walked a tall, lovely young girl with long dark hair. His daughter. Emma felt strangely like she was on display today, hoping that this fifteen year old girl would like her. It was almost like she was back in high school.

She watched Deacon say something to the girl, who smiled. Then he spotted her and waved. She waved back, feeling both excited and nervous. When they reached her, Deacon grinned, looking the most truly happy she thought she'd ever seen him look since she'd known him. "Hey," he said. He put his arm around the young girl's shoulder. "Emma, this is my daughter, Maddie. Maddie, this is my friend, Emma Taylor."

Emma extended her hand and smiled. "Hey, Maddie. I've heard a lot about you." Maddie blushed. "Your dad is pretty proud of you and I'm really glad to meet you."

"Thanks," Maddie said shyly. She looked quickly at Deacon, then back at Emma. "Dad told me you're a songwriter."

Emma nodded. "I am."

Maddie smiled. "And that you wrote 'Mama's Broken Heart' and 'American Kids'."

"Co-wrote, but yeah, I did."

Maddie breathed out. "And 'Back to Me Without You', which is my favorite."

Emma smiled at her and then looked at Deacon and winked. "I did. I actually wrote that one all by myself. And it didn't turn out to be a hit, so that's a good reason to co-write, I think."

Maddie laughed. "I thought it was the best song. It should have been a hit."

"Well, thanks." They all sat down beside the rock wall. "So your dad tells me that you're quite the musician."

"She's amazing," Deacon said, looking proud. "She's a very quick study and she's better than half the session musicians in town. She's even written her own songs."

Emma loved how proud he was of her and how easily he talked about her. And Maddie, despite blushing at the praise, looked pleased. She was a pretty girl, Emma thought. Looked just like Deacon. Which made her like Maddie immediately. She hoped Maddie liked her as well.

Emma looked at Maddie and smiled. "So, since you liked my song so much, would you like to sing it with me?"

Maddie beamed. "Yes!"

Emma pulled up her guitar and started the opening notes to the song. She started and then Maddie joined in with harmony vocals.

_I wanna wake where I was born and breathe the old air in / I need a haunt from a ghost that I knew way back then / Oh I hope they left the light on_

I want someone who knows me just to say my name / To tell me though things are different now somehow I'm still the same / Oh I can almost hear them calling

_I don't know if I'll be back again / Turns out they were right again / (Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me, ooooo / If it's true home is where the heart is / I guess now I'm homeless /(Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me without you  
_  
_For two years I've lived my life way out on a limb / I put my faith in you not knowing you would break in the end / I hate feeling fallen  
_

_I don't know if I'll be back again / Turns out they were right again / (Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me, ooooo / If it's true home is where the heart is / I guess now I'm homeless / (Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me without you  
_

_I added rain to your ocean / What did it do, it meant nothing to you / You made grief my chief emotion /  
Why'd you have to do what you thought you had to do  
_

_I don't know if I'll be back again / Turns out they were right again / (Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me, ooooo / If it's true home is where the heart is / I guess now I'm homeless / (Get back to what you know, get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me without you  
_

_The slow death of a slow dance / The tailspin of a romance / I gotta get back and breathe the old air in _

When they were done, Deacon clapped enthusiastically and let out an appreciative whistle. "That was awesome," he said, and they smiled their thanks. "You two sounded great together."

Emma nodded her head towards Maddie. "She's very good. Next time, she needs to bring her own guitar so I can really see what she can do."

* * *

The next day, Emma met Deacon for lunch. She was enjoying getting to know him. She knew they were working up to something more, but she appreciated that he was letting her set the pace. After they ordered, she leaned forward and smiled. "I really like Maddie," she said. "And she's so talented. But then, considering who her parents are, I shouldn't be surprised."

Deacon grinned proudly. "She _is_ really good. She and her sister, Daphne, sing together a lot. I think they're both going to end up in the business one way or the other. She's always kind of gravitated to performing. I remember her being interested all the way back to when she was little and Rayna brought her out on tour."

Emma looked at him thoughtfully. "It must have been odd watching her grow up, with Rayna and her husband raising her instead of you."

Deacon worked his lip. His eyes took on a sadness that hadn't been there when he'd talked about how proud he was of her. He looked away, then back at Emma. "I didn't know she was my daughter until about a year and a half ago," he said quietly.

Emma's eyes widened. "Oh! I didn't know," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject."

Deacon shook his head, but the sadness didn't leave his eyes. "You wouldn't have known." He sighed heavily. "Rayna didn't tell me she was my daughter. She got pregnant back when my drinking was really kind of at its worst. It was so bad then that I had blackouts and lost time. So it happened one of those times." He stopped.

Emma felt a little sick and she reached across the table and touched his arm. "You don't have to tell me anything. It's okay." She couldn't even imagine how that had made him feel. And she found it confusing, since Deacon had told her he'd been sober for fifteen years, which meant he would have been sober Maddie's whole life. Why would he have not found out until recently?

He looked at her. "I want you to know. I feel like I need to let you know all the crap I carry around." He normally wouldn't share this kind of information, but something told him to be honest with Emma, to open himself up to her. He'd thought a lot about how much to tell her about himself. But Rayna had dumped so much of that out when she'd done the _Rolling Stone_ article, that he'd decided not to hold back. "I've got a lot of baggage, Emma. Maybe you need to know all that first."

"Well, that's your call. Just know that if you don't want to, it's okay."

Just then their food came and the conversation stopped while the server put down their plates and asked if they needed drink refills. When she left, Emma felt like her appetite had left her. Deacon sat with his hands in his lap, looking down. He sighed and then looked back up at her. "I want to tell you."

Emma nodded. "Okay."

"She had sent me to rehab, again, and then she married Teddy right away and, when Maddie was born, they raised her as Teddy's daughter. I got that I was in bad shape when she found out she was pregnant, but my biggest issue was that she didn't tell me when Maddie was younger."

"Do you know why she didn't?"

Deacon sighed. "She said there was no good time to do it. I guess she didn't trust that I was going to make being sober work, and I had never given her any reason to believe I could do it before, so I get that too, at least in the beginning. But I still think that at some point she could have told me."

Emma sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, frowning. "She _should_ have told you, Deacon. That was a really calculated decision to keep you in the dark." She took a deep breath. "So what made her finally tell you?"

Deacon gave her a wry smile. "_She_ didn't. Maddie did."

"What?" Emma was shocked.

"Maddie found the paternity test Rayna and Teddy had done that said Teddy wasn't her father. So she came to my house and asked me if I was."

Emma gave him a confused look. "Why would she have thought it was you?"

Deacon hunched over in his chair. "Rayna and I had just started seeing each other again, after she and Teddy split up. And she had just told the girls. Maddie had done some digging and she knew Rayna and I had been together before Rayna married Teddy. So she made a reasonable assumption. Only at that point, I didn't know it was even possible."

Emma couldn't even imagine the impact of that news. And she couldn't imagine how Rayna could have allowed herself to get back into a relationship with Deacon without telling him about their daughter. "So what happened when you found out?"

Deacon took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows. "I got drunk," he said, almost matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

He gave her a self-deprecating smile. "Yeah, I went out and got drunk. After being sober for over thirteen years, I went to a bar and woke up there the next day. And I stayed drunk for the better part of two days, until I went to the Bluebird, and Rayna was there, and she followed me out. I didn't want to talk to her, but she got in my truck and was going to drive me home. We fought and she almost hit another car and rolled the truck." He took a deep breath. "She almost died. And after that, things between us kind of went to hell."

Emma considered everything he'd said. She was having trouble feeling a lot of sympathy for Rayna Jaymes. "But you did get a chance to develop a relationship with Maddie. And it sounds like it helped some with your relationship with Rayna," she said.

Deacon shrugged. "Spending time with Maddie has been great. I mean, I've always known her and I loved her like she was family. Which was kind of ironic, since she was." He shook his head. "But it did seem like it helped Rayna and me be able to talk to each other again. I thought we were mending things, but turns out I was wrong about that."

Emma picked up her fork and looked down at her plate as she picked at her food. "I have to say that I don't know why you aren't still seriously pissed about all of that. I know it's not my place to say anything, but that was such a huge betrayal." She looked at Deacon, who had a haunted look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel. You were definitely the bigger man to not let it take you over completely."

Deacon shrugged. "Maybe. But my relationship with Maddie means everything to me. It's the most important thing in my life right now. And I don't want to mess that up. Ever. So I needed to let all that bitterness and anger go."

Emma smiled. "Maddie seems to love you very much. And love being with you. I'd say you're doing a good job of not messing it up."

Deacon smiled back at her. "She liked you. She talked about you all the way home. I know it was a big deal for her to get to sing with you." That seemed to break the tension and, although they mostly picked at their food, the rest of the lunch moved towards more mundane topics.

* * *

On her drive home, Emma found herself thinking back over what Deacon had told her about finding out about Maddie. She'd felt horrified and angry at the same time. She tried to imagine a scenario where it would seem like the right thing to do to hide that kind of information. Even though Deacon seemed to accept that his alcoholism was the reason Rayna had chosen to make the decision she had, Emma couldn't reconcile that with thinking it was okay to keep something that important from him for all those years. It occurred to her that he had loved Rayna a lot to find a way to forgive her and to move on, to entertain the idea of having a life with her again, and that gave her pause. In spite of his assertion that he'd moved on, had he really? That was a really powerful love, that would let him not still feel betrayed. It made her wonder if she was only going to be hurt in the end.

* * *

Deacon went to a meeting after his lunch with Emma. He'd felt the need to talk this time, which wasn't typical for him. "I've met someone. Someone I like a lot. But she doesn't know anything about me or what I've gone through. She's like sunshine and I'm afraid that all of my demons will be too much. I've been wondering about how much to tell her, how much to let her in. But for the first time since I was nineteen years old, this feels like something important. Like I need to reach out and grab her, because she's the kind of person that could accept me for me. Without all the history. And yet, I feel like I need to tell her those things so that she knows why sometimes I'm dark. And because there's someone else in my life that could make things complicated. The woman who is my past is still part of my present, because we have a daughter, and we have a complicated history. But Emma, the woman I met, I think she's the one that's going to get me to the other side. It's just hard, when you're like us, and you have these addictions, to be sure that where we're headed is healthy. But I believe she is, just like I believe my past is not. So I'm taking a chance. I'm opening myself up to her. I just hope I don't scare her." He felt like he was rambling, but it felt good to say out loud that he wanted to take a chance on Emma, even to people that didn't really know him and didn't know her at all. "Thank you."

_**A/N: The song included here is "Back to Me Without You" by The Band Perry.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Emma couldn't stop thinking about Deacon. As much as she wished he was simple and uncomplicated, he just wasn't. Which was partly why he was so intriguing. But she also saw an honesty there, a rawness that said 'this is me, take me as I am'. And she liked that about him.

He'd opened himself up to her a little but she knew there was so much more. She found herself wondering how many layers of the onion she'd need to peel back before she felt like she knew him. Or would she ever really know it all?

She knew a lot about him as a songwriter and musician. He was almost a legend around Nashville in that respect. She remembered that _Rolling Stone_ article Rayna had done back before her wedding. She'd read it at the time, but hadn't given it a lot of thought then. Just like she hadn't paid close attention to the media hype that had briefly surrounded him when it had come out that he was Maddie's father.

She didn't really want to be _that girl_, the one who stalked him online, but she was curious. She battled with herself. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe she didn't _need_ to know. But finally she went and grabbed her laptop and settled back on the couch.

She hesitated, took a deep breath, then entered into the search bar 'Deacon Claybourne GMA' and up popped the video of the interview Rayna had done, sitting between Teddy Conrad and Deacon. She first watched Deacon's face. She saw hurt there more than anything. And reluctance. As though he didn't really want to be there. But never did anyone say he hadn't known Maddie was his. It was vague and the words were all careful. So she hadn't missed that.

Then she searched for the Rolling Stone article and found it. It wasn't all about Deacon. In fact, she skimmed through the bulk of it, about Rayna and her career and what was next for her, including this big extravagant life with Luke Wheeler. Then she found the several paragraphs where Rayna talked about Deacon and read them more carefully this time. How they'd started, their history, how his alcoholism had made their lives complicated and volatile. Then Rayna shared that, although she had loved Deacon, she had to move on. That what she and Deacon had had was over, their story had ended, and that she had found her new center in Luke Wheeler. And Deacon should move on and she wasn't clear why he never had.

Emma sat back. _That was harsh._ It resonated differently with her this time, now that she knew Deacon. She felt sure Rayna knew Deacon's feelings for her and yet she'd said that. Truthfully, she'd wondered herself why Deacon hadn't really moved on before. So maybe what Rayna said in that article was what had started him on this path.

She still couldn't help but wonder if he might always be a little hardwired to love Rayna. The last thing she wanted was to get involved with someone who was still in love with someone else. She would tread carefully there.

She sat and thought about what she'd seen and compared it to what she felt she'd learned about Deacon in the time that she'd known him. She sighed. Then she picked up her phone and sent him a text. _Meet at the park tomorrow? One-ish?_ She waited and in less than a minute her phone buzzed. _See you then._

* * *

Deacon walked up to where Emma was sitting. He rested his guitar case against the wall and sat on the ground next to her. He frowned. "You didn't bring your guitar."

She shook her head. "I wanted to talk."

"About what?"

She looked off in the distance. "Rayna."

He frowned again. "Why?"

Emma shrugged. "I want to know you, Deacon. She was a big part of your life for a long time, plus she's Maddie's mother. She's part of who you are." She looked at him. "You told me you have a lot of baggage. I think she's a big part of that. I just want to understand."

Deacon sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He hadn't really expected her to go down this path yet, but he'd committed to himself to be honest with her. "Well, I met her when she was sixteen and I was nineteen. She was doing an open mic at the Bluebird and Watty White wanted me to meet her."

"Why?"

He gave her a ghost of a smile. "She was not good on the guitar, for one. And she needed some songwriting help. I think Watty thought I could just back her up for a while, but, well, you know, things took a different turn."

"Was it love at first sight?"

Deacon breathed in. "Yeah."

"For both of you?"

He looked at her with his sad eyes. "Yeah."

Emma nodded, taking that in. "So then what happened?"

"We, uh, practiced together and did some writing. She was a little resistant at first, but eventually we found a good rhythm. Then she got her first paying gig. And her father threw her out of the house."

"Wow. He didn't want her doing that?"

Deacon shook his head. "No. He had a real issue with Rayna wanting to do something with her music. So when she defied him, he threw her out. I think he thought she'd beg forgiveness, but she was pretty stubborn, even back then."

"So is that when the two of you became a couple?"

Deacon worked his lip. "Basically, yeah." He looked over at her. "Are you sure you want to hear all this?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, I do. I need to know. It's a huge part of who you are and it's something I'd be taking on too. I just want to know what I'm in for."

He gave her a small smile. "Then I guess I'll tell you all of it. I like thinking you'll be there at the end." He squeezed her hand briefly. "So we performed for a few years as a duo. 'Deacon Claybourne and Rayna Jaymes.' Watty wanted her to cut an album and she really wanted us to do it together. But he thought she was the one who'd get the attention. I think she badgered him enough that he got someone to cut that one I did." He sighed. "Edgehill wanted to sign her and not me, so that was when she got her break. Her album went platinum, mine went nowhere, and I went back to being her back up."

Emma rubbed his arm. "Oh, Deacon."

He looked up and shook his head. "No, it was all good. I was in her band, wrote songs with her, went home with her every night. It wasn't a bad deal."

"Was that when you started drinking?"

"It wasn't when it started, but it is when things started to get bad."

"When you say bad…."

"Missing shows, missing cues, messing up on stage, getting arrested, ending up in jail, in the hospital, breaking stuff, fighting." He looked at Emma. "I was a mess. She hung in there for a long time. Sent me to rehab, more than once, took care of me when I screwed up, bailed me out of jail, covered for me. That woman loved me a whole damn lot to put up with all that. Or she just couldn't figure out how to let go. Probably some of both. But the last time was the final time. She moved out, she sent me to rehab, she married Teddy Conrad, and she had a baby. We were done."

"And yet you were in her band all those years."

"Yeah. She trusted me, so she asked me back. But just to be in her band. She was very firm about boundaries."

"Wasn't that hard?"

"Yeah, it was. But I loved her. It was a way to stay close to her. And I just hoped…." His voice trailed off.

"That she'd leave her husband?"

He nodded, sadness written across his face. "Stupid, I know. But she never really seemed, you know, happy. She seemed content, I guess, not unhappy, just not what you'd expect. Even after she had Daphne. I mean, she spent the whole time she was pregnant acting like she didn't wanna be." He worked his lip.

Emma took a deep breath. "Maybe it was just hard for her, being pregnant, knowing what she knew."

"I guess. Maybe." He sighed. "Anyway, nothing really changed until Teddy ran for mayor. And then it felt like everything fell apart. She fired me, I ended up in Juliette's band, and it all was just…weird."

"Wait. She fired you? Why?"

Deacon looked at her. "We did a campaign event for Teddy. I actually only did it as a favor to Rayna. But he and I never did really see eye to eye. He and Rayna's father were being kind of jackasses, so I just kind of, uh, poked the bear a little. Kept giving Rayna looks, the way I used to, sexing it up, I guess." Emma looked at him for a minute and then laughed. He looked puzzled. "What?"

Emma grinned. "Flirting on stage. In front of her husband. Pretty ballsy."

Deacon smiled apologetically. "'Not cool', as Maddie would say. Anyway, we kind of went our separate ways then. I started seeing someone…."

Emma perked up. "Oh, who?"

Deacon chuckled. "She was a vet. I had a dog for a little bit and that's how I met her. She was a great girl but, you know, it wasn't really going to work."

"Because of Rayna."

"Yeah." Deacon looked away. "When Rayna and I did get together it was all pretty hush-hush because she wanted to kind of bring the girls along slowly. Or so she said. Which is when the truth came out about Maddie."

Emma nodded. "And what happened after the accident?"

"After she came out of the coma, I wanted to try to make things right. I had been mad as hell about everything with Maddie, but when she almost died in the accident, it seemed like it wasn't so important. But she pushed me away. She was angry with me and it was really tough there for a while. But when Maddie and I started spending time together, it felt like things were better between the two of us." He looked at her. "I should tell you that the night Luke Wheeler asked her to marry him, I went and asked her too."

Emma's eyes widened. "Really. But clearly she said no."

Deacon nodded. "I guess I misread things. I thought we were in a better place and she really hadn't been seeing Wheeler that long. But I think the only reason things were better was because of Maddie. She wanted this 'clean slate', because she just couldn't trust me anymore. She told me she loved me, but she didn't want a life with me. The day she got married, I just put all that away."

Emma sighed, then she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, if that was what you wanted. But if she didn't trust you, I don't know that it would have been a good idea to try to repair that anyway. You're better off with someone who accepts you as you are, with all your flaws and imperfections."

Deacon rubbed his face. "What was hard was having to stay on that damn tour and get my face rubbed in it. Luke was a jackass the entire time and when she was around, she treated me like shit, when she bothered to talk to me at all. She just became someone I didn't know anymore. All the publicity stuff. We never did that. I mean, she did radio and press, like you had to, but it was the music that spoke for us. That stopped being the case for her when she hooked up with Wheeler. Someone I knew back then told me I had to get over it, figure out how to move on."

Emma smiled. "A woman, I'm guessing."

Deacon smiled back sheepishly. "Yeah. Not a girlfriend, really, just a casual tour thing. But she was right. Getting off that tour when it turned into the Honeymoon Tour made it easier."

Emma ran her tongue over her lower lip. "What made you finally decide you were done?" she asked quietly. "If you don't mind me asking."

Deacon was quiet for a moment and looked off in the distance. Finally he looked back at her. "You know, it was kind of the same old thing, in a way. She did that Rolling Stone article and I just couldn't believe she'd thrown our lives out there like that. She said she'd done it on account of Maddie, that that reporter had walked in on Maddie kissing Luke's son. But it just seemed to me that she didn't have to do that. Sell us out like that. She was always such a private person and that was like the total opposite of private. It really pissed me off." He breathed out and looked down. "And then I did the same thing I always did, I let her off the hook. Only this time she shoved it back down my throat. Told me she'd moved on and I needed to do the same thing. And it hit me that I'd been a fool for a long time. That I didn't need to be kicked to the curb one more time before I got it."

Emma looked at him. His eyes were full of pain and it made her heart hurt. "I don't think you were a fool, Deacon," she said. "You loved her. You'd loved her for a long time. I guess sometimes it takes someone being really blunt to get you to open your eyes."

He shrugged. "I guess. I just wish it hadn't taken so long. I wish I hadn't hung on to it for all that time. I feel like I quit living my life so I could be there for her."

"What if she came back at some point? Told you she'd made a mistake?"

His eyes looked sad as he shook his head. "I'm done. I waited a long time for something ain't ever gonna happen. I loved her, hell, I still do, but not the same way. She's part of my life, because she's Maddie's mama, that's all that is now. But she made it clear we were done, and I didn't want to live the rest of my life carrying a torch for someone who didn't want me to. So I had to figure out a way to get over that."

"And you did?"

He nodded. "Yeah. That person from twenty years ago is gone. She changed and now I've changed. I need something different, _someone_ different, in my life." He looked at her. "I just have to convince you to take a chance on me."

Emma blushed. "I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't going to do that. But I'm afraid you'll get tired of waiting for me."

Deacon took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. "I'll wait as long as it takes," he said. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips. When he started to pull away, she moved towards him. He kissed her again, then sat back, with a smile. "Whenever you're ready."

"I need to process this," she said softly.

"Did I scare you too much?"

Emma shook her head. "I think you know you didn't. I just want to be sure I'm comfortable that you're done with that, you know?"

He nodded. "I do. And I am done. I don't want to do that again. I can't."

Emma gave him a tiny smile and then looked away with a sigh. "I feel like I need to reciprocate. Even though you aren't faced with my big love, it shaped me, and you probably ought to know about that."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "One of the inappropriate guys?"

She laughed a little. "Yeah, but a different kind of inappropriate." She sat back and sighed. "His name was Bill. Bill Alexander. Nobody you'd know. Or anyone, really, would know, unless they were in the honky tonk business in Texas. He owned a couple places in Austin and later in Dallas, which is how I ended up there for a while."

"He wouldn't be connected to anyone here?"

She shook her head. "Honky tonks in Texas are different than here. They're actually more rock 'n roll than country. Although there is some of both played there. I met him when I got booked at the Yellow Rose in Austin, probably three years after I'd left college. He was older, in his forties, I guess." She looked at him and smiled. "Clearly I have a thing for forty-somethings." Deacon smiled at her. "Anyway, he took a liking to me, my music, I thought. He booked me on weekends, which was prime performing time, both at the Yellow Rose and later at his other place, The River Rock. He was very attentive and charming, didn't put moves on me, per se, but I could tell he was interested." She grinned. "But he was _old_. There's a difference between twenty years older and ten years older." She winked. "Or twelve."

Deacon smiled playfully. "Thank you for making that distinction."

Emma smiled back. _Damn, he's so different. You need to stop playing this game, girl. _ "Anyway, he seemed like a nice guy. He'd put me on the bill early and then he'd chat me up, giving me drinks." Deacon frowned slightly. "Not enough to get me really drunk, just pleasantly buzzed. Enough so that I felt flirty. But, my mom had raised me right, and I was cautious. At first, anyway. And he was pretty nice about it. But he was persistent." Deacon looked away, working his lip. Emma reached out and put her hand on his arm. "There's a difference," she said. "He had the advantage of employing me, something he could pull out from under me without a second thought. And even though there were other places I could have played, he knew everyone and he was very influential."

"So how long before you…."

"Gave in? Actually at least six months. Mostly because he was so much older. I mean, he was as old as my father was. So it felt a little weird. But he was never anything but nice and respectful then, and eventually I started seeing him. And for a long time, it was nice. He wanted me to move in with him, but I said no at first. I wanted to keep my own life, which was very different from his. I was twenty-five or so, by then, and I wasn't really ready to settle down. But over time, he pressured me. Not in a heavy-handed way, or at least it didn't seem that way at the time, but before long I had agreed to move in with him." She sighed.

Deacon frowned. This didn't seem like it was going to have a good ending. "Then what?"

"At first, it was great. He had a good bit of money and a really nice place and he took good care of me. I had time to write, which he encouraged, and that was good. But over time, it felt more and more like he was isolating me. He didn't want me performing as much anymore. He didn't want me going out with my friends. He kept closer tabs on me. I didn't like it and we started arguing about it. And that's when he bought the place in Dallas and we moved there. So I was in a town where I knew no one and if I went anywhere it was going to be with him. We argued a lot. He was not really a patient man and I was young and impetuous. There were times when he went out and I would leave the house and when he found out, we'd argue. And the fights were awful."

"How long before you left?"

Emma looked at him sadly. "Not as quickly as you'd think. He really did a number on my self-confidence and he used sex as a way to keep me under his thumb. But, you know, I was still pretty young and there were still times when I guess I was still my mother's daughter. I didn't like being treated like a plaything and I fought back." She wrapped her arms around her waist. "That was when he started hitting me."

Deacon took in a sharp breath. "What?"

Emma looked at him. "I know that probably hits close to home for you. But yes, he hit me. Not all the time, but when he did, it was bad. He knocked me unconscious more than once. I never would have thought he was capable of that and, of course, he blamed me. If I had only obeyed him, or done what he told me, or listened to him, then it would not happen. I think, when you're in that kind of situation, you do whatever it takes to not let that happen. I walked on egg shells for months, even though that rarely helped. That was when I stopped drinking, for good, so I could keep my wits about me."

Deacon was scowling. "How did you get out of that?"

Emma laughed sarcastically. "He found a new plaything. A new, younger girl. And he told me he was done with me. I mean, it could have been worse. I felt like I got out of that situation much easier than I probably should have." She shrugged. "I moved back to Austin and not long after that I met Shane. I didn't perform for a long time, just wrote songs with him and some others. And he was the one that told me I should move to Nashville. Which I did."

Deacon looked angry. "Is that asshole still around?"

"Actually, he's not. I heard that a year or so after he dumped me, that he was on a boat with some friends and they were all drunk. He fell off the boat and drowned." She shrugged. "I know it's bad of me, but I didn't even care. I just felt relief, because I knew he wouldn't be able to come back and bother me. But it took me a long time to feel like I could trust my instincts with men. I stopped dating and just concentrated on my music. I needed to feel good about myself again, you know?"

Deacon nodded. "I get that. When did you finally feel like you could take that step again?"

She looked at him. "Not until now." Deacon nodded and then just reached for her hand, holding it tightly. He wasn't going to ask today, not when things were so raw, but he knew that soon, she'd be ready to say yes to him when he asked.

* * *

Deacon knocked on the door jamb and Emma turned to see him and Maddie standing there. He felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest when she smiled at them. He really never thought he'd feel quite like this about a woman again. He had liked Stacey and Megan well enough, but it hadn't felt like this. "Hey," he said with a smile. He nodded towards Maddie. "We were hoping you'd go to lunch with us."

Emma smiled. Deacon Claybourne was _so_ getting under her skin. She was just waiting now for him to ask her out again. She was definitely saying yes. "I'd love to," she said. On the way out, she let Jeannie know she'd be back.

Lunch at Pharmacy Burger had been fun. Now they were all full and Emma invited Deacon and Maddie back to her writing room. They both brought their guitars in with them. When they settled in, Emma said to Maddie, "Your dad told me you wrote a song. Would you play it for me?"

Maddie beamed. "I'd love to," she said. Deacon smiled as well, pleased that Emma had remembered. Maddie got her guitar and did a few practice riffs before starting in.

_The shadows of regret / The ghost of things we said / They've got me dead to right / And I can't sleep tonight  
So here I am again / Another one that I can't win / Well it's too late now to fight / And I can't sleep tonight_

_Love and loss and toss and turn / Light or burn, then watch the burn / I don't know who's wrong or right  
All I know is I can't sleep tonight / Yeah_

_A little dream would do me good / And I'd dream one if I could / If you were me in a better life / But I can't sleep tonight  
And I felt the rise and fall / The earthquake of it all / With the bitter end in sight / Baby I can't sleep tonight_

_Love and loss and toss and turn / Light or burn, then watch the burn / I don't know who's wrong or right / All I know is I can't sleep tonight / Yeah_

_Yeah I know that / When it's good it's good / When it works it works / And when it don't, it hurts_

_Love and loss and toss and turn / Light or burn, then watch the burn / I don't know who's wrong or right / All I know is I can't sleep tonight / Yeah_

_The shadows of regret / The ghost of things we said / They've got me dead to right / But I can't sleep tonight_

When she finished, Maddie smiled shyly. Emma clapped enthusiastically. "I love it! That was amazing!" She looked at Deacon. "When's she going out on the road with you?"

Maddie smirked. "See, Dad? Even she thinks I should be performing."

Deacon shook his head. "You have to finish school. You know that's the rule."

Maddie sighed with annoyance, looking at Emma. "This is what I have to deal with."

Emma smiled apologetically at Deacon and then looked back at Maddie. "Well, he's not wrong. It is good to have options and school gives you options."

"Did you finish school?"

"I graduated from high school and then did three years of college. I was a music major. Until I decided to, uh, make music instead of study it. But it did give me a good foundation."

Maddie pouted and Deacon rubbed her shoulder. "It'll go by quick. Don't be in such a hurry to be all grown up," he said.

Maddie sighed. "I guess." She looked at Deacon. "Could we sing 'Believing' for Emma?"

He looked at Emma and then nodded. "Sure." He gestured towards Maddie. "She helped me when I got stuck on some of the words."

Emma smiled. "I would love to hear it. I know it's on your EP, but I'm excited to hear it live."

Deacon got his guitar and he and Maddie got set to play.

_I don't remember / How I got here / When my rose colored glasses disappeared / Sometimes my fingers / They can lose touch / Start letting go of everything I love_

_When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / And those are the days when my faith has lost all meaning / You keep me believing_

_My fears are safe here / Held in your hands / When I'm broken / You put me back together again_

_All that I once was / All I could be / When I've forgotten / Baby you remind me_

_When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / On those darker days / When my faith has lost all meaning / You keep me believing  
_

_Every red heart starts feelin' blue / All you are to me, baby / I'll be that for you_

_When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / On those darker days / When my faith has lost all meaning / When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / On those darker days / When my faith has lost all meaning_

_You keep me believing / You keep me believing / You keep me believing_

"Wow," Emma said, when they finished. "That was beautiful." Deacon and Maddie smiled at her and she thought about how much the song had touched her heart.

* * *

Maddie was quiet at first on the ride home. Then she looked at Deacon with a smirk. "I think you should date Emma, Dad."

He looked at her quickly. "What?"

"You should date her. She likes you, I can tell. And I think you like her."

He gave her a half-smile. "Well, yeah, I do. Like her, that is."

Maddie smiled to herself and nodded. "It's okay if you do. I think you should be happy."

Deacon laughed uncomfortably. "Well, thanks, I guess."

* * *

After Maddie had gone to bed, Deacon called Emma. "Hey," he said, when she answered.

"Hey." She smiled to herself. "I had fun today."

"We did too." He paused. "So Maddie suggested that I ask you out. So do you…."

"Yes," Emma interrupted.

"What?"

"Yes, I'll go out with you."

Deacon smiled on his end. "Finally! What changed your mind?"

Emma laughed. "Actually, I've just been waiting for you to ask again."

"Seriously? Man, I'm clearly oblivious then." He chuckled. "Saturday night okay?"

"Perfect."

_**The songs are "I Can't Sleep Tonight" and "Believing" from Nashville.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Rayna walked out onto the patio. It felt like you could see for miles. The ranch sprawled out in front of her and, in the distance, were the tall Tennessee limestone cliffs. It was a peaceful place, especially right now, with Luke on tour and Colt and Sage with their mother. Things were always more calm when it was just her and the girls. The vague unsettledness she'd had since before the wedding never really left her. But, like most other things during the course of her life, she'd compartmentalized that away and pushed forward. She'd made her choice, to have a clean slate, and to make a life with someone who didn't bring the drama and baggage that Deacon brought. Luke could be vaguely condescending at times and pushed her to do things that she wasn't always comfortable with, but she couldn't deny that being part of the new country super couple had enhanced her career even beyond where it had been before. And she did love him. If it was a love more like what she'd felt for Teddy than what she'd felt for Deacon, that was okay. It was good to have calm in her life, mixed with the excitement that only Luke could bring.

The downside was that it had wreaked havoc on her relationship with her girls. That was one reason she'd declined to go out on tour again when Luke did. Once the "Honeymoon Tour" was over, she knew she needed to work on repairing that relationship. Things were definitely better, especially when Luke and his kids weren't around.

She walked over and turned on the outdoor sound system. Blake Shelton's voice came over the speakers and she started singing along, without even thinking about it. _What's your worst hangover, your best night yet? / Your 90 proof, your Marlboro Red? / The best damn thing you lucked into / That's easy girl, mine would be you / Mine would be you / Sun keeps shining, back road flying…._

"Hey, Mom," came Maddie's voice.

Rayna stopped singing and turned around, smiling at her daughter. "Hey, sweet girl."

Maddie smiled. "You sounded good."

Rayna laughed. "Not as good as Blake, I'm sure."

"Deacon's girlfriend wrote that song."

Rayna felt a twinge. "What?"

"Emma Taylor. She wrote that song. Well, co-wrote it."

Rayna felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. "Deacon has a girlfriend?"

Maddie shrugged. "Well, tonight's their first date, but they've been interested in each other for a while, so yeah, she's gonna be his girlfriend."

Rayna frowned. "Have you met her?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah, a couple of times. She's really neat. And Deacon really likes her. A lot."

Rayna took a deep breath. "Well, I guess that's good for Deacon then." She couldn't decide how she felt about that. She thought it wouldn't last long, Deacon's girlfriends never lasted long. But things were different these days. She rarely talked to Deacon, even about Maddie. She knew that relationship bugged Luke and she had decided that it wasn't worth all the fights and pouting, so she'd removed Deacon from her life, for the most part. It was better for her marriage that way.

"Are we still doing movie night tonight?" Maddie's question shook her from her musings.

Rayna looked at her for a moment, then smiled. "Yes, we are. And I believe it's Daphne's turn to choose."

Maddie grinned. "I need to go influence her then."

As her daughter hurried off, Rayna called after her. "Nothing scary, though. Please!" Her thoughts turned back to Deacon, a place she hadn't been to in a long time. It was unsettling somehow and she knew she had no right to feel that way. But he was _hers_. He'd always been _hers_. Even when he wasn't and she wasn't his. She frowned. She wasn't sure she liked this. Or the fact that Deacon had already introduced her to Maddie. She needed to check out this Emma Taylor.

* * *

Emma felt like she was going to throw up. She hadn't been this nervous about a date in, well, ever. And it was silly, really, because they'd spent all these months getting to know each other. She probably knew more about him than most women knew about a man they'd dated for years. He'd told her most of his dark history – she was sure there was still stuff to tell, but what she knew was enough – and it hadn't scared her off. There were times when she thought it should, but she was going to trust her instincts, and her instincts told her that, even though he'd had a tumultuous life, he was a good, honest man, with a good heart.

When the knock came at her door, she felt nervous butterflies in her stomach. She tried to be calm, but she was a bundle of nerves as she opened the door. Her legs nearly gave out as she saw him standing there, one hand on the back of his head, the other on his hip. He was wearing jeans, a brown Henley shirt, and a well-worn pair of cowboy boots. He was gorgeous. Her mouth felt dry. "Hey," she croaked out.

He moved his other hand down to his waist. "Hey." He was having a hard time breathing. She was dressed casually, in jeans and a white blouse, but she looked incredibly beautiful. And sexy. And she was staring at him and he realized he was just staring at her. He smiled. "You ready?"

She nodded. "I am." She picked up her purse and walked out the door, locking it behind her. They walked out to his truck, his hand laying lightly on the small of her back. He opened the door for her and she got in and he closed it behind her. He went around and got in the driver's side.

He took a deep breath. "So, I thought we could go to Mas Tacos. Have you been there?"

She shook her head. "Sounds like my kind of food though."

"And then maybe we could stop by the Five Spot. Someone I know is playing there tonight."

"That sounds great." She couldn't believe how tongue-tied she felt. She hadn't had this problem talking to him before.

He laughed a little. "Are you as nervous as I am?"

She turned to look at him, then started laughing. "Yes, I am. And I don't really know why."

He looked at her for a long moment, then leaned over and took her face in his hands and kissed her. She opened her mouth to his almost immediately and their tongues battled fiercely, as though they were drowning and this was air. She reached up and put her hands on his arms as he continued to kiss her and she felt herself melting into it. When he finally released her lips, he leaned his forehead against hers and they both were breathing hard. Then he chuckled softly. "I've wanted to do that almost from the moment I met you," he said. "And it was even better than I've been imagining it."

She pulled back slightly and looked at him. "You've been imagining it?"

He smiled at her. "Haven't you?"

She blushed and smiled back. "Yeah. I have." And with that, he kissed her again with a fervor that made her practically curl her toes up in pleasure.

* * *

The kissing seemed to clear the air and by the time they got to the restaurant, they were feeling more comfortable again. Emma waited until Deacon had a bite of food in his mouth before she dropped her bombshell.

"So, I feel like I need to tell you now that I have this three date rule," she said.

Deacon looked puzzled as he chewed his food. When he swallowed, he said, "A what?"

"A three date rule. No sex until at least the third date."

He frowned. "That sounds like some kind of high school thing. We're a long way from high school, Emma."

She shrugged. "It's my deal. That way I feel like it means something. That I wasn't just an easy lay. You know?"

Deacon breathed out, putting his hands on the table. "What about all this time we've spent together? That doesn't mean anything?"

Emma nodded. "Of course it does." She looked at him carefully. "Is it going to be a problem for you to wait? Or do you always expect a girl to put out on the first date?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it, and scowled at her. "I just…I don't know, I guess I didn't expect…that."

She loved the little furrowed line between his eyebrows when he frowned. "I like to be courted," she said, with a smile.

He raised his eyebrows. "Courted? Isn't that what I've been doing?"

Emma took a bite of her taco and chewed slowly, enjoying watching Deacon fume. Finally, she swallowed and said, "It's not officially courting until we're dating. Which we are now."

He looked at her for a moment and then finally a small smile crept over his face. "How long have your other dates had to wait?"

"A while. Most didn't get a second date though."

"How long are you gonna make me wait?"

"At least three dates." She winked. "And then, I promise, I'm gonna rock your world."

* * *

Emma felt like she was floating on air as she drove over to Universal Publishing. Her first date with Deacon had been great, even after the "three dates" conversation. They'd eaten at Mas Tacos, gone to The Five Spot and listened to music, and then come back to her place where, she decided, she'd had the best makeout session in her life. Deacon was an amazing kisser. She'd even let him put his hands under her blouse and he had made her breathless with his touch on her breasts. They had ended the evening with talking, sharing some music, and a few more kisses. Yes, she was smitten.

She had walked by Jeannie with scarcely a word, but Jeannie saw the glow and concluded that the date had gone well. When Emma got to her room, she had a text from Deacon. _I had an amazing night. See you soon._ She giggled and texted back. _Me too. I'm supposed to be writing today but I could be distracted._ Then she got out her notebook and tried to come up with lyrics.

She was deep into writing, and scratching out, a frustrating attempt at a song when she heard a knock and Jeannie's voice. "Emma?"

Emma put down her pencil and looked up, her heart beating hard and feeling a pit in her stomach as she looked into the face of Rayna Jaymes. "Um, hey," she said.

Jeannie gave Emma a nervous smile and left. Rayna looked a little uncomfortable. "May I come in?" she asked.

Emma nodded and swallowed hard. _Why the hell is she here?_ "Sure."

Rayna held her hand out to Emma. "I'm Rayna Jaymes."

Emma took her hand and nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm Emma Taylor."

Rayna came in and sat in the chair opposite where Emma was sitting. "I know you weren't expecting me, but my daughter – Maddie – told me about you. That you and Deacon were seeing each other."

Emma's mouth felt dry. "Just one date," she said. _So far._

Rayna nodded. "I'm guessing you know a little about my background with Deacon then. But he's really like my family so I wanted to meet you."

Emma took a deep breath. "What can I tell you?"

"Maybe a little about who you are, how long you've been here. That sort of thing."

Emma thought she still seemed a little uncomfortable. Hadn't stopped her from coming, but maybe it wouldn't be awful. She was going to be on her guard though. "I'm from Odessa, Texas. Went to the University of Texas in Austin and did some gigs around there and wrote some. Left school to pursue a music career there. Spent some time in Dallas, then back to Austin. And came here about four years ago, at the suggestion of a songwriter friend."

"How did you meet Deacon?"

"Well, I'd heard of him, of course. Saw him a few times at the Bluebird. Then he filled in one night for someone in the writer's round I was doing. And we got to be friends."

Rayna nodded, with the ghost of a smile. "Has he asked you to write with him?"

"We did write a song together."

Rayna looked away. "Well, I care about Deacon. A lot." She looked back at Emma. "He was my only family for a long time and I care what happens to him. He's a…complicated man."

Emma was starting to feel a little annoyed. It occurred to her that it was weird of Rayna to show up like this and it kind of pissed her off. "I know. He's shared his past with me." Her voice was a little sharp.

Rayna's eyes widened briefly. "I'm sure he's told you some things…."

"I know he grew up in a bad situation, with a drunk for a father and a bi-polar mother," Emma interrupted. "He came here, met you, and the two of you built a career together until you became a headliner and then he was your bandleader. He was an alcoholic who struggled to stay sober until a fifth try at rehab. Which coincided with you having Maddie, his daughter that you raised with another man. He was still your bandleader all those years though, for some weird reason. He went on a drinking binge about a year and a half ago, after finding out Maddie was his, and the two of you were in a car accident that could have killed you both. He spent a year trying to put everything back together and even asked you to marry him, but you married Luke Wheeler instead. So I think I have it all."

Rayna looked surprised and a little flustered. "I guess you do."

"I'm not trying to be harsh, Ms. Jaymes, but Deacon's been pretty up front with me. And I like him. A lot. I'm not planning to hurt him. In fact, I'm betting it's more likely he'd hurt me than the other way around. But I'm taking that chance. Because he's a good man, with a good heart."

Rayna nodded. "Yes, he is."

Emma stood up. "I appreciate you caring enough about him to check me out. I hope I pass muster."

Rayna stood up too. "It seems you do," she said stiffly, and then walked out.

Emma watched her leave and took a deep breath. She had no idea what Rayna's real agenda was and wasn't sure she wanted to know. If she was trying to scare Emma off, it wasn't going to work. She walked over to the window and stood, her arms crossed over her waist, not really seeing the view, trying to catch her breath.

* * *

Deacon pulled up and parked a couple blocks away from the publishing house. He smiled to himself as he got out of his truck, thinking about Emma. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, actually. Even though she'd unexpectedly pulled out this 'three date rule' the night before, he'd had a great time with her. Making the switch from friends to something more had been incredibly easy. All he wanted to do was be with her.

As he headed up the sidewalk, he caught a glimpse of an SUV that looked like Rayna's. He stopped and then shook his head, thinking there was no way she'd be here. He kept walking, a worried feeling in his gut. When he opened the front door, he saw Jeannie in her office and he stopped in.

Jeannie looked up and when she saw him, she sighed. "Emma has a visitor," she said.

Deacon took a deep breath. "Rayna?" Jeannie nodded and he scowled. "How long has she been here?"

"Not long. Not even ten minutes."

Deacon clenched his jaw. He breathed out. "Don't mention I was here," he said and he turned to walk out.

He hurried back to his truck and sat there, angrily banging his fist on the steering wheel. He was sure Maddie had said something to Rayna about Emma, but he was angry Rayna had come here. He hadn't wanted Emma to have to deal with her. Plus he was angry that she was interfering. _She can't have it both ways. She chose Luke and I moved on._

He sat, watching the door, his face knit up in an angry frown. It wasn't too long before he saw Rayna emerge from the house and walk briskly to her car. He was too far away to read her expression, but he was certain by the stiff way she walked that she wasn't happy. He waited until she had pulled out and driven out of view and then he got out of his car and walked back up to the house.

He climbed the stairs and made his way back to the room Emma used. She was standing by the window, her back to the door, her arms around her waist. He could see she was breathing deeply. He felt angry that Rayna had blindsided her, but he also felt the warm curl of attraction he always felt around her.

"Hey," he said.

Emma turned to see Deacon standing at the door. She felt little tingles of excitement race through her body. She smiled. "Hey. This is a nice surprise." Nothing in her expression betrayed her emotions.

"I thought I would come distract you," he said with a smile. Then his look changed to a serious one. "I'm sorry."

She frowned. "Why?"

"Rayna. I saw her car when I got here and waited til she left. I'm sure Maddie told her we were seeing each other, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised."

Emma waved her hand as though to dismiss it. "It was ok. I think she wanted to be sure I was going to treat you right. It did bother me a little, though, at first, so I probably went overboard recounting how you'd told me your whole history. I think that surprised her." She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry about that."

Deacon shrugged. "It's ok." He walked over and put his arms around her, kissing her warmly. "As long as she didn't scare you off."

Emma smiled. "Not a chance."

* * *

Rayna pulled out onto the street and quickly drove off. She was embarrassed. She was angry that she had allowed what Maddie had told her to get to her. Back before she'd married Luke, she had told Deacon he needed to move on and now he was. She tried telling herself that she was doing this for Maddie, but she knew better. And she knew this was part of her pattern that she had to stop.

She had never inserted herself before, when Deacon had a girlfriend. She guessed she always knew they wouldn't last, and he always seemed to choose someone that had nothing really in common with him. But when Maddie had told her Emma was a songwriter, it had struck her that this one could be different.

In spite of the fact that she had blindsided Emma Taylor, she actually kind of liked her. She had backbone. She could see why Deacon would be interested in her. She wondered if this could be the real deal for him. And she wondered how she would feel if that were the case.

* * *

Deacon walked into Highway 65's offices, a frown on his face. "Is she in?" he asked the receptionist, nodding towards Rayna's office.

"She is."

He turned and stormed towards her door, not even knocking as he opened it. Rayna looked up, startled at his appearance. He shut the door and walked over to her desk, an angry frown on his face. "What the hell were you thinking, going to see Emma?" he asked.

Rayna narrowed her eyes. "I found out from our daughter that you're seeing someone new and that you've already introduced her to Maddie. I wanted to know about her."

Deacon put his hands on his hips, fuming. "It's not any of your business who I'm seeing, Rayna."

"I disagree, especially when Maddie's involved. Then it becomes my business too."

Deacon waved his hand in the air angrily. "If you'd wanted to know about her, you should have asked me then. Not go over and blindside her like that. That's not fair to her."

Rayna looked away for a moment and then back at him. "You're right about that. I probably shouldn't have done that." She sat back in her chair and sighed. "She seems nice though."

"Look, you got married. You made your choice. I've moved on. You can't have it both ways, Rayna. I'm not gonna go through the same thing I went through when you were married to Teddy. And I don't think Luke would let it go the way Teddy did, anyway. But this, Emma, this feels different and I don't need you to make her feel insecure."

"Is that what I did? It wasn't what I intended."

"She knows a lot about my life. I've told her a lot about you. But you need to stay out of it."

Rayna looked at him thoughtfully. "Have you told her everything?"

Deacon shifted on his feet and worked his lip for a moment. "Most of it. It's a lot to take on."

Rayna nodded. "It is. And I'm not saying you should do that. Luke doesn't know everything."

Deacon rolled his eyes. "Maddie likes her," he said, changing the subject.

Rayna smiled sadly. "Yes, I know. She told me she did." She stood up. "Deacon, if Emma makes you happy, then I'm glad. I want you to be happy. You know that."

Deacon just looked at her. "Leave her alone. For now. While we get to know each other. She already knows a lot about us, but I don't want her thinking that you're going to interfere."

Rayna nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you." And then he turned and left.

* * *

Deacon had had a hard time sleeping the night before and he was pissed about it. The first date with Emma had been great and he was excited to see her again. He had thought the chance at a fulfilling life for him was past, that when Rayna had turned her back on him that last time, that he'd thrown away all his chances at happiness. And not that he was trying to jump the gun, but this thing with Emma had felt different, like it could be the start of something special. And then Rayna had stepped in.

He had a hard time understanding why she would have gone to see Emma. Why she hadn't just talked to him, if she really thought it was her business too. And he had to admit that he wondered if it meant she was jealous. It wouldn't have been the first time. But that had confused him. She was married, supposedly happily so. That was her choice and she had told him it was the right choice for her. He didn't want her getting into his head again and messing things up. Not now.

When he walked up to Juliette's front door, he was so deep into his own thoughts that he almost forgot her warning not to ring the doorbell and wake up her daughter. He caught himself in time and, with a smile on his face, he knocked.

Juliette pulled the door open. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun and a burp cloth over her shoulder. She smiled coyly. "Thank you for remembering," she said. "Come on in."

He walked in and then waited for her to close the door and lead him into the living room. The baby was nowhere in sight, but there were several piles of tiny clothes on the couch and one of the chairs, as well as an empty bottle on the coffee table. He raised his eyebrow. "I never really thought I'd see Juliette Barnes folding baby clothes," he said.

She smirked. "I'll remind you of that one day," she said, plopping down on the couch. She patted the area next to her. "Sit."

He looked to be sure there wasn't any spit up or anything else there and then gingerly sat down. "Where is she?" he asked.

She nodded towards the back of the house. "In her nursery." She picked up what looked like a walkie-talkie from the side table. "I can hear her if she wakes up." She set it back down and then, resting her arm on the back of the couch, turned to face him with an eager look on her face. "So. Spill."

He smiled and shook his head. "You're way too eager for this."

She grinned. "I have been waiting for you to find a woman worthy of you and I'm hoping this is the one. And you want my advice, so I'm naturally curious about that. So tell me about her."

He breathed in. "Her name's Emma Taylor. She's a songwriter. I met her at the Bluebird one night."

Juliette's eyes widened and she nodded. "A songwriter. Have you already gotten her to write with you?"

Deacon cleared his throat. "We did work on something together."

Juliette clapped her hands with glee. "So she's already given in to your considerable charms."

Deacon frowned. "Not that it's any of your business, but we've just been friends. At least until the other night, when we went out on an official date."

"So she's making you work for it." Juliette smiled. "I like her already."

"That's not why I wanted to talk to you."

Juliette looked puzzled. "Then what?"

"Rayna."

Now Juliette frowned. "Rayna? What about her?"

"Maddie told her about Emma. And she went to see her."

Juliette's eyes widened. "Seriously?" Deacon nodded. "Damn. Why would she do that?"

"She said it was because I'd introduced her to Maddie. But I think it might have been more than that."

Juliette made a face. "Oh, you think she's a little jealous?" She frowned and then shook her finger in Deacon's face. "Don't you let her play with your head, Deacon Claybourne. If you really like Emma, you need to remember that Rayna Jaymes told you to get over her and move on."

Deacon scowled. "I have moved on."

Juliette rolled her eyes. "But you're letting her mess with you. Just like you always do. Listen. You've got to stop letting Rayna run your life. Don't let her get under your skin."

"I'm not letting her run my life."

"Seriously, Deacon, she's married. And, except for that little bit of time when y'all were together, she's been married to someone else. I think that says all you need to know. She's trying to hold on to you in whatever twisted way she has so that you can't be happy, but she wants you to know that she is. What rule says that she gets to have a happy life and you don't? You don't 'belong' to her. And you shouldn't have someone like her try to keep you from having all the things you deserve." He was scowling at her. "Do you like Emma?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't."

Juliette sat for a moment and then took a deep breath. "You know I'm not Rayna's biggest fan, but I know that you loved her for a very long time. And you waited for her for a very long time. I know you thought she was 'the one'. But you haven't been 'the one' for her for a long time. And I don't know that I believe there's always just one person for us to love. I know that right now I love Avery with all my heart and I don't want anyone else, but if he weren't here anymore, I would hope that there would be someone else for me. That I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life." She reached out and grabbed his hand. "You deserve to have someone love you, Deacon. You are a wonderful, caring person that always thinks about everyone else but you. I think maybe this time you found someone you could love. And who could love you back."

Deacon rubbed his face. "I really like being with her."

Juliette beamed. "Focus on that, then. Rayna's gonna do what she's gonna do. Which is try to control this. Don't let her. If you really like Emma, then just think about her." Suddenly she frowned. "You don't want Rayna again, do you?"

Deacon shook his head. "I really am done." He gave her a small smile. "I just needed you to kick my ass a little."

"Then I'm glad I could help." She smiled, then sat back, folding her arms over her chest. "Now I want to meet her."

Deacon stood up. "I'm not sure she's ready for that." He started for the door.

"I want to meet her, Deacon!" Juliette called after him.

He laughed. "I'll have to prepare her for that," he said, waving a hand at her.

"I need to meet her soon!" she yelled as he opened the front door and headed out.

* * *

As he drove back to East Nashville, he shook his head and smiled. Emma was so not ready for Juliette Barnes. But he was glad he'd gone to see her. She was right. He needed to keep his focus on Emma. He wanted to keep his focus on Emma. He was already looking forward to seeing her again.

* * *

Emma was pretty sure that Deacon would try to make this an "at home" date. It was, after all, the third date. The "sex" date. She wasn't going to tell him that she'd wanted to sleep with him on dates one and two, that she could have easily thrown the three date rule out the window. Every time she thought about it, she felt that same delicious tingle in her core. She had tried to write and had to give up. All that was on her mind was how it was going to feel to touch his bare skin and have him touch hers. How his lips would feel on her body. How he would taste. And mostly how it would feel to take him inside her. So she gave up on writing and went running instead, trying to work off some of the adrenaline. She had also prepared for the likelihood that he would suggest staying in by planning something for them.

She was ready an hour before he was to show up. She'd changed clothes three times before she had settled on an asymmetrical tunic top, her favorite jeans, and her favorite old pair of cowboy boots. She ran her fingers through her hair to give it a bedhead look. She giggled to herself when he rang the doorbell fifteen minutes early.

When she opened the door, she felt a zinger right to her core. He looked amazing, in spite of the fact that he was wearing his usual Henley shirt and jeans. She swallowed hard. She wanted to pull him in and tear his clothes off and she was pretty sure he wanted to do the same, but she wanted to savor the anticipation. "Hey," she said, a little more breathlessly than she would have liked.

"Hey," he said, smiling his sexiest smile. He stepped in the door and kissed her. "So how about we order in?"

_I knew it!_ She smiled and shook her head. "Oh, no. We're going to have a proper date, Mr. Claybourne. I knew you'd try something like this." He raised his eyebrows. "I made us a reservation at Pinewood Social. We're going bowling."

"Bowling? What?" he sputtered. "But it's…."

She smirked. "I know. It's the third date. But _if_ there's going to be any fooling around, I need a good date first."

Deacon fumed. He put his hands on his hips and huffed. "If?"

She fought the fear that she might have gone too far. "Are you mad?" she asked playfully. She loved his stern face, with the little furrow between his brows.

He took a deep breath and looked away, rubbing a hand over his mouth. When he looked back at her, the frown was gone. "No," he said. He smiled a little. "Bowling, huh?" She nodded. "I don't remember the last time I went bowling."

She grinned and clapped her hands. "Oh, good! Then I'll win!" He had to laugh with her.

* * *

Deacon had to admit he'd had a good time. She had beaten him twice. He had had to concede that he was a really bad bowler. But they had fun, laughed a lot, and he got to kiss her every time she got a strike. Which, luckily, was a lot. The ride back to her townhouse was a quiet one. Neither one said a lot, both of them thinking about what was to come.

Once the door was closed, he decided he wasn't playing her game anymore and he pulled her in for a long, slow, languid kiss, his hands firmly on her ass, letting her know that it was time to fulfill her promise. When she moaned deep in her throat, he moved his hands and slid them up her sides, then used his thumbs to rub her nipples. He felt them harden through the thin material of her top and her moan got louder. She had moved her hands down from the small of his back to his ass and pressed him into her, as she gently rubbed herself over his erection. He pulled away from her mouth and looked deeply into her eyes, as he continued to run his thumbs over her breasts.

Her breath caught in her throat as the circles of pleasure went spinning through her body. She looked up at him. "Take me to bed," she said, her voice husky and soft. And then she took his hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom.

She fought the desire to rip his clothes off and slowly pulled his shirt up over his head. Then she took her time with the button on his jeans and ever so slowly pulled the zipper down. Then she leaned in and kissed him on his bare chest and he dragged his fingers through her hair, growling deep in his throat. He followed suit with her, pulling up her tunic, then unfastening and unzipping her jeans. Then he reached around her and unfastened her bra, letting his fingers trail up and through the straps, slowly sliding it down her arms. He breathed in sharply, then let his thumbs slide over her nipples. She moaned softly as her nipples hardened almost instantly. As he continued to rub his thumbs over her, staring deep into her eyes, she moved her hands to his waist and started to slide his jeans and boxers down over his hips. He caught his breath as her fingers stroked him gently and then he groaned as her touch got more firm. He slid his hands over to her arms and gently pushed her down onto the bed. He pulled off first one and then the other of her boots, then slowly pulled her jeans down her legs and tossed them in a pile. He knelt on the edge of the bed and let his eyes sweep over her. He groaned deep in his throat and let his fingers gently graze her stomach and down between her legs. He slid two fingers inside her and took in a sharp breath at how ready she was. She was breathing hard and making soft little noises.

"Please," she whispered. He stood up, then leaned down to pull off his boots and quickly step out of the rest of his clothes. He laid down next to her and rolled her towards him. He found her mouth and they kissed, their tongues attacking each other, as they both explored each other with their hands. Then suddenly Emma rolled over on top of him, straddling him. He lifted her slightly and then entered her quickly. She let out a long contented moan and he wrapped his hands around her, pulling her closer. She leaned down and kissed him, then started moving her hips. They were hungry for each other and quickly they both were on the edge.

Deacon wasn't sure he could last much longer and then she started moaning and finally gasped out "Oh my God!" He felt her throbbing around him and he came quickly, groaning loudly. After a few minutes, she moved off him and they curled up next to each other, breathing hard. He leaned in to kiss her, the soft kiss turning passionate quickly, as they ran their hands over each other again, without speaking.

Deacon was surprised at how quickly he recovered at the light feathery touch of her fingers and soon he was on top of her, buried deep inside her. He couldn't get enough of her and in rapid succession he had taken her as she sat on the bathroom counter and again as she clung to the headboard. He finally fell back on the pillows, breathing hard and glistening with sweat. He looked at Emma, who was curled up against him. "I might be too old for all that," he said with a chuckle.

Emma made a face. "Nonsense. You were awesome. I haven't had sex that good or that intense in, well, I couldn't tell you how long," she said, leaning over to give him a deep kiss. She reached down and started stroking him and he was quickly aroused again. She grinned. "See?"

He laughed until she moved to take him in her mouth. He closed his eyes as he put one hand on her head as she let her mouth and her hands pleasure him again. Then he let out a deep groan and slid two fingers deep inside her. He had the fleeting thought that the third date had more than exceeded his expectations and then he was again under her spell and incapable of coherent thought.

* * *

The next morning when Emma awoke, she had the sense of being watched. She rolled over lazily to see Deacon, his head propped up on his hand, smiling at her. She thought he looked unbelievably handsome with his hair all mussed and his bedroom eyes. She smiled back at him. "Good morning," she said.

"Good morning," he said and leaned forward to kiss her. "How are you?"

She smirked. "Pleasantly sore, thank you." She scooched over closer to him and draped her arm over his waist. "Last night was pretty amazing," she said.

He kissed her again and reached out to pull her up against him. "_You_ were amazing," he said.

She breathed in. He was hard against her stomach and she could feel herself getting wet. "Mmm," she moaned, and then she lifted her leg under the sheet and hooked it over his hip. He groaned, moving so that he could push himself inside her. He let his hand slide down to cup her ass, pressing her more firmly against him as he continued to push forcefully into her. Their eyes were locked on each other as he pushed into her over and over. She had been right that having him inside her would feel unbelievable. She couldn't remember ever feeling so in tune with another man as she did with Deacon. They fit each other so perfectly. He was the only man she'd ever felt that fit with, as though when he was inside her they were perfectly joined and whole. Her heart beat faster at the thought that this was special and not what she had expected.

Deacon felt like, as he looked into Emma's eyes, he was looking deep into her soul. The sex had been amazing, but he was aware that it went beyond that. He'd been with other women, of course, and as much as he tried not to, he'd always compared them to Rayna. But Emma satisfied him and excited him in a way that made him not want to do that. He couldn't help but feel she didn't deserve to be compared to anyone. She was special. And he was aware that what he was feeling for her was different from what he'd felt about other women. This felt like moving on.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma drove down the street to Deacon's house. He'd told her she'd need to park on the street and she was hoping she could find something close. She drove slowly past his house and felt a little thrill run through her. This was her first time at his house. He'd invited her before, before they were dating, but she'd always resisted. She wasn't really sure why, exactly, but she had preferred they got together on neutral ground when they were just getting to know each other. She wasn't positive about Deacon, but she'd known she didn't trust herself to be alone with him for long in a place where they could have easily found their way into the bedroom. It had been hard enough on the first two dates to have him in her own house.

She was lucky to find a place just past his house and she sat in her car for a few minutes just looking at it. She loved little Craftsman bungalows, like his, and she thought the stone exterior made it look cozy and homey. She could see the warm yellow light in the windows and that gave it a welcoming look. She got out of her car and walked up to the steps leading to the porch. She had just started up when she saw him open the door and smile at her. She smiled back, thinking to herself that he must have been watching for her, and that gave her a warm feeling inside.

She hurried up the rest of the steps. "I love it!" she said.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, straight into an embrace and kiss, pushing the door shut behind her. When he pulled away from the kiss, he said, "I'm glad you're here."

She had her arms around his neck, loving how it felt to have his arms around her. "Me too. Are you going to show me around?"

He looked down at her with a teasing look on his face. "I can show you the bedroom," he said, his voice low and sexy.

She felt his erection pressing against her and she breathed in, a smile on her face. "That might be a good place to start," she said, her own voice husky.

He leaned down and gave her a lazy kiss, then took her hand, and led her back to his bedroom. He slowly undressed her, planting little kisses all over her skin, until she moaned with need. She returned the favor by undressing him, running her hands over his skin as she gazed into his eyes.

"Oh, God, Emma," he groaned, and backed her towards the bed. When she laid on her back and he knelt down on one knee, he grazed his fingers between her legs, sliding them in once, moaning at how wet she was. Then he lowered himself on top of her and slid inside her, as she cried out her pleasure.

He wasn't in a hurry and so he took his time with her, bringing her close to orgasm more than once, leaving her panting for more. At first, she wanted him to give her release, but as he tantalized her, she began to appreciate the sweetness of it. She stopped thinking about anything except for how he felt as he moved in and out of her, the thickness of him and how that felt. She ran her hands over his skin and moaned at how good he felt. He kissed her lips, her neck, her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose, then her lips again, murmuring her name over and over.

Finally he slid his hands down and under her ass, cupping her in his hands. He lifted her towards him and changed his movements just enough that she came in a huge, explosive orgasm that left her screaming his name and then breathless with the power of it. While she was trying to collect herself, he shouted out incoherently and emptied himself into her, as he thrust into her over and over. He pushed in one last time, then collapsed on top of her, panting with his exertion.

She murmured little soothing noises as she ran her hands over his back and buried her face in his neck. He slid his hands up from her ass to her shoulders, then lifted his head and kissed her. He smiled at her and then rolled off her, onto his side. Then he sat up and reached for the covers, pulling them up to cover them both. He bent his arm and propped his head on his fist, wrapping his other arm around her. "Welcome to my house," he said, with a grin.

Emma threw her head back against the pillow and laughed, then turned to look at him. "That was quite a welcome, Mr. Claybourne," she said, with a smile.

"I aim to please, Ms. Taylor," he responded.

She reached up and traced a finger down his face. "You definitely did do that," she said, quietly. She looked up at him. "You know, this feels so good it almost scares me."

Deacon frowned a little. "Why?"

Emma bit her lip and looked away, then turned back to him. "I just don't want to have blinders on…."

He sighed, then leaned down and kissed her. "You know, I'm pretty much an open book. I don't play games. I'm probably honest to a fault. If you want to know something, just ask me and I'll tell you."

She looked at him, running her fingers up and down his arm. "You know what? I believe you."

He smiled. "Good." He pulled her in closer and started to kiss her. She opened her mouth beneath his and let herself be pulled in to the feeling of being kissed by him. She moaned deep in her throat as she felt the waves of pleasure swirling through her again. And almost without conscious thought, she raised her leg and tucked it behind his hip.

"Oh, God, Deacon," she breathed, when he pushed inside her, and then she moaned as he made love to her again.

* * *

Later that evening, after Deacon had fixed dinner for the two of them, and he'd shown Emma the rest of the house, they'd sat on the couch while he played part of a song he was working on. She made a few suggestions on wording that he liked and then, when he'd finished it, he'd taken her into his arms and started making love to her again.

Emma had tuned out everything except for how he felt and how he was making her feel, when suddenly the door opened and a woman's voice cut through the pleasure haze she was in. "Deacon, it's me, oh my God! Oh, God! I'm sorry!" And the door closed.

Deacon sprang up quickly and frantically pulled on his jeans. Emma's heart was pounding as she reached for her own panties and jeans and slid them on as Deacon was walking out the door. She sat on the couch, her face ablaze, breathing hard. When the door opened, Deacon walked back in with a young blonde girl, who looked even more mortified than she felt.

"Emma, this is my niece Scarlett, who's in the process of moving out and stopped by to pick up some things." He looked at Scarlett, his face neutral. "Scarlett, this is Emma. Emma Taylor."

Scarlett blushed, but smiled and awkwardly stepped forward with her hand outstretched. "I'm glad to finally meet you, Emma," she said, barely looking at her. "But, um, I'm sorry I didn't knock or anything."

Emma felt a little queasy as she shook Scarlett's hand. "You too, Scarlett," she said, then quickly looked away. She wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I'm really sorry, Deacon," Scarlett was saying. "I didn't know you had company."

"Just go ahead and get your stuff," Deacon said, his voice gruff.

Scarlett hesitated a moment, then bolted down the hall. She came back quickly. "I'm so sorry, y'all," she said. "Emma, I hope I get a chance to see you again."

Emma looked at her and nodded mutely, watching as the pretty little blonde darted back out the door. She looked up at Deacon, as he took in a deep breath. Then they both burst out laughing and Deacon collapsed onto the couch next to her, pulling her close. "Oh, my God," he said, finally, gasping for breath. "I'm really sorry about that."

Emma was still smiling and she leaned in and kissed him. "That's about the most mortifying thing that's ever happened to me." She laughed again. "Next to my parents making out in front of my friends. _Not_ exactly the way I would have liked to meet your niece. And we've probably scarred her for life." She threw her leg over his lap. "I do hope the door is locked now."

Deacon got a sick look on his face and bolted up, locking the door, and then walked back over to her. He reached for her hand and pulled her up. "I think we'll get back to what we were doing, but we'll do it in my bedroom," he said.

Emma smiled slyly. "I think that's an excellent idea," she said, and she followed him back to his bed.

* * *

The phone ringing was a welcome diversion from writing. It occurred to Emma that instead of trying to force it, she should take a break and do something else. When she looked at the screen, she smiled. _Deacon._ "Hey," she said.

"Hey," he replied. He sounded like he was in a good mood. "How's your day going?"

Emma made a face. "Could be better. Struggling with lyrics. And I have a writing session with a couple other songwriters in about twenty minutes, so I'm not going to have much. I'm sure you don't have those problems, though."

Deacon chuckled. "You'd be surprised." He cleared his throat. "So, since I'm in town right now, I'm back to my every third Thursday gig at the Bluebird. Which is tonight. I thought you might be willing to be my groupie. If it isn't too last minute."

Emma grinned. "I'd love to be your groupie."

"Great. Why don't you meet me here about eight." He paused. "Oh, and a couple of friends are going to be there. They're looking forward to meeting you."

Emma swallowed. "Friends? Like who?"

"Just Avery Barkley and Juliette Barnes."

"Just Juliette Barnes?" Emma sputtered. "Seriously?" When it was just the two of them, she felt comfortable. But she knew that, inevitably, she was going to have to meet his friends. She just wished it could have been more low key friends first.

Deacon laughed. "She wants to meet you. I made the mistake of telling her we were dating and she's been hounding me about it."

"Terrific. What if she doesn't like me?"

"She's gonna like you. She _wants_ to like you. Don't worry." He chuckled again. "I'll see you at eight." And he hung up.

Emma looked at the phone in her hand and made a noise. "Damn you, Deacon," she muttered. She'd heard lots of stories about Juliette Barnes and she was nervous about meeting the pop country princess with the diva reputation. She wondered if the stories were true. She sighed. This didn't bode well for her afternoon session. She was going to be seriously distracted worrying about how not to embarrass herself and Deacon.

* * *

Deacon took her hand as they walked in the back door at the Bluebird. Before they walked out to the tables, he stopped and gave her a quick kiss. "Don't worry, okay?" he said, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. "They'll like you." He squeezed her hand and she smiled at him, then took a deep breath.

"Here we go," she said softly.

He led her over to a four top where Avery and Juliette were already seated. They both looked up as Deacon and Emma approached. Juliette's face lit up with a smile.

"Hey!" she said as she stood up. She looked at Emma. "You must be Deacon's girlfriend, Emma. I've been dying to meet you."

Emma practically choked, as Deacon laughed. "Yes, this is Emma Taylor," he said. He looked at Emma. "Emma, Juliette Barnes." Then he looked towards Avery, who'd also stood up. "And Avery Barkley, Juliette's husband."

Juliette wrinkled her nose and then reached out to push at Deacon. "Don't you need to get set up?" she asked. "I want to get to know Emma." Then she turned and looked at Avery. "And don't you need to help him?" Avery smiled apologetically and shrugged. Juliette turned back to Emma and smiled warmly.

Deacon looked at Emma and winked. "I guess I need to set up. I'll leave you to Juliette." He grinned at the terrified look on Emma's face.

Emma watched him walk up to the stage with Avery and then turned back to Juliette. Juliette smiled and sat, patting the chair beside her. "Sit," she said. "Tell me about yourself."

* * *

By the time Deacon's set started, and Avery was back at the table, Emma was feeling more relaxed. Juliette could not have been nicer, showing her pictures of her little girl and asking Emma about herself. Emma felt like she should pinch herself, sitting at the Bluebird with mega-star Juliette Barnes. She decided Juliette was nicer than the rumors she'd heard and she attributed that primarily to Deacon's friendship with her.

And at the end of the night, Juliette shooed the two men to another table when they started talking about Deacon's next album, which Avery was producing. Juliette turned back and opened her mouth to say something, but Emma put her hand up. "My turn," she said, with a smile. "How do you know Deacon?"

"Well, I'd heard of him, of course, because he was Rayna's bandleader. And I had his album, which is awesome, by the way." Emma nodded. "I always thought he was too good for Rayna, so once I met him, I made it my mission to get him in my band, no matter what I had to do."

"How'd you do that?"

Juliette gave her a sly grin. "There's always something that's a man's soft spot and Deacon's is songwriting. So I asked him to help me with a song."

Emma remembered Deacon telling her he had done a couple co-writes with Juliette. "And he did."

"Yes. He did. And it didn't hurt that it bugged the hell out of Rayna." Her eyes were dancing with glee. "The good news was that her record bombed and the label was going to pull out of her tour and somewhere in there, Deacon got himself fired and I hired him." She looked proud of herself. "That was when I had to do that damn 'Red Lips, White Lies' tour with Rayna, so she had to see that every day." She looked more thoughtful. "Deacon's one of the few people who is really honest with me. And I know it comes from a place of love and respect, so he kind of has the freedom to tell it to me straight." She reached out and patted Emma's arm. "He's the real deal, you know? A real authentic man."

Emma nodded. "Yeah, I agree." She had been rolling something around in her head as she listened to Juliette and she decided to ask. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

Juliette sat back, a surprised look on her face. Then she smiled. "It was very casual, and very brief, and we are really better at being friends. And that was a long time ago. Nothing to worry about."

Emma shook her head. "I'm not judging. I could just sense a closeness that just seemed like it might have started that way."

Juliette sighed. "He was still way too hung up on Rayna then. To be truthful, I was glad she got married. Glad she told that reporter Deacon needed to stop sniffing around her. That was finally the push he needed to wipe his hands clean of her."

Emma wasn't sure what to say. She just sighed.

Juliette looked at her with a small smile. "I think he really likes you. And he's a really good guy. Other than Avery, he's the best friend I've ever had. He deserves to be happy."

Just then Deacon and Avery walked up. Emma looked up at Deacon. "You ready?" he asked. She nodded. He reached for her hand and pulled her up.

"It was great to meet both of you," Emma said, looking from Juliette to Avery.

Juliette stood up and hugged Deacon. "I like her," she said, smiling at Emma. "I hope we get to see more of her."

Deacon just smiled and put his arm around Emma, leading her out. When they got to his truck, he opened the door for her, then went around and got in. Once they were out on Hillsboro Pike, she turned to look at him. "So you and Juliette, huh?" she asked.

Deacon frowned. "What?"

Emma smirked. "You had a little thing with her back in the day."

Deacon's frown turned to a scowl. "A what?"

Emma smiled. "Relax. She said it was brief."

Deacon huffed. "She told you that?" His voice was brittle.

"I asked. The way she described how she met you and got you to join her band made me wonder." He was still frowning. "Don't worry."

He looked out the windshield, his jaw clenched. "She talks too much," he said finally.

Emma reached out and rubbed his arm. "Hey, look, it's not a big deal. We've both had other people in our lives."

"Yeah, but that was one I wasn't particularly proud of. She was a kid, basically. It was stupid. She shouldn't have told you that." He glanced at her quickly. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Because she answered my question? It's really not a big deal, Deacon. I wish I hadn't asked her now. Or said anything to you about it." She turned and looked out the window and sighed.

Deacon felt bad that he'd made a big deal out of it, but he didn't say anything else until they'd gotten to his house. When he turned off the car, she started to open her door, and he grabbed her arm. She turned to look at him. "I'm not mad at you," he said, his eyes sad.

Emma sighed. "Deacon, you have a past. I have a past. That's just the truth. The fact that she's a little part of yours isn't a big deal. It obviously wasn't something either of you wanted to continue and you're friends now. I just wish I hadn't mentioned it." She pulled her arm away and got out of the truck. She walked around to the sidewalk and stood there, not sure if she wanted to go get in her car or stay. It really _wasn't_ a big deal and she kind of hated to make it one.

Deacon walked towards her and took her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. "You're right. It's not a big deal." He rubbed his hand over her back. "I want you to stay."

She looked up at him. "I want to stay."

He smiled and kissed her. "Good." He put his arm around her shoulders and she put hers around his waist and they walked up the steps to his house.

* * *

"Hey, there." Deacon turned at the sound of Juliette's voice behind him. "You're late. I'm hoping it was worth it." She gave him a sassy smile.

Deacon frowned and clenched his jaw. "What are you doing here?"

Juliette gave him a wide-eyed, innocent look. "My husband, my daughter's father, works here. I'm visiting him."

Deacon narrowed his eyes. "You never come here."

Juliette laughed. "I'm here to see you, silly. Avery's not quite ready for you, so I thought we could chat." She came and took his arm, leading him over to one of the couches. She curled her legs up underneath her and rested her arm on the back of the couch as she turned towards him. "We like Emma," she said.

Deacon's body language was stiff and he didn't look at her. "I'm glad you liked her. I'm sure she'll be happy to know that too."

Juliette made a face and swatted his arm. "I think she's good for you, Deacon. You looked happy with her."

Deacon turned to look at her. "It's none of your business, Juliette."

She shrugged. "Well, you're my friend, and I love you. So I'm making it my business. I've watched your tortured soul act for the last year and it's really time for that to be over."

His jaw twitched. "It's really none of your business," he said, a warning tone in his voice.

"You don't scare me, Deacon Claybourne. But Emma, I think she's the one that's going to get you over Rayna Jaymes once and for all." Deacon started to get up and Juliette grabbed his arm. She turned serious. "Listen to me. You need to stop hanging on to the past, Deacon. Emma Taylor is standing right there in front of you. She's gorgeous and sexy, but she's also smart and talented. When I watched the two of you last night, I could see that you fit each other. I know you always thought you and Rayna were two halves of the same whole, but I think you were wrong about that. _Emma_ is your other half. And I think you know that too. You're just afraid to admit it."

Deacon scowled at her. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Juliette sat back. "Yeah, I do." She smiled. "Give Emma a chance. Let go of the old stuff. Avery and I both noticed that you looked happier and more relaxed than we have _ever_ seen you. You need someone who's going to stand _beside_ you, Deacon, not someone you're going to follow after. You deserve that."

Deacon looked down at his hands. "I really do like her. A lot."

"See?" She looked at him for a moment. "She loves you." Deacon looked up at her. "I don't know if she realizes it yet, but _I_ can see it. She's totally hot for you, I can see that too, but there's more. And if you will just give up the fantasy of Rayna Jaymes, I think Emma could be the one to really make you happy."

He ignored her reference to Rayna. "She deserves better than me."

Juliette scowled and shook her head. "No, she wants _you_. You, with all your baggage and all your flaws." She waved her finger in Deacon's face. "Look. Even if things don't work out for the King and Queen of Country, you don't want to follow after somebody else. Not again. If Rayna wanted you, she would have chosen you. A long time ago. She was just looking for an excuse not to deal with it. Trust me on that."

Deacon looked at her with his sad, puppy dog eyes. "I love her."

Juliette rolled her eyes. "Gah, you're killing me here…."

He shook his head. "No. I love Emma. But she should have better."

Juliette was beaming. "She wants _you_, Deacon. And you _are_ better. Trust me on that. You should tell her how you feel."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thanks for all the kind reviews. I'm glad y'all are taking a chance on Deacon and Emma, even though I know it might be tough for Deacon/Rayna fans.**_

_**To those who've wanted more Rayna, yes, there will be more Rayna (starting in this chapter!). After all, as much as this is Deacon and Emma's story, it's also hers, as she deals with **__**all**__** the consequences of her choices.**_

When Emma opened her eyes, the sun was filtering in through the blinds. She smiled to herself as she felt Deacon's arms around her and his legs tangled up with hers. He was headed back out on the road late that night. She had all but moved in with him the last week or so, not wanting to miss a minute of time with him. She lay there quietly, not wanting to wake him up but, when he kissed her behind her ear, she rolled her head towards him.

"Morning," he said with a smile.

"Good morning," she responded. He moved against her and she could feel him hard against her hip. She ran her hand up and down his arm, luxuriating in the feel of him.

"You hungry?" he asked, his voice husky.

She rolled over in his arms to face him, grabbing him in her hand. She looked into his eyes as she let her fingers lightly trail over him, alternating with gentle pressure. He hitched his breath and his eyes darkened. She smiled lazily. Then he placed his hand on her breast and began to stroke her, his thumb over her nipple. She breathed in sharply as the concentric circles of desire started to pulse through her. She continued to fondle him and soon they were both breathing hard. Finally she hooked her leg over his hip. "Just hungry for you," she said, her voice breathy, and she guided him inside her.

He groaned as he felt himself enveloped in her, all warm and wet and inviting. She excited him each time they made love as much as she had the first time. He pulled her close and found her lips, devouring her mouth and tongue with his own. She moaned deep in her throat as she matched his rhythmic thrusts. He groaned as he let loose inside her and then he felt her pulsing around him, as she cried out his name.

As their breathing slowed, he slid his hand down her back to her ass and pressed her close, not wanting to separate from her. She sighed happily, smiling as she leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I'm gonna miss you," she said, "and this."

He kissed her. "Come with me." When she looked like she was going to protest, he went on. "You can write out on the road with me same as if you were here." He dipped his head down to kiss her on the neck. "Plus you'd get this every day."

She smiled. "That is true and it's quite an enticement, I must say." She crinkled up her nose. "I think you might be quite a distraction for writing though."

He grinned. "I promise not to bother you."

"I might not like that either," she said, laughing. "But yeah, it would be fun to come out on the road with you. For a little while, anyway."

He rolled her over on her back and laid on top of her, kissing her and running his hands lazily over her. She could feel the curl of pleasure as he continued to kiss her. "So, what's your answer?" he asked, softly, his lips against hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his, shifting herself underneath him and sighed as she felt him start to respond again. She would really miss this when he was gone, as well as the time together, talking and working on their music. "Okay. I'll go," she said, smiling.

He smiled, then leaned down to kiss her. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

Her eyes widened. "What?"

He kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you. I've wanted to say that to you for so long."

She grabbed his face in her hands and smiled at him. "I love you too."

He leaned in and kissed her thoroughly and completely, as he began moving in and out of her. All he could think about, until his mind was taken over by the sweet rush of lovemaking, was that this felt so right.

* * *

Deacon and Emma both loved these lazy days, when Deacon was home in Nashville. He'd been out on the tour since the middle of the summer. Emma had met him out on the road several times and he'd come home when he could. Since it was CMA week, Tim McGraw's tour was on break. Deacon was working on a song and Emma sat, facing him, leaning against the back of the sofa. She loved watching him work. She loved how he'd bite his lip when he was working on a riff sequence or frown as he struggled with words. She loved watching his fingers fly over the guitar strings, much like they did over her own skin.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at her, a lazy smile crossing his face. "Don't stop," she said.

He put his guitar aside and turned to face her, taking her hands in his. "I need a break." He leaned in to kiss her. She kissed him back hungrily, then pulled away and sat back against the couch.

"So, Blake sent over a couple of tickets to the awards. Since 'Mine Would Be You' was nominated, he thought it would be nice for the songwriters to be there, even though it wasn't nominated for Song of the Year. Would you go with me?"

Deacon took a deep breath. He wasn't a fan of all the hoopla around awards shows. Rayna had always loved that and, when they were together, she'd made him go with her. But the last time he'd been at the CMA's was the night he'd found out Maddie was his daughter, the night that turned everything upside down. It wasn't a good memory. But Emma looked excited and he wanted her to be happy, so he decided to put aside his own misgivings. "Yeah, I'll go," he said.

* * *

When Emma opened the door, Deacon's eyes widened and he whistled in appreciation. "Damn, baby, you sure do clean up purty," he said, with a wink. And she did. She was wearing a short white dress with a beaded fringe and high heels that showed off her shapely legs. Her hair was piled up loosely on top of her head and all he wanted to do was run his fingers through it and pull it down around her shoulders, while he backed her into her bedroom.

She smiled. "Well, I figured you hadn't ever seen me in anything but jeans and boots, so. And you look pretty hot yourself," she said, and he did. He was dressed all in black, which suited him, his blue eyes sparkling. She winked. "I almost don't want to go now."

Deacon smirked, as he reached in and ran two fingers up the inside of her thigh. "We don't have to," he said. But Emma swatted at his hand with a smile, walking out the door and closing it behind her.

Once they got to the arena, they got caught up in the whirlwind of activity. Emma was enjoying the spectacle, but she could tell Deacon was a little uneasy. She squeezed his hand appreciatively and he smiled at her. Then she heard her name being called out. "Emma! Emma Taylor!" When she turned, she saw Blake Shelton heading for her. When he reached them, he swept her up in a bear hug. "Hey there, girl! I'm glad you could make it," he said, with a huge smile on his face.

"Thanks for the tickets. Selfishly, I'm hoping you win," she said, smiling back.

He laughed. "We shall see, won't we?" He looked at Deacon. "Well, Deacon Claybourne, how you doing? I didn't know you and Emma were a thing."

Deacon hadn't seen Blake in a while, but remembered the days when Blake was opening for Rayna and the two of them would hit the bars after a show. He shook Blake's hand. "Good to see you, Blake," he said, with a smile.

"Hey, you're a lucky guy to be with this angel," Blake said, nodding towards Emma. "I wish she wrote more stuff for a guy like me." He put a hand on Deacon's shoulder. "I heard you're out touring with McGraw these days."

Deacon nodded. "I am."

"Well, man, I'm glad as hell you're out on your own. I need to get you on my tour next year." He looked back at Emma. "Girl, I'm so glad you're here. You and Deacon make a good team. Hope y'all are doing some songwriting too." He winked. "Gotta run, but see y'all later!" And he was off.

Since it was getting close to show time, they went to find their seats. Deacon had never been to the CMA's when he wasn't either nominated or with Rayna, who had been nominated, and they usually sat close to the stage. Being further back meant that they could blend in more easily and Deacon found himself having a better time than he'd expected. And what made it especially nice was being there with Emma.

* * *

Deacon rolled onto his side and put his arm around Emma's waist. They were both tangled up in the sheets of his bed. He loved how she looked after sex, her hair a little mussed, her eyes heavy lidded, and a softness all over her face. He smiled down at her. "Can I tell you how amazing you are?" he said. "I can't get enough of you. You really, I don't know, you teach me things."

Emma laughed. "Can I be honest and tell you that I don't really know where that all comes from? I mean, I'm usually not like that, so it has to be you."

He reached out and tapped the end of her nose with his finger. "Well, wherever it comes from, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to keep up. Since I'm so old and all."

She made a face. "You're not _that_ old." She scooched over a little closer to him. "I don't know, it's kind of like I want to, no, I need to, um, I don't know how to say it…."

"Get inside my soul?" She nodded. He leaned down and kissed her. "I know. Because I want to do the same thing. Get inside your soul."

Emma reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, then down his face, running a finger along his jaw and chin. "I feel sometimes like I can't get close enough, you know? I mean, I've never really been that, oh, out there, I guess. But I want to do everything with you. I want it to be raw and hot and sexy and rough and all those things. But I also want it to be sweet. You know what I mean?"

Deacon looked at her with intensity. He nodded, then rolled on top of her. "You mean, sweet like this?" He kissed her on her forehead.

"Mm hm."

"And like this?" He kissed her on the neck.

"Yes."

"And like this?" He kissed her lips, sucking on her bottom lip until their tongues collided.

When he let her mouth go, she wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded. "Oh, yes."

Then he shifted slightly, nudging her legs open and pressing inside her. "And how about this?" he groaned.

"Oh, God, yes," she moaned. And then he made love to her sweetly and gently, caressing her skin softly, kissing her on her lips, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, her earlobes and her neck, until they came together. After their cries of pleasure died down and their breathing returned to normal, she opened her eyes and looked into his, dark with desire, and said, "Especially like this."

* * *

Deacon rolled over and nuzzled Emma's neck. She laughed softly and curled in closer. "So, can you get away for a couple days?" he asked.

She looked back at him and arched her eyebrow. "I don't know. I've got these songs I'm working on and, uh, yeah, I think I can get away. What did you have in mind?"

He smiled. "I thought you might like to go up to my cabin with me for a couple days before I have to leave."

"Cabin?"

"Yeah, I've got a place on the lake just over the state line. It's real pretty and peaceful there. Actually no cell phone service or internet, so just you and me and no distractions."

She rolled over to face him. "I love the idea of you and me and no distractions. I'm in."

He turned and sat up on the edge of the bed. "Well, let's get ready and go." He looked back at her. "Meet you in the shower?"

She threw back the covers and sat up. "Oh, hell yeah!" she cried, with a wink, and they raced each other, laughing, into the bathroom.

* * *

When Deacon turned down the drive to the cabin and it came in view, Emma gasped. "Oh, my God, this was not what I was expecting," she said. She got out of the truck and started walking towards the house. She looked back at Deacon. "This looks like somebody's idea of a dream house," she said. "Not a cabin."

Deacon felt a twinge when Emma mentioned 'dream house', but he pushed it aside for the moment. He smiled teasingly. "So what were you expecting?" he asked as he pulled their overnight bags out of the back.

"Well, I thought some little two room log cabin with a little porch on the front. And an outhouse in the back."

He had caught up with her at that point and laughed. "An outhouse? Really?"

She looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah. I brought pajamas. I thought I was going to have to wear pajamas so I could run out to the outhouse in the middle of the night."

He gave her a knowing look. "Trust me, you won't need pajamas."

She smiled. "Why do you call this a cabin though? It's a lake house, Deacon."

He shrugged. "The man I bought it from called it that, so it stuck. So, let's go in and I'll show it to you."

* * *

Later that afternoon, after they had tried out all the bedrooms that had beds, they sat on the porch, holding hands and looking out over the lake. "This is really beautiful, Deacon," Emma said, her voice a little dreamy. "I could stay here forever, I think."

Deacon looked over at her, then cleared his throat. "I feel like I should tell you about this place." He'd been thinking about bringing her here for a while. When he'd started bringing Maddie here, he'd gone through and taken down all the things that reminded him of Rayna and now he was extra glad he'd done that. But he didn't want to deceive Emma about this.

Emma frowned. "What do you mean?"

He squeezed her hand, then threaded his fingers in hers. "Well, when you said it looked like somebody's dream house, it _was_." Emma looked at him questioningly. "It was Rayna's." Emma took a deep breath and looked away. "But that was a really long time ago. I bought this place back after I got out of rehab the first time. More than twenty years ago. She had described a place like this once and I couldn't believe it when I saw this house, so I bought it. Kind of on a whim." He breathed in. "We had some good times here, but there was also a lot of pain. I didn't come here for a year, after she left, but now it's more like a refuge for me, a place to come to get away from stuff." He was silent for a moment. "She's only been here twice since we broke up and that was when all the news came out about Maddie's video. I just happened to be here then."

Emma had taken all that in and, pulling her hand away from his, she rubbed her face. "Wow." She looked around. "It makes some sense though. This didn't seem like the kind of place a guy would just choose for himself." She looked at him. "You're really over her, right?"

Deacon hated the pain he saw in her eyes. All he wanted to do was reassure her. "Emma…."

She shook her head. "Don't answer that. I'm being stupid." She gave him a small smile.

He reached for her hand and pulled her over into his lap and kissed her. "You could never be stupid," he said, with a smile.

She kissed him. "I love you, Deacon."

He smiled. "I love you. More than I ever thought I could love anyone again. Please believe me when I say that."

Emma hugged him tight. "I do. I truly do." And then she rested her head on his shoulder.

* * *

As she snuggled up to Deacon later that night, Emma thought about how he always seemed to know just what she needed, whether it was in bed or just in general. He always seemed to show up when she needed to see him. He never gave himself enough credit for saying the right things, but he'd always had the right words for her. Even talking about a topic as emotionally explosive as his former relationship with Rayna Jaymes. And like tonight, although he was every bit as sexually adventurous as she was and as much as they both enjoyed the sexual play, he could be achingly tender and sweet when she needed that. Everything had been slow and sensual and almost reverent and, when she came, she had actually cried. When Deacon got concerned, she blamed it on PMS, but she knew it was because he had sensed what she needed and given it to her.

He kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair. "You sure you're okay?" he asked.

She nodded, the tears pricking her eyes again. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm perfect." She wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled in closer, nestling her head on his shoulder. "I love you, hon." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her tightly against him, gently rubbing her back until they both fell asleep.

* * *

Emma was spending the afternoon with several songwriter friends at Josh Osborne's house. Deacon had a two week small venue tour, so while he was gone she'd taken advantage of the time to work with a number of people she liked co-writing with. She was walking back from the kitchen when she saw someone new in the group.

"Hey, Em!" Josh called out. "Have you met Sadie Stone?" Emma shook her head. Josh gestured her over. "Come here and meet her, then."

Emma walked over to the pretty dark-haired woman. She guessed Sadie was probably around her age, maybe a little older. She extended her hand. "Hey, Sadie, I'm Emma Taylor." She'd heard of Sadie, knew she was an up-and-coming songwriter, making a solid name for herself. They hadn't crossed paths before now.

Sadie smiled up at her. "Well, hey, Emma, I'm so glad to meet you. When I heard you were going to be here, I was so psyched. I practically begged Josh to let me come."

Emma smiled, but she had an odd feeling about Sadie that she couldn't place. "That's nice to hear. I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry, that sounds so stalker-y, doesn't it?" Sadie waved her hand dismissively. "I didn't mean it like that. I just like your work and I thought it would be cool to see what you're working on and maybe even get a chance to do a little something with you. I'm trying to round out my album and I'd love to have some female co-writes."

Emma hated that she felt on guard, because Sadie seemed very genuine. She decided to push down the apprehensiveness and just see where things led. She sat down next to Sadie. "How long have you been in Nashville?"

Sadie scrunched up her face. "About a year. I've had some good luck writing songs, but now I want to get out on my own. I've been playing around town, hoping to catch on with a label."

Emma smiled. "Well, good luck with that. That was my goal too when I came here, but it didn't happen for me. From what I've heard, though, you're that perfect combination of songwriter and performer."

"Well, you've really done well on the songwriting side, and there's nothing wrong with that." She looked hard at Emma. "Say, would you be willing to listen to something I'm working on and critique it? I'm struggling with a couple of the lines and would love your thoughts."

"Sure," Emma said. She and Sadie spent about an hour working through some bridge lyrics and then Emma gave her a couple ideas for her third verse. She was feeling better about Sadie at this point, although she seemed like one of those people who overshared. She had not really wanted to hear about Sadie's bad marriage and ex-husband issues, but the other woman seemed oblivious to Emma's discomfort. Emma was always careful about what she told people about herself and so her natural inclination was to be wary.

When they finished, Sadie smiled appreciatively. "Thanks for your help. I keep thinking I'm writing the same shit over and over again, the whole bad relationship thing. I guess I'm just trying to work out all the crazy from my past, so it's nice to have something a little more upbeat."

Emma nodded. "I try not to write about old relationships. Makes me feel stuck."

"Yeah, you're probably right about that. I think I have this reputation though as the lonely heart queen carrying around a mountain a hurt, you know what I mean?"

Just then the door opened and another up-and-coming songwriter named Jesse Abrams came in. He had a current number one on the charts that he'd written for Luke Bryan. After welcoming some of the others, he spotted Emma. "Emma!" he called out and walked over. She stood and he hugged her. "How you doing, girl? Surviving with Deacon out on the road?"

Emma smirked. "I'm good." She turned towards Sadie. "Jesse, do you know Sadie Stone?" In the split second before Jesse spoke, Emma thought that Sadie had an odd look on her face.

"I know who she is," Jesse said. He took Sadie's hand in his. "I heard Edgehill and Highway 65 were battling it out for you. Lucky girl. You decided which way you're going yet?"

The odd feeling Emma had had when she first met Sadie came back as she listened to her confirm that yes, she was considering both offers and that it was a tough decision, because she really felt like she had bonded with Rayna. Emma thought she was probably just being ultra-sensitive, but she had to wonder what Sadie might know. She picked up her guitar and went to find her case, while Sadie and Jesse continued to talk. She packed up and slid out the back door.

When she got to her car, she sat there fuming for a moment and then put her key in the ignition and drove off. She was tired of hearing Rayna's name and she was beginning to be very bothered by the big shadow that Rayna seemed to cast across her life. Although she knew she'd taken that on when she'd decided to get involved with Deacon, it still got under her skin. _Maybe I'm just not as okay with this as I thought I was._

* * *

Emma enjoyed spending time with Deacon and Maddie. Maddie was incredibly talented – Deacon was right to be proud of her – and she enjoyed seeing the younger girl learn from her dad. She would watch him carefully and mimic his finger placement and how he moved his fingers over the guitar strings perfectly. She was clearly born to do this.

"Have you performed at all in public, Maddie?" she asked.

Maddie made a face. "Mostly talent shows at school. With Daphne. I've done a couple of kids' open mics." She smiled shyly at Deacon. "Dad came and sang with me once." Emma's heart warmed at the proud smile on Deacon's face. "Oh, I almost forgot. Mom let Daphne and me do her sound check once when she was on tour with Juliette."

Emma smiled. "I bet that was a big deal. Probably made you feel like it was the real thing."

Deacon shook his head with a smile. "They were amazing," he said. "It was the first time I'd heard her in a long time. Rayna had stopped taking the girls out on tour with her as much. But back when Maddie was little she'd always try to play my guitars."

Maddie smiled. "I remember that!" She laughed and looked at Emma. "They were too big for me and so Dad would hold it on my lap and let me just play whatever." She looked back at him. "You must have been so worried that I would break a string or something."

Deacon shook his head. "No, you were always very careful."

Maddie looked at Emma. "When did you start playing?"

Emma thought about that. "I think I got my first guitar when I was ten. For my birthday. It was not a really good one, but I took lessons and had fun with it. I didn't really get serious about music until high school, though. And when I graduated, my parents gave me my first good guitar, ironically a Taylor flattop acoustic. I never use it anymore but I still have it."

"What's your favorite?"

"Let's see. I have a really nice Martin acoustic that I love. The Gibson Southern Jumbo that you've seen me play. And a Gibson Les Paul electric that I use on stage." She smiled at Deacon. "Nothing near as nice as what your dad has in his collection. I keep hoping he'll let me play that Martin Double O, but he's kind of protective of his baby."

Deacon laughed. "You've never asked to play it. Maybe if you ask real sweet I'll let you."

Emma winked at him and they all laughed. Just then the door opened and Rayna and a young blonde Emma assumed was Daphne walked in. Emma watched Deacon jump up, looking a little uncomfortable. Rayna looked at each of the three of them, her face unreadable.

"Deacon!" the young blonde cried, running to throw her arms around him.

"Hey, girl," he said. "I haven't seen you in a while."

She looked up at him. "I know. I told Mom I needed to come."

Rayna looked at Emma. "Daphne, this is Deacon's…friend, Emma."

Daphne turned to look at Emma. Emma saw Maddie's eyes narrow as she looked at her mom. "She's Deacon's girlfriend, Daph," she said. Emma noticed that Rayna looked away and worked her lips.

Daphne smiled at Emma. "Glad to meet you," she said.

Emma smiled. "I'm glad to meet you too. Maddie's told me a lot about you."

Daphne's eyes widened and she smiled. "She has?"

Emma nodded. "She told me you're quite the singer." She noticed Rayna motion ever so slightly to Deacon to follow her outside. When he did, she felt a little pissed. She looked back at Daphne. "Why don't the two of you sing for me?"

Deacon could sense Emma's annoyance as he followed Rayna out on the porch. Her voice had been a touch brittle when she spoke to Daphne. He closed the door, although he and Rayna could still hear the girls singing inside.

Deacon stood looking at Rayna, a slight frown on his face. She fidgeted with her hands for a moment, looking out towards the street. Finally she looked back, her face arranged with a small smile. "Does Emma come over a lot when Maddie's here?" she asked.

Deacon shook his head. "Don't even go there, Rayna. What does it matter?"

She was still fidgeting with her hands. "It doesn't, I guess." She pressed her hands down against her legs. "I'm meeting Luke the day after tomorrow for a couple weeks of tour dates. Can Maddie stay with you? Or will it create a problem?"

Deacon wanted to give her a piece of his mind, but decided not to take the bait. "No problem," he said.

"I mean, she can stay with Teddy…."

"I said, no problem." His voice was harsh. She looked like she was going to say more and he cut her off. "Don't tell me not to let Emma stay here. It's not like you didn't do the same with Luke before you got married. It's not something Maddie's never seen. But don't worry. Emma likes Maddie and she won't want to make things uncomfortable." He scowled at her. "Do you not trust me with Maddie?"

Rayna shook her head. "No, that's not it at all. Of course, I trust you."

He looked at her evenly. "Then let it go," he said. He turned and walked back in the house, leaving her on the porch. When he got inside, Emma flicked her eyes over towards him questioningly, as she was listening to the girls. He just walked over and sat on the arm of the chair she was sitting in, lightly rubbing the back of her neck.

Emma could feel the tension rolling off him. She wondered just what Rayna had said to him to cause that. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rayna almost hesitantly walk back in the house, but she was careful to keep her eyes on Maddie and Daphne. Deacon's touch stiffened just slightly, but he didn't move away from her. When the girls had finished their song, she clapped enthusiastically, then finally looked over at Rayna. "Your girls are really amazing," she said.

Rayna gave her a small smile. "Thanks." Then she looked at the girls. "Let's get going, y'all." Maddie and Daphne hugged both Deacon and Emma and then left with Rayna.

Deacon breathed in and out slowly. Emma looked up at him. "So? What was that about?"

Deacon shook his head. "Nothing." He rubbed his hands over his mouth. "She's meeting Luke for a couple weeks, so Maddie's going to stay here."

Emma smiled. She didn't believe it was nothing, but decided to let it go. "I know you both will enjoy that."

He looked at her intently. "You can still come over here."

She looked at him, a puzzled look on her face. "I know." She leaned in and kissed him. "I just won't stay the night."

He smiled at her, grateful for her understanding. He put his hand on her face and ran his thumb gently over her cheek. "But you can stay tonight," he said with a wink.

She grinned back at him. "Yes, I can do that."

* * *

It was crowded at the party at the Country Music Hall of Fame. Neither Deacon nor Emma usually went to these, unless it was for their own songs, but Shane was a regular co-writer with Emma and she had thought it would be fun. They had chatted up people they knew and walked around to look at some of the exhibits. In one of the exhibit rooms, Deacon grabbed her hand and pulled her into a darkened alcove. She giggled as he pulled her close and started to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned appreciatively as he slid his hands over her ass. She'd worn a short skirt and he backed her against the wall so that he could slide his hand under it. He hiked it up and ran his hand over her panties, then slid a finger in the waistband, lazily running it back and forth. She felt tingles of desire and that caused her to arch her back. She felt him hard against her stomach and she moaned into his mouth.

He broke away from the kiss and, grabbing her hand, pulled her down a deserted hallway. He tried a door knob. "Deacon, what are you doing?" she whispered. He didn't answer her. He tried another, then the third one he tried turned in his hand. He opened the door and pulled them both in, then turned and locked it. "Deacon, what are we doing?" she asked again.

He just smiled at her and took her in his arms and kissed her again. The heat of the kiss got them both pulling at each other's clothes. He pulled her blouse out of the waistband of her skirt and slid his hands up to her breasts. As he fondled her, she pushed at his jacket, getting it down first one arm, then the other as he kept up the delicious touches. Almost without her realizing it, he slowly walked her backwards until she bumped up against a desk. He slid his hands down to her waist and lifted her onto the desk. She groaned loudly and reached down to unhook his belt and slide the zipper down on his jeans. "Lay back," he growled into her mouth and she did.

He pulled her to the edge of the desk and reached under her skirt, pulling off her panties. He pushed down his jeans and leaned into her, thrusting in hard. "Oh, God, Deacon," she moaned. She lifted up her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He pushed up her blouse and then her bra up over her breasts and he ran his hands and fingers over her as he continued to push in and out. His eyes captured hers as they ramped up the heat and the rhythm until they both spiraled out of control, moaning loudly with their release.

When their breathing calmed, he leaned down and kissed her, playing with her lips and drinking her in. Finally he sighed and pushed up. She let her legs down and he reached for her waist and pulled her up to a sitting position.

She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm pretty sure that was some of the most awesome sex I've ever had," she said.

He chuckled, leaning in to brush her lips. "You inspire me," he said.

She caught his lower lip with her teeth, pulling his tongue back into her mouth. She threaded her fingers in his hair and he ran his hands up and down her back. Then he pulled back, sighing. "I think we should get back before we get caught," he said.

She sighed. "I guess." He stepped back from her and she hopped off the desk. She found her panties and slid them on, pulled her bra back down and adjusted her blouse and skirt. Deacon was getting himself re-dressed as she turned and bent over the desk to straighten up the papers that had been scattered.

He put his hand on the back of her leg and let his thumb slide over her inner thigh. "I need to get you home," he said, his voice thick with desire.

She turned and kissed him, a smile on her face. "Then let's do that," she said.

* * *

Emma was excited to be back at the Bluebird, this time participating in an In the Round with Deacon and two other songwriters. Word was out that the two of them were a couple, at least among the songwriting community, and there was a lot of interest in whether they would write together. Besides the one song they had written together in the park, they had not collaborated on anything else, outside of critiquing and giving suggestions when one or the other felt stuck. Truthfully, Deacon had become accustomed to writing alone, while Emma was more comfortable writing with friends and acquaintances. It wasn't unusual for the two of them to spend long evenings sharing their newest compositions with each other, and Emma liked it that way.

This In the Round, then, felt a lot like those evenings spent sharing what they'd been working on. Except it was with two other songwriters and eighty-some audience members. Scarlett and Gunnar had come that night, along with Avery and Juliette. Afterwards, the six of them had sat and talked until Erika told them she was tired and wanted to close up.

As they drove back to Emma's apartment, Deacon noted that she was unusually quiet. He'd noticed that she had seemed to withdraw some from the conversation before they'd even left the Bluebird and he wondered if she was just tired or if something was bothering her. He looked over at her and then reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "You okay, baby?" he asked.

She glanced at him quickly, with a little smile, then nodded and looked back out the windshield. "Yeah, I'm okay," she said quietly.

He frowned. "Something bothering you?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay."

He didn't probe any further. When they got to her townhouse, he got out of the truck and followed behind her to the door. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door, taking a step in. He took a deep breath. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

She stood still for a moment, contemplating that, then turned and looked up at him. She shook her head. "No. Come on in." He followed her in, closing and locking the door behind them. She put her purse and guitar case down and sighed. "I'm kind of tired. Do you mind if we just go to bed?" she asked, turning back to him.

"No, that's fine." He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. After a moment, she moved her arms to encircle his waist and relaxed into him a bit. Then she let go and walked up the stairs.

He wasn't convinced there wasn't something bothering her, but she didn't seem inclined to talk about it, so he left it alone. They undressed wordlessly and, when they crawled into bed, she let him pull her into his arms. He had decided he'd let her take the lead and, if she just wanted them to hold each other, that would be okay with him. He hoped maybe in the morning she'd let him know what was bothering her. But it wasn't long before she turned her face into his chest, peppering him with light kisses. Then she slid her leg in between his and he rolled on top of her and gently made love to her.

When she finally felt her heart slow down, she turned in his arms with her back to him and let him hold her close. They didn't speak and, before long, she could hear his breathing slow and even out as he fell asleep. But she had a harder time shutting down her mind as she kept flashing back to the brief conversation she'd had with Juliette in the ladies' room. She was sure Juliette hadn't said what she had with any intent, it was just one of those things that women say to each other about another woman that neither of them are real friends with.

"_I'm so glad that you and Deacon are hitting it off so well," Juliette said, with a coy smile._

"_Well, I have to admit, I am too," Emma responded, grinning._

"_Rayna thought this would be another one of Deacon's quicky relationships. I'm glad she's been wrong about that."_

_Emma didn't know what to say, so she just nodded and said nothing, and Juliette went on to talk about something else. But it made her feel apprehensive. She wished her relationship with Deacon didn't seem to matter so much to Rayna. And that made her wonder how Deacon might react if he knew._


	7. Chapter 7

_**For those of you who were interested in what Deacon didn't tell Emma, it's explained in this chapter.**_

It had been a good afternoon. Although Emma felt like she really never got much songwriting done when she was at Deacon's house, it was always nice being with him. He'd be headed back out on the road before too long and she didn't want to spend too many days at the publishing house, when she could be spending them with him. He was working on something, as she listened, when his phone rang. He stopped and reached for it. He looked over at her apologetically. "It's Rayna. Sorry," he said, as he set down his guitar and stood up. "Hey, Rayna," he said, as he walked out to the kitchen.

Emma frowned. She hated to be so skeptical, but it sure seemed like Rayna's calls had really ratcheted up since she and Deacon had started dating. And even more in the last few weeks, since the odd meeting with Sadie Stone and then Juliette's comments at the Bluebird. This was getting obnoxious, as far as she was concerned.

When he finished the call, Deacon walked back in and sat on the couch. "Sorry, baby," he said and reached for her. When she pulled away, he frowned. "What's the matter?"

Emma scowled. "Does she really need to call you every ten minutes?"

"She doesn't call every ten minutes," Deacon said. He didn't understand her fixation on this. She'd been picking fights with him for a couple weeks, mostly around Rayna, and it was confusing. He couldn't figure out where easy-going Emma had gone.

"Well, it sure feels like it. Is it just my imagination or, ever since she found out we're seeing each other, has she just had to call you every time Maddie trips or gets a B+ in school?"

Now Deacon was scowling. "That's not fair. We are Maddie's parents. If something is going on with her, I should know about it. And that's all it is."

"Right." Emma crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.

Deacon reached for her again and Emma pulled her arm away. "What the hell?" He was starting to get angry. This was not like Emma at all.

She turned back to look at him. "You know, Deacon, I believe you when you say that what you had with Rayna is over, but I don't think _she_ understands that and I don't think you've been clear enough about that with her. I'm tired of her comments and her trying to rattle me."

"Rattle you how?"

"Never mind. But it feels to me like she's trying to figure out how to create a wedge between us. You need to be clear."

"I've told her. What else do you want me to do?"

"I need you to make it crystal clear. Be as cold and unfeeling as you told me she was with you."

Deacon shook his head. "I can't do that. She's Maddie's mama and I have to be able to have some sort of relationship with her."

Emma frowned. "You have to. Because I can't deal with this. I love you, Deacon, but I don't love this."

Deacon huffed. "How do you propose I do that then?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, Deacon. You're the one that had this long, complicated relationship with her. You know her better than anybody. You're her family. You should know what works with her."

"You know she's always gonna be around. Because of Maddie. And we have a history. That just ain't gonna change."

She gave him a look. "All I know is that it feels like to me that she's trying to create tension and I'm not on board for that. In fact, maybe I need to take a break and get out of Nashville for a bit. That way, when I come back, or if I come back, you can figure out what it is you really want. Or who."

He gave her a sharp look. "What do you mean, _if_ you come back?"

She looked away. "Maybe I need to rethink things. If you can't fix this."

Deacon stood up and threw his arms out. "Why the hell is this my responsibility? Why can't you just accept that I love you and it's over with her?"

Emma stood too and glared at him. "Because I think she wants _you_. And if you're telling her you don't want her, then she's not getting the message. Maybe if I'm not here, you can clear your head and figure out how to get her out of our lives."

Deacon breathed out, then looked at her sadly. "Baby, I don't want you to go…."

Emma put her hands on her hips. "I don't see any other way to handle this. I need some time to figure things out and you need to do the same. Fix this, Deacon. If you want our relationship to work. History or no history, I don't know how much longer I can take her sticking her nose into my life. Into our lives."

"Emma." He watched her pack up her guitar, pick up her purse, and walk towards the door. "Damn it. Emma!"

She turned to look at him, her face a mix of sadness and anger. "I don't want to hear from you until it's done." She opened the door and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

Deacon threw his hands up in dismay. "Damn!" he shouted. He was angry, but he was also a little afraid. He didn't want to lose her, but he knew he needed to give her some space. And he was still angry enough that he thought he might push her away, without meaning to.

* * *

Emma felt tears running down her cheeks as she drove home, which infuriated her. She didn't cry. She had been uncharacteristically moody the last couple weeks, but she blamed most of it on this merry-go-round with Rayna. She knew she wasn't imagining that Rayna had started calling Deacon more. He'd told her, when they'd first gotten to know each other, that he rarely heard from her. But she seemed to find all kinds of reasons to call now – always some threadbare story about Maddie that, from Emma's perspective, just seemed to be an excuse to talk to Deacon or get him to come by her office. She was stopping by more often, saying she needed to talk to Deacon about something that had to do with Maddie. And Deacon always seemed out of sorts after those conversations, so she didn't think it was entirely her imagination.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up. _Deacon_. She made a face and threw the phone down on the seat. She wasn't ready to talk to him. Not until he could tell her that he'd put Rayna Jaymes in her place. Once and for all.

* * *

By the time she'd packed a bag and called Southwest Airlines for a ticket, Deacon had called three more times and had left her multiple text messages. All some variation of _Please talk to me, baby _or _I'm sorry_. She finally had responded to one of his texts with _Please stop. I'm going to Austin. You know what to do._ She didn't hear from him again, but she didn't think that would last. She called Leah on the way to the airport to warn her she was coming and then turned off her phone.

* * *

When Deacon showed up at her office, unannounced, Rayna had conflicting feelings. She knew she shouldn't have felt that little tingle of excitement, but she couldn't help it. She felt guilty about it, because, after all, she was married and she'd told Deacon back before the wedding that he needed to move on. She had felt, when she'd accepted Luke's proposal, that she was making the right decision for herself. It had not been easy to turn her back on Deacon, but she didn't want to keep falling into old patterns. She needed a fresh start, with someone who didn't bring all the dark, angry baggage Deacon dragged into their relationship. It hadn't always been easy, this 'marriage of equals'. She'd had to learn to like being a celebrity, something Luke loved. She'd had to develop new traditions with their blended family, something Tandy reminded her often was normal. But there was always Deacon, lurking somewhere in the back recesses of her mind.

When he'd started seeing Emma Taylor, it had bothered her. Just like it bothered her every time Deacon got involved with someone, no matter how brief. She knew it wasn't fair for her to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. Every time she thought she'd cut those ties, it would turn out it wasn't as true as she'd hoped. And when she'd met Emma, alarm bells had gone off. Emma was different. Emma seemed like she could be for keeps.

She got up from her desk and walked around to greet him when he entered. She had a happy smile on her face that faded when she saw the dark storm clouds running across his. His eyes were hard and he was frowning. Anger seemed to be coming off him like a fog. "Hey," she said, her voice faltering just a bit. "This is a sur…."

He stopped and shut the door. Then he put his hands on his hips. "Leave us alone," he said, his voice fierce.

She raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"Stop trying to interfere with Emma and me."

"I'm not…."

"Yes. You are. Rayna, you told me I needed to move on. That you'd moved on and you couldn't understand why I hadn't. So now that I have, you need to back off." She just stood there, silent. "You married Luke. That's who you wanted. You made that perfectly clear, more than once. And now you have that life, although God knows why you'd want it. But you have it and you chose it. Now I've chosen something, and someone, else. You can't have it both ways. You can't have Luke and keep me on a leash."

"I don't think…."

He walked closer and she found herself taking a step back. "Stop. I only did what you wanted me to do. But you know what? I'm glad I did. So now I need you to stop calling me, unless it's an emergency. Stop bringing Maddie over. Let the nanny do it. Maybe you need to get back to touring with your husband. When you're here, all you do is interfere in _my_ life, and it isn't yours to interfere in anymore."

Rayna opened her mouth, then closed it. She looked away, then back. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that."

Deacon let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. "You know exactly what you're doing. Stop doing it. Stay away from Emma and stay away from me. It's done. We're done. We've been done. I need you to let me have this. I deserve it. Now you're the one that needs to remember why you moved on in the first place."

Rayna watched him as he turned and stormed out of her office. She hadn't meant to do this, but, if she was honest, she hadn't been able to stop herself. Now she needed to figure out how to make this right.

* * *

When Deacon got to his truck, he was still breathing hard. He banged his hand against the steering wheel and yelled, "Damn!" He sat back and closed his eyes, rubbing his hand over his mouth. When his breathing slowed, he opened his eyes and then reached for his phone. He thought about calling Emma, but her phone had been going straight to voice mail the last couple days, not that she'd answered his calls before. So he texted her. _It's done. Please come home._

* * *

There were so many messages from Deacon. Both voice mail and text. Even some emails. All saying the same thing, essentially. _Please come home. I told her to leave us alone._ Or words to that effect. She wanted to go home. She missed him. She finally sent a text after she'd been gone a week – _Thanks. I'll be home soon._

But she was feeling off. It wasn't really all about Deacon. She missed him, she knew that. She'd been dreaming about him. And it had been good to be back in Austin, to clear her head. It had helped her see things in perspective. She loved Deacon. She wanted to be with him. She trusted him. That more than anything had been an a-ha moment, when she'd realized that she trusted what he said to her. She'd said and thought more times than she could count, that he was a good man, an authentic man. One she could trust to tell her the truth. She knew, in her heart, that if he wanted Rayna back, was still in love with her, that he'd tell her, because he was that kind of man. He needed to speak his truth always and she appreciated that. But something felt different. She felt different. In a way she couldn't put her finger on. She was cranky, she wasn't sleeping well, food tasted funny. She was weepy.

_I just need to go home. I miss him and I need to go home. Soon._

* * *

Rayna was waiting at John Tune airport for Luke's jet. After Deacon's visit, she knew she needed to reconnect with her husband. It had been too long since she'd seen him and that had caused her to let her attentions wander. Deacon had been so angry with her and, when he'd reminded her that she'd made her choice and that she needed to let him make his, she realized she needed to figure out some way to stop doing this again. When she had floated the idea of coming out to visit, Luke had suggested she come out for a couple months and share the stage.

"I'll just have my openers cut their sets down a little and you can do a few tunes and we'll do our duets", he'd said. "We'll call it the 'still on the honeymoon' leg. How about that?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to do a couple months, but she'd wait to talk about that. "That sounds perfect," she said. "I have a bonus single that I can introduce too." She really needed to do this. If Deacon was moving on – and it surely seemed that he was set on that – then she needed to recommit to her marriage.

As she sat, waiting for the jet to arrive, her mind wandered back to the day she, Deacon and Teddy had gone on camera with GMA to talk about Maddie and her video. Deacon had left before she could thank him for coming, but she felt sure he'd gone back to the cabin.

So she'd driven up there again and, sure enough, he was there. They had talked and then there had been recriminations and hurt on both sides. She'd started to walk away and then, without thinking, she'd turned back.

Maybe it was the heated emotions, maybe it was because they were at _their_ cabin, but most likely it was just because they'd always had trouble truly staying away from each other. But before she knew it, she was in his arms and he was kissing her like his life depended on it.

She hardly remembered how they got inside or how they pulled each other's clothes off. She barely remembered the sex - raw and rough and wordless. Not at all what she remembered from their past, this had a desperation about it.

When it was done and they had pulled apart from each other, he lay on his back, his breathing heavy. She had turned on her side, away from him, wondering what she'd just done. Then he stretched his arm out and ran his hand down her back.

"No!" she cried out and slid out of the bed, gathering up her clothes and running for the bathroom.

"Ray!" she heard him call, as she hurriedly pulled on her clothes. Then his knock on the door. "Ray, let's talk. Please." She winced. She looked at herself in the mirror, her eye makeup smeared. She pulled off a piece of toilet paper and cleaned up her face. She finger combed her hair and wrapped her scarf back around her neck. Then she opened the door and walked out.

She looked at him, with sadness in her eyes. "This should never have happened," she said.

He frowned. "Why not?"

"We can't do this, Deacon. This was wrong. I'm with Luke. And you and me, it just doesn't work."

He ran his hands through his hair. "That's not true."

She made a face and spread her hands out in frustration. "It _is_ true. This can't happen again. And we can't ever speak of it. I'm not doing this again. And you, you need to move on. Figure out how to do that, Deacon. Because you and me – that's just not going to ever happen."

She walked out of the bedroom and picked up her coat, shrugging it on. She reached in the pocket and pulled out her keys. He came up behind her and grabbed her by the arms. "Please, Rayna, let's just talk. I think the fact that this happened means we need to at least talk about it."

She turned back to him, sorrow lining her face. "I can't, Deacon," she said sadly. "I know we have a history and I'll always love you for that, but we just can't do it anymore. We might be able to do…this, but it doesn't mean we should be together. Please understand." And then she lowered her head, turned away from him, and walked out the door.

She had cried most of the way back to Nashville, then stopped just outside of town to repair her face and regain control. When she got home, she headed for her bedroom. She undressed and got in the shower, standing there sobbing in the pouring water until there were no more tears and she had been able to breathe normally again. As she dried off and combed her hair, she felt herself take that lapse at the cabin and mentally put it into a small box, closing it tightly and putting it away in a secret place where she would not touch it again. _Until now._

She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. She had, of course, never told Luke. There had been times when she'd wondered if it was wrong of her not to be completely honest. She'd worried, at times, about whether Deacon would tell him, in a fit of anger or hurt or something. But he hadn't. And now, because of Emma, she was sure it was buried for both of them.

"Ms. Jaymes?" She opened her eyes and looked up at Luke's pilot. "We're ready to take off, if you are."

* * *

When she'd arrived in Minneapolis, she'd gone straight to the arena and, after a warm reunion with Luke, she'd gone out and done sound check with her new single. She watched Luke out of the corner of her eye as she sang.

_The battle I'm fighting's already been fought / The man I'm losing's already been lost / I've been down this road, I've seen all the signs / She's driving me out of your mind_

_The thing she's doing's already been done / The heart she's winning's already been won / The wheels are turning, baby I ain't blind / She's driving me out of your mind_

_Don't know where I'm going but I'm gettin' there fast / Looking in your eyes I see her future and my past / And little by little, night after night / She's driving me out of your mind_

_Anything worth trying I've already tried / Anything worth saving has already died / Loving you baby's been one long hard ride / She's driving me out of your mind_

_Don't know where I'm going but I'm gettin' there fast / Looking in your eyes I see her future and my past / And little by little, night after night / She's driving me out of your mind_

_Loving you baby's been one long hard ride / She's driving me out of your mind_

Luke's jaw was clenched, but he kept his expression neutral. And when she finished, he enthusiastically clapped, like everyone else. She was the only one who could see the fire burning in his eyes. She just hoped he heard what she'd wanted him to hear – that Deacon was out of her life.

* * *

Luke walked out of the bedroom and out to the bar in the penthouse suite. "Want a beer, sweetheart?" he called out.

Rayna wrapped herself in the sheet and followed. "Sure." She walked up to him, admiring his naked form, and took the beer. He led her to the couch.

After taking a long swallow, he looked at her. "So, did that bonus single get him out of your head for good?" he asked.

She made a face. "What?"

Luke shook his head, with a sarcastic smile. "Don't play dumb with me, Rayna. Did that get Deacon Claybourne out of your head and our business?"

She looked away. "That's been over a long time, babe. It was just a song."

"Right." Then he slammed down his beer and took hers out of her hand.

"Luke." He'd been drinking since the show and she knew he was a little drunk.

He grabbed her and kissed her, hard. He bit her lip and she tried pushing away, but he wouldn't let her go. Then the kiss turned passionate and she found herself responding. She reminded herself he really was a good man and she let herself get carried away with the intensity.

Later, as they both struggled to gain control over their breathing, he pulled her close to him on the couch and looked deep in her eyes. He looked sad. "I love you, Rayna," he said. "It just makes me crazy when you can't seem to let him go. After everything he did to you."

Rayna sighed and looked down. "I know. And it really is over, babe," she said. "I promise you. I just think we need to be together more." She looked back at him. "Don't you?"

He nodded. "Yes, I do."

* * *

"Are you still planning on going home tomorrow?" Leah asked.

Emma shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I just feel embarrassed about how I acted."

"Don't you want to see Deacon?"

Emma sighed and then got uncharacteristically teary. "I do, but I'm scared. I said some hurtful things to him and I'm not really sure why." She wiped at the tears.

Leah frowned. "What is up with you? You've been super-emotional since you got here. Not like you at all. Are you on your period?"

Emma shook her head. "No." She thought for a minute and then she felt a knot in her stomach. "Shit."

"What?"

Emma looked at her friend. "I'm late."

"So? You've been traveling away from home…."

"No, I'm really late. I mean, like weeks late." She got a sick look on her face.

Leah gasped. "Are you pregnant? Did you have unprotected sex? That's so not like you, Emma."

Emma looked like she was in shock. "I know it's not. But yeah, we did. Once." She closed her eyes. "Oh, God."

"What? When?"

Emma looked at Leah and blushed. "We were at a party at the Country Music Hall of Fame. We got a little, I don't know, frisky and we, uh, found an unlocked office…."

Leah gasped and then laughed. "You did it in somebody's office?" Emma nodded. "Wow. You can still shock me, Emma Taylor. So you need to take a test first, you know that, right?" Emma nodded. "Let me go get one and then we'll see what's what."

* * *

Emma paced while she waited for Leah. _What if I am pregnant? What do I do? I have to tell Deacon. I can't do what Rayna did. But I don't want him to feel obligated to me because of a baby._ She felt sick to her stomach.

When Leah returned with the test, Emma went into the bathroom and shut the door, not letting Leah in. Her mind was a whirlwind of what ifs as she waited for the results. When she looked at the stick, she burst into tears and Leah blew her way in.

"Well?" she demanded.

Emma had her head down on her knees and just waved the test. Leah snatched it up and looked. "Oh, wow, Emma," she said quietly.

Emma looked up. "I'm pregnant. I can't believe it."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Scared. Confused." She sighed. "Happy."

Leah sat down next to her. "Talk to me."

Emma rubbed her face. "I'm having Deacon's baby and that makes me happy. I love him so much. But I don't know how he'll feel about it. We haven't talked about this or anything close to this. I accused him of still being a little hung up on Rayna Jaymes and not being able to deal with that. It felt like I was trying to push him away. And that scares me. And then I have to deal with the idea that we made a baby having sex on somebody's desk. I'm kind of mortified by that, you know?" She looked at Leah with a half-smile.

Leah hugged her friend. "It'll just be something you and Deacon can tease each other about. And then you'll get all hot and bothered and have more crazy sex because of it. Right?"

Emma laughed. "I guess."

"So, listen. Postpone your trip for a couple days and I'll get you in to my doctor's office for a proper pregnancy test. Then you go home and you tell Deacon y'all are going to have a baby. Based on everything you've told me, I think he's going to be over the moon and y'all will live happily ever after."

Emma took a deep breath. "I hope you're right. I'll text him."

Leah frowned. "Call him, babe. All you've done is text and I'll bet the poor man is going crazy."

"Well, let's get the appointment first and then I will."

* * *

Emma was able to get in to see the nurse at Leah's doctor's office the next day, which meant she could leave for Nashville the day after. She called Deacon to tell him her trip plans.

"Emma! Thank God!" Deacon said when he answered. "Baby, when are coming home?"

Emma smiled on her end. He sounded so happy to hear from her. "Well, that's what I called about. I'll be home the day after tomorrow."

Deacon sighed. "I miss you. I wish you were here now."

"I know. But I'll be there soon."

He was silent for a moment. "I love you, baby. So much."

Emma wanted to cry. "I love you too. I'll call you when I get back."

* * *

Deacon's phone rang with a number he didn't recognize. He almost didn't answer, but something told him to do it anyway. "Hello?"

A female voice said, "You don't know me, but I'm Emma's friend Leah. Emma will probably kill me if she knew I called you, but so be it."

"Is she still on her way home?"

"She is. Her flight gets into Nashville about 1:30. You need to go see her and let her know where things stand. And a word of advice – don't let her start the conversation. You need to tell her you want her or you don't. Don't let her talk before you do. Are we clear?"

"Yeah. Is she okay?"

"She's fine, just a little confused. You need to unconfuse her."

After Leah hung up, Deacon checked the time. He planned to be waiting for her at her place. He had missed her and he wanted to tell her that. He wanted her to know that she didn't need to worry about Rayna, that it was over between them and had been since she'd married Luke Wheeler. He'd finally figured out that he would never be good enough for Rayna. But he knew he could be good enough for Emma and that's where he wanted to be. He'd known that for a while, but now he realized he hadn't done a good job convincing her.

* * *

Emma was tired. It had been a long day already. She'd been up early for the flight back to Nashville and had had to change planes on the way. She was also nervous because she knew she was going to have to tell Deacon about the baby. She didn't know if she'd damaged things before she'd left and if she'd made it worse by staying away so long. She was startled when she walked up to her door to see Deacon standing there. His eyes looked sad as he watched her approach.

"Hey," she said. "How long have you been waiting here?" Her chest hurt. She was sure it was hormones raging through her, but she felt overcome with emotion to find him standing at her doorstep.

He shook his head. "Not that long. Your friend Leah called me and told me when you were getting in."

Emma looked surprised for a moment and then shook her head with a wry smile. "Sounds like Leah." She walked up to him. "Do you want to come in?"

He nodded. "I do."

She opened the door and walked in, Deacon following her. He shut the door and then walked up behind her. He turned her around to face him and pulled her into an embrace. "I missed you, Emma," he whispered, his voice ragged.

She wrapped her arms around him. "I missed you, too," she said.

"Don't leave me again," he said. Then he moved away from her, his hands on her arms. He looked deep into her eyes. "I love you, Emma. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't want to be with you. I'm sorry Rayna got in the middle of things and I did talk to her. I don't want you to go away again. I want _this_."

"Deacon, I…."

"Emma. Please," he pleaded. "I'm not really good at saying things, but I need you to know that you're who I want to be with. I knew that the minute I met you. I think you and me were at the Bluebird that night for a reason and that reason was to be together. I'm happy with you. Before I was always trying to prove myself or be better or not screw up. I was never good enough. With you, I'm good enough. I don't want to lose you."

Tears were rolling down her face as she listened to him. "You aren't going to lose me," she whispered.

He moved his hands to cup her face and pulled her in for a long, lingering kiss. "I need you," he said, finally.

"I need you too."

Then they frantically undressed each other and stumbled towards the couch, where they made up for all the time they'd been apart, exploring each other with their lips and hands and fingers, over and over again, until they finally collapsed against each other, their legs entangled and their arms around each other, as they kissed each other tenderly.

"Please don't go away like that again," Deacon said, his eyes full of pain. "I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was just scared, I think. And I'm sorry for the things I said to you before I left."

Deacon shook his head. "No. I'm sorry I let you feel that way. I was stupid."

She smiled at him. "No, you weren't. I think I kind of lost my mind there for a minute. But I'm back and we're good." She kissed him lightly. "I love you, Deacon Claybourne."

He smiled back. "I love you, Emma Taylor." And he gathered her close to him and just held her, thanking God that she'd come back to him.

* * *

Deacon watched Emma get up from the couch. She was perfect. Her long, dark hair swirled around her shoulders and back. She had the tightest ass he'd ever seen and her legs were long and lean. Something seemed different about her, though, something he couldn't put his finger on, but that could have been because it had been over two weeks since he'd seen her. He caught his breath when he thought how close they'd come to screwing things up. When she left, he'd been surprised at how much he'd missed her. And how empty his life had felt without her in it. He'd been frantic while she was gone and out of touch. Seeing her today had confirmed for him that she was different from every other woman, that what they had was real.

He got up and followed her into the kitchen. She opened up a cabinet and pulled out a jar of peanut butter, then rooted around a drawer for a spoon. She boosted herself up on the counter and opened the jar, then spooned out a small amount of peanut butter, licking it from the utensil. Deacon walked over and stood in front of her, his hands on either side of her, propping himself up on the counter. She smiled and held the spoon out to him and he licked off a small amount of peanut butter, then leaned in to kiss her.

As the kiss heated up, she wrapped her arm around his shoulder and he put his hand on the small of her back. Then he released her lips and gently ran his hand down her thigh. He looked into her eyes and lightly brushed her lips, then took the jar of peanut butter from her and put it down on the counter. Still looking into her eyes, he deftly reached down and nudged her legs apart. She felt a quiver of desire course through her.

He slowly dragged his fingers along the inside of her thigh and she caught her breath. Ever so slowly, he approached her core and finally trailed his fingers lightly as she moaned deep in her throat. He slowly pushed in two fingers and she started to moan a little louder. She opened her legs wider as he continued to move in and out at an even pace. She placed her hand on his shoulder and lightly bit her lip, then looked down to watch his fingers sliding in and out. She felt herself starting to spiral.

Deacon watched her and then murmured, "Do you like that?" She looked at him and nodded, then looked back down, moving her hips and sliding her legs even further apart. When he started rubbing her with his thumb, she gasped and arched her back, jutting her breasts out. She first made little whimpers of pleasure and then finished it with loud moans of ecstasy.

Deacon picked her up off the counter and turned her away from him. He grabbed her hips and then pushed hard into her. "Oh, God, hon, do it hard," she moaned. He kept pushing harder and harder until he was finally spent. He then pinned her to the counter as they caught their breath. He stayed inside her as long as he could, savoring the feel of her.

"Emma, I love you so much," he whispered against her neck. "You're my home. This is my home."

Emma felt tears in her eyes. She savored his arms tight around her, the feeling of him still deep inside her. And for those few moments, she was the only one of the two of them that still knew the precious secret she carried inside her. Without even knowing she was carrying his child, he'd told her everything she needed to hear and she hugged that to her heart.

Finally she turned around to face him. "I want to talk to you," she said. "Come sit with me a minute." She took Deacon's hand and led him to the couch, where she sat on his lap. "I need to tell you something." Her face was serious.

Deacon looked worried. "What's going on?"

Emma bit her lip. "I found out why I got kind of out of control about things before I left. Why I was acting a little crazy. And now my whole life is going to change." Deacon looked confused. "Yours too." She took his hand and held it over her stomach. "We're going to have a baby."

Deacon's eyes widened. "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

Deacon stared at her for a moment, then a smile crept over his face. "Oh my God," he whispered and he pressed his hand protectively against her stomach. "A baby?"

She nodded. "It was a surprise." She paused and looked at him. "How do you feel about that?"

He leaned in and kissed her hungrily. "Best surprise of my life," he said with a grin. Then he frowned a little. "So wait, when did this happen?"

Emma blushed. "Remember Shane's party?" Deacon's eyes suddenly got wide. "I think we got a little carried away and forgot we weren't, uh, prepared."

Deacon leaned in and kissed her lightly. "Baby, that's just how irresistible you are," he whispered against her lips.

Emma started to laugh and kept laughing until tears started down her cheeks. Deacon was looking at her with a puzzled look on his face. She put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him. "I can't believe we're just sitting here naked, talking about having a baby."

Deacon smirked. "I think that's how it happens, isn't it? So it makes sense. But if it makes you feel better…" He reached behind her and pulled a throw off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her. He smiled. "Now you're more proper."

"So you're happy about this? Even though we weren't planning it?"

Deacon took a deep breath and then Emma could see tears glinting in his eyes. "I'm happy," he said. He pulled her in close. "I think we should get married."

Emma shook her head. "No."

Deacon looked surprised. "No? You don't want to marry me?"

Emma shook her head harder and then leaned in and kissed him. "It's not that I don't, it's that I don't want to just because I'm pregnant. I don't need to be married to have our baby. I'd rather wait until after the baby comes and then we can decide."

Deacon frowned. "No, we're deciding now. If you don't want to do it before, then we _are_ going to do it after. I want to marry you, Emma. Not just because of the baby."

Emma stared at him. "Are you sure?"

Deacon nodded. "I'm sure. I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't sure."

Emma smiled. "Okay. Yes, I'll marry you after the baby comes." She leaned down and started to leave little kisses on his chest. Deacon threaded his fingers through her hair as she nibbled on his neck. Then she threw off the blanket and moved to straddle him, kissing him and pulling on his lip, moving her hips. He ran his hands down her back and grabbed her ass, lifting her slightly so he could push inside her. She moaned deep in her throat and chewed lightly on his lip, then pulled away from his mouth. She pressed her hands on his shoulders and moved her legs to encircle him, so that he could move deeper inside her. She closed her eyes and arched her back, moaning out loud. Then he moved inside her the way she liked and she gasped, opening her eyes to look into his and crying out with her release. He moved his hands back to the small of her back and, pushing her hard against him, he began to move more insistently until he came explosively. Then Emma put her arms around him, pressing herself full against him and they both held each other as their breathing slowed to normal.

Deacon leaned his forehead against hers. "If you won't marry me right now, will you at least move in with me?" he asked.

Emma smiled slowly. "Yes. I will definitely do that."

_**The song in this chapter is "She's Driving Me Out of Your Mind" by Ashley Monroe.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**I know there are some of you that didn't like the fact that Deacon took Emma to the cabin, so I'll warn you that there's another cabin scene in this chapter.**_

_**From my perspective, the cabin is no longer "sacred ground". One reason is that Deacon has already taken Maddie there, so it's already not just Rayna who's been there. But probably more importantly – if Deacon is to truly move on, there can't be these "sacred ground" kinds of places. Inserting Emma into his life fully means he can't hang on to something that's just Rayna.**_

_**Having said that, though, there will be one place that does belong to Rayna and that shows up here too.**_

Deacon and Emma drove up to the cabin. Despite the fact that he had originally bought it for Rayna, Emma had to admit that it was a wonderfully peaceful place to get away. She had surprised herself by falling in love with the place when Deacon had taken her the first time, and it felt like they were putting their own imprint on it every time they went.

It was still cool at night, so Deacon built a fire when they got there. After they ate, they snuggled up together on the couch in front of the fireplace. "How are you feeling?" Deacon whispered in her hair.

Emma smiled. "I feel good. No morning sickness at all. But I'm hungry all the time," she said.

Deacon ran his hand over her belly. "I can tell," he said.

Emma sat up and turned to look at him. "What?"

Deacon laughed. "You've got a tummy, baby. Haven't you noticed?"

Emma gasped and shoved Deacon's hand away from her mid-section, covering it with her own. "Ah!" she cried. "I do! I'm getting fat!"

Deacon pulled her back towards him. "You're not fat, baby. You're pregnant." He kissed the top of her head. "And it's cute."

Emma made a noise and pushed away from him, getting up from the couch. She ran for the bedroom. Deacon shook his head, laughing to himself, and then got up and followed her. He found her in the bathroom, standing sideways at the mirror, her jeans down around her feet and one hand holding up her t-shirt. She was staring at herself in the mirror, her hand running over the little swell of her abdomen. When Deacon walked in, she turned to look at him, surprise on her face. "You're right. I guess that's why my jeans were tight." She sighed. "I'm going to have to buy new clothes," she whined.

Deacon grinned at her. "You're going to have to do that anyway," he said, with a chuckle. He crossed over to her and put one arm around her waist and then covered her belly with his hand, looking down at her. "I can't wait to see everything."

Emma took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Can I tell you I feel a little scared?"

He frowned. "Why?"

"It's a _baby_. And I don't know how to take care of a baby."

"We'll learn together. And I know you're gonna be a great mama."

She turned around in his arms. "You don't know that. I could be terrible."

"Just do like your mama did. You've told me that she was a great mama. So be like her."

Emma made a face. "I wish she was here to help me," she said wistfully.

Deacon cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "I know," he said softly. "But we'll do it together."

She sighed and then leaned down to pull up her jeans. He moved to stop her, getting her to step out of them instead. Then he bent his knees slightly and, with one hand on her back, reached under her legs and lifted her up, carrying her back into the living room. He laid her on the couch in front of the fire, then slid her panties off. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and took them off, dropping them on the floor.

In the firelight, he thought Emma looked even more beautiful than she normally did. The shadows gave her a seductive look and made her hair almost glisten. He caught his breath, looking at her. Her lips were slightly parted as she watched him. He knelt on the couch in between her legs and she reached for his arms, pulling him down to her. As he moved closer, she lifted her legs around his waist and he entered her quickly.

"Oh, God, Deacon," she murmured, pulling him down so she could kiss him. She loved how he felt inside her. She moved her hands to his face, grasping him as she let her tongue explore his and she moved her hips in time with his rhythm. She didn't want it to end just yet, but she felt herself starting to crest. She pulled her mouth from his. "I'm gonna come," she panted.

"Yes," he moaned.

"No," she cried. "Not yet." He stopped, hovering over her, looking deep into her eyes. She sighed as the waves of pleasure backed down a notch. She tried not to think about him, filling her up inside, trying to concentrate on the feel of his skin on hers. She slid her feet down his legs and ran her hands over his back. "I just need to be close for a minute," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed her lightly. "I love you, baby," he murmured. "I love everything about you. I love how you feel, how soft your skin is, how warm you are." He nuzzled her neck, making moaning noises.

"I love you more," she whispered. As much as she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about him inside her, filling her up, and she moaned, drawing her legs up until her feet rested on the back of his thighs. "Oh, God, make me come," she groaned. He started moving inside her and she came almost immediately. And then he let himself go, crying out her name over and over.

* * *

Emma was leaning back against the counter as she watched Deacon washing dishes. He looked up at her briefly. "Since Maddie's coming over today, I thought maybe we could tell her about the baby," he said. "Since you're past your little self-imposed target." He smiled. Emma had wanted to wait until the end of her first trimester before telling anyone, and she was already three weeks past that.

She breathed in. "Yeah, sure," she said.

He looked a little confused. "You want to wait longer?" He reached out and lightly patted her stomach. "I think she'll be able to tell."

Emma looked down, then back up. "Really?" she asked. She rested her hand on her stomach. "I'm already showing that much?"

He smiled at her. "Yeah. I think you're trying to pretend you're not." He winked at her.

She blushed. He had commented just this morning about her little baby bump, which was very obvious when she was naked. "I guess I'm just wondering how she'll take the news. If she'll be excited or annoyed." She knew she was really putting this off because of Rayna. So far, tunic tops and oversized t-shirts camouflaged her stomach, but that couldn't go on much longer.

"I think she'll be excited. She loves you."

Emma wrinkled her nose. "I don't know. She _likes_ me well enough."

Deacon leaned over and kissed her. "She _loves_ you. She told me."

Emma smiled. "Really?" Deacon nodded. "Wow. Well…I'm glad. But, you know, it might be weird for her. Another baby in the family."

Deacon finished up and dried his hands. Then he took Emma in his arms. "I think she'll be really happy. Remember, she was the one that told me that I should start dating you. And she's been a big supporter of yours ever since."

Emma's eyes teared up. "Well, I really love her too, Deacon. She's a sweet girl." She wiped at her eyes. "I'm just such a weepy mess these days. How do you stand it?"

Deacon kissed her. "I love seeing you like this. It's your softer side. It suits you."

Emma laughed. "As long as you're prepared. I've heard that pregnant women are big ole crybabies."

He got that look on his face that she loved, the one where she could see his emotions in his eyes. "As long as I get to be there with you, I don't care if you _are_ a big ole crybaby."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Deacon gave her a kiss, then let her go to answer it. Emma followed him out and stood in the doorway watching as he opened the door to Maddie and Rayna. Seeing Rayna always made her apprehensive, even though she felt confident about Deacon's feelings for her. It was Rayna she wondered about, especially since Maddie had been reporting discontent in Wheeler-land.

"Hey, Emma!" Maddie cried after she'd hugged Deacon. She trotted over and hugged Emma warmly.

Rayna had walked in and Emma could see her eying her closely, which always made her a little nervous. "Hey, Emma," Rayna said politely, wearing her fake happy face.

Emma could see Deacon watching her carefully. "Hello, Rayna," she said. "It's nice to see you." Then she turned to Maddie. "Want a root beer?" she asked.

"Yes!" And the two of them walked out of the room, leaving Deacon and Rayna alone.

Rayna watched them walk off, then turned back to Deacon. "We have schoolwork issues again," she said. "I think all this upheaval in her life is getting her off balance again." She gave a quick look towards the kitchen and then back at Deacon.

Deacon frowned. "Emma's not causing upheaval, Rayna. I think you should be looking at your own household for that."

Rayna's eyes widened. "What do you mean by that?"

"Maddie's been saying that you and Luke have been arguing a lot. And that he isn't spending much time at home."

Rayna looked away. Then she smiled. "Competing schedules. He _is_ on tour. That's all."

"Well, whatever. I'll talk to her about schoolwork." Deacon looked at her like that was the end of the conversation. "See you at six then?"

Rayna looked like she wanted to say something else, but then Emma and Maddie walked back out of the kitchen. It didn't escape her notice that Emma went to stand next to Deacon and put her hand lightly on his back, in a subtly possessive way. She smiled again. "Right. Six. Bye, Maddie," she said.

Maddie looked at her passively. "Bye, Mom," she said, dismissively.

Emma watched Rayna and noticed sadness in her face and eyes as she looked at the three of them and then, wordlessly, turned and left. Deacon walked over and closed the door and Emma noticed a sense of relief on his face. Then he looked at Maddie. "Emma and I want to talk to you about something," he said.

Maddie's face lit up. "You're getting married!" she cried.

Emma nearly choked and she was suddenly sorry they were going to disappoint her on that score. Deacon looked sheepish and ran his hand over his mouth. "Well, no, that's not it," he said, as he looked at Emma. His eyes seemed to say, y_ou should have taken me up on that offer,_ and she couldn't help but smile. He looked back at Maddie. "Actually, Emma and I are going to have a baby."

Maddie gasped and then she broke into a huge smile and hugged first Deacon, and then Emma. "Oh, my God, y'all, I'm so happy for you! When?"

"About six months," Emma said.

Maddie hugged Emma again. "This is such awesome news!" she said. "I can't wait!" Then she got a puzzled look on her face. "Wait. But you're not getting married?"

Deacon just looked at Emma, with his eyebrows raised, and she took a deep breath. "Not right now," she said. "I know, that doesn't make sense, but you know, having a baby is a really big deal. And that all by itself is a lot to deal with." She looked over at Deacon quickly before turning back to Maddie. "I'm just the type of person that needs to process stuff one thing at a time. I've always been like that." She reached for Deacon's hand. "We did talk about it and it will happen at some point, but I just need to deal with the whole idea that I'm going to have a baby, before I deal with anything else. Does that make sense?"

Maddie thought about that and then she nodded. "It does." She smiled. "I'm just so happy for you guys. This is so awesome!"

Deacon squeezed Emma's hand and gave her a look that said _I get it_.

* * *

Deacon turned back from the door and Emma looked up at him from the couch. "She's going to tell Rayna, you know that," Emma said, matter-of-factly.

"What?" Deacon looked confused.

Emma made a face. "That I'm pregnant, that I live here now. She knows it'll get under Rayna's skin." She looked carefully at Deacon. "You know that too."

Deacon sighed and came over to sit next to Emma. "Yeah. I guess."

"What are you going to do?"

Deacon frowned. "Why do I have to _do_ anything?"

Emma looked at him with annoyance. "_You_ need to be the one to say something. Don't wait for her to call you with some passive-aggressive bullshit reason why you need to come see her. _You_ call _her_. Tell her you know Maddie told her." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want her showing up at my publishing house again either, wanting to drill me about it."

Deacon clenched his jaw. "You're right. I will." He reached out for her and pulled her into his arms. "I just wish she'd let it go and not feel like she had to comment."

Emma didn't say anything for a minute. "She is Maddie's mother, Deacon," she said finally. "I think what affects Maddie, she needs to know about, so I get that this would be of interest to her. I don't think we had to tell her first, but now that we know Maddie's going to tell her, you should be in front of that, so she doesn't get her nose out of joint." She turned in his arms to look at him, a smile on her face. "Besides, the next time she's here, I'm going to have to pull out my new pregnant clothes, since I'm pretty much too fat to wear my regular stuff now."

He chuckled and kissed her on her temple. "You aren't fat," he said. He reached down and ran his hand over her belly. "That's my baby in there and it's beautiful." He kissed her again. "_You're_ beautiful."

Emma leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thanks, hon. I love you."

* * *

"So how was your lesson?" Rayna asked Maddie as they headed down the steps.

"It was good. I got to play some with Emma, too, on her new song," Maddie responded.

"Ah. Well, that was nice that she was there then."

Maddie cut her eyes over at Rayna. "She lives here now," she said.

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Really." _That was news._

"Yeah, now that Emma's pregnant, Deacon wanted her to move in." She said it nonchalantly, but she watched her mother out of the corner of her eye.

They had just reached the car and Rayna staggered a little, feeling sick. "Emma's pregnant?" she croaked out.

Maddie smiled slyly. "Yeah. They just told me today. And Deacon wanted her to live here so he could be part of it all." She gave Rayna a look.

Rayna felt like she'd been hit by a bus. This was not something she'd expected. She had thought Deacon seemed more distant than usual, but she somehow never expected this. She felt an ache at Maddie's comment about him wanting to be part of Emma's pregnancy. "Are they…." She choked and cleared her throat. "Are they getting married?"

Maddie shook her head. "Not right now. But they seem really happy and excited, so I am too."

They got in the SUV and Rayna sat there for a moment. She looked at Maddie. "You're okay with all this?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah." She looked at Rayna intently. "Deacon really loves Emma, Mom. He's really, really happy. I think Emma's really been good for him."

Rayna smiled warily. "Well, that's good, I guess. Deacon deserves to be happy." She felt an overwhelming desire to cry. But he wasn't hers anymore. Hadn't been for a while and it was only fair that he find someone to love. But a baby! That had knocked her off balance. She and Maddie were quiet on the ride home as she thought through the implications of Deacon starting a family with someone else. Someone that was not her.

* * *

The next morning Rayna got a text from Deacon. _Can we talk?_ When she responded yes, he asked if she could meet him then. He didn't have to say where. She knew. And she knew what it was going to be about. When she got there, his truck was already there and he was sitting on the picnic table. She hesitated for a moment and then gingerly made her way down the hill and sat next to him.

He smiled at her and she smiled back. He couldn't find the words to start, so they sat there silently for a few minutes. Finally, he turned to her. "I'm guessing Maddie told you Emma's pregnant," he said.

She nodded. "Yeah." He just looked at her. "I guess I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was, but I just wasn't expecting that." She took a deep breath. "Are you happy?"

He worked his lip a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. I am. We both are." He swallowed hard. "I'll get to be there from the beginning. That means everything to me."

She bowed her head. "I know," she said softly. "I know it hurt you that you missed out on that with Maddie."

He didn't say anything at first. He looked out over the river. "It did. It does. But this feels right, Rayna."

"Maddie said you're not getting married right away, though?" She frowned.

He gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, she has some weird ideas about that. I think she feels like people will wonder if that's the only reason we got married. I'm still hoping to change her mind about that."

She took a deep breath and looked out towards the river. "I have to admit I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you. I don't know why, but I just didn't."

He sighed. "You told me to move on, Rayna. And you were right. I needed to do that. Emma's really been good for me." He turned to look at her. "She really loves Maddie too."

Rayna smiled sadly. "I think Maddie feels the same. I'm glad they get along."

Deacon reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Now we both have what we want," he said. "You have Luke and I have Emma and we have good lives ahead of us. We have the things we want in life." He took a deep breath. "You were right when you said we just caused each other grief. We just hurt each other too much and it was time to let go. Past time, I guess." He let her hand go. "This is the life I want." He turned to look at her again. "I love her. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do that again, but we're good together. We work really good together."

Rayna breathed in. "I can see that. And I'm happy for you. For both of you. You deserve to be happy, Deacon. You deserve all of this." She raised her eyebrows. "Does Emma know you're here?"

He nodded. "She suggested it. Well, not here specifically, but she thought I should talk to you. Because she knew Maddie would tell you."

She patted his arm. "She's the real deal, Deacon." She smiled. "You're a really good father. And you'll be a good husband. As soon as she lets you. I hope it's sooner rather than later. And I hope she's not hesitating on my account." She clasped her hands together tightly. "I don't mean to cause problems. But you are important to me. You're Maddie's father. And my friend. You're family. So it matters that you're happy."

He smiled. "Thanks." He stepped off the table. "So, I need to head on. Are you going or do you want to stay here?"

"I'm going to stay here for a few minutes, I think." She looked up at him as he stood with his hands in his pockets. "I wish you the best of luck, Deacon. And happiness." He nodded and then he turned and headed back up the hill. She watched him as he hopped over the stone ledge and then she heard his truck head out. She turned back and looked out over the Cumberland, with tears in her eyes. _It's hard to truly let go. But he has everything he's ever wanted. I just have to accept that it's with someone else._

* * *

Emma looked around the waiting room. There were eight other women, along with six male significant others. Some of the women looked like they were ready to give birth right there in the waiting room. She wondered if she would be that huge when she was ready to have the baby. She breathed in. She felt a little scared. Deacon was sitting next to her, looking at email on his phone. She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his. He looked at her and smiled. "You ready for this?" he asked. This was Emma's ultrasound appointment and so they'd get a chance to see the baby for the first time.

Emma smiled. "Yeah. Do you want to find out what it is?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Whatever you want. Do you?"

She considered that. "I think so. I'm not sure."

He leaned over and brushed his lips against her hair. "Whatever you decide is fine with me," he whispered.

When they were called back to the ultrasound room, Emma was still debating in her head about whether to find out or be surprised. Her mom had chosen not to find out, other than making sure the baby was healthy. But she had been older, and already had one child, so maybe it didn't matter as much.

When the technician spread the gel over her rounded belly, she gasped. "That's cold," she said, with a laugh. Deacon took her hand and smiled at her.

The technician put the ultrasound wand on Emma's belly and started to move it, taking measurements and making marks. "Everything's looking good so far," she said, smiling at the two of them. "Here's the baby's head, exactly the right size and shape, and the hands and feet. Everything looks really normal." She looked at them again. "Do you see the heartbeat?" She pointed at the little beating pea.

Emma gasped and Deacon squeezed her hand. "Oh, wow, hon, look at that!" she cried. She looked up at him and he grinned happily.

The technician looked back at them again. "I can tell the sex. Did y'all decide if you wanted to know?"

Emma looked up at Deacon. "Your choice," he said.

Emma paused a moment, then looked back at the technician and nodded. "Yes. We want to know," she said.

The technician smiled at the two of them. "It's a girl," she said.

Tears pricked Emma's eyes. "A girl," she breathed. She looked up at Deacon. "A girl. Are you happy?"

He nodded, tears glistening in his own eyes. "A girl is perfect," he said.

* * *

As they drove home, after the appointment, Emma turned to Deacon. "I'm just glad she's okay," she said.

Deacon reached for her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it lightly. "Me too. And I'm glad I get to do this with you." His eyes glistened a little and Emma could see the old pain there, from being kept out of Maddie's life. "Thank you for letting me be part of this baby's life."

Emma breathed in, tears springing to her own eyes. "Oh, Deacon, I never once thought that you wouldn't be there for this. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was going to tell you. I just hoped that you would be as happy about it as I was. When I looked at the pregnancy test, the first thing I thought was how happy I was to be having your baby."

A tear streaked down his cheek and he reached up to brush it away. "I know we didn't plan this, but when you told me you were pregnant, I don't think I'd ever been happier in my life. I missed you so much when you were gone and I hated that you thought I wasn't committed to you. I hated that Rayna had made you feel even one bit insecure about us. I loved you before that first date. I knew I wanted you in my life, permanently. This was just icing on the cake."

Emma smiled at him. "I love you, Deacon. So much."

Deacon smiled back. "I love you more."

* * *

Deacon curled himself around Emma, nuzzling her neck, his hand resting protectively over her belly. "You awake?" he whispered.

She felt him hard against her ass and a warm curl of desire started to move through her. "I am now," she murmured.

He pushed against her, then slid his hand over to her leg, lifting it so he could move into her. "Mm, sweet Emma," he moaned.

Making love to Emma had always been different than with Rayna. Although they were both enthusiastic, Emma had always been more adventurous, more uninhibited. And he found that turned him on more than he ever had been before. Emma was fearless and open to anything. And yet she was all woman, soft and loving and feminine.

He groaned loudly as he came, then rolled Emma on her back and slid down between her legs so he could finish her. As his lips touched her between her legs, she shivered in anticipation, letting her legs fall open. He alternated his fingers, lips and tongue, enticing and exciting her, until he was rewarded with her long, slow, lusty orgasm.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he kissed her gently. "Oh, hon, that was amazing," she murmured. "Now come up here and cuddle with me."

He smiled as he slid up to take her in his arms. She kind of hated that she couldn't get as close to him now, but she was enjoying being pregnant. He kissed her, thinking how completely happy she made him.

His phone rang and, when he reached to answer it, he frowned. _Rayna._ He put the phone to his ear. "Hey, Rayna," he said. He saw the dark cloud cover Emma's face as she turned away. "What about Maddie?" he asked, as he moved over to wrap his arm around Emma, reaching his other hand across his chest to hold the phone. "Why can't we just talk on the phone?" He listened and sighed. Emma pulled away and sat up on the edge of the bed. "Well, I'm busy right now. I'll stop by your office this afternoon." He disconnected and rolled onto his back, slamming the phone on the bedside table. He looked over at Emma's back, watching her breathe in and out. "Sweetie, come here," he said.

Emma sighed. She hated how Rayna could still push her buttons. Even though Deacon had committed to her, before he even knew about the baby, and had given her no cause for concern, Rayna Jaymes still swirled around their lives like a siren call. Her marriage to Luke Wheeler was strained – at least according to Maddie – and she worried that Rayna would want Deacon. She knew this was mostly hormones, but she still hated it.

Deacon sat up and moved over behind her, his legs on either side of her. He slid his arms under hers and wrapped them around her, leaning his chin on her shoulder. "Don't worry about her," he said. He kissed her shoulder. "Do you want to go with me?"

Emma shook her head. "No. It's okay. I'm being silly. Hormones, you know." She ran her hands over his arms and let herself lean back into him.

Deacon held her close. "You can change your mind," he said, after a moment. "The offer is always on the table."

She thought about that. He'd asked her to marry him when she told him about the baby. But she'd said no – or more accurately, not now – for two reasons. One was that she didn't really want to get married because she was pregnant. The other was that she didn't want to seem as though she doubted him, that she needed that ring on her finger to prove he was hers. But why not? They loved each other. They were having a baby. Maybe she didn't need to prove anything.

"Yes," she said softly.

Deacon kissed her again. "I love you, Emma. More than anything in the world."

* * *

Emma left for the publishing house before Deacon left to see Rayna. "I'll see you later, hon," she said as she hugged him. "Let me know when you're on the way home."

Deacon hated the sadness in her eyes. He wished there was a way he could reassure her once and for all. He hoped that getting married and having the baby would ease her fears for good. In fairness, they only came up occasionally and she blamed it now on hormones, but he never liked seeing her hurt. He pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and kissed her. "I don't think it'll take long," he said.

Emma smirked. "I just don't think it's about Maddie at all, but I hope I'm wrong." She hugged him again. "I want her to realize once and for all that you're mine now."

Deacon smiled. "If it comes up, I'll be sure to tell her that."

When she got to the house, she chatted with Jeannie for a few minutes and then went to one of the upstairs rooms in the back. She sat at the piano and pulled out her notes. Once she got started, she was quickly lost in the songwriting process, tuning everything out around her.

She played the song all the way through and then made a handful of changes. When she played it through the second time, she was startled by the sound of clapping behind her. She turned quickly, then smiled when she saw Deacon standing there, smiling back at her.

"Hey, you," she said. "I didn't expect to see you here."

He shrugged and then walked over to sit next to her on the bench. "I wanted to see you. I didn't want to wait." He reached out with his thumb and brushed her nose. "I loved the song."

She blushed. "It's for you. About you."

He leaned in and kissed her. "I love it more. And thank you."

She grabbed his hand. "So, how did it go? What's going on?"

Deacon took a deep breath. "You were right. It was very little about Maddie. It was her wanting to tell me Luke's extended his tour and she's feeling uncertain about that." He paused. "Okay, she didn't use the word uncertain; that's my word. I think when he's not around, it gives her time to think. About all her decisions."

Emma nodded and looked down. "Okay," she said.

Deacon put his finger under her chin and lifted her head up to look at him. "I told her – again – I've moved on. That I moved on before I met you. That I'm happy and I'm right where I want to be now." His heart ached a little as he saw the tears in her eyes.

Emma gave him a shaky smile. "Damn these hormones," she said with a laugh. "I need to be stronger than this."

"You're the strongest woman I know," he said. Then he smiled teasingly. "And the sexiest and the most beautiful and the best in bed."

Emma laughed. "This is one of the many reasons I love you. Silly man."

* * *

Deacon left Emma to keep working and headed home. He thought back to his visit to Rayna, shaking his head. He really wasn't sure what her true motives were. He understood Emma's concerns, but he kept going back to the fact that Rayna had been the one to say he had to figure out a way to move on. Just like she had.

As he had rode the elevator to her office, he'd felt his jaw tense. He hated going over to her office, but it made more sense and seemed more neutral. He had wondered if Emma was right that it was just a ruse. When he got off the elevator, he made his way to the Highway 65 office. He opened the door and walked up to the reception desk. The receptionist looked up and smiled. "Hi, Mr. Claybourne," she said. "You can go on in."

Deacon had nodded and walked back to Rayna's office. The door was open but he knocked anyway. Rayna had looked up and smiled. "Hey. Come on in."

He'd walked in with a frown on his face, and took a seat opposite her desk. "So, what's going on?"

"Do you want to sit over there?" She gestured towards her seating area.

"Here's fine." He hadn't even looked in that direction. "What's going on with Maddie?"

Rayna shrugged. "She's just still not focused on school work."

He'd looked annoyed. "Seriously, Rayna? You made me come over here for that?"

She made a face. "She's our daughter, Deacon. I thought you'd be interested."

"I am interested, Rayna. But you could have told me that over the phone. I'm guessing you just wanted to get me over here for some reason."

"That's not fair. We hardly talk anymore. Not since Emma moved in with you."

He had shook his head. "So this is about Emma."

"No, of course not."

"Of course it is. What's really going on?"

Rayna sighed. "It just feels like that's your focus now, not Maddie. And with Luke adding on to his tour, I just really need to know you're there for our daughter."

He had been pissed. "That's a bunch of crap, Rayna. I see Maddie all the time. And Emma and I _are_ having a baby. Of course that's going to be a big part of my life." He huffed. "This is you being lonely and wanting to see if I'll bite."

"No…."

"It's too late, Rayna. It's been too late. Which is all on you. I've moved on."

She had sighed. "I know that, Deacon. But don't you think that, you know, it kind of sends the wrong message to Maddie that you're not married?"

He shook his head. "I think Maddie's old enough to make her own decisions. But, not that it's any of your business, Emma and I _are_ getting married. Soon."

"Oh. Okay." Rayna looked away. "That's recent, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. We've talked about it. And now we're doing it." He stood up. "If that's all?"

She looked up at him. "Yeah. I guess."

He'd worked his lip, tapping the back of the chair. "Next time, don't make me come over here," he'd said finally. "I'll see Maddie tomorrow." And he'd left.

He knew Rayna always had a hard time in the past when he'd gotten involved with someone else. Even the one night stands. If she knew about it, she always let it bother her. Back when she was married to Teddy, he'd found it flattering. Plus he had known it was because she still had feelings for him, whether she'd wanted to admit it or not. But things had changed in the aftermath of the accident, at least as far as her interest in who he got involved with. Until now.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma finished cleaning the kitchen. She could hear Deacon running through guitar riffs in the living room. She thought about her conversation with Leah about getting married.

"You're insane, Emma," Leah had said. "The man adores you and you're worried about what people think? Just marry him. You'll be happier, he'll be happier. You are just the worst at overthinking things."

Leah was right. Although Deacon had told her he understood why she'd changed her mind about doing the wedding right now, she'd seen the disappointment in his eyes. She knew she was being silly. She wiped off her hands and hung up the towel. She ran her hands over her belly, thinking about the baby girl inside. "I do want to marry your daddy, sweetie," she whispered, and then walked into the living room.

Deacon looked up as she approached. She looked beautiful. Watching her body change had been amazing. Not having had the chance to participate in any of that with Maddie had made him even more appreciative of the experience with Emma. He loved her so much it made his heart hurt sometimes. She was truly a gift and he didn't think he told her that often enough. He'd been excited when she'd agreed to go ahead and get married and then disappointed when she said maybe they should wait after all. He was willing to do whatever she wanted, but he was ready to make her his wife. He put his guitar aside as she sat down next to him and he pulled her into his arms.

She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck and settling into his lap. "So, I've been thinking," she said.

"Yeah? What about?"

She smiled. "I think we should go ahead and get married."

His eyes widened. "Really? Are you sure?" She nodded and he grinned. "Baby, that's the best news I got today." He kissed her hungrily. When he let her go, he was still smiling. "What changed your mind?"

"I just decided I was being silly. We love each other and that's all that matters. I want to be your wife. I've never wanted anything more."

Deacon kissed her. "Me either." He put his hand on her belly and kissed her again. "I'm ready to be your husband. And a father. I promise I won't disappoint you."

Emma took his face in her hands. "I never thought you would, hon. This baby is going to be so lucky to have you as her father. I can't wait to see that."

* * *

Deacon answered the door at Maddie's knock. "Hey, Dad," she said with a smile, as she hugged him. She turned back and waved at Teddy, who drove off. She looked back at Deacon. "Is Emma here?"

He nodded. "She is. She's in the kitchen."

"Hey, Emma!" Maddie called out.

"Hey, sweetie," Emma called back.

Deacon headed for the couch. "Hey, let's sit," he said to Maddie. She sat down next to him. "So, Emma and I decided we're gonna go ahead and get married after all. Are you okay with that?"

Maddie beamed. "Really? That's awesome!"

"You're sure?"

Maddie gave him a look. "Well, yeah. I mean, I told you to date her. I'm totally okay with you marrying her." She looked over to see Emma standing by the door. "This is the best news!" She leaned over and hugged Deacon, then got up and ran to hug Emma.

"I'm glad you're happy," Emma said, with a smile. "I know this is a whole lot of…parents in your life."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "At least you're one I approve of," she said. Then she smiled again. "So, when? Soon, I hope."

Deacon grinned. "I voted for tomorrow, but I think Emma wants to do some bride-type things."

"Well, I've never done this before so I'd at least like to get a pretty dress," Emma said. She looked at Maddie. "Would you go with me to pick something out?"

Maddie grinned. "Yes, I would love to!" She hugged Emma again, then looked at Deacon and back at Emma. "I'm so happy for y'all. And for me." She laughed. "And for my soon-to-be baby sister. This is just so awesome."

Emma put her arm around Maddie's waist. "We can go to the mall tomorrow, I thought. Make a girls' day out of it." Maddie smiled her agreement and Deacon breathed a sigh of relief that it had been so easy.

* * *

"Where do you want to go for lunch?" Emma asked Maddie, as they walked out of Free People.

Maddie smiled. "Cheesecake Factory," she said.

"Cheesecake Factory it is, then."

When they'd ordered, Maddie looked at Emma. "So, is your family coming to the wedding?" she asked.

Emma breathed in. She realized she'd actually never talked to Maddie about her family. She shook her head sadly. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I guess I never told you. I lost my family back when I was in college."

Maddie gasped. "Oh, no! What happened? Does Dad know?"

Emma gave her a tiny smile. "Yeah, he knows." She took a deep breath. "So, they were leaving a football game – my dad was a high school football coach – and they got hit head on by a drunk driver. My parents died pretty much right away and my little sister lived for a couple of days. Long enough for me to get home from college and be there with her."

Maddie's eyes were filled with tears. "Oh, Emma, I'm so sorry. How terrible."

Emma nodded. "Yeah, it was really tough for a while. I miss them, especially now, but it's not as hard as it was in the beginning." She smiled. "You and your dad are my family now."

Maddie smiled. "And the baby."

"And the baby." She reached for Maddie's hand. "I'm happy with what I have, you know? I love your dad and I love you." Maddie beamed. "I have a really good life. And I think they would be happy for me too."

"Do you have pictures of them?"

Emma nodded. "I do. At home. We can look at some when we get back, if you like."

* * *

Deacon was standing in the kitchen when Emma and Maddie came in with their bags. He smiled at the two of them. "Were you successful?" he asked.

Maddie rested her bag on a stool and smiled. "Yes! Emma got the most beautiful dress, which you are _not_ allowed to see, and I got something fun."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "I can't see the dress?"

Maddie shook her head. "No. It's bad luck."

Deacon caught Emma's eye and smiled. Maddie picked up her bag and took it to her room and Deacon walked over to embrace Emma. He kissed her, then smiled playfully at her. "I really can't see it?" he asked, with a wink.

Emma shook her head. "Nope. Not til the wedding day. It's a rule." She laughed.

Deacon leaned into her ear. "I'm only interested in seeing you _without_ your dress," he whispered, and she giggled.

Then her face turned serious. "Hon, would you go bring down the two boxes I have in the guitar room?" He looked at her questioningly. "They're all my pictures and albums. Maddie and I were talking at lunch about my family and I realized I'd never told her about them. But I thought I could show her, and you, some pictures."

He put a hand on her face and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "If you're sure."

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure."

When Deacon had both boxes down and he, Emma, and Maddie had settled on the couch, Emma pulled out a wedding album from one of the boxes. She sat with it on her lap for a moment, her hand laying on top of it. "This is my parents' wedding album. I know I've told you, Deacon, but they met in high school and then ended up getting married while they were in college." She sighed deeply and then she opened the album. She hadn't looked at this in a very long time, since before she'd moved to Nashville. The very first photo was of Ben and Gail Taylor walking down the aisle after they'd been officially married. Ben had a smirk on his face. Gail was clinging to his arm, smiling happily. "These are my parents," she said quietly.

Deacon had his arm around her shoulder and he squeezed it gently. "They look happy," he said.

Emma smiled up at him. "They were. Mom told me once that she could hardly wait to marry him. Her mom didn't want her to get married until she finished college, but Mom said she couldn't wait. She wanted to be with him all the time and the only way she could do that was to marry him. And she didn't want to waste another minute."

Deacon smiled at her. "I understand that feeling," he said.

Emma turned the page and there was a picture of her parents exchanging vows, holding hands with each other. She drew in a shaky breath. Maddie was fascinated by the pictures. She looked up at Emma and Deacon. "I hope y'all are going to have pictures. This is so neat," she said.

Emma smiled sadly and smoothed a strand of Maddie's hair behind her ear. "You know, I hadn't thought about that at all. I guess I need someone to tell me what to plan for."

Deacon squeezed her shoulder again and leaned in to kiss her on the temple. His heart hurt for her. "We'll figure something out," he murmured.

Emma cleared her throat, then closed the album and put it back in the box. She pulled out an envelope and opened it, reaching in for what was inside. The first picture was a picture of her mother with Gracie, in the hospital. Her hand flew to her mouth as she looked at her mother, glistening with sweat and her hair pulled back in a ponytail, holding her newborn sister. Her dad's hand was in the picture, touching the baby blanket. "This was, um, this was right after Gracie was born. I actually think I was the one that took this picture." She looked at Maddie. "I was a little older than you when Gracie was born." She put her hand on her belly, thinking about how Gail must have felt when she was pregnant with Gracie, how she probably was as excited and hopeful as Emma was now.

Maddie looked at her, pain on her face. "So she was little…."

Emma nodded. "She was four." She slid the picture to the bottom of the group of pictures. The next one was a holiday picture of the whole family. "Oh." She took a deep breath. "This was the last Christmas…." She took the pictures and shoved them back in the envelope. "I can't do this," she whispered.

Deacon took the envelope from her hands and put it back in the box. He then got up and moved the boxes out of reach to the other side of the living room. Maddie took Emma's hands in hers. "I'm sorry, Emma," she said.

Emma looked at her. "Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just hadn't looked at those in a long time and it was harder than I thought it would be." Maddie reached out for her and hugged her tight.

"I love you, Emma," she said.

Tears streaked down Emma's face. "I love you too, sweetie."

* * *

Later that night, after Maddie had gone to bed, Deacon pulled Emma onto his lap and held her close. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Emma linked her fingers behind his neck and leaned on his shoulder. "Yeah, I guess." She sighed. "I really miss them, Deacon. It's just not fair that they all got taken away like that. And they left me." She started to cry.

Deacon held her tight, running his hands over her back. He didn't really know what to say. His parents were both gone as well, but he certainly didn't have sad feelings about that. He didn't miss them or the life they'd all had. He felt guilty for feeling grateful that Emma hadn't been in the car with her family that night, or she wouldn't be sitting here on his lap or pregnant with his baby. As he thought that, he almost unconsciously moved his hand to caress her belly. She meant everything to him and he was so glad she was alive and in his life.

Emma moved one hand to cover Deacon's. He looked at her and she leaned in to gently kiss his lips. "I don't want you to think I'd rather not be here," she said. "I think they would all be so happy for me, for us. I'm really so lucky. I'm with the love of my life and we made this new life together and I'm so happy for all that." She leaned in again and kissed him, then tugged on his bottom lip, until he responded by opening his mouth and covering hers. She moaned deep in her throat as she felt that sweet heaviness in her core and his erection started to push against her ass. As they continued to kiss, she felt his hand slide down between her legs and rub against her. She groaned against his mouth and curled her toes. He moved his hips to rub himself against her ass and she pulled away from the kiss. "Please take me to bed," she whispered.

She got up from his lap and then, when he stood, allowed him to pull her back to the bedroom. He'd scarcely gotten the door closed and locked before he roughly pulled off her clothes. She worked the buttons on his shirt and the zipper on his jeans and he threw off his clothes and pushed her back towards the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and then laid back, starting to move up to the head of the bed, but Deacon grabbed her legs and pulled her back. He went down on his knees and put his head between her legs, letting his tongue dance around her. "Oh, God," she groaned, as she writhed at the flicking of his tongue and the pressure of his lips on her. She came quickly and then Deacon got on the bed and pulled them both up so that he could spoon her. She moved her leg behind his and he entered her smoothly. His thrusts got deeper and stronger and finally he was moving in and out of her hard and fast, until they both came explosively.

Afterwards Deacon held Emma as they both slowly regained normal breathing. He ran his hands over her, caressing her gently and almost reverently. "Don't ever leave me," he whispered softly into her ear.

She rolled over to face him and looking into his eyes searchingly. "I'm not going anywhere," she said. "I'm yours for the rest of our lives."

* * *

Emma woke up and rolled over on her back, stretching as she did. When she opened her eyes, Deacon was smiling at her. "Good morning," she said, smiling back.

"Good morning," he said. He reached his hand out to move a strand of hair off her face. She always looked so sexy in the morning, her eyes half-open, her hair in messy waves around her face. He trailed his hand down to her shoulder and rubbed her skin with his thumb. "Ready to get married today?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She had agreed to it on a morning she was feeling insecure about Rayna and, when that had passed, she'd tried to back off. But Deacon had seemed so disappointed that she'd reconsidered. And, in truth, she really did like the idea. She was ready to take that step. She had worried he only wanted to do it because she was pregnant, but she decided to trust him when he said he wanted to anyway. She smiled playfully. "You're really not supposed to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck."

He laughed. "I think after you crawled all over me all night, it's a little late for that." She giggled and then it turned into a low moan as he slipped his hand under the sheet and made a beeline for her breast. She lightly bit her lip as he played with the nipple, running slow languid circles around it with his fingers, his eyes fastened on hers. Then he pushed back the sheet with his other hand to expose her and then lowered his mouth to cover its hardness. He let his tongue roll around her breast slowly. Emma moaned and her body started to writhe with pleasure. He looked up at her face. Her mouth was open slightly and her eyes were closed. He moved his hand down over her belly and then down between her legs. She arched her back and turned slightly towards him, still moaning. As he sank his fingers inside her, she let out a long, low groan. He increased the pace and her movements became bigger and more frantic. Then suddenly she cried out and he could feel her pulsing around his fingers. He moved up to kiss her on the cheek and she opened her eyes and smiled.

He moved his hand and rolled her on her side away from him, then grabbed her leg and pulled it behind his hip so he could enter her. She let out a slow, satisfied groan as he moved inside her. He moved in and out at an ever increasing pace, responding to her obvious pleasure, until it was his turn to cry out with release.

He kissed her back and then her neck under her ear. He ran his hand over the swell of her belly. He was still fascinated by the change in her shape as the baby grew inside her. She'd been a good sport about how much he liked touching her, talking to the baby, and just how much he liked having his hands on her. It made him feel connected, both to her and to their baby. He thought often about having missed all this with Maddie, and that made him alternately mad and sad. This made up for a lot of that and he was glad to have this opportunity. "I can't wait to marry you," he whispered in her ear.

She ran her hand over his arm. "I can't wait to marry _you_," she answered back. "I'm so happy, Deacon."

He smiled. "I want you to always feel that way, baby," he said.

* * *

It was a pleasant morning, the dew on the ground sparkling like diamonds in the sun. Rayna walked out onto the patio with her coffee mug. Luke was out riding, something he did every morning when he was home. Sometimes she went with him, but today she was driving the girls over to Deacon and Emma's for the wedding and she wanted some time to herself. The girls weren't up yet, so she had a sense of being alone with her thoughts.

She sat on one of the lounge chairs and gazed out over the lawn and the bluffs beyond, not really seeing any of it. She found herself wondering how things got to this point, and more importantly, why.

She started by blaming Tandy. Twice Tandy had steered her away from Deacon. The first time, all those years ago, when she was newly pregnant with Maddie and desperate to tell him. Tandy had led her away from the cabin after they'd witnessed Deacon in the midst of a drunken rampage. _You don't want this. For yourself or your baby._

And the second time, when she held those two rings in her hand. One delicate and simple, the other heavy and ostentatious. _Clean slate. You need to let go of the past._

But truthfully, it had ultimately been her choice. She could have made different decisions, but she'd been afraid. Afraid Deacon could never get sober and then, when he did, afraid he'd fall back into old patterns. She had let herself latch on to his falling off the wagon, in the wake of finding out about Maddie, as proof that he couldn't do this for the long haul. She'd just been afraid. And somewhere along the way, he'd learned to live without her. He'd finally figured out how to move on. He'd finally stopped waiting.

She wondered if it was Emma that had been the catalyst, but she knew if that were the case, this day wouldn't be happening. It would never have gotten this far. He'd tried getting over her with other women before and that had never worked. She knew it had to have been when she was focusing all her energy on Luke. He'd figured it out on his own and that left him open for Emma.

She actually liked Emma. Emma was good for him, she could tell. She was a strong woman and Rayna could see she loved Deacon fiercely and with all her heart. And she saw something in Deacon's face, whenever she saw the two of them together, that told her he felt the same. He never seemed uncomfortable being with Emma around her, not like he had with those others whose names she couldn't remember.

She wanted to be happy for Deacon. She _was_ happy for Deacon. He'd told her she couldn't have it both ways and he was right. She was married to Luke. She had chosen Luke. She loved Luke. It wasn't fair of her to second guess. And for all the love they'd shared, she and Deacon had been bad for each other so many times. Instead of thinking of what might have been and probably would have just ended with them repeating old, bad patterns, she needed to be grateful that they'd loved each other once and that they had Maddie together and that now they were free to have the kind of lives they both wanted.

_I need to wish him well. I need to tell him that he deserves this._

* * *

Rayna stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Girls, let's go!" she called out. Then she went back and sat at the breakfast table, scrolling through Highway 65 emails on her phone.

Luke walked in from outside and, seeing her, walked over and kissed her. "Thought you'd already be gone," he said.

Rayna smiled up at him. "The girls are not ready. So what else is new?"

Luke went to the fridge and got out a bottled water. He uncapped it and walked back over to where Rayna sat. "You're not staying for this thing, are you?" he asked.

She looked up and made a face. "Of course not. I'm going to drop off the girls and, since I'll be in town, I'll go by the office. Then I'll pick them up."

"I don't understand why Daphne's going."

She sighed. "Because she wanted to. He's been her 'Uncle Deacon' all her life."

Luke rolled his eyes. "I hope this is the last of Deacon Claybourne that the Wheeler family has to put up with," he said, looking hard at Rayna.

She scowled. "You know it's not. He's Maddie's father." She sighed again, then got up and put her arms around him. "I wish you'd let it go, babe. I married _you_. I love _you_."

Luke looked down at her a moment, then smiled. "That's true." He leaned down and kissed her. "And he knocked up this one, I heard."

Rayna winced. "Yes, she's pregnant."

Luke shook his head. "Great role model for Maddie, that one," he said, dismissively.

Rayna opened her mouth to respond, but the girls came running down the stairs and she was distracted. "Y'all look so pretty!" she cried, as they twirled around for her and Luke. "Let's get going, so you're not late." She turned back to Luke and gave him a lingering kiss. "See you later, babe," she said, with a seductive smile and then she turned to leave.

* * *

On the drive to Deacon's, Rayna was quiet while the girls chattered. She thought it was kind of Deacon and Emma to include Daphne. She had pouted at the idea that she would miss out on the wedding, even though Maddie had told her it wasn't going to be fancy like their mom's. Rayna had detected a bit of attitude in Maddie's response, but had let it go.

When they arrived at Deacon's, Daphne screwed up her face. "Mommy, Mommy, aren't you coming too?" she asked plaintively.

Rayna wasn't sure what had led to this regression on Daphne's part to calling her Mommy again, as though she were a little girl. She'd started it before her wedding to Luke and she thought it was just an overreaction to all the craziness going on then. But she was still doing it more than a year later. She smiled sadly at her daughter. "No, honey, I'm not. It's Deacon and Emma's day."

"But I'm sure they'd be okay if you came."

They would have. Both Deacon and Emma told her she was welcome, but she thought it would be a distraction. Rayna smiled. "I've got work to do, sweetie. But I'll be back."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Come on, Daph, let's go. I want to help Emma get dressed."

Daphne sighed. "Okay." Then a smile crossed her face. "Maybe I can help Deacon," she cried.

Rayna could hear Maddie say, "Silly, Deacon doesn't need help" as they walked up the steps. She sat at the curb watching them until the front door opened. She saw Deacon greet them, then look out towards the street. She smiled briefly and waved, ready to drive off. But he motioned for her to wait and, after saying something to the girls, he came down the steps and walked up to her car.

"Hey," she said, a little surprised.

He smiled at her. She thought he looked relaxed. _Settled_, she thought to herself. "Thanks for bringing Maddie and Daphne," he said. He breathed in. "We'd really like it if you came too."

Rayna looked surprised. "'We'? Are you sure?"

He nodded, looking serious. "We talked about it this morning. You're Maddie's mama. And, well, you're family. And neither of us have a lot of that, so. We'd like you to come."

She was not expecting to hear that. "I, uh, I don't know, Deacon. I don't want to be a distraction."

"Rayna, we'd really like you to be here with us." He worked his lip. "I know things have been kind of, I guess, tense between us. And I'm sorry about that. Emma and I both are. But it's up to you."

She thought about it. She had, when she'd sat out on her patio, thought that she wanted to celebrate this with him. He'd been her whole life for so many years. Just because he wasn't now didn't mean they couldn't support each other. She smiled tentatively. "If you're sure."

He nodded. "I'm sure."

She gave him a small smile. "Okay. But I'm going to watch from the porch, if that's okay. Because it's really your day. Yours and Emma's."

He smiled at her. "Whatever you want to do. I'm just glad you're going to come."

She looked down at her jeans and t-shirt. "I'm not really dressed for a wedding, so I'm going to run by my office. I have some extra outfits there. I'll be back in time." He nodded and turned to go. "Deacon," she called out. He turned back to look at her. "Thank you." He smiled and waved, then turned and headed up the steps. She watched until he got to the porch and then, with a warm feeling inside, she drove off.

* * *

_**A/N: A special thanks to Rachel Wilder for her excellent suggestions.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: I appreciate everyone who's taken time to read this story and I've read all the reviews, both positive and negative. Ordinarily I wouldn't do this, but I wanted to address a couple of thoughts reviewers have raised. To paraphrase someone, the beauty of fanfiction is that you can write the story you want to tell, which is what I've done and what I will continue to do. I appreciate the passion of people who read fanfiction and I also know that everyone sees the characters through their own unique filters. What I believe to be true about the character of the characters may be different from what you believe, because I bring my own experiences to bear. So I do believe that Rayna, Deacon and Maddie are, in fact, acting in character in the set of circumstances they find themselves in, which are not something we've really seen on the show.**_

_**As for those who believe the timeline for all this has been too quick, in fact, Deacon and Emma were friends for many months before they began dating and were dating for many months before Emma became pregnant. And as of this point in the story, Maddie is about seventeen. So this is not happening in the show timeline and has essentially taken place over about a two and a half year timeframe from where we left the**_ _**show at mid-season.**_

_**There's a lot of story still to tell. Stay tuned!**_

* * *

Maddie knocked on the bedroom door. Emma turned. "Hey, Maddie," she said with a smile.

"Can I come in?"

Emma nodded. "Sure. I was getting ready to get dressed." She winked at Maddie. "You can help me, if you like."

Maddie smiled. "I'd love to." She walked in, closing the door behind her. Then she walked over and hugged Emma. "I'm really happy for you and Dad," she said.

Emma hugged her back. "I'm glad. I guess this has to be, I don't know, strange for you."

Maddie shrugged. "Not really. I kind of got over everything, back before you even met Dad. I'm just glad he's happy. He was sad for a while and that really sucked."

Emma smiled. "I really do love him, Maddie. I want to make him happy."

"He loves you too. I can tell." She grinned. "I don't think I've ever seen him smile and laugh as much as I have since you came in his life." Then she sighed. "I know you know that it's only been a couple years since I found out he's my dad. I always thought I knew him pretty well, since he was my 'Uncle Deacon' for all those years. But spending time with him now has helped me get to know him better and I know that he loved my mom for a lot of years. And I wanted her to love him that way again, back in the beginning. But I think maybe there was just too much history." She had a pensive, serious look on her face. "And betrayal. I think it's hard to just forget that. So I finally figured out it was better for them to stay apart."

Emma rubbed Maddie's back soothingly. "I know that has to be hard, to see your parents struggle like that." She looked away. "I was lucky that I didn't see that in my life. I mean, my parents argued about stuff, that's normal, but they were so strong together." She looked back at Maddie. "That's what I want for your dad and me. And I want you to know that you always have a place with us. You'll always be part of our family."

Maddie beamed. "I know." She and Emma hugged. "So, can I help you get ready?"

Emma laughed. "Yes, please," she said happily.

* * *

Maddie watched as her dad and Emma said their vows to each other. She had a lump in her throat and felt tears pricking at her eyes. She thought back to standing with her mom when she had married Luke. She had definitely not felt the same way. She didn't enjoy the constant spectacle that life with Luke Wheeler dictated. The cameras and the reporters and all the publicity had been a huge turnoff. Daphne loved it, but then her sister was so theatrical. So like their mom. It had made her realize just how much like Deacon she was, even not having known him as her father for all those years. Neither of them liked the spotlight, didn't like the intrusion in their lives.

She remembered when she'd made the stupid mistake of uploading her video to YouTube. Deacon had been uncomfortable about all the hoopla around that, while her mom had seemed so much more in control. She knew Rayna hadn't liked what she'd done, but she knew how to manage it. When things became serious with Luke, and after the engagement, all their lives had been turned upside down. Even Deacon had gotten swept up in it when reporters started sniffing around for more information on his past relationship with Rayna and the details of what happened the night of the car accident that had nearly killed them both.

She had made her own bad decisions along the way until finally she just accepted the inevitable. She had wanted to go live with Deacon, but the one time she'd brought it up to her mom, it had caused a huge fight and many, many tears, and she had let it go. She hated living on Luke's ranch, she still didn't care much for him, although she had to admit he really did try to connect with her. She sometimes thought she should give him a chance, but then something would happen with a photographer or a reporter and it just infuriated her all over again.

When she'd met Emma the first time, she had liked her instantly. She'd noticed immediately how her dad looked at her, how his eyes lit up, and she could tell that Emma liked him too. She'd realized later, like she'd told Emma, that she had never seen him smile and laugh that much. He'd always seemed sad. Not that it had interfered with her time with him, but she'd always seen that yearning in him. In the beginning, she'd thought it was for her mom, and it probably was, but later she'd realized it was just for someone to love and to be loved by. And when she'd seen him with Emma, she knew he'd found that person.

So now, watching them and seeing how happy they were, it made her happy. Her heart felt like it would burst with love for the two of them. Emma had always been good about including her in everything and, even with the baby coming, she'd made it clear that Maddie was important. She'd thought for a long time that maybe her parents would get back together, but now she saw that they were better off apart. She thought it made her mom sad, but Deacon was happier than she'd ever seen him, and she knew this had been good for him. She caught a slight movement out of the corner of her eye and cut her eyes over to the screened porch. She could see her mom standing there and she wondered what she was thinking right then.

When her dad kissed Emma at the end of the ceremony, he'd placed his hand briefly on Emma's belly. Emma had told her that her own mom had had a baby when she'd been the same age as Maddie, and that she'd been very standoffish and unhappy during that time. But Maddie had only felt joy about the new baby and was excited to see her new sister. But then the time for introspection was over because Deacon was gesturing for her to come join them. She smiled as she walked over and then was enveloped in his hug. She smiled happily for a picture with her dad and Emma, and then hugged them both. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered to each of them. "I want you both to have the best life."

* * *

Rayna stood on the screened porch and looked out to the backyard. She hadn't wanted to interfere today and so when she came back, she'd slipped in the back door and then made her way to the back porch, where she could watch Deacon and Emma get married. She'd been so surprised when Deacon had asked her again to stay, that he and Emma both wanted her here.

When Maddie had first told her the news, that Deacon and Emma were really getting married, she'd felt like she'd been sucker-punched. She knew she had no right. She was still married to Luke Wheeler, still kind of in that early marriage phase where she hadn't wanted to look at any part of it too closely. She had acknowledged to herself that every time Deacon got into what seemed like a serious relationship, it had bothered her. Sometimes more than other times, but it did all the same. But right from the beginning, this thing with Emma had seemed different. _Deacon_ was different. For the first time in all the years she'd known him, she'd truly felt him drift away from her.

To be fair, that had started during her engagement to Luke. He had come to her house after the concert where Luke had proposed onstage and had given her back the ring he gave her when he'd asked her to marry him the night Maddie was conceived. She had considered it, but ultimately decided that she needed a clean slate. That's what she'd told him too. She'd needed a fresh start, with someone who didn't carry all the baggage Deacon did, who hadn't turned her life upside down all those times like Deacon had.

There had been other benefits too in hooking her star to Luke's. It had meant increased publicity for her and her label, as well as the artists on her label. She had considered the price she'd had to pay in putting herself out there more and sacrificing her privacy to be worth it to make her dream of running a successful label come true.

There had certainly been times when she'd wondered if she'd made the right choice. No one knew her better than Deacon, that was still true. The connection they had through their music and their love for each other had been powerful and hard to break. Deacon and the music had always been the same, but things had changed. She had had to acknowledge that a part of her had always thought he'd be there for her, that he'd never seriously move away from her. And yet he had.

When she had gone to meet Emma the first time, she'd been struck by how self-assured she was. She'd been surprised to hear Emma recount all the personal things Deacon had told her. She had seen it in Deacon, every time they talked. Every time she'd tried to probe delicately, Deacon shut her down. The few times she saw them together, she saw something she'd never seen before when Deacon was in a relationship. A connection. And now he was marrying Emma, having a child with her. Somehow she'd never expected that.

She'd always thought she would be the one to marry Deacon, somehow. As she thought that, it occurred to her that she'd done nothing, really, to ensure that would happen. She'd just always thought eventually life would lead them back together. But it hadn't. And now, he looked happy. Really happy. She wasn't sure she'd seen him look that happy since early in their relationship and that made her suddenly sad.

When had she really lost him? She knew it had devastated him when she'd turned him down for Luke. He'd been so sure, so confident then, that he'd done what he needed to do to prove to her he could be a good husband. And father. But she kept thinking about the past. When he drank. When he fell off the wagon when he'd found out about Maddie. She'd been afraid. She'd wanted a guarantee. One he couldn't give her and, to be honest, she couldn't have expected. Except she did. And she decided that she couldn't live with "what if". What if something else happened and he got drunk? It seemed easier to go a different way.

They were too far away for her to see their faces clearly, but she could see the way he held her hands, the smile he gave her, then the way he kissed her. Emma looked beautiful, in the pretty cream colored dress that floated around her, her dark hair spilling across her shoulders and back. Rayna looked at Emma and felt a twinge in her heart. This woman was giving him a child, plus the opportunity to be there every step of the way. Her heart hurt as she thought about the fact that she hadn't given him that chance. He'd never known she was pregnant with his child.

She felt herself tear up. She'd made a mistake. Several actually. It had been a mistake to not tell him she was pregnant. It had been a mistake to marry Teddy. It had been a mistake to let her jealousy blind her to the foolishness of her actions when she'd shown up on his doorstep that night, letting him back in her life with that huge secret still untold. She'd made a mistake not being the one to tell him about Maddie. But she hadn't made a mistake when she'd chosen Luke. That was still the best choice, she told herself. She wouldn't let herself think differently.

It occurred to her that this was probably a little bit like it had been for him, watching her with Teddy and Maddie and then later with Daphne. Seeing her building that life with Teddy, having to watch her have a baby with another man. Except of course, it was different for her. Because she was married too. They'd both moved on.

She looked down at the giant diamond engagement ring on her left hand, coupled with the equally outrageous diamond wedding band Luke had given her when they'd said their vows at his ranch, in front of hundreds of people and way too many cameras and reporters to count. They'd sold pictures of the wedding to _People_ magazine, then jetted off on the "Honeymoon Tour". She'd walked away from Deacon after his proposal and then spent those months before the wedding pushing him further and further away. They hardly spoke. It had started because she couldn't face him. She knew that if she didn't break their connection, she'd never be able to move forward with Luke. And even when she found herself hating the publicity and the intrusion of the press, she forced herself to keep Deacon at arm's length.

But now she was paying the price. All it had taken was for her to turn her back on him, for her to make clear with her actions that, once and for all, there was no place for him in her life anymore, and he'd finally moved on. And now he looked happy. The look on his face now, even though he was some distance from her, told it all. The chain had finally been broken and that had freed him to find someone else. And he had. He loved this woman the way he'd once loved her. And, in spite of it all, it kind of broke her heart.

* * *

They had decided to have the wedding in the backyard and just invite their closest friends. So it was a small, fairly intimate group that gathered that warm, sunny late spring afternoon. There was nothing formal about the ceremony, no processionals or walking down the aisle. Emma came out of the house with Maddie and walked towards Deacon, a happy smile on her face. He thought she looked beautiful. The dress she wouldn't let him see was pretty on her, but he focused mostly on her face. His heart felt full and tears pricked at his eyes. She was everything to him. He'd given up, for the most part, on having this kind of life. Once things were over, once and for all, with Rayna, he'd figured that just wasn't meant to be for him. He had Maddie, of course, and he loved being her dad, but he thought he'd lost that once-in-a-lifetime love. So when Emma came into his life, he had been knocked off his feet.

Now as he watched her approach him, he took all of her in. She wore her hair down, curling down her back and on her shoulders, the way he liked it. The off-white dress fell to her calves and swirled around her like a fairy queen's. He could see the gentle swell of her belly under the dress and he drew in a breath, thinking about their baby she carried inside her. He was so grateful to have the chance to be there every step of the way and to watch all those changes.

This woman was everything to him. He'd never thought he'd love another woman besides Rayna Jaymes, but Emma Taylor had stolen his heart. He loved her with all his heart. Had known that almost from the beginning. He'd been surprised, a little, but then not. This was what he'd been waiting for. This woman and this life. When she stood in front of him, he took her hands and looked into her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her.

When the judge they'd gotten to perform the ceremony asked him, he spoke his vows to her. "Emma Taylor, I love you more than I ever thought I could love another person. I promise to take care of you and love you for the rest of our lives. You know that music is my life and I think it's only fitting that music was what brought us together. I want to always make music with you. I want to be the husband you deserve and be a father to our daughter. I'm ready to spend forever with you." There were tears in her eyes, but he knew they were tears of happiness, because he felt that too. He finally had it all.

* * *

Emma squeezed Maddie's hand before they walked out. "Thank you for helping me today," she said.

Maddie grinned. "You look beautiful. I'm so happy for you and Dad."

Emma hugged her. "You do know that I think of you as a daughter too."

"I do. And I'm glad." Maddie stepped back and took Emma's hands in hers. "Let's get you married, so you can be my stepmom."

They walked out together and, when Emma saw Deacon waiting for her, it took her breath away. He was as dressed up as Deacon Claybourne would ever be, in black jeans, a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the neck, and a black jacket. She couldn't help it, she felt a little quiver of excitement rush through her. She wondered if she would ever stop feeling that curl of desire every time she saw him. She hoped not. He was smiling at her and she smiled back.

She thought for a moment about when she'd first met him and feeling that instant connection. She remembered Rayna telling her he was a complicated man, and he was. She had told Leah that Deacon had a lot of baggage, and he did. She'd had to fight her own insecurities at times and counsel herself the way she thought her mom might have, that she needed to trust her heart and his heart. He'd bared his soul to her and shared his deepest, darkest secrets. He had given her his heart completely that day she'd come home from Austin, without even knowing she was pregnant, pledging himself to her, letting himself be open to her. Every time he made love to her it felt like a recommitment and she felt blessed.

When she got to him, he took her hands and leaned in to kiss her. He smiled at her encouragingly and she smiled back. She listened to his simple, brief words to her and then she spoke to him. "Deacon Claybourne, you're the love of my life. You've given me so many precious gifts, the gift of music, the gift of who you really are, and the gift of our daughter. A very dear friend of mine told me that if I came to Nashville, it would change my life. I know this wasn't what he meant when he said it, but I do believe I was led here and that night we met for just this purpose. I can't wait to see what life has in store for us and I'm so glad I'm doing this with you. I love you so much, I can hardly stand it."

The ring he slid on her finger was a delicate anniversary band, covered in tiny diamonds. She wasn't sure he'd want to wear a ring, but he'd insisted, so she got him a thin silver band. The rings weren't ostentatious and that suited them perfectly. She had told him once, before they were even dating, that she thought rings like the one Rayna had were a symbol of a man that was insecure and had to use the biggest ring to make himself feel better. Deacon had laughed at that, thinking she was dead on about Luke Wheeler. He'd been afraid she'd think the anniversary band was too much, but when she'd seen it, she pronounced it perfect. She loved how it looked on her hand.

When Deacon leaned in to kiss her to seal their vows, she felt him touch her with his hand. At the same time, she felt the gentle fluttering of the baby inside her and she hoped their daughter could feel all the love that surrounded her. She'd been created by two people whose love was strong and true and Emma hoped she would always know how lucky she was. Whenever Deacon touched her this way, she felt secure and protected, and it made her smile in the midst of the sweet kiss he gave her now, the promise of something more intense later on.

When his lips left hers, he whispered, "We're married, baby."

She smiled, then laughed happily. "Yes, we are," she said.

* * *

"Hey, everybody!" Deacon called out. Everyone stopped talking and turned to face him. "I've got a song I want to do," he said, turning to face Emma. "Something I wrote for Emma, that I wanted to do today." He smiled at her and she bit her bottom lip, tears pricking her eyes. He took her hand. "I never thought today would happen for me," he told her. "But it did and I just wanted to tell you how perfect you are to me." He led her over to one of the chairs on the patio and then sat down on the bench opposite her. Maddie handed him his guitar and he ran his fingers over the strings briefly, then started to sing.

_She's got eyes that cut you like a knife / And her lips that taste like sweet red wine / And her pretty legs go to heaven every time / She got a gentle way that puts me at ease / When she walks in the room I can hardly breathe / Got a devastating smile / Knock a grown man to his knees_

_She got whatever it is / That blows me away / She's everything I wanna say to a woman / But I couldn't find the words to say / She got whatever it is / Don't know what to do / Every time I try to tell her how it feels it comes out "I love you" / You've got whatever it is_

_You know I've never been the type that would ever wanna stay / Bring 'em home at night and they're gone the next day / But that all changed when she walked into my life / And people ask me why it is I tell 'em I don't know / There's just something 'bout the woman makes my heart go haywire / And she's gonna be my wife_

_She got whatever it is / That blows me away / She's everything I wanna say to a woman / But I couldn't find the words to say / She got whatever it is / I don't know what to do /'Cause every time I try to tell her how I feels it comes out "I love you" / You've got whatever it is_

_When she loves me / Girl that's how I feel / 'Cause when she loves me / I'm on top of the world / 'Cause when she loves me / I can live forever / When she loves me / I am untouchable_

_You got whatever it is / That blows me away / You're everything I wanna say to a woman / But I couldn't find the words to say / You've got whatever it is / Don't know what to do / Every time I try to tell her how it feels it comes out "I love you" – I do / You've got whatever it is / Yeah, you've got whatever it is_

As everyone clapped and whistled their approval, Emma sat with her hands over her mouth. Deacon looked at her and said, "I love you, baby."

Emma took a deep breath. "Thank you. That was so beautiful. But…" and she looked around at the group, "I've got one for you too." Deacon's eyes widened as Daphne handed Emma her guitar. She smiled at Deacon. "When I met you, I felt like I'd always known you and I felt like we belonged together. So this is for you and me."

_You and me were always with each other / Before we knew the other was ever there / You and me, we belong together / Just like a breath needs the air_

_I told you if you called I would come runnin' / Across the highs, the lows and the in-betweens / You and me we've got two minds that think as one / And our hearts march to the same beat_

_They say everything it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough, but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark_

_Oh that's you and me_

_You and me we're searching for the same light / Desperate for a cure to this disease / Well some days are better than others / But I fear no thing as long as you're with me_

_They say everything it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough, but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark_

_And they say everything it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough, but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there when you start to fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark_

_Oh that's you and me / Oh that's you and me / Oh that's you and me_

As she finished the song, Emma felt her heart sing as she looked at Deacon. His face had been so filled with joy as he'd listened to her. She was pretty sure it was the first time she'd really seen him look relaxed, joyful, and at peace, with no sadness anywhere on his face.

* * *

Emma spotted Rayna with her daughters. She knew Rayna had tried to stay low key, trying not to call attention to herself. Emma was sure some of the guests wondered about her being there, but she and Deacon had talked about it and decided that it was right for her to be here with them. She was Maddie's mother after all and, despite everything, Deacon did still care about her. She'd felt a little apprehensive, but in the end, she was glad they'd made the decision to include her.

She walked over to where they stood, putting her arm around Maddie's waist. "You looked so beautiful!" Daphne said, smiling broadly.

Emma smiled at her. "Thanks, Daphne. You looked very pretty too."

Daphne beamed. Maddie looked at her mom. "I helped Emma pick out her dress," she said.

Rayna nodded. "It's beautiful," she said. "You're lucky. Nowadays they make much prettier maternity special occasion wear."

Emma smiled. Then she looked at Maddie and Daphne. "Would you girls mind if I talked to your mom for a minute?" she asked. They nodded and hurried off, leaving Emma and Rayna alone together. Rayna fidgeted with her hands, wondering what Emma wanted to say. Emma watched the girls for a minute, then turned back to Rayna. "I'm glad you decided to come after all," she said.

Rayna's smile was a little shaky. "Congratulations," she said. "On the wedding and on your baby."

"Thanks."

"I really am happy for Deacon that he's so happy," she said. "He and I had such a tumultuous life." She trailed off and looked away. Then she looked back. "I loved him a lot. I still love him. As part of my family. He's Maddie's father, so I'll always love him for that. But he seems so at peace now. I don't think I've ever seen him like that. It's like his whole world finally got set right." She nodded towards Emma. "I'm pretty sure it's mostly because of you. You know, it was hard for me to see him move on, even though I had no right to hold him back. I think when he told me how much he loved you and how you loved him just as he was and without judgment, I knew he really had moved on. There was a part of me, though, that thought he couldn't do that. But I realize now that I was wrong." She stopped for a moment.

"Rayna, you don't have to say anything."

Rayna looked at her. "But I do. Because he's family. And now so are you. I watched the two of you when you said your vows and I knew then that the two of you were meant to find each other." She smiled and reached for Emma's hand. "Maddie told me you're having a girl." Emma nodded. "Deacon's gonna be a great dad. And I'm happy he's getting to participate in this. I cheated him out of that and now he has his chance."

Emma smiled. "He's really been excited."

Rayna squeezed her hand. "He deserves this. And he deserves you. Thank you for loving him." She hesitated just for a moment, then leaned in and hugged Emma.

Emma was a little surprised and, after a moment, she hugged Rayna back. When they stepped back from each other, she looked at Rayna kindly. "I promise I'll always love him. And take care of him. I think I told you when we first met that I would never hurt him, and you can be sure I won't do that."

Rayna smiled. "I know. And I know you'll be happy together."

* * *

Deacon was standing with Scarlett and Gunnar when he saw Emma walk over to Rayna and the girls. He frowned just a little when he saw Maddie and Daphne walk away, leaving Emma and Rayna alone. He watched them talking and was a little surprised when he saw Rayna reach out and hug Emma. When Emma finally left her alone, he excused himself and walked over to her. "Hey," he said.

Rayna smiled. "Hey. This was a really lovely day. Thank you again for including me." She put her hand on his arm. "I really am happy for you, Deacon. I just want you to know that."

He smiled back at her. "Well, thank you," he said. "I appreciate that."

A glimmer of sadness crossed her eyes and then was gone in an instant. "You deserve to be happy. You've always deserved that."

* * *

Deacon shut the front door after walking Rayna and the girls out. He looked around. The house was kind of a mess, but it could wait until the next day. "Emma!" he called out, but there was no answer. He walked to the bedroom but she wasn't there. "Emma!" he called out again. Still no answer. He frowned. Then he walked through the kitchen to the back door. It was still light out and he decided to check the backyard.

She was sitting on a bench with her back to him, in the backyard where they'd gotten married not too many hours ago. He walked over and sat down next to her. "Hey." She looked at him and he saw sadness in her eyes. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked.

She sighed and smoothed her hands over her belly. Then she reached for his hand and smiled sadly. "This is the happiest day of my life," she said. "I just married the love of my life. I'm having our baby. It was a great day with great friends, but…."

"You miss your family." The sadness in his eyes reflected hers.

Emma nodded. "I wish they could have been here. They should have been here. They should know you. They should be excited about being grandparents. And an aunt."

He leaned in and kissed her. "They might not have liked me." He smiled. "I knocked up their daughter, after all."

Emma smiled. "Well, my dad probably would have blustered about it but they would have loved you. Because you love me." She winked. "Although Dad would have been disappointed that you don't love football."

Deacon grinned and then kissed her again. "I'm sorry they aren't here in person, but you know they're here." He touched her heart with two fingers.

"I know. I just miss them. It's on days like this that I think about everything they've missed. Ben, Gail, and Gracie are forever who they were when I was twenty years old." She held his hand again. "I know you're in a similar situation, but you weren't close to your parents like I was."

Deacon put his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "We have each other, though, and that'll just have to be enough. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere." He wrapped both arms around her and held her close. "I love you, Emma. I'm so glad you're my wife."

"Me, too," she murmured. "And I'm glad you're my husband."

* * *

The sun was just starting to go down when Maddie found Rayna sitting out on the back patio at the ranch. It had been a beautiful day and the wedding had gone off without a hitch. Maddie had been surprised when Deacon told her that her mom was coming to the wedding after all. Rayna had been firm in her resolve to stay away and let Deacon and Emma have their day. But it was nice that she'd been there. When Maddie walked up, Rayna turned to look at her daughter and smiled. "Hey, sweet girl," she said, reaching for Maddie's hand.

Maddie took her hand and sat down next to her. "I'm glad you came for the wedding," she said, after a moment.

Rayna smiled sadly. "I really hadn't meant to. I really did plan to stay away. I thought it would be better that way. But Deacon said both he and Emma wanted me to come."

Maddie looked at her carefully. "Did it make you sad?"

Rayna took a deep breath and considered that. "Yes and no. I'm happy for them. They seem very much in love. And they have the baby coming…."

Maddie sighed. "Mom, I know you loved Deacon for a really long time. I know that at least at one time you thought you'd have a life with him. It had to be a little sad."

"Yeah, well, you know, I made different choices. Both when I married your dad and when I married Luke. Choices I thought would be good for me and for you and Daphne. And, for the most part, they have been."

Maddie looked pensive. "But what about love? Shouldn't you get married for love?"

Rayna's eyes widened. "I _did_ marry for love, Maddie. I loved your father. And I love Luke. I wouldn't have married either one of them if I didn't love them."

"But you knew Deacon still loved you. The way you loved him when you were together. And I think you still loved him that way too. Before you married Luke. Didn't you?"

Rayna smiled sadly. "It wasn't that simple, Maddie. What Deacon and I had was very…complicated."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "You always say that. I think it wasn't complicated at all. I think you just thought it was the wrong choice." She looked sharply at Rayna. "Did you ever think that maybe it wasn't?"

Rayna looked out over the back lawn and bit her lower lip. She looked down and sighed, then finally looked back at Maddie and took her hand. "I was careless about Deacon. I think I just somehow thought he'd always be there, even when I pushed him away. I wasn't fair to him, moving on with my own life without letting him do the same. And now that he has, I guess I do feel some regret." She smiled at Maddie. "But it was the right thing to do. As much as we loved each other, there was a lot of hurt built into that. He and I hurt each other. A lot. And being in love wasn't enough to wipe all that away." She squeezed Maddie's hand. "It's bittersweet, I guess, and maybe it is for him too, a little. I think we both thought, for a long time, that we'd somehow end up together. But everything that happened in the last couple years has showed me that I needed to go a different way. It doesn't mean I don't miss what we had sometimes, but we both needed to move on." She took a deep breath. "I thought you were excited about the two of them getting married."

Maddie nodded, still looking pensive. "I am. They really are happy together. Deacon seems, I don't know, content. For the first time. I just thought, maybe it was still sad for you to see that. You just seemed sad."

Rayna smiled. "Well, thank you, sweet girl, for worrying about me. But I'm fine. Really fine." She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Maddie looked over at her, and wondered about that. But then she put it out of her mind. It was too late, even if she wasn't fine.

* * *

_**The songs in this chapter are "Whatever It Is" by Zac Brown Band and "You and Me" by You + Me.**_


	11. Chapter 11

Emma felt her breathing slow down. She was sitting on top of Deacon, his hands gripping her hips. She smiled down at him. "That was great," she said.

He chuckled and pulled at her arm. "Come lay next to me, baby," he said. She did as he asked, fitting herself against him. He gently ran his hand down her arm. "You feel so good, so sweet," he said softly. Emma sighed deeply and he leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "Thank you."

She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. "For what?"

"Marrying me. Having my baby. Loving me."

Emma smiled, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "All of that is easy. Letting myself love you was the best thing I ever did. I should thank you for being so patient with me."

He laughed. "After you told me you were going to rock my world, how could I not?" He kissed her. "And you did. Rock my world."

She leaned in and kissed him on the chest. "Today was a really amazing day," she said.

He stroked her hair and then pushed a strand behind her ear. "Yeah, it was." He kissed her softly. "You make me so happy, Emma."

She looked a little wistful. "I hope I always make you happy, Deacon." He frowned slightly. She lightly bit her bottom lip. "Rayna kind of surprised me today."

Deacon looked puzzled. "Surprised you? What do you mean?"

"Well, when I talked to her today, she really was pretty open about how she felt. About you. About everything."

Deacon scowled. "What did she say?"

"It really wasn't anything bad. Or concerning, really. She wanted to tell me that she hoped we had a good life. That she thought I was good for you."

Deacon put his arms around her and held her close, sighing deeply. "I hope she didn't upset you."

"She didn't really upset me. It sort of felt like she was maybe really letting you go, but I think she was kind of sad about that." She ran a finger over his cheek. "I think it's going to be okay."

Deacon was silent for several minutes, just running his hands over Emma's arms and kissing the top of her head. "I'm not sure what to say about her. She's part of my past, but then she's part of my present because she's Maddie's mama. She used to be part of me, but she's not anymore. She hasn't been for a while now. And that's because of you. You fill those places now." He put a finger under her chin and turned her to face him. "If I haven't told you lately, you're the one that's part of me now. You're my perfect fit."

Emma smiled. "I thought I was crazy to love you. I took my time because I wanted to be sure. But I knew the minute I met you that you were meant for me." He smiled back at her, then slid his hand down to her waist. She leaned into him, feeling safe and protected and very loved. They lay together just breathing in and out for long minutes. Then Deacon's hand drifted lower, gently nudging her leg. Emma sighed deeply and opened herself to him. He leaned down and covered her mouth with his, sliding his tongue between her lips as he slid two fingers inside her.

She let all thought fly out of her head, except for how his tongue felt in her mouth, battling her own, and how his fingers felt inside her. He could think of only how warm and inviting she was and he felt himself get increasingly turned on as she responded to his touches. When he could sense that she was close to climax, he slid his fingers out of her and turned her away from him, lifting her leg to lay on top of his. He positioned his erection against her, teasing her a bit before he slid inside her, as he spread his hand over her thigh.

She moved her hand down over his, then threaded her fingers in his, as they rocked against each other. She focused on the feel of him inside her, filling her fully. He concentrated on how warm she felt and how tight she was around him. It didn't take long before he pushed hard inside her and felt himself explode, as she pressed down on him and swiveled her hips in that way that took her over the top.

Deacon held Emma tight as they initially gasped for breath and then, slowly, began to breathe more normally. Deacon nuzzled her neck. "I love you so much," he whispered. "I'm so glad you're in my life." He kissed her temple. "Are you sorry we can't take a real honeymoon?"

Emma smiled. "I don't care about that. We'll be out on the road together, that's close enough. We'll be _together_, it's all that matters."

"I want to hold you like this every day for the rest of my life."

Emma turned in his arms. She looked into his eyes and reached up to run her fingers through his hair. "You will. I'm counting on that."

* * *

Emma always loved watching Deacon on stage. It was clear to her, based on his performances at the Bluebird, that he was born to do this. That he'd really only figured out in the last few years that he could have this kind of career always surprised her. He was a natural on stage in front of these larger audiences. Once she'd gotten pregnant, he'd insisted that she travel with him. He'd put his hand on her stomach, when it was still flat, and told her, "I'm not missing a minute of this. I didn't get the choice with Maddie, so I'm not going to let you go through this without me."

He'd had that sad, haunted look in his eyes that killed her every time she saw it. But it hadn't mattered. She'd put her hands on his face and drew him to her lips for a soft kiss. "I wouldn't have it any other way," she'd said.

He'd been fascinated by everything. He would frequently trace his hand over her changing body, lingering on her belly as it got bigger. He found it amazing to think that a tiny human was growing in there and he was almost reverent in the way that he touched her. Emma had started to feel little fluttering movements now, so light that Deacon hadn't been able to feel them yet. Every time she felt one, she'd grab his hand and place it against the part of her belly where she'd felt it, but he, frustratingly, hadn't been able to feel them.

Tonight was his first night back on stage after the wedding. She stood watching him, happy that the crowd seemed to enjoy his set. He had glanced quickly at her before he turned back to the microphone at the end of his set. "So, I just got married for the first time a couple days ago," he said, and the crowd loudly cheered and whistled. He grinned happily, then went on, "I should say, more precisely, three days ago. I think wives like it when you remember the date." More cheering. Emma couldn't help smiling, but she wondered what he was about to do. "So, I wrote this song for Emma, my wife, because she means the world to me."

_If I could be the reason your hair's a mess / The bass drum beatin' way down deep in your chest / If I could be the voice on your radio / Then I could be your long ride home_

_If mine could be the name that changes yours / The wine in your glass / The swing on your porch / The dollar in your pocket / And the peaceful in your sleep / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

_Standing here, watching you / Turning every head in this crowded room / The lights down low, dancin' slow / Oh, if falling's how you feel / And perfect's what you see / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

_If I could be the fire in your firefly / The cool in the rain / The spark in your eye / The answer to your prayer / And the faith that sets you free / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

_Standing here, watching you / Turning every head in this crowded room / The lights down low, dancin' slow / Oh, if falling's how you feel / And perfect's what you see / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

_And if all this talkin' makes you laugh / But I've gotta let you know just how I'm feeling while I'm _

_Standing here, watching you / Turning every head in this crowded room / The lights down low, dancin' slow / Oh, if falling's how you feel / And perfect's what you see / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

_Yea, falling's how you feel / And perfect's what you see / Then I'd be what you mean to me_

When he finished, the response of the crowd was loud and boisterous, and Emma had tears rolling down her face. "Thank you very much," Deacon yelled out, waving to the crowd. He walked off the stage, straight for Emma, and gathered her up in his arms, giving her a deep kiss. Then he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they headed back for his dressing room.

When they were almost at the dressing room door, Tim McGraw stopped them. "Deacon, two things," he said. "I hope you're gonna record that song, because that's a hit. And I hope you're gonna do it every night." He smiled. "Congratulations, you two." And then he was off.

Deacon closed the dressing room door after leading Emma inside. He led her to the couch and pulled her down into his arms. They just sat together, enjoying the togetherness, until Emma broke their comfortable silence. "That was a beautiful song you did, hon. When did you write it?"

Deacon nuzzled her neck. "I wrote it right after I met you. I had gone up to the cabin and I couldn't stop thinking about you. We weren't even dating then, but I knew you were special. And I knew, if you'd just let me in, that we would have something amazing."

Emma turned her head so she could look at him. "Really?"

Deacon smiled. "Really. From the minute I met you at the Bluebird, there was no one else for me."

Emma breathed in and then she threaded her fingers in his. After a moment, she said, "Well, you are perfect for me. And I pretty much knew that, too, right away." She felt tears well up unexpectedly. "I love you, Deacon. I'm looking forward to growing old with you."

Deacon kissed her on the neck. "Me too, baby. Me too."

Emma took in a sharp breath and grabbed Deacon's hand, holding it against her belly. "Do you feel that?" she whispered.

Deacon practically held his breath, focusing on where Emma had pressed his hand against her. And that was when he felt it. The light fluttering movement deep inside her. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "I feel her." Emma grinned as they sat there quietly and, for the first time together, felt their daughter move.

* * *

Deacon was taking time off around the time the baby was due. He had finished up in Charleston, South Carolina and so he rented a house on nearby Sullivan's Island for a week so that he and Emma could have the honeymoon they hadn't gotten after the wedding. As the time grew closer for the baby to be born, they were more conscious of these days being their last ones alone, so Deacon wanted it to be special. Even though it was hot and humid, being near the ocean meant there were ocean breezes that cooled things down slightly.

They were renting a house at the end of a street, with an ocean view, and a measure of privacy. When they arrived, the first thing Emma wanted to do was walk out to the ocean. They took off their boots at the edge of the dune and walked barefoot out to the water.

"This is heaven," Emma said with a smile, wiggling her toes in the water. She looked up at Deacon. "When I was a little girl, we used to go to Galveston every summer, before summer practice started. And my dad would take me out in the Gulf and we would jump waves." She gave him a playful look. "Maybe we can do that tomorrow."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "That could be fun."

"It would be amazing," she said. Then she walked further out in the water until the waves were lapping at her calves. There was a gentle breeze that lifted her hair and her tunic top fluttered around her.

Deacon pulled out his phone and snapped a picture as she lifted her arms to her side and tilted her head back to catch the sun. He felt his heart swell with love for her.

She turned her head towards him and then made a face. "Did you just take a picture?" she asked.

"I did."

She splashed over and looked at it. "Ugh. Seriously, Deacon?" she said.

Deacon grinned at her. "You're cute, baby," he said.

She swatted at his arm. "You're biased."

"Yes, I am. And proud of it." And he leaned down and kissed her.

* * *

On their last evening before returning to Nashville, Deacon found Emma on the porch, looking out over the ocean. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, as she leaned back into him. "This has been so nice," she said. She loved listening to the roar of the waves, breathing in the heavy salt air. It was calming, almost hypnotic.

"Mm hm," Deacon murmured into her ear.

"Thank you for bringing me here." She lifted her hands and clung to his arms.

He pressed his lips against her hair and just stood there holding on to her. He closed his eyes and breathed in. He had never thought, all those years ago, that when he finally had this life – a wife, a family, the feeling of contentment he had – that it would be with someone who wasn't Rayna. Life could take some strange twists and turns, for sure, but for the first time in a long time, he felt happy.

As she nestled herself closer to him, he found himself responding to the feel of her against him. He whispered "I love you" over and over against her neck, and she responded in kind. Then he took her hand and led her inside to the bedroom, where he undressed her and then lay next to her, exploring all of her curves with his hands and fingers, murmuring little endearments to the baby against her belly.

Emma watched him, feeling an incredible love for this man. She sighed and he looked up, a worried frown on his face. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked.

She shook her head, a smile crossing her face. "Nothing. I was just thinking how lucky I am." She ran her hand over his arm. "I'm having a baby with the man I love. I don't know that I quite have the words for how amazing this is, how amazing you are. I wake up in the morning and there you are, and I almost have to pinch myself. I just can't believe I found you."

Deacon's eyes got a little moist and he chewed his lip. He ran the back of his hand over her cheek. "I'm the lucky one," he said. "I screwed up every damn thing in my life that I ever thought I wanted. And just when I thought I'd never have it, I met you, and I found out I had another chance to have everything I wanted in my life. You and this baby, but mostly you. You make me feel good enough, Emma."

She turned slightly towards him and took his face in her hands. "You're more than good enough, Deacon." She smiled. "You know, I think that this is how my mom felt about my dad. He won her over by being genuine and really caring about her. I feel like that's the way it was for you and me. You were just genuine and you let me know you cared about me." She ran her thumb over his lips. "I'm just so glad it's me you love."

He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "I'm glad you love me."

She giggled softly. "We're so weird," she said with a smile. He laughed and then moved his hand down between her legs. She sighed contentedly as he slid his fingers inside her and she let herself be swept away by the lovely sensations as he made love to her.

* * *

Emma walked down the hall to Maddie's room. The teen was sitting on her bed, her knees bent, her ear buds in, listening to music. When she saw Emma, she smiled, turning off her iPod and taking out the ear buds. "Hey. What's up?"

Emma sighed and sat on the bed. "I'm bored. Your dad's taking a nap, thankfully, and it's such a nice day." She made a face. "Would you be interested in going to the park with me?"

"Yeah," Maddie said. "I'd love to. Should I bring my guitar?"

Emma grinned. "I'm bringing mine."

Maddie jumped off the bed and got her guitar case and sunglasses. Then she rummaged through her purse and pulled out her drivers' license. "Just in case," she said, showing it to Emma and then tucking it into her pocket.

Emma smiled. Deacon had sternly told her he didn't want her letting Maddie drive her anywhere unless someone else was in the car. "Precious cargo on board," was his rationale, which Emma thought was silly. But she drove them the short distance to the park.

As they walked over to the stone wall, Maddie looked at Emma. "Is Dad feeling any better?" she asked.

Emma shrugged. "Maybe a little. He can't seem to shake this and I wish he'd just go to the doctor and get an antibiotic, but he insists over-the-counter stuff is fine." She winked at Maddie. "I think he's just afraid he'll get a shot."

Maddie grinned. "Can't say I blame him."

Emma tried to keep it lighthearted, but she was a little worried about Deacon. He'd been sick while they were at the beach and then got sick again as soon as they got home, less than a week earlier. It was probably more accurate to say that he'd never quite shaken it, but he had felt almost normal the last couple days they'd been gone. But in all the time Emma had known him, Deacon had never been sick and he'd seemed really wrung out. She hoped he'd get over this soon.

When they got to a nice shady spot, Emma used her guitar case to help her ease down onto the grass, where she crossed her legs and leaned back against the wall. She looked over at Maddie, who'd sat down next to her. "You'll have to help me up when we're ready to go," she said.

"No problem." The baby was due in two weeks, but Maddie was surprised at how active Emma still was. She never used being pregnant as an excuse not to do anything and she'd get pissed off if someone tried to coddle her. Maddie smiled to herself thinking about how often Emma and Deacon would bicker over whether or not Emma was doing too much.

They had an enjoyable afternoon working on their music. Maddie shared a song she and Deacon had worked on and Emma, again, was blown away by Maddie's talent. She knew Deacon and Rayna, as well as Teddy, wanted to shield her from all the harsh realities of the music business but, as Emma had pointed out to Deacon, Maddie was seventeen now, and already older than Rayna was when she started out.

"Things are different now," he'd said with a frown. "It's tougher and she doesn't have, well, you know, she just isn't ready."

Emma had given him a sly look. "She needs a Deacon Claybourne of her own."

Deacon had scowled darkly. "No, she does not."

Emma had laughed at how protective he was, but she also thought it was sweet. It had to be hard, she thought, to watch your own daughter grow up and want to shield her from the very life you once had. He and Rayna had dodged a bullet just after Emma met Deacon, when Teddy had foolishly agreed to let Maddie and Daphne sign with Edgehill Republic. Deacon had told her it was a nasty mess but they'd untangled the girls from that contract and Teddy had ended his association with Jeff Fordham, who'd been fired over the incident.

Emma hoped she could talk Deacon into letting Maddie do a writers' round with them at the Bluebird, after the baby came, as a surprise for her. She reached for Maddie's hand and squeezed it, smiling at her. "So how are things going?" she asked.

Maddie shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Mom and Luke will be back next week. School starts in a couple weeks and she wants to be back so she can hover over us and make us study."

Emma smiled. "Not a bad thing. Plus, you'll be glad to have her home, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." She sighed. "I wish she didn't still treat me like a little girl."

Emma looked at her a moment. "She worries about you, sweetie. She's gone a lot and I know she misses you and Daphne, so she just wants to spend time with you when she's here." As much as she loved Maddie, she knew the teen was a handful, and she actually didn't blame Rayna at all for hovering.

Maddie looked at her. "But she forgets I'm seventeen now. That I want to hang out with my friends. That I want to date."

Emma perked up. "Is there a boy you're interested in?"

Maddie blushed. "Maybe." Then she smiled. "He goes to Ensworth. He plays baseball."

"Have you gone out on a date yet?"

"Kind of. We've been with a group of friends at parties and stuff. That's all." Emma knew Rayna kept a tight rein on Maddie, in particular, so the nanny wouldn't have been far away, she was sure.

"What's his name?"

"Bryan. He's got blond hair and brown eyes and he's taller than me." She grinned.

"Does your dad know?"

Maddie shook her head. "Neither one of my dads know. You know how they'd be."

Emma laughed. "I do." She raised her eyebrows. "What does your mom think about him?"

"She likes him. She thinks he's cute."

"Well? That's a good thing. Right?"

Maddie shrugged. "I guess."

Emma grinned. "Well, this is exciting news," she said.

Maddie looked worried, all of a sudden. "Don't tell Dad. He'd freak, I know."

"I don't want to keep secrets from your dad, sweetie. But I guess we don't have to say anything until you're ready to introduce him." She took Maddie's hand. "Are you and Luke getting along better?" She knew Maddie had struggled with that relationship from the start.

Maddie shrugged. "I guess. I mean, it looks like he's around to stay, you know?" She looked at Emma. "He tries. I know I should give him credit for that. I just wish it was easier. You know, like it is with you."

"Well, we have a little more in common, I guess. The songwriting and all. But I know it would make your mom happy if the two of you got along better." All of a sudden, she felt stiff from sitting on the ground. "Hey, you ready to head back?"

Maddie nodded. "Sure." She stood up and, when Emma held her hand out, grabbed it and pulled her up.

Emma made a face. "I'll be glad when I can do that all by myself again."

As they walked to the car, Maddie looked over at Emma. "I can drive us home," she said.

Emma remembered what Deacon said, but she thought Maddie was a pretty responsible girl, and so she said, "Sure, that would be great."

Maddie smiled happily and then took the keys that Emma handed her. Luckily it wasn't far, but Maddie drove carefully and safely, and Emma was impressed. When they got in the house, Maddie handed the keys back. "Thanks for letting me drive," she said, as she headed for her room.

Deacon took just that moment to come out of the bedroom. When he heard what Maddie said, he frowned. "Emma," he started, sternly.

Emma made a face. "Oh, stop. She did great." She smiled. "You have a very responsible daughter."

Deacon huffed. "Well, just don't make it a habit," he grumbled.

Emma rolled her eyes and gave him a little smile. He might be looking all mussed up and adorable, still groggy from his nap, but she thought he needed to ease up on Maddie a bit. She made up her mind to work on that.

* * *

While Emma took a nap, Deacon finished putting together the rocking chair. She'd teared up a little, telling him about the one her mother had, that she'd rocked Emma in and then, sixteen years later, Emma's sister, Gracie. Emma had talked more about her family since she'd had Deacon bring down her pictures. She'd told Deacon stories and shared memories. And tears. More than a few times, he'd held her while she cried softly, missing them all, but most especially her mom.

She'd told him that after the funerals, she'd sold the family's home and all the furnishings. It was only now that she wished she'd kept some things, especially that rocking chair. At the time, though, it had all been too painful, losing them all at once like that. The only thing she'd kept were the pictures and photo albums, dating back to the days that Ben and Gail Taylor had started dating. It had helped Deacon create a picture of what Emma's life had been like and understand her more. He certainly wanted to give her that kind of family life.

When the chair was done, he walked back to the bedroom and stood at the door, his arms crossed over his chest, watching his wife sleep. He could see the gentle rise and fall of her breathing and walked around to the other side of the bed. He gently sat on the edge and then moved to lie next to her. She made a small sound but didn't wake.

He smiled to himself. He loved watching her and when she was asleep, he could do so unabashedly. Her hair fell softly around her shoulders and neck. Her lips were ever so slightly parted as she breathed in and out. Her knees were drawn up just slightly and her left hand lay protectively on the rise of her belly.

As his eyes flickered over her, his heart grew full with how much he loved her. He had wondered if he'd ever love someone as much as he'd once loved Rayna, and whether it was even advisable to let someone inhabit his soul like that again. After all, his relationship with Rayna had been complicated and tumultuous, passionate but also soul-crushingly painful. But he'd learned that love could be that big and yet feel warm and enveloping, supportive and uplifting. Emma completely filled him and satisfied him, excited him, and made him feel safe and loved.

As he watched her, he saw a gentle ripple across her belly, as the baby girl inside her shifted. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but he didn't want to wake her. He had loved every minute of watching all the changes Emma went through. He'd been fascinated watching the baby's movements. He and Emma had enjoyed going through everything together and she'd been a good sport about him wanting to touch her all the time.

He took a deep breath as he thought about how Rayna had deprived him of all this with Maddie. No amount of insistence that he'd been there while Maddie grew up changed the fact that he'd missed the important milestones because they hadn't been his to enjoy. He was looking forward to all of those things with this baby, who they'd already named Abigail Grace. Abigail had been Gail Taylor's full name and Grace, of course, was for Emma's sister. Abby. He couldn't wait to meet Abby.

Just then Emma let out a sharp cry and frowned, opening her eyes. Deacon shot her a worried look. "Baby, are you okay?" he asked.

She looked up at him and then smiled at the look of panic on his face. "I'm fine," she said. "The baby just kicked the shit out of me." She reached for his hand. "How long have you been there, watching me?"

Deacon grinned. "Not that long."

"I hope I wasn't snoring or drooling. Or talking in my sleep."

He chuckled. "None of those things. You were very peaceful." He squeezed her hand. "So I finished the rocking chair."

"Oh, great, I want to see." She let go of his hand and pushed herself up. Deacon got up and quickly came around to the other side of the bed to help her up. Then they walked down to the nursery. Emma gasped appreciatively when she saw the chair. "Oh, hon, it's perfect," she said, and hurried over to sit in it, smiling contentedly. "I can't wait to rock Abby in it."

Deacon sank down on his knees in front of her. He put his hands on her belly and then leaned in to kiss it gently. "I can't wait for her to be here," he said. He looked up at her. "Thank you."

Emma felt her breath catch. She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm just glad we're doing this together," she said.

"I missed everything with Maddie. I don't want to miss a thing this time."

"You won't. We're doing all this together."

Emma's face suddenly got serious. "What's wrong, baby?" Deacon asked.

Emma breathed in and looked over at her hand on the rocking chair arm. "I don't know. I guess, you know, you have a pregnant _wife_, and you didn't sign on for this. We were still building something between us and then we were careless once and…." She looked at Deacon. "We never talked about this, we never said we were committed to each other forever, we never planned this. You had no say. And you've been so sweet, even though you never asked for this."

Deacon caught his breath and then grabbed Emma's hands. "Oh, baby, don't ever think I don't want this, that I didn't want this. I wanted you in my life the minute I laid eyes on you. Everything else has been a gift. A _welcome_ gift. Even if I didn't know I wanted it, I knew it when it happened. As soon as you told me you were pregnant, I knew that was all I'd ever wanted. A baby with _you_. A life with _you_." He kissed her hands. "You know, I told you that song I wrote for you, I wrote right after I met you. You were the one. Even then. So everything else is a blessing. This baby. You loving me. It's all I ever wanted." He smiled at her. "You know how much I love you, right?"

Emma nodded and smiled tearily. "I do." She made a face. "I'm sorry. I'm just so hormonal all the time. I don't know why I don't make you crazy."

Deacon took her hands and stood, pulling her up with him and then wrapping his arms around her. "You _do_ make me crazy," he said. "Crazy for you." He ran his hand over her face and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "This is what I've been waiting for."

Emma smiled. "Me too." She raised up on her toes to kiss him. "You're going to be the best dad, Deacon," she said. "Abby's going to be a very lucky little girl."

* * *

Deacon woke up when he heard Emma make a noise. She was a week past her due date and he was on constant alert every day. "Baby, you okay?" he asked softly.

"I don't know," she said, her voice sounding a little strained. "I'm not sure if it's real contractions or those Braxton-Hicks thingies."

Deacon sat up. "I think by now they'd be the real thing, don't you?" he asked, his voice reflecting some nervousness.

"I guess." She took a deep breath. "Can you help me sit up?"

He jumped out of bed and came around to her side. His stomach clenched as he saw the fear in her face. He took her hands and helped her sit up on the side of the bed. She put her hands on her stomach and then frowned. "What is it?" he asked.

She looked at him and reached for his hand, placing it on her belly. He frowned. It felt rock hard. "I'm pretty sure this is the real thing, Deacon," she said. Then her face softened. "We're having our baby today," she said softly.

* * *

The doctor told them they could stay at home until the contractions were five to seven minutes apart. Once Emma's water broke, late that afternoon, things sped up significantly. Almost before they knew it, they were at the hospital. When they got to the birthing room, the baby came very quickly. Deacon was standing next to Emma, coaching her on breathing and holding her hand. He was scared, watching her in pain. Finally it was time for her to give one final push, and within seconds, the loud crying of their new daughter filled the room.

Emma burst into tears as soon as she saw the baby. Deacon felt like his chest was going to explode. He couldn't stop smiling, though, as he held Emma's hand tightly and they watched as the doctor held Abby up for them to see.

One of the nurses wiped down the baby and let Emma hold her for just a minute before whisking her away to be checked out and cleaned up. When she was back in Emma's arms, she gently kissed her on the top of the head. Then she looked up at Deacon. "Abigail Grace Claybourne. She's perfect," she said. "I hope we don't screw her up."

Deacon chuckled. "I'm pretty sure we'll do okay."

"Well, I know you will. You're an amazing dad. But I'm brand new at this. What if I mess up?"

He leaned down and gently kissed her, running his finger across Abby's tiny face. "I think you're gonna be fine." He sat on the edge of the bed. "_We'll_ be fine."

Emma sighed. "I want her to have a good life, Deacon. I want her to always be happy and feel loved."

"I think she will. I, for one, though, am planning to spoil her."

Emma frowned playfully. "You'll turn her into a daddy's girl," she said.

He grinned. "Weren't you?"

She blushed. "I guess. Kind of." She looked down at Abby. "I want her to be strong like you, but also be caring like you. You have such a good heart, Deacon, and I want her to have that."

"She'll get that from you too, you know. I want her to be like you, Emma." He smiled. "And I want her to love music."

She laughed. "I think that's a given." She took a deep breath. "Next to marrying you, this has been the best day of my life. Thank you for her."

He breathed in, tears pricking at his eyes. His heart felt full as he looked at her, holding their daughter. "I should be thanking you," he said softly.

She leaned forward and wiped the tears away that were rolling down his face. "Do you want to hold her?"

He nodded, reaching over to put his hands under the tiny bundle. As he pulled her to his chest, he felt his heart turn over. He hadn't been there when Maddie was born and he was grateful to have this opportunity. He looked at Emma, flushed and sweaty, her hair in a messy ponytail. But to him she'd never looked more beautiful. "She _is_ perfect," he said. He looked back at his daughter and smiled, his eyes crinkling with joy. "Welcome to the world, Abby. I'm your dad." He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. Then he looked back at Emma. "You make a beautiful baby," he said.

She smiled at him. "_We_ make a beautiful baby," she said. She watched him as he peered down at their tiny daughter. She had a lump in her throat as she watched him run a finger over the baby's cheek. She felt a twinge of anger at Rayna for keeping Deacon from having this moment with Maddie, but then she pushed that thought away as she watched him bonding with Abby. She was sure that Abby already had Deacon wrapped around her tiny little finger.

* * *

They sat quietly for long minutes as Emma watched Deacon with Abby. She felt a lump in her throat as she watched all the emotions play out across his face – wonder, awe, protectiveness, and unconditional love. When Abby made little fussy noises, he ran his finger gently over her face and made little soothing sounds. She didn't think she could love him more, but watching him with their daughter filled her with even more love for him.

She finally spoke, her voice catching for a second. "We should call Maddie," she said.

He looked up. "Yeah." He considered the fact that, with Abby in his arms, he couldn't reach for his phone. He looked forlornly at Emma.

She held her arms out for the baby and smiled. "You're gonna be able to hold her for the rest of your life," she said as he reluctantly handed the baby to her. She held her daughter close, smiling at her and running her finger over her soft skin, as Deacon pulled out his phone to call Maddie.

Maddie was leaving class when her phone rang. She smiled when she saw it was Deacon. "Hey, Dad," she said.

"Hey, sweet girl. So, Abby's here."

"Oh my God, that's so great! Can I come see her?"

"Of course. Do you need me to come get you?"

"No. I'm staying with my other dad this week. I'll get him to bring me." She sighed. "It would be easier if I had my own car, you know."

Deacon smiled. "Not yet. But maybe soon." That was something he, Teddy and Rayna had all agreed on. Maddie was still pushing boundaries and none of them wanted to reward her. Actually, it had been more Teddy and Deacon than Rayna, involved in that decision. She'd been out on tour with Luke more than she was home the last several months and he and Teddy had finally formed a tentative alliance as Maddie's dads.

Maddie pouted on her end. "I have one more class and then my dad is picking me up. I can come then."

"We'll still be here. Oh, and we're on the…." He looked at Emma and held out the phone.

"Maternity floor!" she called out. "Suite number four!"

Deacon put the phone back to his ear. "Hear that?"

Maddie grinned. "Yes. I'll see you soon."

* * *

When Maddie arrived, Deacon was walking Abby around the room. He held his finger to his mouth and nodded towards Emma, asleep on the bed. "She's exhausted," he whispered, and Maddie nodded. She leaned in to look at Abby and smiled at the sleeping baby.

"She's beautiful," she whispered.

Deacon grinned. "Like her big sister."

Maddie beamed. "Can I hold her?"

Deacon nodded. "Sit down and I'll hand her to you." Maddie sat and Deacon placed the baby in her arms, directing her on how to hold her.

Maddie gazed at the baby, then looked up at Deacon. "I'm happy for you," she said, a touch of wistfulness in her voice.

Deacon breathed in, his emotions washing over him. After a moment, he smiled sadly. "I wish I could have been there for you," he said.

"Me too. But you've been a really good dad. And I know you're gonna be a really good dad to Abby."

Deacon stood, watching his older daughter holding his new daughter and felt his heart swell with love. He worked his lip as he felt tears prick his eyes. He took a deep breath. "So, I'm really whipped and I need to go get some coffee. Will you be okay? It won't take me but a minute."

Maddie smiled affectionately. "I'll be fine." Deacon hovered for a moment, then finally walked out. Maddie followed him with her eyes, then turned back and saw Emma smiling at her. Maddie grinned. "You're awake!"

"I've been awake, but your dad wanted me to sleep, so I pretended."

"She's beautiful, Emma."

Emma grinned. "She is, isn't she? But I think I'm a little biased." She looked knowingly at Maddie. "I think she looks like you. And your dad."

Maddie's eyes widened. "Really?" She looked down at Abby. "That's kind of awesome."

Emma watched as Maddie sat back and ran her fingers gently over Abby's head. She sighed, thinking she finally had the family she'd been missing for so long.

* * *

Deacon walked down to the waiting room where the coffee machines were located. He was startled to see Teddy, looking down at his phone. "I didn't expect to see you here," he said.

Teddy looked up and gave him a half smile, then stood and walked towards him, holding out his hand. "Congratulations, Deacon," he said.

Deacon shook his hand. "Thanks. And thanks for bringing Maddie."

"I was happy to do it. She was pretty excited."

Deacon smiled. Even though things had improved between the two of them, he was always conscious of the fact that Teddy had been the one to raise Maddie and had all the experiences with her that he'd missed out on. That he would now have with Abby. "It's been an exciting day," he said now.

Teddy smiled warmly. "I'll bet it has been. Seeing them for the first time is an amazing experience."

Deacon nodded. "Yeah, it is."

Teddy hesitated just a moment. "I'm glad you're getting the chance to do this."

Deacon nodded. "Me too." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I, uh, I just came to get coffee."

"No, no, go ahead. I know you're anxious to get back."

"Yeah. Well, thanks again for bringing Maddie." Teddy just nodded and went back to sit down. Deacon walked to the vending machine and got his coffee. He turned to walk out and looked back at Teddy. He was looking down at his phone again and Deacon left without another word.

* * *

Maddie reached for her iPad when she heard the Skype sound. She smiled at Rayna's face. "Hey, Mom," she said.

"Hey, sweet girl. How are you?"

"I'm great. Deacon and Emma had the baby today."

Rayna swallowed and her smile faltered a bit. "Really?"

"Yeah. She's beautiful. She has dark hair, like Deacon."

Rayna smiled sadly. "You did, too." She looked away for a moment and then back at her daughter. "I remember thinking when I first saw you that you looked just like him."

Maddie looked at her mom for a moment. "Does it make you sad?" she asked.

Rayna breathed in and then smiled. "No. I'm very happy for them. And I'm glad for Deacon. I know this means a lot to him. He deserves this."

They talked about other things then – Maddie's school work, her activities, the boy who'd caught her eye – before they ended the call. Rayna closed the laptop and sat, thinking about the fact that Deacon's daughter – his second daughter – had been born today. It was a bittersweet moment. She had never forgotten, as Maddie grew up, that she was Deacon's child. It was something she'd always held close to her heart, that she had this piece of the man she'd loved more than any other, for her very own. And for so many years, Maddie was the only child Deacon had, even if he hadn't known it. But now he'd become a father again and it meant that everything had changed. And nothing would ever be quite the same again.

She picked up her phone and wrote out a text. _Congratulations on the new baby. I am truly very happy for all of you._

A few minutes later, she had a response. _Thanks. That means a lot to both of us._ And there was a picture attached. She tapped on it to enlarge it and raised her hand to her mouth as she stared at the baby who looked so much like Maddie as a newborn. _You do deserve this, Deacon,_ she thought. _All of it._

* * *

_**The song in this chapter is "Mean to Me" by Brett Eldredge.**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Over the next few chapters, I will be addressing Deacon's illness. It's important for later in the story. I am doing this completely out of the show timeline, so I'm also choosing not to give him cancer. I'm not going to delve into this in great detail and won't focus a lot on the details of his diagnosis or treatments or physical manifestations, it will be more the emotional side of him being sick.**_

He hadn't wanted to leave them, not even for a second. Other than the few minutes he'd been out of the room getting coffee, he'd been stuck like glue to Emma and Abby. He'd slept on that not terrible, but not comfortable, sleeping chair in the birthing suite. He'd fought Emma in the middle of the night for baby duty when Abby would fuss. He sat sleepily watching Emma feed their daughter and his heart was filled with such achingly beautiful love for both of them.

He'd waited his whole life for this without even realizing it.

As he walked out to his truck the next morning, he was cognizant of how stiff he felt from the sleeping chair. He'd stopped briefly for some not great vending machine coffee to ward off the dull headache from intermittent sleep. He really felt like an old man. But he smiled to himself thinking that this was going to be his life now, and he couldn't wait.

He peeked in the back seat of the truck at the car seat. He had fought with it for over an hour the day before, trying to get it in correctly, all the while worrying about Emma. He wanted to sit with her as she was going through contractions inside the house and yet he was struggling to get the damn car seat in, cussing up a storm. He hoped it was right.

He felt his heart beat faster as he rounded the drive and saw Emma sitting in a wheelchair, holding Abby, a nurse by her side. He couldn't wait to take them both home and start being a family.

He knew he was grinning like a fool as he jumped out of the truck and raced around to where Emma was getting up from the wheelchair with the help of the nurse. He grabbed Abby out of Emma's arms as she stood and she looked at him with surprise.

"Deacon, you're stealing my baby," she said, with the hint of a playful smile.

He grinned. "She's my baby now," he said.

She stood next to him, her hand on his arm, as they watched the nurse inspect the car seat. When she proclaimed it perfect, Deacon beamed with pride and then gently and carefully placed Abby in it and fastened her in, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

They thanked the nurse, who wished them much happiness, and then left with the wheelchair. They stood for a moment, admiring their creation, who looked back at them with wide blue eyes.

Deacon smiled and looked at Emma. "We have a baby," he said.

Emma laughed. "Yeah, we do. The easy part is over. Now we have to raise her."

He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her, as she slid her arms around his waist. Then they both turned to look at Abby, who was still watching them with what they would both swear was fascination. "Get used to that, sweetheart," Deacon said to her with a smile. Then he reached out and closed the door as gently as he could and walked Emma around to the passenger side of the truck. He opened the door and helped her in, then hurried around to his side of the truck. Before he got in, he peeked through the window at a now sleeping Abby.

When he was settled in the truck, he looked at Emma. "We're really doing this, aren't we?" he asked.

She reached for his hand, threading her fingers through his. "I don't think they'll take her back," she said, with a smile.

He grinned. "We better get her home then."

* * *

Maddie and Rayna came over the day after Abby came home. They stayed as long as they felt they could, being mindful that Emma was probably exhausted, but Abby slept the entire time they were there. They stood by the crib and admired the tiny baby and then Rayna lingered a bit, reaching out hesitantly to run her finger over Abby's arm.

Deacon stood by the door and watched her, as Emma and Maddie talked. He wondered what she was thinking, how she was feeling, at that moment. He imagined it was bittersweet for her. And as much as he loved Emma and was happy with this life, he couldn't help but remember when he thought all this would happen for him and Rayna. He felt like all these changes has been harder on Rayna this time around. He'd done his time with regrets and yearning and waiting. He was relieved that was past him. But he knew how she felt, knowing it was her turn now.

* * *

Rayna wanted to cry. She wouldn't, at least not here. And if she did, it would be when she was alone. She was truly happy for Deacon. She knew he wanted this life. He'd wanted it since back in the days when she was married to Teddy. He'd wanted it with _her_. And maybe this was karma for her not giving it to him back before she married Teddy. This was her punishment. She had to watch Deacon find love with someone else and raise up a family with someone else.

She was glad he was happy though. She never wanted him to miss all this because she held him at arms' length. She looked back at the sleeping baby. _You're a lucky little girl, Abby Claybourne. You get to grow up with this man who will love you with all his heart. I hope you'll always cherish that._

* * *

When Emma walked in the door, she could hear Deacon singing. She stopped and listened and could tell he was singing "Playing Tricks", something he'd introduced on his last tour. She smiled. Abby was never going to hear traditional lullabies in this house.

She set her purse down and walked into the nursery. She could see the back of Deacon's head in the rocking chair and she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He turned to look up at her and smiled. "Hey, baby," he said.

"Hey," she said, grinning back at him. She reached over and grabbed one of Abby's hands, making a face at her. "What are y'all doing?"

"We've solved all the world's problems and now she's critiquing my singing before naptime."

Emma went over and sat on the small chest, where Deacon usually sat when he watched her with Abby. Seeing Deacon with their daughter never failed to touch her heart. He loved taking care of her and was game for everything, diaper changing included. He was fascinated by her and, as best as Emma could tell, the feeling was mutual. But right now, Deacon and a baby was a huge turn on.

She smiled at him. "How fast do you think you can get her to go to sleep?" she asked, giving him a knowing look.

He raised his eyebrows. "You got the go ahead?"

She nodded. "I did. And I kinda can't wait." She got up and walked over to him. She ran a finger over his cheek, then lingered on his shoulder. "I'll be waiting for you," she said, and she walked out.

Ten minutes later, he came into the bedroom and hurriedly shut the door. He set the baby monitor on the bedside table and started unbuttoning his shirt. Emma was propped up on the pillows, the sheet around her hips, watching him. He groaned as he fumbled with his jeans, not taking his eyes off her naked body. She could see how ready he was for her and she made a little moaning noise in the back of her throat.

Then he was on the bed, pulling her into his arms, pushing back the covers, covering her. His eyes were dark with passion and need and he was already breathing hard.

She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, gripping it and pulling him in for a kiss. She could feel him hard against her stomach and she didn't want to wait. "I'm ready," she whispered and he moved to enter her slowly, mindful that this was their first time since Abby was born and not wanting to hurt her. She moaned as he entered her and then when he had completely filled her up, she smiled. "I'm so ready for you, Deacon," she murmured.

He groaned loudly and started to move inside her. He'd missed this. They'd done other things during the past six weeks, but she was the one who missed out on the most, so he wanted to please her, especially this first time. "God, I've missed this," he whispered against her lips.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her feet over the back of his legs. "Me too," she said softly. "So much."

He was slow and patient with her and she appreciated it. But she could feel the concentric circles of pleasure start to roll through her fairly quickly. She cried out his name over and over and then he gripped her hips and followed behind.

In the aftermath, he kissed her softly on her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, her neck. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you more," she whispered back.

* * *

Emma quietly got out of bed to check on the baby. Deacon had had an unusually restless night, after complaining of stomach pain and nausea the previous day. She'd been worried about him for several months now. He'd had a lingering cold or flu that just never seemed to completely go away, that had started before Abby was born. But things had ratcheted up over the last few weeks. He'd been unusually fatigued and wasn't eating well. And he'd had intermittent stomach pain that didn't seem to get better. She'd tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he'd blamed it on the lack of sleep since Abby had been born. Truthfully, it was exhausting having a new baby in the house, even one as good as Abby. More than once, in the last three and a half months, they had fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. She reminded herself that she was a lot younger than Deacon too and probably better able to bounce back, but even she was exhausted. But thankfully he was sleeping now and she wanted him to rest.

She stood next to the bed and watched him for a moment. Even now, he had that little crease between his brows and his face didn't look like it was at rest. She was worried but Deacon, as usual, downplayed it. He'd even joked around that he was "just getting old". She hoped it really was just the stress of having a new baby in the house.

When she walked into the nursery and leaned over the crib, she smiled at the baby. Abby was lying in her crib, her eyes open, her tiny hands waving at the mobile above her. When Emma leaned over and ran her fingers over the baby's chest, she was rewarded with a smile.

"Hey, baby girl," she cooed, reaching to pick Abby up. She moved over to sit in the rocking chair and then opened her robe to feed Abby. While her daughter nursed, she ran her finger over the baby's silky brown hair. She looked so much like Deacon. As she thought about him, she smiled, thinking about how much he'd enjoyed Abby. He didn't mind doing anything, as long as he got to hold her. Emma loved to hear him sing to her, and almost every night, he would serenade her as she fell asleep.

When Abby was done nursing, Emma continued to hold her, just happy to gaze at her, touching her tiny hands and fingers. She was such a good baby. She loved this time she had, just her and Abby.

"Emma!" she heard Deacon call out. She frowned. His voice had a tinge of alarm to it. "Emma!" he called out again. This time she was sure of it.

She got up from the chair and laid Abby down in her crib, pulling up the blanket to cover her legs. Then she hurried down to the bedroom, worry niggling at her. Deacon was sitting, hunched over, on the edge of the bed, his back to her. "What is it, hon?" she asked as she walked around the bed.

He was bent over, a grimace on his face, holding his stomach. "Pain," he moaned. Then he looked up at her and she gasped.

"Oh my God," she said, feeling like her legs were going to give out. She sat down next to him, grabbing his hands. "We're going to the ER," she said firmly.

He shook his head. "No," he said weakly.

"Yes," she said. "You're in a lot of pain plus your eyes are all yellow. Something's not right." She was terrified, but she had to stay calm for him. She was positive now that all the other problems he was having were all related somehow.

She called Scarlett to come stay with Abby and between the two of them, they got Deacon dressed and in the car. He had stopped fighting her about going to the hospital and that was how Emma knew he really was sick. As Emma ran to the other side of the car, Scarlett grabbed her in a hug. "It's gonna be ok," she said, a worried look on her face. "Call me when you know something."

Emma nodded, fighting tears. As she drove into town to Vanderbilt, she kept glancing at her husband. He was leaning against the window, in obvious pain, his arms wrapped around his waist. _Please God, let this not be a big deal,_ she prayed in her head. _Don't take Deacon away from me._

At the hospital, the doctor in the ER asked some questions and did a physical exam. When they took him away to run some tests, Emma called Scarlett.

"Any news?" Scarlett asked.

Emma could hear Abby cooing in the background and it made her smile for just a moment. "They're running some tests to be sure, but the ER doctor thinks it could be liver disease," she said, choking on a sob. "Scarlett, he's been sober for seventeen years. Why now?"

Scarlett had tears in her eyes at Emma's words. She glanced over at Abby and prayed that Deacon would be around to see her grow up. "He's a fighter, Emma," she said finally. "'Specially now that he has you and Abby. He'll come out of this okay. And maybe it's not as bad as they think."

"Oh my God," Emma moaned. "I can't believe this is happening. Scarlett, please don't say anything to anyone until we know something for sure."

"I won't. I'm just going to stay here and take care of this precious angel baby until you and her daddy can come home."

When Emma hung up, she cried a little, then walked down to the small chapel, where she sat and prayed. She thought back to the last time she sat in a hospital chapel, in Odessa, numb over the loss of her parents, praying that somehow little Gracie would pull through. She'd never felt so alone as she had that day. She never wanted to go through that again. _I can't lose him._ That was where she was when the nurse found her.

"Mrs. Claybourne, he's back in a room. Let me take you."

Emma swallowed hard when she got to the door. Deacon's face looked drawn up and his eyes were closed. As she walked over, he opened his eyes and looked at her. She saw sadness there as he reached for her hand.

She grabbed his hand and held it to her lips. "Hey, baby," she said, trying to smile.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She shook her head. "Don't be sorry. We're gonna find out what's going on and fix you up so you can come home." She moved closer, holding his hand against her chest. "How do you feel?"

He smiled slightly. "Like shit," he said. He flexed his fingers and slid them along the inside of her breast. "That feels good though."

Emma laughed softly. "We're in a hospital, Deacon," she said with a smile. "Behave."

He smiled again. "I need to be home. With you." His voice was thready and weak and it scared her. This seemed to have just accelerated almost overnight and that terrified her. He lightly squeezed her hand. "Don't tell Maddie."

Emma frowned. "I can't not tell her."

"Not yet." He frowned back.

Just then, the doctor came in. "Mr. Claybourne, Mrs. Claybourne, I don't have all the test results back yet, but from what I've seen so far, it's cirrhosis of the liver, most likely caused by Mr. Claybourne's prior history of alcohol abuse. I'm also concerned because his blood panel shows an elevated white cell count, so we need to further investigate that. When we get the rest of the test results back tomorrow, we'll know just how damaged his liver is. But I can tell you right now, with some assurance, it's very serious."

Emma caught her breath and then looked at Deacon. He bit his lip and looked away from her, but not before she saw tears in his eyes. She looked back at the doctor. "But he's been sober for seventeen years. How is that possible?"

"Sometimes the disease lays dormant and something else triggers it, like a change in diet, or the progression is just so slow that it doesn't manifest itself right away. Usually, refraining from alcohol use can mitigate any damage, but that's not always the case. I'd like for you to stay overnight, Mr. Claybourne…."

"I want to go home," Deacon said, frowning.

"I'd really like for you to stay until we have all the test results back. Your wife can stay here with you."

"I want to go home." Deacon's voice was firm.

Emma's head was swirling and she fought to remain calm. "Deacon, it's okay," she said. "I think you should stay. I'll stay with you." Her heart broke as he looked at her, devastation in his eyes. She turned back to the doctor. "What's our next step?"

"We'll know more for sure tomorrow, but as I said before, this is a pretty serious situation. I'm going to refer you to one of our hepatology specialists."

Deacon frowned. "What is that?"

"They specialize in liver diseases. And they're associated with our transplant center. Should that become necessary."

Deacon made a strangled noise and breathed in and out slowly. Emma was crying silently. They'd just known each other a couple years. They'd only been married a little over six months. They had a baby. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't go through this again. The last thing she remembered was a cloud of blackness surrounding her and Deacon's voice calling, faintly, "Emma! Emma!"

* * *

When Emma came to, she was sitting on the floor and Deacon was sitting next to her, his arms around her. A nurse was squatting down in front of her. "Emma?" she asked gently.

Emma took a deep breath and grabbed Deacon's hand. "What happened?"

"You fainted," the nurse told her. "Luckily you just slid down next to the chair so you didn't hit the ground."

"You were very dainty about it," Deacon whispered in her ear. She knew he was trying to lighten the very dark mood, but she could feel him shaking and she knew, on top of being scared about his own situation, he was scared for her.

"Let me help you get up," the nurse said, holding out a hand. She helped Emma up. "Now sit on the chair." Which Emma did. Then the doctor and the nurse helped Deacon up, getting him back into bed.

The doctor patted Emma's hand. "I think it's good you're staying tonight." Emma smiled weakly.

* * *

Deacon looked at the clock. _2:30._ He didn't think he'd slept at all, despite how fatigued he was. Emma was asleep, her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He had his arm around her waist and he lay there concentrating on how she felt next to him in that hospital bed.

She'd started off on the sleeping chair, but had complained it was uncomfortable. He kept trying to get her to lay next to him but at first she'd said no, she wanted him to rest. But there was no way he was doing that and eventually she had migrated to this spot and they had just held each other, saying little, until she dozed off.

He felt tears in his eyes and fought them. He was pissed. He kept remembering Rayna telling him that his drinking was going to kill him one day, when she'd find him passed out in a bar, at a hotel, in his car. But he'd cheated death so many times and then he'd finally gotten sober and thought that threat was over.

But the next doctor they'd seen, whatever that specialty was again, had given them less than encouraging news. Cirrhosis of the liver, for sure. An elevated white cell count that could mean cancer. And treatment options, at least for a cure, were very limited. He didn't have a lot of time, if a liver didn't become available.

He finally everything he'd ever wanted. His own career, a family, all the things he'd ever dreamed of. He reached up and rubbed his face. He could feel Emma's breathing, rhythmic and shallow, and he couldn't believe he'd found her and now he'd have to leave her. And Maddie, who he was really bonding with now. And Abby, who wouldn't even remember him. He took a deep, shuddering breath as the emotions washed over him.

Emma's hand moved and she looked up at him. "You okay?" she asked, worry lining her face.

He wrapped his other arm around her. "Yeah," he choked out.

She sighed. "We're gonna beat this," she said. "You have to believe that."

He just held her, unable to say anything. It felt hopeless to him. He didn't want to say goodbye to her. To his girls. It just wasn't fair. But he knew he had to prepare, not only himself, but them. He had to be strong for them.

Emma reached up and wiped away a tear from under his eye. He grabbed her hand. "It's okay," he said.

"You know it's okay to be sad," she said. "It's okay to be pissed."

He drew in a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Just when everything was finally all good," he whispered.

Emma shifted a little, then sat up, and balanced herself with her hands on either side of him. He looked into her eyes. "Don't give up," she said. "Please don't give up."

Deacon swallowed hard. "You heard what the doctor said. I've got six, maybe twelve months."

Emma frowned. "You could get a transplant, Deacon. That's why we need to make the appointment with the transplant center. If you get a transplant, you'll recover."

Deacon closed his eyes. "What if that doesn't happen?"

Emma sighed. "Then we'll deal with it then. But I'm not going to live my life thinking you're gonna die. I just can't."

He looked at her again, his eyes damp. "I don't want that. But I have to consider all the options. All the outcomes." He breathed in. "Until I can't, however long that is, I'm gonna live every moment I can. I'm gonna hold my baby and love her as best I can. I'm gonna teach Maddie everything I know about music." He choked on his words. "And I'm gonna sing to you every day and make love to you as often as I can."

Emma felt tears prick her eyes, but she forced herself to smile. "Even if you live to be a hundred?"

He smiled back. "I promise."

She lowered herself until she was lying flush against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her back. "I'm the luckiest woman on earth to be loved by you," she said.

His eyes reflected sadness and regret. "But you didn't sign on for this," he said.

She looked at him firmly. "Deacon, I can't think like that. I can't think you won't be here when we're old and gray and watching our grandchildren. I can't believe you won't watch Abby grow up, that you won't chase off Maddie and Abby's boyfriends, that you won't walk them down the aisle one day. I refuse to believe you won't be around. And I don't want you to believe that either."

He stared into her eyes for a moment, then put his hands on her face and kissed her. "I'm the lucky one," he said. "I'm the one who's lucky to be loved by you."

* * *

Emma was sitting in the waiting room, unable to concentrate on the magazine she was holding. Deacon had been going through a battery of tests and appointments for more than half the day. When they were alone between appointments, he'd started by complaining but, as the day wore on, more of those moments were spent in silence, as they just held hands, wondering what the outcome would be. He was going through yet another test that she couldn't sit in on and she was about to jump out of her skin.

After they'd come home from the hospital, Deacon hadn't wanted to talk about his diagnosis at first. Emma had let him sit with it for a day and then finally had forced the conversation. His stubbornness infuriated her and she had ended up making the appointment with the transplant center herself. He had argued with her about that, telling her she didn't have the right to do that. She knew he was scared and that he didn't want to have to come face-to-face with this reality, but she was scared too. And she didn't want to just sit around and do nothing. It felt like they didn't have much time to waste. Finally the door opened.

"Mrs. Claybourne?" the nurse said. "You can come back now."

Emma jumped up and hurried to follow the nurse. She was led down a hall to a large, airy office. She noticed lush green plants and framed posters on the wall representing Nashville landmarks. A wall of diplomas was behind the empty chair at the large mahogany desk.

Deacon was sitting, slumped down, in one of the chairs opposite the desk. There was a bandage on the back of his right hand. She sat down in the chair next to him and grabbed his other hand.

"Dr. Wright will be with you shortly," the nurse said.

Emma looked at her and nodded. "Thanks." When the nurse left and closed the door, she looked back at Deacon. He looked tired, his face wan and almost pasty looking. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He scowled. "I'm tired of being poked. I've had so much blood drawn, I'm surprised there's any left. If this is what I have to look forward to, I ain't interested."

She rolled her eyes. "If this is what it takes to get you better, you damn well better be interested."

He frowned and she turned forward in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. He sighed. "I'm sorry, baby, but I feel like a damn pin cushion or something. This isn't fun."

She took a deep breath. "I know it's not. But I don't want you giving up just because you're gonna get stuck with a needle."

He sighed again and rubbed his hands over his face, sitting up in the chair. Just then the door opened and a gray haired bear of a man walked in, a tablet in his hand. "Good afternoon, Mr. Claybourne, Mrs. Claybourne." He walked over and shook both their hands. "I'm Dr. Wright, the surgical director here at the liver transplant center."

Deacon said nothing. Emma looked at him, then back at Dr. Wright. "Thanks for seeing us, Dr. Wright," she said.

Dr. Wright walked around to his desk and sat opposite them, the tablet in front of him. "So, Mr. Claybourne, you already know you have advanced cirrhosis of the liver. From your history we know that it's a result of alcohol abuse more than fifteen years ago." He looked up at Deacon. "I commend you for maintaining your sobriety all these years. I wish it had been enough to prevent this from happening."

Deacon cleared his throat. "So what's the bottom line? With no medical talk, please. Oh, and call me Deacon." He glanced at Emma. "And Emma."

Dr. Wright nodded. "Unfortunately, Deacon, there's not much good news, but we'll start with what we do have. Although we won't know the final results for a day or two, it does not appear, from the PET scan, that you have cancer. The elevated white count has actually dropped back down to near normal. So that by itself is a good start. Liver cancer would have put us a lot further behind the eight ball."

Deacon breathed out and felt his eyes burn with unshed tears. He'd had no expectations going into this, except that he thought he didn't have much time left, but this meant maybe a little more.

Emma let the doctor's words wash over her and breathed a sigh of relief. She and Scarlett had done exactly what they shouldn't have and had Googled liver disease, each hit more dire that the last, until she was sick to her stomach and her head was pounding. She finally felt a moment of relief that the very worst of her fears wouldn't be realized.

"We do, however, need to move pretty quickly," the doctor went on. "I'm going to prescribe a medication protocol that will help you feel better and you'll meet with our transplant dietician who will give you a diet plan that will help mitigate some of the symptoms you have and may have going forward. But, quite candidly, what we need to do is a liver transplant, if there's any chance of long-term survival. And we need to do it soon. Ideally in the next six months."

Deacon swallowed hard. Emma reached for his hand and he squeezed it hard. She felt a little lightheaded and queasy. She cleared her throat. "What are the next steps for a transplant?" she asked, her voice quavering.

"We'll need to run a few more tests to ensure we have all the information to make an organ match, but I anticipate being able to get Deacon a high priority on the transplant list."

"How long, um, how long does it take?" Deacon asked. His chest hurt and now his head was pounding.

Dr. Wright shrugged. "It depends. The most common scenario is the deceased donor, in which case we wait for someone who is an organ donor to provide a liver that's a match."

Deacon breathed out. "So basically we're waiting for someone to die."

"As unpleasant as that sounds, yes. But there is an alternative."

Emma sat forward. "What's that?"

"A living donor. Someone, often a family member, who is a match and can give a portion of his or her liver to Deacon. We'd remove Deacon's diseased liver, transplant the portion of the liver from the donor and both livers regenerate, or grow back, very quickly."

"So it needs to be a family member?"

Dr. Wright shook his head. "No, it doesn't. Just someone who's a match. But we normally look at family members first."

Deacon frowned. "What's involved in that?"

"In simple terms, initially, a lot of testing to ensure the person is a match. Once we've identified an appropriate donor, then we schedule the transplant. The donor has surgery to remove part of his or her liver and then we would transplant that into you."

"So, wait. The person who donates has surgery? How serious is that?"

"Well, it's major surgery, so all the risks associated with surgery are present."

Deacon worked his lip. "I don't want anyone else to put themselves at risk for me. So I guess, if we do this, we'll wait for, what did you call it?"

"A deceased donor."

"Okay, a deceased donor. How long does that take?"

"It depends. Here at Vanderbilt, it's an average of three months, but of course, it could be longer. The advantage of a living donor is that you aren't having to wait. What you need to consider is that, as time goes on, your symptoms will increase and you will start to feel worse. The sooner we can do this, the better." He looked at Deacon and Emma. "So, I know this has been a long day and you have a lot to think about. Go home and talk about everything and let us know what you want to do next. But remember, time is of the essence."

* * *

That night, as they lay in bed, Emma ran her fingers lightly over Deacon's chest. "I don't think we have any choice, hon," she said. "We have to do the transplant."

He was quiet at first. Then he rolled towards her and pulled her close. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said. "But no one's going under the knife for me."

Emma sighed. They would have to discuss that more. But not tonight. They had enough to consider tonight.

* * *

Emma sat on the couch and put her arm around Deacon. "You need to tell Maddie," she said softly.

He scowled. "No. I don't want her to worry."

Emma sighed. "She's going to worry anyway, hon. She's going to see it in my face and she's going to see it in yours that something's wrong. And if you get sicker, she's going to see that too and she's not going to believe you that it's something minor."

Deacon looked down at his lap. "She'll be scared."

Emma leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Of course she will. But so are you and so am I. She needs to know though." She took a deep breath. "I know you'll get the transplant and you'll be fine, but if that doesn't happen," and her voice choked, "she needs to be able to say goodbye."

Deacon turned and faced her. "How do I do it?"

She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair and smiled sadly. "You just tell her the truth. And I'll be there. And Rayna."

He frowned and clenched his jaw. "Rayna?"

"She has to know too. She's going to have to be there for Maddie, just like we are. Besides, she loves you. This is going to hurt her too. You're her family." She swallowed hard. "In fact, we need to tell Rayna before we tell Maddie."

He scowled. "Why?"

She sighed. "We can't spring this on her at the same time we tell Maddie. That's not fair. And it's not right."

Deacon looked away, working his lip. Emma could see the pain in his eyes and she wished she could, somehow, take that away. He looked back at her and put his hand on her cheek. "How do I tell Maddie I'm dying?"

Emma's heart hurt and she choked back a sob. "You're not going to tell her that. You're going to give her hope, hon. Don't let her think all is lost. Because it's not." She moved over to sit in his lap, wrapping her arms around his head and neck, pulling him into her. "You're not going to die, Deacon Claybourne. They'll find a liver and you'll have the transplant and you'll be fine. I'm not giving up on you." As he buried his face in her chest, she prayed for strength she wasn't sure she had. This felt too much like losing her family had and she wasn't sure she could handle that again.

* * *

Emma called Rayna at her office. She gave her name to the receptionist as Emma Taylor. When Rayna came on the line, she sounded wary. "Hey, Emma," she said. "What's going on?"

Emma took a deep breath. "Deacon and I need to talk to you about something before we share it with Maddie. Can you come by and see us?"

Rayna felt a cold chill run down her spine. "What's it about?"

"We'd really rather wait to talk face-to-face. At your convenience, of course."

"I'll leave right now."

* * *

When she saw Emma's face at the door, Rayna had a bad feeling. She could see stress etched across the younger woman's face and a deep sadness in her eyes. But she wasn't prepared for how bleak Deacon looked. He could barely look at her as she nearly collapsed in the chair opposite the couch where he sat. Rayna felt a quiver of anxiety run through her. Something felt very, very wrong.

"Can I get you anything?" Emma asked Rayna.

She looked up at Emma and thought _Maybe a few shots of whiskey_, which she knew they didn't have anyway, but she just shook her head. "I'm fine," she said quietly.

Emma sat next to Deacon and Rayna noticed that he held her hand tightly. They were quiet for a few moments and then, finally, Emma looked up at Rayna. "Deacon's really sick," she said. "He hasn't felt well for a while and, at first, we just thought it was the exhaustion that comes with having a new baby. But it clearly wasn't." She took a deep breath. "He was having such severe pain that we went to the ER and it turns out he has undiagnosed cirrhosis. Liver disease."

Rayna gasped and tears sprang immediately to her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, my God," she murmured. "But how can this be?" She looked at Deacon. "You've been sober for such a long time."

Deacon couldn't look at her. "It's one of those things where there just aren't symptoms until it's pretty much too late. Everyone said drinking would kill me and now it looks like it will."

Emma frowned at him. "Deacon, stop." She turned back to Rayna. "We're looking at options right now," Emma went on. "But we need to let Maddie know and we want you to be with her when we do."

"Of course." She looked at Deacon. "There has to be something we can do, right?"

Deacon looked at her for the first time. "They tell me I'd have to have a liver transplant. If I don't, I'll die. And there are no guarantees they'll find the right liver in time." His voice was flat and harsh.

Rayna felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. "No," she moaned. "There has to be something else we can do. Some other options." She looked at Emma. "Aren't there?"

Emma took a deep breath. "We could look for a living donor," she said. She knew Deacon was scowling at her, but she wasn't ready to give up. "That might speed up the surgery process."

"We're not doing that," Deacon said. "I won't have somebody put their own lives at risk. For me."

Rayna frowned. "If that's what we need to do, then we have to do it. Deacon, there's no way we can tell Maddie there's no hope. Or little hope. We just can't."

"We're not going to do that," Emma said, giving Deacon a warning look. "We don't want to minimize the seriousness, but we're not going to let her think there's no hope." She looked back at Rayna. "Will you be here with us when we tell her?"

Rayna nodded. "Of course. And I'll do anything I can to help. Just let me know what I can do."

* * *

The day Maddie was coming over, Deacon was unusually quiet. He puttered around the kitchen, making coffee, while Emma got Abby dressed. She brought the baby in the kitchen, where he was standing at the window, looking out. She walked over and ran her hand over his back. "Hey," she said softly. He turned to look at her, his eyes full of that quiet desperation that seemed to never go away these days. It broke her heart. Abby was cooing softly against her shoulder.

Deacon turned around and leaned back against the counter. He looked down at the floor. "I can't do it," he said morosely.

"Can't do what?"

"Tell Maddie."

Emma took a deep breath. "Yes, you can. You have to."

"I don't know what to say."

"Tell her the truth."

Deacon looked at her and frowned. "Just tell her that because I was a drunk all those years that now I'm gonna die? That it doesn't matter that I got sober and stayed sober, because I'm still gonna die?"

Emma scowled. "No, of course that's not what you're gonna say. Damn it, Deacon, I know this is awful news, but all hope isn't lost."

"It may as well be. I'm a drunk, Emma. Maybe I've been sober for seventeen years, but I'm still a drunk. Who wants to give a liver to a drunk? And maybe there isn't one in time. I just have to face the fact that I'm gonna die and leave my wife and my two girls…" He choked on a sob and looked away.

"Deacon," she whispered. Abby, probably sensing the distress of her parents, started to make fussy noises. Emma tried to soothe her by patting her on her back, but Deacon reached for the baby and took her out of Emma's arms. Emma watched as he held Abby against his chest, rubbing her back with one hand and lightly kissing the top of her head, until she settled down. She felt like her heart was truly breaking. She reached out and put her arms around Deacon, pressing herself against him and their daughter. She couldn't lose him. There had to be a solution.

* * *

When the knock came at the door, Emma glanced at Deacon. He looked unhappy and she knew he was scared about what he was going to tell Maddie. She leaned over and kissed him. "Are you ready for this?" she asked.

He shook his head. "But I'm not sure I'd ever be."

She got up and went to the door. Her gut clenched as she looked at Maddie, standing there with a big smile on her face. Rayna stood just behind her. Emma smiled at Maddie. "Hey, Maddie, Rayna. Y'all come on in."

Maddie looked puzzled when Emma invited Rayna in and her smile faded. "What's going on?" Maddie asked, as they both walked in. "Hey, Dad," Maddie said to Deacon, who was sitting on the edge of the couch, looking at his feet.

Rayna grabbed Maddie's hand and they both sat on the couch opposite Deacon. Emma sat down next to him and laid her hand on his thigh, looking at him with an anxious expression on his face.

Maddie looked shaken. "What's going on, Dad?" she asked, a note of anxiety in her voice.

Deacon took a deep breath, then looked up, trying to control his emotions. He reached for Emma's hand, trying to draw strength from her. He breathed in, then let his breath out in a whoosh. He focused his eyes on Maddie. "So, about a week or so ago, I was feeling really bad. I thought maybe it was just being tired, not getting enough sleep because of the baby, but it sort of seemed like it was more than that, so Emma took me to the hospital." He stopped, breathing in again slowly. Emma watched Maddie and Rayna. Maddie started to look a little panicked and Rayna kept her eyes on her daughter. Deacon went on. "They ran some tests and it seems that I have liver disease."

Maddie was starting to tear up. "What does that mean?" she asked, her voice breathy. Rayna ran her hand over Maddie's back.

Deacon cleared his throat. "It's a pretty serious situation, Maddie. Because I drank a lot years ago, it damaged my liver. I just didn't have symptoms until now. They've given me some medications and things like that, but it's bad enough that I'm going to have to have a liver transplant. If they can find one for me."

Maddie was shaking her head, tears streaking down her face. "No, no, no," she started to wail. "What if they can't find one?" Rayna had put her arms around Maddie and tears had formed in her eyes.

Deacon dropped Emma's hand and ran both hands over his face. When he looked back at Maddie, his eyes were wet and devastated. "If they can't find one in the next six months or so, I'm…."

"No!" Maddie shrieked. "No! You can't die! We haven't had enough time together." She pulled away from Rayna and threw herself at Deacon. He hugged her tight, letting her tears flow as he tried to comfort his daughter.

Rayna was trying not to lose control, but the tears were streaming down her face. Emma got up and went to her, putting her arms around her. Rayna put her head on Emma's shoulder and sobbed. Emma wanted to cry too, but she felt like she needed to be as calm as possible for everyone around her. So she sat with Rayna, letting her cry, rubbing her hand over her back as she would have done for Abby. She looked over at Deacon and Maddie.

Deacon was holding Maddie tight as she wept on his shoulder. He was trying not to break down, Emma could tell. "Maddie, we're gonna hope for the best," he said to her, "but if it doesn't happen, I need you to know that I love you."

Maddie sat back and looked at him. "This just isn't fair," she cried. "It's not fair at all." She looked over at Rayna and Emma. "Isn't there something we can do?"

Rayna rubbed away her tears. "Aren't living donors an option?" she asked.

Deacon frowned. "That's a pretty serious surgery and I don't want someone else putting themselves at risk."

"I want to do it," Maddie said.

Deacon shook his head. "No."

"Please."

"No," Deacon and Rayna said at the same time.

"I'm going to get tested," Rayna said. "And don't tell _me_ no." She had a fierce look on her face, that take charge look that Deacon had seen before, but was unfamiliar to Emma. "We'll get on this right away and find someone as soon as possible. We just aren't giving up. That's just not an option."

* * *

Rayna stayed until Maddie was reasonably calm. Before she left she hugged Emma and whispered to her to stay strong. Emma watched as she hugged Deacon and, in that moment, she felt like she finally understood why the two of them considered themselves family. As strong as Rayna was, she looked broken as she clung to him. "Be strong," she told him. "We're gonna figure this out. We aren't going to let you die." And then she left.

Emma felt a pit in her stomach. Deacon and Rayna had so much history, they knew each other so intimately. She could see Deacon responding to her and drawing strength, or something, from Rayna, and that scared her a little. She believed Deacon loved her, but this was uncharted territory, and they were all scared. And Rayna had resources, and probably strength, that Emma didn't feel like she had. She hated to worry and feel jealous of Rayna when the real focus needed to be on Deacon and his illness, but this tapped into the inner fears that she had, up to now, tamped down successfully.

Maddie went back to check on Abby and Emma pulled Deacon onto the couch with her. She stretched out, leaning back on the pillows and pulled him back against her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he leaned into her chest. "I'm glad you did that," she whispered.

He sighed. "I hated the look on her face."

"I know. It was hard for both of them. But you'll have that much more support now."

He covered her hands with his. "I just need you."

She kissed his temple. She loved him so much. She couldn't bear even thinking about the possibility that a donor wouldn't be found or that he wouldn't accept a live donation. She didn't want to think about not having him in her life and Abby's life. Just then, Maddie walked back in holding Abby, the baby waving her hands. She sat down on the coffee table.

"Abby wanted to be with us," she said, sadness etched over her face. She reached out for Deacon's hand. "I think we all just need to be together right now."

* * *

It was late when they finally went to bed. Emma had let herself be distracted by Maddie and Abby. Deacon had watched his wife carefully. He knew, even though she tried to be strong and brave, that she was scared, and he knew that Rayna's fierce determination had rattled her. He loved Rayna, would always love her, but she was part of his past. Emma was his present and, for however long he had, his future. He needed her.

She was already in bed when he walked in after rocking Abby to sleep. Holding her in his arms felt so bittersweet these days and he hated the thought that she could grow up without him. He'd cried as he held her, tears he wouldn't let Emma see because he wanted to be strong for her for as long as he could be. He crawled into bed, expecting Emma to turn towards him like she always did, but this time she didn't. He could tell she wasn't asleep because occasionally she'd breathe in a little more sharply.

"Emma," he whispered. She didn't respond. "Emma, please." She almost seemed to draw in on herself, so he slid over and fitted himself against her back, wrapping his arm around her and leaning into her neck. He kissed her softly right behind her ear. "I don't need her," he said softly. "I need you." She breathed in raggedly and he pulled her into him more tightly. "She and I, we know each other so well, but she's just my family. You are my whole life."

Emma felt tears in her eyes, but she wasn't going to cry. She turned her head towards him. "I want to be the one to be strong for you, to make all this right," she said.

Deacon turned her to face him. "You are," he said. "It makes her feel in control to be in charge, to have a plan. But none of it matters without you. If I get the transplant and you're not there, well, it just wouldn't matter. I need _you_. I need you to believe that."

Emma reached up and ran her hand along his face, running her thumb over his lips. "I do," she said finally. "I really do." She leaned up and kissed him gently. "I love you."

Deacon ran his hand down her side and around the small of her back. "I love you more," he said, and then moved on top of her. She sighed contentedly and opened her legs to envelop him. He thrust into her smoothly and almost reverently, moaning with need. They wrapped themselves around each other, losing themselves in their craving for each other. At one point, Deacon whispered in her ear, "I want to stay like this with you forever", and she murmured her agreement. They were gentle with each other, slowing things down occasionally to prolong the sweetness, until finally they came together, feeling that particular oneness they always felt with each other.


	13. Chapter 13

As the days and weeks wore on, their lives became doctor appointments, medications, and escalating symptoms. When Emma thought back on the time leading up to the events that sent them to the ER, she realized that there had been warning signs, but they'd been easily explained away. Deacon had had a number of bad colds that seemed to linger longer than they should have, and then intermittent stomach pain. He'd been more easily fatigued and even sometimes disoriented, forgetting what he was doing in the middle of something or walking into a room and not remembering why he was there. But since it had all coincided with a new baby in the house, it was easy to say it was the stress of that.

While some things had settled down a bit in the aftermath of telling Rayna and Maddie about his illness, Emma found herself getting increasingly troubled by Deacon's seeming acceptance of the worst case scenario. She would find him sorting through boxes or making notes about his possessions. He dutifully took his medications and followed the doctor's orders, but he wouldn't discuss any options other than a liver transplant from a deceased donor. He had been given a high position on the transplant list, because of how advanced his disease was, but so far there had been no matches. The only time she ever saw him smile anymore seemed to be when he was with Abby and, even then, it wasn't a joyful smile.

The day she found him cataloging his guitar collection, she finally broke. She stood in the door of his guitar room and frowned, watching him meticulously making notes in a leather bound notebook. Finally she put her hands on her hips. "Stop it," she said firmly.

He turned to look at her and scowled. "I need to be sure this is all written down," he said, his voice curt.

"No, you don't. You need to stop this incessant 'getting your affairs in order' bullshit."

He put down his pen and stood up. "I don't want to leave things to chance, Emma," he said, his face dark.

She walked over to the notebook and looked at what he had written. Then she made a growling noise and ripped the page out of the notebook and balled it up furiously. "Stop it!" she cried.

He grabbed her hand and pulled the balled up piece of paper away from her. "What's the matter with you?" he yelled.

She looked at him incredulously. "What's the matter with _me_? What the hell's the matter with _you_? Why the hell are you giving up?"

He fumed. "I'm not giving up. I'm being practical. I'm preparing, just in case."

"How about preparing to live, Deacon? What if you _live_? Why not focus on that for a change instead of trying to figure out who gets what if you die? If you die, we'll figure that out then. But I've had enough of this getting ready to die crap." She was starting to cry and she hated him to see her tears. "I'm tired of watching you give up. Why do you want to leave me and Abby?"

He scowled. "I _don't_ want to leave you! But I have to be realistic!"

She threw her hands up in the air. "No, you're not being realistic, you're being fatalistic. Why not be hopeful instead? You need to do everything in your power to survive and you're just not doing that. I can't watch you do this anymore, Deacon. I just can't." She turned and stormed out of the room and headed for the stairs.

He followed her. "Emma!" he shouted after her as he watched her run down the stairs. He headed that way himself. "Emma, come back here!" But she had a head start and as he got to the bottom of the stairs, he heard the door slam shut. "Emma!" he shouted and started towards the door. Then he heard Abby start to cry and he knew he couldn't leave. He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, struggling to breathe as both anger and fear raced through him. He looked at the balled up piece of paper he'd taken from her that was still in his hand and he threw it to the floor, shouting out, "Damn it, Emma!"

Then it felt like all the fight had gone out of him. He sagged against the stair rail and breathed in raggedly. He was feeling helpless and hopeless and he realized he was shutting Emma out. His eyes burned as he worked his lip. When she came back, he'd need to make this right. In the meantime, he needed to check on Abby, who was still crying, and he headed for the nursery.

* * *

It was over two hours later before Emma came back home. Deacon had changed Abby and then sat with her, first in the rocking chair, and then in the living room. He was worried and anxious and, as time wore on, he got mad again. He'd tried to call Emma, which was when he discovered she'd left without her phone, as it rang on the kitchen counter. Abby had been fussy for the last thirty minutes and nothing he did seemed to help. Emma finally walked through the front door, looking agitated. He was relieved, but also still angry about their fight earlier. "Where have you been?" he asked, a little more harshly than he'd meant to. She frowned at him and, instead of answering, plucked Abby from his arms and started for her nursery. He stood up. "Emma! Talk to me!"

She walked quickly towards the nursery, shrugging off her coat as she went, leaving it lying on the floor. Deacon followed her, picking up the coat as he did. When he got to the nursery, she was sitting in the rocking chair and he walked around to sit on the small chest that sat opposite. He watched as she held Abby in one arm and put a bottle to the baby's mouth, her face screwed up in frustration. When Abby started to suck on the formula, Emma leaned back, sighing deeply, her eyes closed.

Deacon watched for a moment. Normally this was something he enjoyed, watching Emma feed their daughter, but he was still out of sorts at her earlier anger with him. "Emma…." he started.

Her eyes flew open and flashed with anger. "Not now," she said firmly. "I don't need to feel stressed while I feed her. So we'll talk about this later." He sat, frowning at her and working his lip. "Go on, Deacon. I can't calm down if you're going to sit there glaring at me." He scowled, but got up and started to walk out. As he passed her, he paused briefly and laid his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb for just a second. Then he left.

Emma took several deep breaths and then focused on Abby. Luckily, holding the little girl and feeding her was one of her calming rituals anyway and she felt a lot of her anger and irritation melting away as she focused on the baby. After she finished feeding her and then rocked her to sleep, she got up and laid the baby in her crib. She ran her hand gently over Abby's back as she stood watching her for a moment.

Then she walked out to the living room, where Deacon was sitting on the couch, looking sad and remorseful. She stood looking at him for a moment, his eyes seeming to tell her how sorry he was, and that melted her heart. She went to sit next to him and he put his arm around her, pulling her into his side. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered.

She put her arm around his waist. "I know," she said. "I am too. But I really do need you to focus on _all_ your options, hon. I don't understand why you won't even consider a living donor." She could feel him tense up, but then he breathed out.

"I _did_ consider it, Emma. But it's still major surgery for the other person and it's risky. I don't want someone else risking their life for me."

She sat up and looked at him closely. "But what if someone wants to? Please, Deacon, don't shut people out. Can't you at least consider it again?" She reached out and put her hand on his cheek. "I don't want to lose you. I need you."

He grabbed her wrist and breathed in and out slowly. "I don't wanna die," he said, a hitch in his voice. "I'll consider the living donor."

She leaned in and kissed him. "Thank you," she murmured.

* * *

As Emma rode up the elevator, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. But she needed someone to talk to. She'd been at the park with Abby and felt so alone. Leah didn't know Deacon, so while she was sympathetic, she didn't understand him. She couldn't saddle Scarlett with this, who was already worried herself. She just hoped this wasn't a bad idea.

Almost as soon as Deacon had agreed to consider a living donor, he'd balked again. Emma was rapidly losing patience with him. The transplant doctor had told them they were getting closer to the point where their options would start to run out. The deceased donor route had continued to be a dead end and Deacon was being stubborn about asking anyone to be a living donor, or to even consider it. She'd cried tears of frustration that day, and even anger.

She knew he was scared. Scared of asking anyone to take that risk for him and scared of dying. She had wanted it to be his choice, but their window of opportunity was narrowing and she decided she had to take matters into her own hands. This was the only thing she could think of to do. And she had to do _something_. She couldn't sit back and wait any longer for Deacon to snap out of it.

She found the office and walked in. The girl at the front desk looked up. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I was, uh, hoping to see Rayna Jaymes," Emma said.

"Do you have an appointment?"

Emma shook her head. "I don't. Could you tell her, um, Emma Taylor would like to see her? If she has a minute?" She didn't want to use the Claybourne name in front of all these people.

"Okay. Hold on." She didn't look hopeful but picked up the phone.

Emma walked over to the wall of Rayna Jaymes album covers. She turned at the sound of heels clicking quickly on the floor. Rayna's face looked worried. "Emma? Is everything okay?"

Emma nodded. "I was just hoping you'd have a minute."

"Of course. Come on back." Rayna waited and then followed Emma into her office. She gestured towards a seating area and Emma went to sit, turning Abby's stroller to face her. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Emma shook her head. "I'm fine. Thanks."

Rayna sat next to her. "What's going on?"

Emma sighed. "I just don't have anyone I can talk to that really knows Deacon. I know he's scared and he's trying to be brave, but he's not letting me help him."

Rayna took her hand. "Deacon is a proud man. I know you know that. And he tries to do everything himself, without help. He's always been that way, as long as I've known him. I know he thinks he's sparing you, even though we both know that's not the case."

"It's almost like he's given up. Or at least that he's just going to let what's going to happen, happen. He doesn't want to take help."

"He's gonna have to." She looked down at the baby. "May I hold her?"

Emma nodded. "Sure."

"Does she come to people well?"

Emma smiled. "Better than I'd probably want her to."

Rayna smiled and reached down, unfastening the straps and lifting Abby up and into her arms. She made a face at the baby. "Hey there," she cooed and Abby waved her arms. Rayna looked at Emma. "I can't remember the last time I held a baby. She's precious."

"Thank you."

"She looks like Maddie when she was a baby."

Emma nodded. "I think Abby looks like Deacon. And Maddie does too, so I bet they'll look a lot alike when Abby gets older."

"Sisters," Rayna said softly. She sighed. "Maddie wasn't good with strangers. Except Deacon." Her face was sad for a moment. Then she seemed to shake it off. "I think we just need to take matters into our own hands, where Deacon is concerned. Anyone who wants to get tested will get tested. And when we have a match, we just tell Deacon. He'll get all huffy about it, but he'll get over it. He needs to be around to raise up this little girl." She stopped a moment. When she looked at Emma, there was sadness in her eyes. "I kept him from Maddie for all those years. I can't let that be taken away from him without a fight now."

"I know Scarlett wants to be tested. And me too."

Rayna frowned. "Not you. Your job is to take care of Deacon. And your daughter. Scarlett and me though. We'll get tested."

Emma felt tears spring to her eyes. "Thank you."

Rayna smiled encouragingly. "We're family, Emma. We'll make this happen."

* * *

After Emma and Abby left, Rayna sat in her office with the door closed. This was all such a horrible situation. She never thought something like this could happen. When Deacon and Emma had told her about his situation, all she could think about was not losing him. Luke had been sympathetic but had warned her against getting too involved. But it had pulled up all those old feelings, the ones she'd been struggling with ever since Emma had been in Deacon's life.

She hated the feeling of letting him go, had struggled with her emotions as his relationship with Emma had gotten serious, she had gotten pregnant, and they'd gotten married. But faced with the possibility that Deacon could die had left her feeling more frantic. Every time she thought about Deacon and his illness, which was frequently, she felt like she could scarcely breathe. She felt helpless. At times she felt like she could barely function. The only thing keeping her sane right now was helping Maddie deal with it all.

She'd completely screwed up. It was one thing to watch them get married, even though that had felt very final. She'd never considered the possibility that Deacon would ever get married. It was as though she always thought he'd just be there. It had left her off-balance, but his illness had knocked her over. But who would have ever thought that more than seventeen years after getting sober, Deacon would be struck down with liver disease. She could be out of time.

Seeing Emma here, though, and Abby, had rocked her. Deacon was Emma's husband. And Abby's father. Holding that little girl in her arms had been surreal. She'd had such a sense of déjà vu, holding Deacon's daughter, just like she had over seventeen years ago. She had no right to interfere with that. He'd told her, more than once, that he had moved on, that Emma was his present and his future. He'd been _her_ future once, before she'd traded it for a seven-carat diamond ring and access to the publicity machine that had propelled her to heights she and Deacon had never even imagined all those years ago.

And she was happy, wasn't she? Luke spoiled her, giving her anything she wanted. He was an attentive, caring lover who, truthfully, did excite her. She couldn't deny that, when he touched her, she felt a tingly wonderfulness. But he could also be mean and spiteful, condescending and overbearing. And he didn't understand the pull of the music for her. He loved to perform in front of a crowd, but it wasn't the essence of him the way it was for her. The way it was for Deacon.

She'd had a hard time thinking she and Deacon were ever really over, though. Even when he'd told her it was too late. Everything had been too intense, too connected, for it to ever be completely over. _Right?_ And yet, this felt like a wakeup call. She knew that a transplant would save him, that he was being stoic and stubborn because that's who he was. But she wasn't going to let him be a martyr, because it couldn't be over. It couldn't be too late.

_Except he's hers now. And it is too late._

* * *

Emma smiled as Deacon walked back in the bedroom with Abby. She sat up as he approached the bed and handed the baby to her. He walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled in. They cuddled up together with Abby in between them. She grabbed Abby's little hands and leaned down to plant little feathery kisses all over the little girl's face. She smiled as Abby cooed happily, squirming and waving her tiny legs.

Emma looked up to see Deacon's eyes focused on her, full of sadness and regret. She felt her chest tighten. He stroked her cheek with his finger, then lowered it to Abby's tiny hand. The baby latched on and held tightly. Deacon breathed in. "How many more times will I get to do this?" he asked.

She ran her fingers lightly over Abby's chest. "Lots," she whispered. She was nervous, waiting for the results of the liver compatibility tests Rayna and Scarlett were undergoing. If neither of them were a match, they'd have to finally tell others about Deacon's situation, in hopes of finding a match. She was determined that they weren't going to just passively wait for a deceased donor. She worried that he'd be angry when he found out what they'd done, but she couldn't let him just accept such a dire prognosis when a transplant could make it all moot.

It was times like these when she missed her parents the most, especially her mom. Gail Taylor would have known the right thing to do. Somehow, though, she thought her mother would approve of this.

She reached up and smoothed Deacon's hair off his forehead. "I love mornings like this," she said.

He smiled. "Me too." He let out a small laugh. "I remember when Maddie was little and out on the road with Rayna. She was always fussy. Abby's so different."

Emma grinned. "She _is_ a good baby. Which makes me happy."

Deacon detached his finger from Abby's grip and leaned forward, tucking a strand of hair behind Emma's ear and kissing her. "_You_ make me happy," he said, sadness creeping back into his eyes.

Emma felt like she was going to cry but she breathed in and out, willing herself to stay calm. "We're going to beat this, I know it," she said. "Don't give up. Please."

Deacon worked his lip. "I'm just trying to be realistic. Not to have false hope."

"You need to let us help. The people that love you."

He scowled and shook his head. "I don't want to put anyone else at risk."

Emma sighed. "I know you don't. But I don't think that's totally your call to make. If someone wants to do it, you can't shut them down. You just have to be gracious and accept it."

Deacon huffed. "I'm always gracious."

Emma laughed. "No, you're not. You want to take everything on yourself and shut everyone out. I think you'd shut me out if you could." She turned serious. "But this is life or death, Deacon. And you can't be selfish about it. If it was just you, that would be one thing. But it's not. It's Abby and Maddie. And me. And Scarlett. We get a say. And we say life."

Deacon frowned. Then his eyes got that haunted look. "I don't want to leave you," he said sadly.

Emma's gaze turned steely. "Then don't. I'm fighting for you. I need you to fight for yourself."

Deacon looked down at Abby, who had been squirming and waving her hands and feet. He sighed. "It feels like you've already taken things in your own hands," he said, not looking at her.

Emma took a deep breath. "I have. But only because you wouldn't." She was silent for a moment, watching him as he grabbed at Abby's hands. "Don't be mad," she said softly.

He looked up at her. "I can't be mad at you. God knows, I don't want to not be here for you and for Maddie and Abby. So yeah, I'm going to fight. I want to be here for the long haul."

She smiled. "That's the plan. For you to be here. So let's see what happens." She truly hoped Scarlett was a match. She didn't want it to be Rayna, for purely selfish reasons. But she wanted her husband to live, so she was prepared, no matter what the outcome.

* * *

Before Deacon's appointment with Dr. Wright, he and Emma stopped for lunch at The Tavern. Deacon got a burger and just picked at it. Emma had a salad, but ended up reaching for some of the fries Deacon was ignoring. As the weeks had passed, his appetite had waned and he'd probably lost ten pounds, which concerned Emma. His fatigue had worsened. She felt bad about it, but she'd started hovering anytime he picked up Abby. He would usually scowl at her, when he noticed her doing it, but he would mostly just sit in the rocking chair with the baby.

There had still been no match from the registry. Rayna had not been a match, which had been disheartening for her, but Emma couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. Scarlett had been an initial match and had been going through additional testing. Deacon had had mixed feelings about that and Emma knew that in his heart, he was hoping she would not turn out to be a match either, only because he loved her like a daughter and he was as protective of her as he was Maddie and Abby.

Emma reached across the table and took Deacon's hand. He looked at her, his eyes dull and tired. "Maybe today will be the day," she said, with a hopeful smile. He merely nodded. "How are you feeling?"

He frowned. "Like shit. Like every damn day. My fucking new normal." His tone was brittle and harsh.

She took a deep breath and willed herself to push down her irritation. That was another thing that had gotten worse – his attitude. More often than not, he was unpleasant to be around, but she knew he was in a fair amount of discomfort and pain and she tried to be patient with him. "Maybe Dr. Wright can adjust your medication," she said quietly, pulling her hand away and looking down at her plate.

He reached out and quickly grabbed her hand back. When she looked up, she saw sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I know I'm not much fun to be around right now. I don't mean to take it out on you."

She squeezed his hand. "I know. I just wish there was something I could do. That we'd hear some good news." He didn't look hopeful, though, and she felt a pang of anguish. This was so hard and, although she prayed every day and she kept trying to be hopeful, every day that passed without good news felt like it was slowly tearing her apart. Deep down inside her, a gnawing fear was starting to take hold, that no suitable donor would be found. It made her nauseous.

After they finished lunch, they headed for Vanderbilt. It scared her, how weak Deacon looked. When they got out of the car and started across the parking lot, he stumbled, grabbing on to her. She almost fell to the ground under his weight, but managed to steady herself, and him, and they stood there for long minutes, breathing hard. She felt her heart racing and she was sure he was feeling the same. They made it inside with no further issue, but he sat down hard in a chair in the waiting room, so she knew he was still shaky.

Dr. Wright was running a little behind, so they sat quietly, just holding hands. Deacon leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed and Emma kept cutting her eyes over to him to see how he was doing. Finally the nurse called them back and Deacon slowly pushed himself up from the chair, with Emma holding on to his arm. For a minute, it seemed like he was going to shake her off, but then he didn't. She knew it was hard for him to accept help and her heart broke for him.

When Dr. Wright came in his office, he had a smile on his face. "I have some good news," he said. "We have a match."

"Scarlett?" Emma asked.

Dr. Wright nodded. "Yes, Scarlett. Everything came back perfectly and she's signed the consent form for surgery. All that's left now is for us to get Deacon's surgery date set and we can move forward."

Emma looked over at Deacon. His eyes were moist and he was working his lip. She knew he was both happy and scared. She smiled, her own eyes wet with tears. "You're gonna beat this, hon," she said, grabbing his hand. "Everything's gonna be okay."

He sighed and looked at her. "I don't want Scarlett to do this. What if something happens to her?"

Dr. Wright leaned forward, his hands folded in front of him on his desk. "Deacon, while I know I told you this is major surgery, with all the risks associated with that, Scarlett is young and healthy and there's no reason to believe that she won't come out of this just fine. She'll recover and you'll have a healthy liver and you'll be able to live a long, fulfilling life. I know she's your niece and you're worried about her, but she'll be in excellent hands with us. We will take especially good care of her." He smiled at the two of them. "She's very excited to be able to do this for you."

Emma just sat there, feeling all the fear and anxiety melt away. There was still Deacon's surgery to think about and his recovery, but just the idea that they could say the word 'recovery' was the most beautiful word she could think of right then. She turned to him and smiled. "It's gonna be okay," she said. "You're gonna be okay."

He looked at her, tears glistening in his eyes, and just nodded. He clenched her hand tightly. As much as he hadn't wanted Scarlett to take such a risk, all he could feel right at that moment was gratitude. She was giving him the chance to have the life he'd wanted, with Emma and Maddie and Abby.

* * *

It was a rare good day for Deacon. He'd slept well the night before and felt more normal than he'd felt in a while. He'd even made breakfast that morning, much to Emma's delight. She had taken Abby for a walk, something he wished he could do with them, but he just didn't have the stamina these days. Even on a day like this. He was working on a song, something he hadn't felt like doing in a while, and that felt good. His surgery was in five days and, although he was feeling anxious about it, he was also ready.

At the knock on the door, he set aside his guitar and got up. When he opened the door, Scarlett was standing there holding a covered plate. "Hey there," she said with a big grin.

He smiled back at her. "Hey, Scar. Come on in." He stepped back so she could walk in and then he shut the door behind her.

She reached in for a hug. "How you doing today?" she asked him.

"Today's a good day," he said.

She held out the plate. "I made cookies. Your favorite. Maybe you'll feel like eating one then," she said.

He took the plate and peered under the aluminum foil. He smiled. "Oatmeal cookies."

"With coconut in them. Just the way you like them."

He grinned. "Well, come sit down and I promise I'll eat one." They sat on the couch and he took a cookie, surprising himself by eating all of it. "That was good," he said.

"They're all yours," she said with a smile. Then her face turned serious. "You ready for next week?"

He nodded. "You?"

She nodded as well. "Thank you for letting me do this for you, Deacon," she said earnestly. "I'm so glad I could do it. I just couldn't let you sit and wait."

He took a deep breath, his eyes sad. "I wish it hadn't come to this, to be honest. Part of me feels like I don't deserve this."

She frowned. "Of course you deserve this. Why would you say that?"

He shook his head. "I did this to myself. I was a drunk. A bad drunk. For a lotta years. Everybody told me I was gonna kill myself drinking and I pretty near did." He rubbed his face with his hands. "It's so unfair to Emma. She wasn't part of any of this, but she's having to deal with all of it now."

"But she loves you, Deacon. She'd do anything to help you."

His eyes glistened with tears. "But she didn't sign on for this. I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd taken Abby and walked away."

Scarlett gasped and reached out to grab his arm. "She would never have done that, Deacon. You know that. And now you know that you're gonna be okay."

"I shouldn't have let you do this."

She fixed him with a steely gaze. "There wasn't anything you could've done about it. I didn't care if you wanted me to or not, I was doing it anyway. You've been like a father to me, Deacon. I couldn't let anything happen to you." Her eyes filled with tears and Deacon reached out to draw her into an embrace. "I couldn't have let you just die," she said, with a sob.

He hugged her close, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart, for what you're doing. I'm forever in your debt."

* * *

Maddie waved to Teddy when she got to the door. It took a couple minutes for Deacon to answer and she felt her stomach clench when he finally did. He looked like he'd just woken up, his hair hanging over his forehead and his clothes wrinkled. But he smiled warmly as he propped himself up with the door. "Hey, Maddie," he said, his voice thready. "Come on in."

She walked in and then turned to look at him. "You look like you don't feel so hot," she said. "I don't have to stay."

He shook his head and coughed. "I'm not feeling tip top, but I just woke up, so it's not as bad as it looks." He shuffled over to the couch and sat down. He looked around and frowned. "Where's your guitar?"

She lowered herself onto the couch and leaned in to hug him. "I just wanted to hang out with you today," she said. She felt a chill run through her at how thin he felt. "Are Emma and Abby here?"

"Not right now. They're at Scarlett's. I think Scarlett's making some kind of casserole for Emma to bring home. Which she doesn't need to do, but that's Scarlett." He put his arm around her. "I'm glad we have some alone time."

Maddie smiled. "Me too." She looked at him carefully. "How do you feel?"

He chuckled softly. "I've been better. But I've been worse too. Nothing for you to worry about though."

"You sure? Because you're looking rough."

He smiled sadly, his eyes tearing up. "Don't worry about me, sweet girl. In two days, I go to the hospital and then I get the transplant and they tell me I'm supposed to be right as rain after that."

"I hope so. I don't like seeing you sick."

He squeezed her shoulder. "Me either. It's not fun. I can't hold Abby and I can't play the guitar with you." He smiled at her. "I miss that."

Maddie sighed. "I know." She leaned back against his shoulder. "I'm glad you're having the surgery, Dad. When I thought you might not be around, all I could think about was how unfair that was. You wouldn't have been my dad long enough. And that would totally suck."

"Yeah, that's true." Deacon worked his lip for a moment. "I feel like I can be straight with you." Maddie turned to look at him. "When I first found out about this, I was scared. And pissed. My life had been a mess when I was drinking. I screwed up so many things back then. I ruined my life, I ruined your mama's life, I couldn't control any of it. Everybody told me back then that my drinking would kill me one day. But I think they thought I'd drink myself to death or I'd kill myself in a car crash or something like that. I never thought I'd get sick. I never knew about this, cirrhosis. But here we are.

"At first, I thought I deserved this. That all my choices came with a price and this was mine. Everybody tried to tell me I was wrong, but it was hard for me to believe that. Y'all were all trying to tell me that it wasn't over, that my life wasn't finished, but it was hard to listen. I hope you never go through anything like this, Maddie, but when someone, a doctor, tells you that you don't have long to live, it's a kick to the gut. And even when they tell you there's a chance, you wonder if it'll really happen for you.

"All these people in my life, though, they wouldn't let me sit around and wallow in it for long. And then finally I looked around and I saw you and Abby. And Emma. And Scarlett. The people I love most. And I didn't want to leave." His voice trailed off and he breathed in slowly. He looked at Maddie, finally, his eyes red with unshed tears and a deep, abiding sadness in his face. "I love you and Abby and Emma and Scarlett. More than anything. All of this that I'm having to go through sucks. I feel worse than I ever felt in my entire life, and that includes some pretty bad hangovers. But I have just two more days and then they tell me that I'll start to feel better every day instead of worse every day.

"I'm scared. I'm scared for Scarlett. But I have to believe it's gonna work." He smiled. "Emma will kick my ass if I don't believe that." Maddie laughed and he hugged her to him. "I love you, sweet girl. And before long you and me, we'll be playing those guitars again. Better than ever."

Maddie buried her face in his chest. "I love you too, Dad," she said, her voice muffled. "I love you too."

* * *

The night before he went in the hospital, Deacon was already in bed when Emma came back from putting Abby down. "Are you tired?" she asked. Ironically, he'd had a very good day and had felt more energetic than normal. _He probably did too much. Stubborn man._

He shrugged. "Yeah, a little. But I just wanted us to spend some time together."

She smiled. "Okay," she said. She walked around to the other side of the bed and started to get in. Deacon frowned. "What?"

"You're not wearing that, are you?"

She felt a welcome tingle of excitement and she pulled off the nightshirt she had on. He wasn't always up for sex these days. Many nights, they'd just hold each other because he didn't have the strength to do more than that. So she crawled over on all fours and kissed him. He deepened the kiss and reached for her arm. Then he pulled her towards him and pushed back the sheet, letting her straddle him. She wrapped her hands around his neck and her legs around his hips, and then kissed him again as he put his arms around her. They kissed a while and then he pulled her close, running his hands up and down her back. Finally he grabbed her hips and lifted her slightly, letting her take him in as she slid back down.

She wriggled her hips and smiled. "You feel good, hon," she said.

He smiled. "You feel better." He leaned in and nuzzled her neck.

Emma closed her eyes as they rocked back and forth and she moaned softly as he kissed her neck. Then he found her mouth again and they kissed hungrily as they came together. He held her tightly and then moved her over so that she could stretch out next to him. He leaned back on the pillow and turned his face away.

"Deacon, look at me," Emma said. He didn't move. "Please." He finally turned to look at her and she was overwhelmed by the devastation and sadness she saw in his red rimmed eyes. She reached her hand up to cover his cheek. "Don't," she said softly.

He rolled towards her, gathering her in his arms, his face mere inches from hers. "I don't want this to be the last time I make love to you," he said, his voice broken.

She couldn't hold her tears in and she brushed at them. "It's not, hon. You're getting a transplant the day after tomorrow and you're going to be fine," she said.

Tears started to streak down his face. "I don't want to leave you. I just found you."

She kissed him. "You're not leaving. You're gonna fight. And win. It can't be any other way."

"Sweet Emma," he said, kissing her gently. "I'm counting on seeing your face when I wake up."

She kissed him back. "You will. I'll be right there, standing next to you. I promise."

* * *

Emma woke up feeling a little disoriented. She was surprised she'd fallen asleep. Deacon had opened up to her a little about his fears and she guessed that released some of the tension she'd felt since his diagnosis. She hoped he finally felt a little more confident about the outcome. But when she turned to him, he wasn't there and she felt her stomach clench.

She got out of bed and pulled on the nightshirt she'd thrown off. She padded down the hall, thinking he might be in the living room, but then saw a movement in Abby's nursery. He was standing by her crib, resting his arms on the rail, just dressed in jeans. She walked in and ran her hand over his back. He looked over at her and, even in the dim light of the night light, she saw sadness in his eyes.

"What are you doing, hon?" she asked softly.

He worked his lip. "Just watching her. Hoping it's not the last time I get to do that."

Her heart hurt. "Deacon."

He dropped his hand down and, ever so gently, ran a finger over Abby's tiny arm. "It could happen, Emma," he said. "Nothing is guaranteed. We both know that."

She leaned against the rail. "I know. But I don't want you to feel that way."

He looked at her again. "But it's possible."

"But not likely. Your odds are excellent."

He sighed. "I waited so long for this, Emma. I just can't believe it could all be taken away. I've been sober all these years. Why now?"

She took a deep breath. "Stop it. You act like the universe is trying to punish you all the time. I know you were a drunk, you did some bad stuff while you were drunk, you hurt people, but you're not a bad person. It's not like you wanted to do all that. You've been a good friend, a good father, a good husband. Any small thing you might have needed to make up for, you've already done it, probably a million times over." She sighed. "You deserve this. The universe owes you a happy ending. And now it's here, for the taking. You need to stop acting like you don't deserve it. Take it. Accept it. Believe in it. Know you earned it." She reached for his hand. "You're the best thing in my life. And we deserve this. Together."

He looked at her, his eyes sad. Then he reached for her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "I just need you to know, no matter what happens, that this has been the best time of my life."

She pulled him down so they could sit on the floor, leaning against Abby's crib. In the beginning, when they first got Deacon's diagnosis and the doctor explained about the transplant list, she'd been devastated. Deacon's condition was shockingly bad, considering he had been mostly symptom-free up to that point. Abby was four months old then, seven months old now. But still a baby. And although she recognized Deacon when he picked her up or played with her or changed her or rocked her to sleep, if Deacon was gone, she'd have no memories.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and draped her legs over his lap. She held his hand. She had been terrified then. It had felt so hopeless and scary, but then Scarlett had come to the rescue. A match and willing to make the sacrifice of part of her liver for her uncle. Maddie had wanted to be a donor, but even despite Rayna, Teddy, and Deacon all emphatically saying no, she wasn't old enough anyway. And Rayna. She had been tested, but wasn't a match. But Emma was hopeful now. His chances were good that he would make a full recovery and she wanted him to stop thinking negatively.

As she leaned against him, he took his hand from hers and trailed it up her leg and then under the shirt. She shivered in anticipation as he ran his hand up her chest and began to fondle one breast. His eyes captured hers as he gently ran his hand over her. She moaned softly and then his lips covered hers. As the kiss got more intense, he moved his hand down and she moved one leg to the side. He slid two fingers inside her and began to move them in ways that made her squirm with pleasure and moan deep in her throat.

Suddenly he rolled her onto her back and straddled her legs. He worked the zipper of his jeans and then pushed them down around his knees. He lowered himself, sliding into her easily. She let out an appreciative moan and raised her legs slightly so she could push his jeans down with her feet. When she'd freed him enough, they both smiled and developed their rhythm.

Afterwards, he laid there, holding her tight, still inside her. She laughed softly. "I'm glad we didn't wake Abby up," she whispered.

He smiled. "At least she's too young to be scarred for life."

She ran her hands over his arms and looked at him seriously. "Deacon, I really want you to be positive about tomorrow. I know you're scared, and I'm scared, but this is a best case scenario. You know that."

He worked his lip. "I guess I just feel like I've screwed so much up in my life that I might not deserve this."

She sighed. "But you do. You're a good man, a good father, a good husband. You're loved by a lot of people. You had a great love who gave you Maddie and now you have me. And Abby. We need you. Me, Abby, Maddie. We need you to be part of our lives for years to come. I need you to believe you're worth that, because you are." She could see tears pricking his eyes and he kissed her gently. "I love you so much," she whispered. "I'm fighting so hard and I need you to fight too." She shifted her legs as she felt him getting hard again, listening to her. "Being here like this with you, it's what gets me through the days. You're my perfect fit. I need you, Deacon. I need you so much."

He kissed her again, gently at first, then more insistently, and he made love to her again, his heart full of his love for her. And when they lay in each other's arms, breathing hard, he whispered in her ear, "I'm not leaving you." She smiled and held him close, willing him to believe that.


	14. Chapter 14

Emma took a deep breath. One of the many members of Deacon's 'transplant team' had just been out to let her know that Scarlett was in recovery and Deacon's surgery was underway. So far, everything was going as expected. Gunnar had been sitting with her but now he'd gone to see Scarlett. Deacon's surgery would go on another three to five hours, so it was just a waiting game now.

She looked at the phone in her hand. She took another deep breath and then scrolled down to Rayna's name. She hit call and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Emma, how's it going?" came Rayna's breathless voice.

"So far, so good," Emma replied. "Scarlett's surgery went smoothly and she's in recovery. They've started Deacon's surgery and it's going as expected."

"Thank God," Rayna said, her voice a little shaky. "Do they know how much longer?"

"Three to five hours, they said. Probably closer to five."

"I'm going to get Maddie and we'll come over."

They'd had this conversation before and had decided they didn't all need to sit waiting. "Rayna, we still have a long wait. It's silly for y'all to come right now," Emma said, rolling her eyes.

There was a moment of silence on Rayna's end. "I think Maddie would like to be there," she said finally.

_You want to be here,_ Emma thought. "Well, it's up to you," she said instead. "But there's really nothing going on."

"We'd like to be there for you," Rayna said quietly.

Emma felt tears threaten. It was hard to be annoyed with that. She swallowed. "Whatever you want to do is fine," she said.

"We'll see you soon." And they disconnected.

Emma sat for a moment, holding her phone, leaning her head against the wall with her eyes closed. She had a headache. She was already exhausted and she suddenly fiercely missed her baby. At this time of morning, Abby would usually be awake and playful. She and Deacon enjoyed that time with her and she felt tears fill her eyes. She wondered how long it would be before he felt well enough to do all those things again. She opened her eyes and brushed away the tears.

She and Deacon had been at the hospital since mid-afternoon the day before. He'd gone through a series of pre-surgery tests and had been hooked up to an IV. At the end of all that, he'd been in a bad mood.

She'd stayed with him that night and, as she had before, eventually ended up tucked into his side in the hospital bed, being careful about the IV. He'd finally relaxed enough to sleep, but it was early when he was awakened to start the prep for surgery.

She was with him until they took him into the operating room. She had cried when Dr. Wright asked if he could pray. She gripped Deacon's hand tightly as Dr. Wright asked God to guide his hand during surgery and to bless Deacon on this journey and bring him safely through. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Deacon's eyes were glistening with tears and filled with hope, fear, and sadness. She leaned down to kiss him. "I'll see you soon," she whispered. "I love you."

He gave her a small smile. "I love you more," he said, his voice breathy and weak. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it and then they took him away.

She and Gunnar had sat together, talking some, but mostly just deep in their own thoughts. She tried reading but couldn't concentrate. She called Juliette, whose nanny was watching Abby along with Juliette's daughter, to check on Abby and give her friend an update. She'd talked to Leah for a long time and her best friend gave her a much needed pep talk. And now she was alone. She didn't know where Rayna and Maddie were, so didn't know when they'd get to the hospital. She got up and went to the desk to let them know where she'd be and walked down to the chapel.

When she got there, she sat in one of the middle rows and recited her daily prayer for Deacon's recovery. Then she lowered her head and cried. She wouldn't cry in front of anyone, except Abby, who was too young to understand. She'd had to be strong for Scarlett and Maddie. And Deacon, too, although she knew he did the same for her.

She would take Abby to the park and cry there, so Deacon wouldn't see, wouldn't be worried or feel helpless. She felt sure he cried while she was gone and then when she got home, they would be strong for each other. It was peaceful sitting here and she felt a calm certainty wash through her that Deacon would get through the surgery successfully and then would have a good recovery. As hard as it had been for her to watch him decline, she was certain it had been hell for him. He rarely complained about his specific symptoms; his fear and anger took the form of irritation and foul moods, sulking and that famous Deacon Claybourne stoicism. But at night, when they crawled into bed together, he'd let her hold him, as she whispered encouraging words and told him how much she loved him. On nights when he felt better, he'd make love to her, and on nights when he was too weary, they just held each other close.

She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. They'd been through a lot in the time they'd been together. They'd experienced the high of having Abby and now this low of Deacon's illness. But it had drawn them closer together. She wondered if, that night at the Bluebird when she had walked up behind him that first time, had she known the trials they'd go through, would she have taken a chance on him. And then she pictured his face, the day they got married, his smile huge, his eyes crinkled at the corners in that way she liked, the peace that seemed to soften the hard edges, and she knew she'd do it again. A thousand times.

When she heard footsteps, she cursed silently. Then she felt the person sit next to her and she opened her eyes and looked up. Rayna. Emma wasn't sure how she felt about that, but when the other woman rubbed her back comfortingly, she burst into tears again.

Rayna put her arm around Emma and pulled her in, resting her head against Emma's, making soothing noises. "I know you're scared," she said. Emma sat back and looked at her. Rayna's smile was both kind and sad. "We all are." She took Emma's hand. "Can I pray with you?" Emma hesitated, then nodded. Rayna closed her eyes and Emma did too. "Please God, hold Deacon safe in Your loving arms. Heal him so he can return to the people who love him. But especially to his family, to Emma and Abby and Maddie, who need him most. Amen."

When Emma opened her eyes, Rayna was looking at her with great compassion. "Thank you," she said.

"I know he'll be fine," Rayna said. "He's strong. He's a fighter. And he wants to be here for you and the girls. You're the most important people in his life, you know that."

Emma took a deep, shaky breath. "I don't know what I would do if…."

"Shh," Rayna said, putting a finger against Emma's lips. "He's going to be fine." Emma nodded. "Do you know how I know he'll be fine?"

Emma shook her head. "How?"

Rayna ran her tongue over her lips, then sighed. "I know you know that Deacon had a drinking problem for a very long time. I tried everything I could to help him. I sent him to rehab, I supported him, I bailed him out of jail, picked him up from bars and hospitals and hotel rooms. He was a mess. There were times when I found him and I honestly wasn't sure at first if he was dead or alive." She stopped and gave Emma a ghost of a smile. "But he was a fighter. He never gave up. He always tried. He wanted to do right. I don't know a hundred percent why the last time in rehab worked, but it did. And he's fought a good fight all these years. It hasn't always been easy but he's persevered. You should hold that close."

Emma nodded. "I will."

"He loves you. He'd do anything for you. Including willing himself to live." She squeezed Emma's hand. "Hold on to that." Emma nodded again. Rayna leaned forward and hugged her, then stood up. "I'm gonna let you have some privacy. I just wanted to let you know we're all praying for him."

Emma looked up. "I know. I appreciate all the support and I know Deacon does too."

"He's a good man, with a good heart. Now that he has the life he always wanted, he deserves to be able to live it." Then she turned and left.

Emma watched her walk out and then she sighed deeply. It had felt strangely comforting, something she hadn't expected at all. She knew that once they'd gotten this far, that Deacon's chances for a full recovery were excellent, but all she could think about was the fact that she had lost her entire family once and she didn't think she could handle that again.

* * *

One of the doctors had just been out to give them the latest update. They were at the attachment stage of surgery, where they were attaching Deacon's blood vessels to the new liver. Everything was still going well and there had been no complications. When the doctor left, Maddie collapsed in tears. She'd been so tense up to that point and so worried. Both Rayna and Emma had their arms around her as she let go of a lot of her stress and fear, as things seemed to be progressing as they should. Emma noticed tears from Rayna as well, although she was trying hard to hide them. She couldn't help but feel grateful, though, for all the love and support she and Deacon were getting. It had made a scary situation easier to bear.

When Gunnar walked up, Maddie had finally calmed down and was actually smiling. They all looked up as he approached. "Scarlett's in ICU now," he said. "She's doing well. Kinda groggy, but she's smiling." And he did as well. He looked at Emma. "She'd like to see you. You can only go in for a few minutes, but I know she'd like to hear about how things are going with Deacon."

Emma stood up. "Of course." She turned to look at Rayna and Maddie. "I'll be back."

Rayna nodded. "We'll be here. I don't think we'll hear anything else since they just came out, but we'll be here anyway." She looked at Gunnar. "Please tell Scarlett we love her and we hope she's feeling much better soon."

He nodded and then he turned to leave, with Emma following. When they were in the elevator, he asked, "How's everything going with Deacon's surgery?"

Emma smiled tiredly. "So far, so good. It'll still be another hour or so, I guess, and then he'll be in recovery for a while." She grabbed Gunnar's hand. "I know Scarlett's the one that gave Deacon her liver, but thank you too for supporting her and letting her do this."

Gunnar smiled sheepishly. "Well, you know Scarlett, and once she decided she was doing this, I wasn't gonna be able to stop her." He looked down at his feet and then back at Emma. "I don't think Deacon really liked me much in the beginning. I mean, when Scarlett and I started seeing each other. I'm not sure why exactly, but eventually I think he got past that. I really look up to him, you know? He's kind of who I'd like to be one day – a successful songwriter that performs. Someone that other people look up to."

Emma looked at him carefully. "But you _are_ doing a lot of that. You're very successful with your music. A lot more, I think, than he is, commercially anyway, because he doesn't sell much of his music to others like you do. And you and Scarlett performing together is magical." She leaned back against the elevator wall. "You know, when I first came to Nashville, I wanted to perform. I actually wanted to be as successful as Rayna or Faith Hill or Martina McBride. But sometimes that doesn't work out. And I ended up doing pretty well writing songs and I realized that was my passion anyway." She smiled and wiggled her fingers at him. "In fact, I'm itching to write again. I haven't done much since Deacon's been sick and I feel like I'm going to explode with lyrics, you know?"

He smiled at her and nodded. "I do." Just then the elevator stopped and the doors opened. They got out and Emma followed Gunnar to the ICU and they checked in at the nurses' station. Then he walked Emma over to one of the rooms and she could see Scarlett laying there, IV's and monitors all around her. "Scarlett, honey, Emma's here," Gunnar said softly.

Scarlett turned her head towards the door and when she saw Emma, she smiled a loopy smile. "Hey," she whispered.

Gunnar looked at Emma. "Since she just woke up, she's still a little raspy."

Emma nodded and then walked in to stand by Scarlett's bed. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she took hold of the younger woman's hand. "Thank you," she said. "From both Deacon and me. Thank you so much."

"How is he?" she whispered.

Emma breathed in. "He's still in surgery. But it's going well so far. No complications. I think the hardest part is over."

Scarlett closed her eyes and when she opened them, a tear rolled down her cheek. "I just…wanted him…to have his…good life," she said.

Emma just held her hand, too overcome to speak.

* * *

Dr. Wright had told her what to expect. Deacon would have a tube down his throat, so he couldn't talk. That would likely come out the next day. He'd have a tube down his nose that would be in place for several days. He'd have an IV and he'd been hooked up to monitors. He'd be in a fair amount of pain and they were giving him painkillers, but were also carefully monitoring that because of his addiction history.

She walked slowly down the hall, her heart in her throat. He'd come through the surgery flawlessly. Everything had gone perfectly and Dr. Wright told her that, if Deacon did everything they told him, he would live a long, healthy life. He'd be on various medications the rest of his life, but he'd be able to eventually go back to writing and performing and he'd be able to be an active dad to Abby. She had cried in his arms, letting go of all of her stress from all these months of waiting and watching Deacon get sicker, worry over the surgery and how it would go. And now, it was done, and he was going to be fine, just as she'd told him he would.

When she got to the door, it looked like he was still asleep. His eyes were closed. It might have been her imagination, but it seemed like he looked healthier already, even though he was covered in tubes and IV lines. His breathing was steady, but she knew that was the ventilator keeping that regulated. His hands were resting on his thighs, his brow was furrowed, as though he were thinking.

For a moment, she thought back to when she'd rushed to Odessa, after the accident. Gracie had been hooked up to all kinds of machines and she was on a ventilator and her head was shaved on one side and she hardly looked like her little sister. She felt like her heart was in a vise as she looked at Deacon. But the difference was that he wasn't going to die. He was going to make it.

"Go on in and see him," the nurse said quietly. "He's probably not asleep. Just has his eyes closed."

Emma looked at her. She was an older woman, probably Deacon's age, Emma thought with amusement. She had kind eyes and a warm smile. "Thank you."

The nurse put a hand on her arm. "I'm Betsy and I'll be his nurse overnight. I promise I'll take good care of him for you."

Emma smiled and then she walked into the room and stood by Deacon's bed. She reached down and touched his hand. He opened his eyes slowly and when he saw her, she saw his face soften and his eyes crinkle just slightly, as though he were trying to smile. She leaned over and kissed his forehead softly. She stood back up and linked her thumb with his and held his hand. He slowly closed his hand around hers. She leaned against the rail and brushed his hair back off his forehead. "Hey," she said, smiling at him. "I know you can't talk and they won't let me stay long." He seemed to frown at that. "You need to rest, though, so it's okay." She felt her emotions well up then and she took a deep breath. "Everything went great. Dr. Wright said you're going to be fine." She bit her lip to keep from crying. She breathed in again. "I love you, hon. And you'll be home before you know it." She touched his cheek with the back of her hand. "I'm going to let you rest and I'll see you in the morning. I'm going to hug Abby for you." He squeezed her hand gently. "I love you, Deacon. Sleep well." His eyes slowly closed and she let go of his hand.

She stood watching him for several more minutes, just thanking God that he'd survived the surgery and was going to recover fully. Then she turned to leave, giving a small wave to Betsy as she headed down the hall to the elevator, tears streaming down her face. But these were tears of joy and relief and gratitude. It was all going to be okay. Now they had the rest of their lives together.

* * *

She'd only stayed at Juliette and Avery's for a few minutes, long enough to pick up Abby and to update the two of them on Deacon's condition. She pleaded exhaustion, which was true, so that she could get home. As she drove to East Nashville, she smiled as she listened to Abby, in her car seat, making little noises. She couldn't wait to get home and crawl into bed with her daughter.

When she'd changed, fed, bathed, and dressed Abby in her pajamas, she took her into her and Deacon's bedroom. She laid her in the cradle that they still kept in their room, but had been unused after the first few weeks, when they'd moved Abby into the nursery. She smiled, remembering that they'd both felt uncomfortable being intimate at all with her in the room, even though she was just a newborn then. All the more surprising, then, that it hadn't seemed to bother them when they'd made love on the floor of Abby's nursery the night before Deacon had gone into the hospital.

She took a shower and got into her nightshirt, then picked Abby up and brought her into the bed with her. It had been more than twenty-four hours since she'd seen her daughter and she just wanted some cuddle time. She leaned down and ran her nose over Abby's chest, getting the baby to laugh. She kissed her on her forehead. "Daddy's okay, sweetheart," she said. "He's going to come home to us soon." She played with Abby until she fell asleep and then she picked up her daughter and carried her to her nursery, laying her gently in the crib. She covered her, turned on the nightlight and went back to her room.

She crawled into the bed and lay there on her side, her hand reached out to Deacon's side of the bed. They'd been told that, depending on how well he recovered in the hospital, he could be home within a week to ten days. They hadn't spent that much time apart since she'd moved in to this house. She already felt lonely.

She thought about seeing him in the hospital bed, with all the tubes and wires and monitors. It had been scary, at first, even though they'd told her what to expect. There was still a lot that could go wrong. He could get an infection. He could, once they removed the breathing tube, get pneumonia. He could still reject the liver. She had to be at the hospital every day so that they could educate her on what he would need to do every day for the rest of his life. So even with a successful transplant, it wasn't like he could go on autopilot after that. She knew Deacon would hate that, but she also knew he'd be grateful for the opportunity to live, even if it was more cumbersome than before.

She felt tears come again. It had been a stressful day and she'd slept poorly. Even curled up next to him, the hospital bed wasn't exactly comfortable. She'd had a headache most of the day and she'd drank too much coffee. Sleeping in her own bed, even without Deacon next to her, was surely going to be more restful.

She said a little prayer in her head, thanking God for bringing Deacon through the surgery successfully and praying for his full recovery. Then she reached out and pulled his pillow over and curled around it, breathing in his smell, and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Deacon opened his eyes again, the room was dark, with just a soft light on over the whiteboard across from his bed. He hated the tube in his mouth. His abdomen hurt, although it wasn't a sharp pain, so he knew they were giving him a painkiller. He felt stiff, but he didn't think he could move at all.

When he'd woken up the first time, a nurse was there. She had kind eyes and a calm voice. She'd told him about all the machines and the tubes and what was in the IV and now he couldn't remember any of it. She told him she'd check on him every half hour all night long and then another nurse would take over. And then she'd told him she'd let his wife know he was awake so she could come see him.

When he opened his eyes the next time, it was because Emma was there. She had touched his hand and when he'd looked at her, he knew everything would be okay. The touch of her hand in his, her hand on his cheek, her lips on his forehead, all the things he'd been afraid would go away forever. She was here and so was he.

He closed his eyes again and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Deacon had hit one of his major milestones – being moved to the surgical floor and into a regular room. He'd been taken off the ventilator the day after his surgery, although they'd threatened to put him back on it when he wouldn't breathe deeply enough and pneumonia was a concern. Emma sternly warned him on a regular basis to breathe in slowly, to minimize the discomfort. Not surprisingly, he was not a good patient, as he scowled at her and grumbled at her angrily. She'd been warned that he'd have good days and bad days, but it felt like they had all been bad days, at least as far as his demeanor was concerned.

When she saw Gunnar helping Scarlett slowly approach Deacon's room, she hoped it would cheer him up. She looked down at him, his face all screwed up and that angry furrow in his brow. They'd just argued about raising up his bed and he was still pouting. She cleared her throat. "Deacon, Scarlett's coming to see you," she said.

Instantly his face softened and a ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "When?" he asked, his voice still gravelly.

She smiled and nodded towards the hallway window. "Right now."

Deacon turned his head towards the window and she could see tears in his eyes and a bigger smile on his face. They watched as Gunnar held Scarlett's arm and she slowly made her way in the room, grinning happily. "Hey, girl," Deacon said.

"Hey, yourself," she responded, as she kept moving towards him. When she got to the side of the bed, Gunnar dropped her arm and stepped back. Scarlett took Deacon's hand. "How are you doing?"

Deacon nodded. "I feel like shit," he said. He looked back at Emma. "I'm pretty sure she's gonna walk out on me any second."

Scarlett looked at Emma with alarm. Emma shook her head. "He's being his usual self," she said.

Scarlett smiled and looked back at Deacon. "So you're bein' a jackass, then," she said.

Deacon grinned. "I guess."

"Well, stop it. You need her too bad to make her mad at you."

Deacon looked back at Emma, his eyes filled with remorse and reached for her hand. "I'll be better, I promise." Then he turned his gaze back on Scarlett. "Thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate this more than you'll ever know. How are _you_ doing?"

Scarlett rubbed her uncle's arm. "I'm doing pretty good. They're gonna let me go home tomorrow. I sure am ready to sleep in my own bed, I can tell you that."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm ready to go home too." He squeezed Emma's hand.

"When do they think they'll let you go?"

"At least another week," Emma said. "But he's doing great so far." She gave Deacon a look. "At least physically, he's healing well. As far as his pleasing personality? That definitely needs some work before he gets home."

Scarlett frowned at him. "Stop being such a jackass, Deacon. Be nice to your wife. She's gone through a lot for you."

Deacon looked up at Emma. "I know. I couldn't have done it without her." He looked back at Scarlett and took her hand. "Or you either. I've been so worried about you."

Scarlett shook her head. "I'm good. A little sore, but that will get better soon. I'm just glad I could do this for you." Her eyes filled with tears. "I love you, Deacon. I couldn't lose you."

Deacon gripped her hand tightly, tears burning his eyes and a lump in his throat. He couldn't find the words, so he hoped his eyes could tell her just how grateful he was to her for stepping up, even though he hadn't wanted her to. He was grateful to Emma for insisting and pushing him, but without his niece, he wouldn't be looking forward to feeling better and being able to go home to his wife and family. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Thank you," he whispered again, his voice breaking with emotion.

* * *

Maddie peeked in the door, a huge grin on her face. "Hey, Dad," she said.

Deacon smiled. "Hey, sweetheart." This was one of the most enjoyable part of his days, when Maddie came to visit. It also was a little bittersweet, because it reminded him of all the days he hadn't gotten to see Abby. Emma took video of her every night and played it for him the next day, but it wasn't the same as getting to see her.

Maddie walked over to the bed and gingerly reached in to hug Deacon. He looked over her shoulder at Rayna. "Hey, Ray," he said. Rayna came with Maddie every day. She usually didn't say a lot, just wanted to be there, it seemed.

"How are you feeling?" Rayna asked, as Maddie stepped back.

Deacon shrugged. "Not too bad." He gestured at his face. "As you see, I got the nose tube out, so I think that means I'm doing okay. I started walking today."

"How was that?"

"I feel like a really old man, I have to tell you." He smiled. "But it felt good to get out of this bed."

Maddie and Rayna sat, Maddie in the chair closest to Deacon's bed. "Where's Emma?"

"She went down to get something to eat. She just left a few minutes ago. I'm surprised you didn't pass her."

"I'm doing another open mic," Maddie said, looking pleased. "Still not the real deal, but I guess it's something." She rolled her eyes.

Deacon smiled at her. "They're all real, Maddie. And you never know when these things will lead to something more." He and Emma had talked about letting her do a writers' round with them at the Bluebird, before he'd gotten sick. Now they'd had to put it off, but Erika had already agreed that as soon as Deacon felt well enough, they could do it. And Rayna had agreed as well. It was going to be Deacon and Emma's birthday gift to Maddie for turning eighteen.

Maddie shrugged. "I guess. I'm going to do 'A Life That's Good' and 'Believing'. If you're okay with that, I mean."

He grinned. "Of course. I'm honored you want to do my songs. Although you did help me with 'Believing', so you can tell them you're the co-writer."

Maddie beamed. "I can?"

"Course you can. So, where's it at?"

"Acme Feed and Seed. It's for older kids, college kids too. So we'll see. It's in two weeks. Do you think you would be able to come?" She knew he wouldn't have been out of the hospital long and Rayna had told her not to count on it.

Deacon worked his lip. "I want to. I guess we'll have to see how I feel and what the doctor says about what I can do. If I can't, I'll definitely be there the next time."

"Do you know when you'll get to come home?"

"Not exactly. But probably in a week. Maybe a little less than that." He and Maddie kept chatting about school, her music, her friends, her weekend plans. Out of the corner of his eye, he'd see Rayna just watching the two of them, rolling her lips together occasionally. Her eyes would jump from Maddie to him and then sometimes off to the side. She didn't usually talk much when they were there and he wondered why she came. And what she was thinking.

* * *

Rayna walked down the hall to Deacon's room. When she got to the door, she was relieved he was alone. She walked in with a smile and was rewarded with one from him. "Hey," she said. "How you feeling today?"

He was a little surprised to see her here by herself. She always came with Maddie, every day, sitting off to the side and letting the two of them interact. "Decent. The nurses are constantly badgering me to walk, so I've been doing a lot of that and that feels better."

"I hear you're going home in a couple days."

Deacon nodded. "Assuming no setbacks, yeah."

She stood at the foot of the bed and took a deep breath and looked out through the glass wall into the hall, to be sure no one was coming. "Um…." She looked back at him. "I know I really have no right to say this, but I have to." She breathed out. "I love you, Deacon. I always have. I made a mistake when I chose Luke and let you go. I was afraid and I thought I needed to do something different, have that clean slate. But I was wrong. It was always you. And I know it's wrong of me to say this now, but I guess you getting sick just made me realize that you can't take things for granted." She stopped and looked at him pleadingly.

Deacon was surprised by what she said. He was silent for long moments trying to think about how to respond to her. Finally he said, "Ray, I love you too. I'll always love you. You were the first person I ever loved and I loved you for a very long time. I waited for you and I tried to prove to you so many times that I could be the man you wanted. I did everything I thought you wanted me to do." He sighed. "But it was never enough. I was never good enough. I know I was a drunk. I let it screw up our lives and it's come back to bite me now in a way I never expected. You kept pushing me away and I kept waiting for something to change and it just never really did. So when you married Luke I had to think about whether I wanted to keep doing that for the rest of my life. And I didn't want to. That's what I figured out." He paused, working his lip a moment. "I think, if you had told me yes then instead of Luke, we'd be together now and we'd have been happy, but you probably would always wonder if I'd slip up and I'd always wonder if I'd be able to stay good enough for you. When you said no, it made me have to figure out how to have a life without you. And for the first time, I was in a place where I could really let someone in who wasn't just a substitute for Rayna Jaymes." His eyes were sad as he looked at her, devastation all over her face. "I love Emma. I'm committed to Emma. And that's where I want to be. She accepts me the way I am and she never wonders if I'm not going to be good enough. She loves me and she's who I want for the rest of my life. I already knew that, but getting sick like this really kind of reminded me why I wanted her in my life. I'm sorry, Rayna, but I don't want to go back."

Rayna bowed her head and rubbed her lips together. Although the words weren't exactly the same, the sentiment was so much like hers that night after she'd gotten out of the hospital after the accident. At the corner of Battlefield and Granny White Pike. She sighed. "I'm know. I'm not trying to take you away from Emma. But I just had to tell you how I felt."

"It's okay, Ray. I really did love you back then. That was real."

She looked away, like she was contemplating something, then turned back to look at him. "When you told me before that it was too late, when did it become too late?" The look in his eyes was sad, not the sad she remembered that encompassed all they had felt for each other and still felt for each other or the sadness of regret. It was a sadness that said it was over, that it had been over for a while, and somehow she had missed that milestone. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked down, trying to fight the tears that threatened.

He worked his lip for a moment, not wanting to be hurtful to her. "Before you got married. When you told me that you had moved on and that I needed to do the same. I'm not saying it was easy to do that, at the time, but I had to let you go once and for all. And once I did that, I knew I couldn't go back." He sighed. "I don't want to hurt you, Rayna. I just want to be honest. You'll always be part of my life, but the part that was 'us', that's over."

She looked up and took a deep breath. Then she walked over to the side of the bed and took Deacon's hand. "I know. You're right. I guess we just really, in the end, caused each other too much pain." She smiled sadly. "I wish I'd made different choices. I wish I'd been braver. But I truly do want you to be happy and I can see that you are." She paused. "I'm glad you found Emma. I'm glad you have Abby. You deserve all that."

Deacon looked up at her. "You deserve that too, Rayna."

She nodded. "Yeah," she said, dropping his hand. Then she turned and, picking up her purse, walked out the door and down the hall.

Deacon looked down at his hands after Rayna left. He hadn't expected those words from her. He thought that if she'd said them back before she'd married Luke, he probably would have eventually taken her back. But he'd had nothing really to compare to what he'd felt for her. For so many years, all he'd had were a string of one-and-done's, with a handful of women he saw more than once. The only serious relationships he'd had were with Stacey and Megan and both of those had ended badly, ultimately because he couldn't forget Rayna Jaymes. It occurred to him that Coleman had been right, Rayna had been an addiction to him. As he was to her. The love had been real, but it had been bad for both of them.

"Hey."

He looked up, startled out of his reverie, to see Emma standing there. He smiled. "Hey." She walked in and he noticed that she looked a little down. When she got to the side of his bed, he reached for her hand. "Rayna was just here," he said, looking in her face to gauge her reaction. She looked away. "I think everything that happened probably got to her a little bit."

Emma nodded. "And it brought up all her old feelings, right?" she asked. She didn't want to tell Deacon that she had seen Rayna go in his room, that neither of them had seen her as she'd watched Rayna stand by his bed and hold his hand. She'd told herself not to read anything into it and to trust Deacon.

"A little." He squeezed her hand and pulled her closer to the bed. "I think a part of her regrets everything, but we've both moved on." This was real. Emma was real. He was so thankful for her.

Emma looked back at him. "I guess I can't blame her for being nostalgic. For having regrets." She took a deep breath. "As long as it doesn't make you think about what you gave up."

"God, Emma, you're the only one I want. You know that, right?" He sometimes forgot what a huge shadow Rayna cast over their lives.

She smiled shyly. "Yeah, I do." She got up on the bed and stretched herself out next to him. She smiled at him and ran her hand over his face. "Which is a good thing, because…."

"Because why?"

"Because I feel the same way." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. He breathed in and then sighed with contentment.

* * *

Emma held on to Deacon's arm as they slowly mounted the steps. He looked at her and smiled wryly. "I had no idea there were this many steps," he said.

Emma smiled back. "Too bad we're not in Texas, where everything is flat."

As they approached the steps to the porch, the door opened and Maddie walked out, holding Abby. Emma glanced at Deacon. His eyes welled up with tears and he used his other hand to brush them away. Maddie lifted Abby's arm in a wave.

"Look, Abby," she said to the baby. "Dad's home." Abby waved her arms and squealed. Maddie grinned at Deacon and Emma as they walked slowly up the steps. "She's glad to see you, Dad," she said.

As they got to the top step, Emma said, "Let's get him inside and you can put her in his lap." Maddie scurried into the house.

There were pillows and a blanket on the couch and Emma helped Deacon over to sit down. Although Maddie had visited the hospital regularly while Deacon was there, he couldn't take his eyes off his daughters. He hadn't seen Abby since the morning they'd left for the hospital and he'd missed her. Maddie sat down beside him and settled Abby on his lap.

Emma felt tears streaking down her face as she watched her husband with their daughter. Abby was reaching for his face as he pulled her into his chest gingerly, his eyes closed as he held her for the first time in almost two weeks.

Deacon grabbed Abby's hand and kissed her fingers. It was heaven holding his baby girl again. He felt overcome with gratitude that he was able to do this. Scarlett's sacrifice had made this all possible and, although he had told her he didn't want her to take the risk, she was a stubborn girl who wouldn't listen to him. But because of her, he was now at home with his family, the greatest gift she could have given him.

He leaned down to breathe in Abby's baby smell. Then he looked up at Emma and smiled. "I think she pooped," he said and Emma and Maddie both laughed.

Maddie reached for her. "So excited she pooped," she said, still laughing. "I'll change her."

Emma watched Maddie head for the nursery, then went to sit next to Deacon, who put his arm around her. "How does it feel to be home, hon?" she asked.

"It feels great. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again." He leaned in to kiss her. "With you next to me." He ran his thumb over her cheek. "Thank you. For not letting me wallow in this."

Emma smiled. "Thank you for fighting." She put her lips on his and then gently tugged on his lower lip until he opened his mouth to hers and he kissed her fervently, grateful for the chance to be able to do this for years to come.


	15. Chapter 15

Deacon walked into the bedroom. Emma was lying in bed waiting for him. He smiled. "Abby's asleep," he said. "She didn't want to go down, but she couldn't keep her eyes open."

Emma smiled. "She loves her daddy." She watched, with appreciative eyes, as Deacon got undressed. It still gave her a little twinge to see his surgical scar, but she always reminded herself that it was the visual proof that he was sticking around for a long time to come. She didn't like thinking about those dark days after his diagnosis, when they were both worried that he might not make it. He'd been home now for two months and was getting stronger every day. He'd started writing again almost as soon as he'd come home and that had lifted his spirits tremendously. In three weeks, they were surprising Maddie with a writers' round at the Bluebird and that would be Deacon's first public appearance.

He slid under the sheet and reached for Emma, pulling her close. He leaned in and kissed her, pulling at her bottom lip until her mouth opened to his, rolling her on her back as he lay on top of her. He let his hands roam over her skin as he kissed her deeply. It hadn't been so long ago that he had feared their time together was finite, but now he counted his blessings every single day. He moved his lips to place little kisses down her neck and she moaned happily. "You're so sweet, baby," he whispered.

She ran her hands over his back and his ass, pulling him closer to her. She moaned deep in her throat. He nudged her legs apart and she opened herself up to him, sighing deeply as he entered her. At first, they took their time with each other, exploring each other with their hands and lips, as Deacon moved in and out in long, powerful strokes. As they got closer to climax, his thrusts grew faster and deeper. Suddenly she came and he followed shortly behind.

As he lay sprawled on top of her and their breathing began to slow, she looked into his face, smoothing his hair. "I love you, hon," she said, her voice thick with desire.

He smiled down at her and kissed her on the tip of her nose. "I love you more."

She smiled back at him. "I have a surprise for you," she said.

He leaned in and kissed her under her ear. "What kind of surprise?"

"Do you remember the night before you went in the hospital? When we were in Abby's room?"

He smiled at her teasingly. "I do. I remember we said it was a good thing Abby was too young to know what we were doing."

Emma laughed softly. "I guess we're just always going to be doomed to doing things a little unconventionally," she said, looking at him meaningfully.

He frowned a little. "What do you mean?"

She ran her hands over his arms. "We're having another baby," she said quietly.

Deacon smiled and leaned down to kiss her. "Best news I've had all day," he said.

Emma looked at him curiously. "Why don't you seem surprised?"

Deacon chuckled. "You forget, I know every inch of you. I pay attention. I feel when things are different." He slid his hand down to one of her breasts. "The girls are bigger. And you have a little tummy. I knew. I was just waiting to see how long it took you to figure it out."

Emma blushed. "You're way smarter than me then."

Deacon kissed her forehead. "You had a lot going on," he said quietly. "You were taking care of me. And Abby. I'm not surprised." He leaned into her neck. "But you _can_ tell me how far along you are. I don't know that."

Emma laughed softly. "About twelve weeks." Deacon lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "Do you think we'll ever plan anything in our lives?" she asked.

Deacon cupped her face and ran his thumb over her cheek. "Probably not," he said with a smile. "But I kinda like living a life of surprises with you."

Emma smiled. "Good surprises only, though."

"Good surprises only." He kissed her. "Meeting you was the first surprise. And everything since then has been a good surprise when it comes to you. You've made my life so much better. Even all this stuff we went through with my illness was easier because of you. If there hadn't been you, I probably would have just crawled off somewhere to die. But because of you, I felt hope." His eyes got wet and he leaned down to kiss her again. "You're the best surprise of my life. I'm looking forward to all the rest of the surprises we have together."

Emma couldn't speak. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. She loved how his mouth felt on hers, how his tongue felt against hers, how his skin felt next to hers. There had been very brief moments when she wondered if she would lose this, and the thought of it pained her to her core. But now that he was recovered, she rejoiced in every single little thing about him and about their life together. She sighed deep in her throat, feeling good about life.

Deacon rolled off her, onto his side, and she turned to face him, lifting her hand to run her fingers through his hair. "Are you ready for two little ones at the same time?" she asked.

He smiled. "It'll be a challenge, but we can do it. I'll take one, you take the other." She sighed and her eyes got sad. He frowned slightly and put his hand against her cheek.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever have a family again," she said. "It was so hard for me to open up to someone else after everything I'd gone through, but you made it so easy. When I went to the doctor today and she confirmed I was pregnant, I felt so overwhelmed with blessings. I found you, which was the best thing that's ever happened to me. And we made that precious baby girl in the nursery and I am forever grateful for her. And now another one."

He smoothed her hair off her face. "You're everything I ever wished for, Emma. I didn't think I deserved any of it, but you made me realize I did."

She bit her lip. "I love you," she said.

He leaned in and kissed her. "I love you more," he said against her mouth. Then he pulled her closer and just let himself enjoy running his hands over her body, feeling her silken skin and feeling grateful, as he did every day, that he got to enjoy this.

* * *

It was an unexpectedly pleasant July morning. Emma was grateful for the nice day, as she got to the park and got Abby situated in her stroller. This had become a ritual for her since Deacon's diagnosis, a chance for her to get out and work off some of the stress. When things were still uncertain, she would often cry on these walks, but now that Deacon was home and recovering from his transplant and the future was more positive, there were only occasional tears of happiness.

He was at home, working on some music, not yet ready for a long walk in the park, but he still sent her on her way every day. She had not gotten far when she heard her name. She felt both irritation and anxiety. Turning, she saw Rayna approaching her, and she stopped.

Rayna was dressed in what Emma always thought of as hipster label exec, wearing expensive jeans, a sleeveless bedazzled blouse and open toed sandals. Her reddish-gold hair was billowing in the light breeze and she had on her sunglasses. Emma had felt a little blindsided by the conversation Deacon told her he'd had with Rayna at the hospital, even after she'd been so helpful during the time before the surgery, and so she still didn't feel very charitable. "What do you want, Rayna?" she asked evenly.

Rayna sighed. She knew she deserved Emma's distrust. She had watched her, getting out of her car and getting her daughter into her stroller. Her eyes had focused on the rounded swell of Emma's belly and she felt like her heart had been cut out with a knife. She thought back to a conversation she'd had with Deacon right before she and Luke had gotten married, a harsh conversation that had left her with an uncomfortable feeling. But it had been necessary, telling him to move on. She just had somehow never really expected he'd do it. He never really had before. And he'd just told her that he would always love her, that there was nothing she could do about that, but she told him he needed to let go and that she had and then she had turned her back on him.

Sometime after that conversation, he apparently had taken her words to heart and had figured out how to do exactly what she'd told him. She had continued to have occasional doubts about Luke, even after she went ahead with the marriage, but she'd been determined. She was nothing if not determined, once she'd set her mind on a course of action. She still felt uncomfortable with the amount of publicity and press that seemed to follow them, she still didn't like the nagging feeling that she was somehow pimping herself out for fame. But she let Luke's words of reason sway her, even if they didn't completely convince her. It had been harder to break that bond with Deacon than she could have imagined and, especially when it seemed he could die, she'd thought too much about what she'd given up. But that had been unfair, which was why she was here.

She smiled uncomfortably. "I just want to talk. To apologize."

Emma looked at her skeptically. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Maddie told me you come here every day. Look, I'm sorry to appear as though I'm following you, but I really wanted a chance to talk to you. Alone."

Emma sighed. She did not want to do this. She couldn't imagine anything Rayna could say to her that would change how she felt. "Let's sit then," she said finally, turning the stroller towards the brick wall, in a shady area. She sat, turning the stroller towards her so she could keep an eye on her now sleeping daughter.

After a moment, Rayna followed, sitting next to her. She looked first at Abby. She was asleep, her little head sagging against her shoulder. With her dark hair and blue eyes, she knew Abby was the spitting image of Deacon. She hoped the little girl would grow up with his inner strength and his strong sense of right. She then looked at Emma, sitting there with her hands on the brick wall as though she wanted to be ready to flee, looking off towards the lake. Rayna looked at her belly again, where she carried Deacon's unborn child. A second baby. That said so much, that he was invested in Emma and the family they were making. He had truly moved on.

Rayna took a deep breath. "I know you don't like me much right now," she said. Emma frowned at her. "I don't blame you either. I know that Deacon has told you most of our history. All from his perspective, of course."

Emma nodded. "He has. But don't think he hasn't taken the lion's share of the blame for all that." She set her jaw. "Unfairly, I might add."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "That's probably true. But then, that's Deacon, as you know. He internalizes everything and tries to be the strong person. And, quite honestly, he has let me off the hook many more times than I've ever deserved, because he's always tried to shoulder that load." She sighed. "And I'm sorrier about that than you could probably ever imagine."

Emma was quiet for a moment and then looked at Rayna. "Deacon probably has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. He feels an incredible sense of loyalty to you that, quite honestly, defies my understanding sometimes. Most of that has to do with you being Maddie's mother and I do understand his desire to maintain a good relationship with you for Maddie's sake."

Rayna nodded. "I think that's true. And Deacon knows me better than anyone. We've been through a tremendous amount together."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why can't you truly let him go? I know you tell him you've done that, but your actions don't seem to sync with that."

Rayna took a deep breath and looked away. "If I haven't let him go, it's not necessarily the way you think."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Even if it's just a small part of you, that part wants my husband. _My_ husband."

Rayna looked down. "He's a part of me, Emma," she said softly. "He always will be. I loved him for a very long time, even after I had married Teddy. After the accident was really the first time I truly thought that we weren't good for each other. Deacon used to have a sponsor, Coleman Carlisle, who was also a friend of mine. Coleman told me that I needed to let Deacon go, that the only chance he had to get better was if I did that. Which was when I married Teddy. And it was the first time that Deacon had ever been able to make rehab work, so he probably was right about that. But Deacon had been a part of my life for so long. And then he was Maddie's father…."

"You know, Rayna, I knew that Maddie was his daughter when I met him. I'd heard all the news about that. But what surprised me, when he talked to me about her, was that he hadn't known for all those years. I actually thought that he had let you and Teddy raise her, for some reason, so I was stunned to find out otherwise."

Rayna looked at her. "Well, you know, you have a child. You'll do anything to protect your child. And he was in a very bad place and he didn't have a record of success and I was scared. That wasn't an easy decision to make, you know." She breathed in. "And then when he found out about her, all my worst fears came true."

Emma put up her hand. "Wait. I know you think he got drunk because he found out Maddie was his daughter, but that's not the real reason. Do you know what the real reason is?" Rayna looked at her mutely. "The person he loved and trusted most in the whole world had _lied_ to him. Had kept a secret like that for thirteen years. Had seemingly never even entertained the idea of telling him." Rayna looked away. "He felt betrayed and hurt and humiliated. Everything he'd believed in had just blown up in his face. _That's_ why he got drunk. Not because Maddie was his daughter. I can't believe you never realized that." She shook her head. "Yes, I have a child. And yes, I will always want to protect her. But I wouldn't do that. You know, Deacon and I didn't have some grand plan to have Abby. It just happened, kind of like it did when you got pregnant with Maddie. And I was really afraid that it would either scare him off or he'd feel obligated to me in some way. But, as fate would have it, my best friend got to him first and told him to tell me how he felt. Not to let me talk first. So he told me how he felt about me and his dreams for us and so, when I told him I was pregnant, he was happy. It was like the icing on the cake. But I would never not have told him. No matter what."

"But you didn't know him then, what he was like…."

"You're right. I've never known him as an alcoholic. I've never seen him drink. But he loved you. And he loved you enough to not only forgive you, but wipe the slate clean as far as all the things you'd done to him. He took it on himself, as though he deserved it. And he didn't. He never deserved that." She felt tears roll down her cheeks and swiped at them. "You're very lucky, Rayna, that he still cares about you. But you need to truly accept that he's figured out how to live his life without you."

Rayna nodded. "I know. And that's why I'm here. I'm sorry to have made things complicated. I know Deacon so well and I know he loves you. I know he is fully committed to you and I know that's where he wants to be. And to be fair, he's told me multiple times that you are his choice." She looked at Emma and smiled sadly. "You're good for him, I can see that. And he's happier than I've ever seen him. He lights up when you're in the room. And he needed someone like you. Someone that really would love him for who he is and accept him for who he is. I think I'll probably always have too much baggage there and I need to do what I told him to do and move on."

Emma looked at Rayna. "I love him, Rayna. I will always love him."

Rayna smiled. "I know. I know the two of you are meant to be together. And you have this beautiful little girl and another baby on the way. He has the life he's always wanted and I couldn't be happier for him. He deserves that." She breathed in. "I'm sorry that I ever interfered. I promise I won't do that again."

Emma sat for a moment, thinking about that. "I hope you mean that, Rayna. I remember when Deacon and I got married, you told me that we were all a family now, and we are. I don't want you not to have a place, because you are Maddie's mom, but I do want you to truly understand that Deacon is with me now. We have a great life and we're building our family. We're happy. We have a beautiful daughter and another one on the way and that's what we're focused on."

Rayna raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Another girl?"

Emma smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

Rayna's smile seemed tinged with sadness. "How wonderful for the two of you. I know you both must be thrilled." Emma nodded. "Well, I really don't want to keep you, but I wanted to have a chance to talk to you. Alone. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

Emma breathed in and then let it out. "Thank you." Rayna got up then and walked away. Emma watched her as she headed for her car and then watched her drive out of the parking lot. She sat for a bit, thinking about that conversation, and then decided to head home.

* * *

When she walked in the house, Deacon was sleeping on the couch. She watched him for a moment and then took Abby back to her room. She changed her and then rocked her to sleep. Once she'd put her in her crib, she walked back out to the living room, where Deacon had awoken and was sitting up.

"Hey, baby," he said, with a crooked smile.

Emma smiled back. He always looked extra adorable when he'd first wake up, his hair mussed and his eyes all heavy lidded. She walked over and straddled him on the couch, leaning in and, taking his face in her hands, kissing him. She sucked on his lip and he opened his mouth to hers. His hands moved to the small of her back and he pulled her close. When she finally drew back from his mouth, she smiled again. "I love you," she said. She moved her hands to his shoulders.

He smiled at her. "I love you too. I'm glad you're back."

She kissed his lips again. "Would you make love to me?" she asked. "Right now?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Right here?"

She nodded. "Mm hm." He grinned and then pulled at the sundress she was wearing until he was able to pull it over her head. He leaned in and kissed her on her chest and then slid his hands up so that he could rub his thumbs over her nipples under her bra. She moaned deep in her throat, almost unconsciously starting to rotate her hips ever so slightly.

"Oh, baby," he whispered. She leaned forward and kissed him again, then moved so that she could remove her panties. While she did that, he unzipped his jeans and pushed them down, then pulled her back onto his lap as he slid into her. They both groaned with their need and then he slid his hands down to cup her ass and she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in to kiss him, as he moved inside her.

When they had satisfied each other and alternated smiling at each other and kissing, he moved his hands to her waist and pulled her close. "Baby, I love you so much," he breathed. "You feel so good."

She smiled and moved her hands to his shoulders. He was still inside her and, when he moved slightly, she gasped. She laughed and kissed him lightly. "You're so good," she teased.

His face turned serious. "I just want to please you," he said. "I'm so glad I'm still here to get to do this."

She breathed in sharply. "Oh, Deacon," she said quietly. She got up from the couch and reached for his hand, pulling him up. Then she turned and led him back to the bedroom.

* * *

Rayna walked to her SUV. She sat for a moment, thinking about the conversation with Emma. Deacon probably couldn't have done better than to choose her. She was smart, compassionate and loyal. And she'd seen firsthand how much Emma loved Deacon. She'd had to admit to herself that if she'd been forced to choose someone for Deacon, she couldn't have found anyone better for him.

She drove out of the park, but before she'd gone too far, she'd had to pull over. She couldn't see for the tears. What she knew now was that she had some serious decisions to make about her life. Deacon might be off the table – truthfully, he had been for a long time, she'd just not allowed herself to believe it. But the real truth was that she wasn't satisfied with her life and she was beginning to see that she had a pattern, one that she needed to break.

Luke would be on tour for most of the next several months. He would wind up his current _Wheels Up Over America_ tour the beginning of December. She needed to figure this out by then.

She dried her eyes and got back on the road, thinking as she did about how she'd gotten back to this same place, the place where she'd found herself after thirteen years of marriage to Teddy. She'd been doing the same thing, all those years ago. Pushing Deacon out of her life and trying her best to move on. She'd chosen Teddy because he was kind and caring and he loved her, far more than she loved him. But he was willing to marry her, knowing she was pregnant with another man's child and, more importantly, that her heart truly belonged to that man. They'd developed a comfortable life together, though, although Rayna always knew it wasn't enough. More than anything, when Teddy asked her for a divorce, she'd felt relief.

And now she'd done the same thing all over again. She hadn't been able to trust Deacon after the accident and it was so much easier to just push him away and find someone who, more than anything else, was just not Deacon. Luke. Luke, who'd yearned for her from afar for so many years, not that she'd known that. But he loved her. The way Teddy loved her. Knowing somehow, deep down, that Deacon was really the one in her heart. What was it that Teddy had said once? _You dazzle me._ And she thought maybe that was the same for Luke. And she tried to make it enough, but it just wasn't.

It was Emma that made her begin to realize she'd gone down a too familiar path, but what really had hit her over the head was Deacon's illness. When his life was in the balance, she understood was a terrible choice she'd made. Only it was too late. Too late for them, at least. But not too late for her.

She had come to realize that she'd never really stood on her own. She thought she had, but she really had never done that. First there was Daddy, taking care of her. And when he'd thrown her out of the house, there was Deacon. And when Deacon disappointed her that day at the cabin, there was Teddy. And when Deacon disappointed her, again, at the corner of Battlefield Drive and Granny White Pike, there was Luke. It was time for her to step out on her own and make her own way. She needed to do that for herself, for her girls. She needed to break these patterns and fix herself.

Suddenly she smiled. Sadie had asked her to come out on tour with her and she decided to do it. Not for the whole tour, but she'd spend some time with her. And she'd go out with some of her other artists, while she waited for Luke's tour to be over. And then, when it was, she'd make the break. Find herself and her own life. It was time.

* * *

Emma snuggled up to Deacon. "You know, I hope Abby and Lily will be the best of friends. Hanging out together, supporting each other. You know."

Deacon smiled. "I hope so too."

She made a face. "But I feel like they're gonna gang up on us."

He laughed. "But we're bigger and older and smarter. We'll be in charge."

Just then, the baby started up a kicking storm and Emma winced. "I think she can hear us, Deacon. And she's already plotting against us." She pressed her hand against her belly.

Deacon laid his hand where he could see the kicking. He leaned down and in a soft, low voice said, "Hey, Lily. It's your dad. I know you think you're in charge but you're not. I need you to behave."

Emma watched him, something she loved to do and, like magic, the kicking slowed down and then was just rolling movements. "You are definitely the baby whisperer," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you're going to be around to referee this."

He looked deep into her eyes and then moved his hand around to her waist, pulling her in closer, leaning in to put his lips on hers. She opened her mouth to his and their tongues battled each other. Their hands roamed over each other as they just lay together, kissing. Then finally he broke away from the kiss and moved her to a position where he could make love to her.

"I love you, baby," he whispered against her neck as he pushed into her.

"I love you more," she whispered back, and then let herself relax into his gentle lovemaking.

* * *

Emma walked into the kitchen with two bags, which she set on one of the stools. Deacon was drying his hands and he walked over and kissed her. "You got everything?" he asked.

Emma smiled. "Yes. All my Christmas shopping is done. Oh, and Scarlett called me and we talked about Thanksgiving dinner and decided what each of us is doing."

Deacon frowned a little. "I don't want you to do too much."

Emma shook her head. "Scarlett's doing a bunch, so don't worry." She made a face and pressed her hand against her belly. "This baby is killing me!" she cried. "I swear, Abby wasn't like this."

Deacon smiled and put his hand next to hers. The baby was definitely kicking up a storm. "She's gonna be a dancer, I think."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Something." She raised her eyebrows. "Maybe if we go sit down and you work your magic spell on her, she'll get the message." She grabbed Deacon's hand and led him into the living room. She sat on the couch, one leg curled up under her, facing Deacon, who sat next to her. She ran her hand over her belly, hoping to get the baby to settle down. She looked up at Deacon. "Talk to her," she said with a smile.

Deacon looked at her with amusement. Emma was right. This baby was more active than Abby had been. He spread out his fingers and laid his hand on her. He leaned in closer. "Lily, it's time to settle down. Give your mama a break, please, sweetheart." He could feel the baby's movements start to slow down.

Emma smiled. "You are so totally the baby whisperer, hon," she said.

He smiled back. "Glad to help. So, on a different topic, I thought it would be nice for us to get away for the weekend. Just you and me."

"Really? That would be nice. And we haven't been to the cabin in a while."

"Not the cabin. Someplace where I can spoil you a little. I was thinking Memphis."

Emma looked puzzled. "Memphis? Why Memphis?"

"You know, Graceland, Beale Street, the Peabody."

"Okay," she said slowly.

"The Peabody is a really nice hotel. I'd get us a really nice room and you can have room service if you want or there are lots of great restaurants. And we could go to Graceland, if you want, or Beale Street, unless you'd rather…."

Emma put her hand on his arm. "I think it sounds fun. I love it. When were you thinking?"

"Tomorrow?" he said, with a sheepish grin.

"What? Really?"

He nodded. "I already booked it for the weekend and Scarlett and Gunnar are taking Abby for us."

She smiled at him, then leaned forward and kissed him. "You're the best husband," she said.

He grinned. "I got us a suite. And we can do nothing except stay there, if you want."

She reached over and ran her hand between his legs. "Hmm, we'll see about that." She winked. "Speaking of that, do we have time for a little preview?"

Deacon groaned at her touch. "I think so," he said. Emma pushed herself up and then grabbed his hand, pulling him with her towards the bedroom.

* * *

Later, as they lay tangled up in each other, she smiled up at him. "Thank you for the weekend surprise, hon," she said. "I can't wait."

He hugged her close, lazily running his hand over her arm. "I think you'll like it." He looked a little wistful all of a sudden. "When Beverly and I were kids, my mama would take us once a year. We'd spend one night there and the big deal was the ducks in the lobby."

"The ducks?"

Deacon chuckled. "Yeah. There's this little family of ducks that lives there and twice a day they parade through the lobby. It's quite a spectacle."

Emma grinned. "Are we going to see them?"

"Of course."

She ran her hand over his arm. "So it was just the three of you that went?"

"Yeah. It was a special time for us. At least until things started to go bad for her." He looked sad as he thought about how rare it was for them to have normal family memories.

She turned her head to look up at him. "How old were you?"

"We were kids. I think we did that until Beverly was eleven and I was ten."

"That's a nice memory to have. I'm looking forward to seeing these ducks now." She reached her hand up and touched his cheek. "I think this is the first happy memory you've shared with me about when you were growing up."

He sighed. "There sure weren't many of them," he said, almost wistfully. He hugged her close and leaned his head against hers. "I want us to create lots of good memories for our girls."

"We will. Maybe visiting the ducks could be one of those."

Deacon smiled. "I like that." As he lay there, holding Emma close to him, he felt a sense of gratefulness for what he had. A wife who loved and supported him, two beautiful daughters and another on the way, and surviving liver disease. He didn't see how things could be better. This was all he'd ever wanted, really, and when Rayna had pushed him aside, he'd thought he'd screwed up his only chance. And then Emma came into his life. He planned on holding onto this for the rest of his life.

* * *

Emma wasn't sure she'd ever seen Deacon this excited. She'd hardly gotten a chance to settle into their suite when he hustled her downstairs for the duck parade. Clearly it was a big deal, because there was quite a crowd waiting for the spectacle.

She stole glances at her husband as they watched and found herself tearing up. Clearly this had been a joyful memory for him as a boy. She squeezed his hand and he looked down at her, grinning and laughing. "I want Abby and Lily to see this when they're old enough," he said, turning his attention back to the duck parade, as the ducks made their way from the fountain to the private elevator that would take them to their rooftop home.

_We will make it a tradition_, she thought to herself. _Anything to see that kind of joy again_.

When it was over, he looked back at her. "We'll come back in the morning and you can see them walk into the fountain," he said.

She smiled. "I can't wait." She squeezed his hand again. "What now?"

"I thought you might be a little tired from the drive, so how about room service and you let me pamper you tonight."

"I think you just read my mind," she said. He put his arm around her and they headed back to the elevator.

* * *

Late that night, Emma was reading by the soft bedside light. She'd been extra restless the last couple weeks, similarly to how she'd felt towards the end of her pregnancy with Abby. She had told Deacon she thought it was a cruel trick Mother Nature played on pregnant women. Towards the end of a pregnancy, when they needed to build up sleep, it was harder to get comfortable. Sleep didn't come easy and she often tossed and turned half the night. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, trying to relieve some of the tension.

She finally realized she wasn't really paying attention to what she was reading so she put the Kindle on the bedside table. She leaned back against the pillows and looked down at Deacon. When he slept, he looked the most peaceful she ever saw him. She could feel his slow, even breathing against her hip and his arm was slung across her legs. She wanted to reach down and run her fingers through his hair, but decided to just watch him instead. She knew he did the same to her when she slept, so it was her turn now for that indulgence.

She thought about her parents. She felt sad that they'd never have the chance to meet this man who made her so happy. She thought they would like him. No, love him, like she did. They would be happy that she'd found someone who loved her the way Deacon did. She looked at him again and smiled. She was so glad he'd subbed for Jeff Cohen that night at the Bluebird. He'd made her life so much better.

She reached over and turned out the light, rearranging herself against the pillows. Deacon moved a little in his sleep, mumbling incoherently and moving his arm to wrap around her. She lay there quietly, but he didn't wake. Before long, she'd fallen asleep and didn't wake until she felt Deacon leaving little kisses on her neck and shoulder. The room was bright with the morning sun. She let him wrap his arms around her and smiled, thinking she'd just had the best sleep she'd had in the last few weeks.

* * *

"So, what do you want to do today, baby?" Deacon asked, as they cuddled.

"Why don't we do the touristy stuff today? We can go to Graceland and then we could go to a club tonight. Listen to some blues." She smiled. "I'd love to listen to some blues."

Deacon kissed her on the nose. "Sounds good."

Emma made a face. "But I need some food, hon. Lily and I are hungry."

"Well, why don't you get in the shower? I'll order room service and then I'll join you." He kissed her behind her ear.

Emma snuggled into him and giggled. "Good plan." She rolled over and pushed up to sit on the side of the bed. Deacon scrambled over to help her up and kissed her.

"Go get the shower started," he murmured into her ear. As she started in that direction, he swatted her lightly on the ass and winked when she turned around. "Save some hot water for me."

Emma stuck out her tongue and then laughed, before heading towards the shower.


	16. Chapter 16

Just before Thanksgiving, Deacon and Emma were relaxing on the couch. Emma was tucked in between Deacon's legs, her back against his chest. He had his arms around her. Abby was asleep in her room. Emma loved these lazy afternoons, after writing all morning, a little sex mixed in here and there. "I want to decorate for Christmas this year," she announced.

"Really?" Deacon was surprised. They'd done nothing the year before; Emma claimed that she didn't want to make a big deal over Christmas until Abby was older. She told him she hadn't done Christmas since her parents and sister died. He had given her a gift the first year they were together and she had given him one a few days later, telling him later that she didn't do Christmas. It had made him sad, because he actually kind of liked Christmas, with the lights and presents and all. And when Scarlett had lived with him, they'd done a lot more decorating.

She nodded. "Yeah. I think it would be nice. Not a tree, though. I think Abby is still too young and she could pull it over."

"What were you thinking?"

She turned herself a little so she could look at him. "I always liked garland and red ribbons on porches, so we could do that. And maybe the same in here on the mantle. And some pretty ornaments around. Not a whole lot, but make it look a little festive in here. What do you think?"

He smiled at her. "I think I'd do anything for you. So if that's what you want, we'll do it."

She smiled and moved herself so that she could kiss him. "Thank, hon. I want to do it right after Thanksgiving, so it's all done before Lily comes."

He smiled down at her, looking at her in his arms. He thanked God every day for her, for Abby, and for the baby growing inside her now. Every time he looked at her, he was amazed that she'd chosen him, that she'd had babies with him, that they had built this life he'd only ever dreamed of. He acknowledged to himself that it was the life he'd always thought he'd have with Rayna but, when that died, he'd been so grateful to find that he could love again and Emma had been perfect for him. "We'll do whatever you want, baby. All I want to do is see you smile."

She gave him a sly smile. "I'll tell you what would make me smile right now, while we have some time before Abby wakes up. I'd like for you to take me in the bedroom and make love to me. I need to feel you inside me. I crave it, actually."

Deacon breathed out. He could think of no place he'd rather be than buried inside his wife, feeling her bare skin under his hands, and making long, languid love to her. "You have a deal," he said, his voice thick with need, and then he pushed her up from him and got up himself, taking her hand and pulling her back to the bedroom.

* * *

Deacon had to admit the house looked festive. Emma had been understated in her touch. She'd told him exactly how to do the garland outside and watched him carefully. She did give in to his request to put lights outside, and then had to admit it wasn't so bad. Inside, they had put up the decorations together. She had surprised him with five Christmas stockings, each with one of their names on them, Maddie included. "You got one for you and me?" he asked.

She winked and smiled. "Of course. We've been good this year too, so I think we deserve a treat."

He had pulled her into his arms and kissed her. He was glad to see that she looked upbeat and energetic. She'd been more tired lately, feeling just a little foggy, she'd told him. She wasn't sure if she was coming down with something, but she seemed to want to take more naps and she'd developed some minor headaches she'd never had before. But today she seemed happy and feeling good. The baby had been moving a lot and she'd told him that was exhausting. He thought that might be why she wasn't feeling her best. But they'd still spent a lot of quality time wrapped up in each other. She would tease him that she was storing up sex for the six weeks after Lily was born when they'd have to abstain. He would laugh and tell her he wasn't complaining. "You feeling okay today?" he asked her.

She nodded. "I am. Better than I have the last few days." Then she reached out and ran her hand over him. "I'm thinking we could have a little pre-Christmas treat," she said with a grin.

He grinned and kissed her. "I like the way you think," he said, and pulled her into the bedroom.

* * *

Deacon looked up when Emma walked into the kitchen. Abby was sitting in her high chair and waved her arms and squealed when she saw her mother. "How was your nap, baby?" Deacon asked.

Emma shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I feel a little groggy still." She padded over and put her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest. "Sorry I sacked out."

Deacon leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. Abby and I hung out together. I'm sure you'll feel better after we eat."

She nodded and then walked over to Abby, lifting her out of the high chair and sitting at the table with her. She turned back to Deacon and smiled. "Maybe it's pre-labor stuff. I could definitely go for having Lily born sooner rather than later." The reality though was that she felt really off that day, but she didn't want Deacon to worry. It was really just a vague headache that didn't want to go away and she was hoping it meant that the baby was coming. She remembered feeling out of sorts before Abby came too. And she didn't want it to spoil these last few days before the new baby came and things in their household got topsy-turvy again.

Deacon watched her as she made faces at Abby and kissed her fingers. He'd been worried about her. He supposed that since his own illness they were both just hyper-aware of the slightest thing that might be off, but Emma had seemed like she hadn't felt well for a couple of weeks. She'd had mostly good days, but sometimes she seemed less energetic than normal. When he'd ask her, she'd wave him off and smile, trying, he thought, to convince him he was wrong. But she was napping more and she did admit to him that she was having headaches periodically, something that was not typical. But she would promise him they were minor and then she would go about her day as though she were trying to convince them both.

He knew she would do nothing to cause harm to the baby, though, and that was the only reason he let it go. He just tried to be extra sensitive to her energy levels these days. Her one complaint was that this baby seemed to be hyperactive and he knew that to be true. It was not unusual for him to see the ripples of movement cross over her belly, much more so than when she'd been pregnant with Abby. He hoped that didn't mean they'd be chasing this one all over the place.

Emma lifted Abby to stand on her knees and smiled at her daughter as she bounced and laughed gaily. She was tired of having a headache. This had just started in the last month and while they weren't especially painful, they were annoying nonetheless. She found if she took more frequent naps, they stayed more at bay. Just then the baby made a serious roll inside her and she breathed in, wondering if the two things were linked. Abby had not been quite as active, so she thought maybe it was. She looked over at Deacon, who seemed to be eyeing her seriously. "What's up, hon?" she asked, frowning a little.

He looked at her and then shook his head slightly, smiling. "Just watching you and Abby," he said. "I love watching you two together."

Emma smiled. She moved Abby to her hip and then, pushing on the table, stood up. She felt an odd, brief shooting pain in the back of her neck that took her breath away for a second, but it then it was gone. She breathed out and then walked over and let herself be enveloped in Deacon's arms. She leaned her head on his chest, enjoying the three of them wrapped up in each other. Abby waved her arms and squealed with pleasure. Deacon leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head.

Deacon liked this too. He'd given up thinking he'd ever have this before he'd met Emma. As he stood holding his wife and daughter in his arms, feeling the movements inside Emma's belly against his own, he sighed happily. This is what contentment felt like, happiness and a good life. He had waited so long to have this. He'd always thought it would look different than this, but when he'd gotten it, he'd realized he hadn't had a clue as to how good it could be. He squeezed Emma's shoulder and kissed the top of her head. She leaned her head back to look up at him and he kissed her on the lips. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you more."

* * *

After dinner, Deacon and Emma lay on the couch, just looking at the twinkling lights on the mantle. Deacon lay behind Emma and had one arm wrapped across the front of her chest, with the other wrapped just under her breasts. He kissed her head gently and she ran one hand over his arm. His heart felt full, with love and with happiness. She was the love of his life, she had been there with him through his darkest hour, and now life couldn't be better. They had a daughter asleep in her bedroom and he reached his hand out to run it over his wife's belly, as she got ready to give them a second.

Emma smiled to herself and snuggled closer to him. This reminded her so much of watching her parents, the connection they had to each other, the love they always showed each other. It had never been smarmy or icky, it was always just the way they looked at each other and a simple touch that made it clear to Emma just how they felt about each other. She knew that right now, she and Deacon were still in that stage where they wanted hands all over each other and to be on and in each other all the time. She didn't necessarily want to lose the hunger they had for each other, but she hoped they always had that ease that Ben and Gail had.

It seemed to her like it had taken finding out she was pregnant the second time to put all her anxieties to bed once and for all. She had been confident in how Deacon felt about her, but the matter-of-fact way that he had acknowledged her news that she was pregnant, that he knew every inch of her and, therefore, had known it even before she did, made her realize they had truly developed that bond that bound them together. At some point over that last six months, they had knit together the fabric that made them one and made it stronger than ever.

"Are you as ready for Lily to be here as I am?" she asked.

He kissed her temple. "I am."

She felt tears spring to her eyes. "I'm so glad we found each other, hon," she said. "I never thought I'd have this in my life and now I do." She turned in his arms as much as she could so that she was facing towards him. "I love you more than anything in the world."

He smiled and wiped at her tears with his thumb, then leaned down and kissed her. "I feel the same. I'd given up on having that good life. And then you happened. And now we got the rest of our lives together." He kissed her again, her mouth opening to his.

* * *

Deacon crawled into bed and spooned Emma. She nestled into him, sighing happily as she felt his arms envelop her. He nuzzled her neck and ran one hand lazily over her breasts and belly. She knew this was a prelude to sex and, just this one time, she wanted to ask if they could just cuddle, but she didn't. Truthfully, she always wanted sex when he wanted sex, but the dull headache had made her want to just sleep. But when he nudged the back of her legs, she lifted and tucked her top leg behind his. "Let's just be sweet," she murmured.

"Sweet for my sweet," he whispered back, as he entered her slowly. He smiled as she moaned in that way that said she loved this. And then they moved together in a slow, steady rhythm, just enjoying this connection, until they both were spent.

"I love you, Deacon," she whispered. "Forever and ever."

He pulled her in close. "I love you too."

* * *

The next morning, when she woke up, Emma's dull headache from the day before had become more painful. She couldn't remember having a headache this bad, but she didn't want to complain, since there was nothing she could take for it. She did tell Deacon that her head hurt, but didn't tell him how bad it was. When suddenly her water broke that evening as she stood talking to him in the kitchen, she decided all of her ailments were linked to going into labor.

When they were in the car, driving to the hospital after dropping Abby off at Scarlett and Gunnar's, Emma said to Deacon, "After the baby's born, don't let me forget to ask for something for this damn headache."

He squeezed her hand and smiled. "First thing on the list."

Once they got in the delivery suite, things moved more slowly than they had with Abby. While they waited they cuddled and talked. At one point, they walked the halls, but Deacon grew concerned at how listless Emma seemed and took her back to the suite. She reassured him that it was just a lack of sleep and tried dozing for a while.

When labor picked up speed, it did so quickly. It didn't take long before Emma's contractions were coming every couple minutes. Deacon stood beside Emma with one arm around her back and holding her hand with his. She squeezed his hand with every contraction. The headache pain was still there, but now it seemed mingled with the labor pain. Finally, Dr. Morris told her it was time for one final push. She leaned forward and grabbed Deacon's hand. She looked up at him and smiled. "This is it, hon," she said. "In a minute, Lily will be here."

Deacon leaned down and kissed her. "I love you."

She smiled at him. "I love you more." Then she felt the unmistakable need to push, gripping Deacon's hand tightly.

"Here she comes!" Dr. Morris called out, as the baby slid out. She held her up for Deacon and Emma to see.

"Oh, Deacon, she's beautiful," Deacon heard Emma murmur. He was thinking the same thing, when he felt her hand go limp in his and her back sagged into his arm.

Much later, he would think that everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. He turned away from the baby to see Emma's head leaning back, her eyes closed. It was almost as though she'd been a balloon and all the air had been let out of her. He knew something was very wrong.

"Emma!" he cried, squeezing her hand, but getting no response. "Emma! What's wrong?"

Dr. Morris looked up and concern filled her eyes. "I need to get the cord cut. Now!" she said briskly, and a nurse handed her the cutting tool. She quickly severed the cord and turned to pass the baby to a nurse. She jumped up from her seat and rushed to Emma's side.

Deacon had laid her back on the bed and was holding her hand and leaning over her. "Emma! Emma!" he kept saying.

Dr. Morris was standing next to him. "Deacon, I need you to step back for just a minute so I can check her out." He turned to look at her with eyes that didn't really see her at first. He looked like he hadn't even heard what she'd said. "Deacon," she said softly, putting her hand on his arm.

Deacon reluctantly let go of Emma's hand and sank back against the wall, tears welling in his eyes and a terrifying feeling racing through him. "What's wrong with her?" he asked. It didn't look like she was breathing and he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe either. He was only peripherally aware of Lily's cries. His eyes were totally focused on Emma, as the doctor worked on her.

Dr. Morris finally turned to face him, her eyes red and sad. She reached for his hand. He knew what she was going to say before she said it and he was already shaking his head and murmuring "No, no."

"Deacon, I'm so, so sorry. She's gone."

His face collapsed in tears and he hunched over as though he were in pain, his hands over his face. His body shook with sobs, Dr. Morris rubbing his arm, tears running down her own face. Finally he looked at her. "What happened?" he choked out.

"I'm almost positive it was a brain hemorrhage. I'm going to have a neurologist come up to check her out though." She thought he looked shattered. "I'm so sorry." She squeezed his arm. "We're going to take Lily to the nursery and get her checked out and settled, okay?"

Deacon nodded, feeling numb. He couldn't even think about Lily right now. As Dr. Morris walked away, he looked back at Emma. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping. He couldn't believe she was gone. He moved back to the side of the bed and took her hand in his. He lifted it to his lips and kissed her lightly. She was still warm, which was confusing. "Emma, please wake up," he whispered, tears sliding down his face. "Please, baby." He closed his eyes for a minute. "What am I going to do without you?"

* * *

When the neurologist came into the room, Deacon was sitting by Emma's bed, just holding her hand. "Mr. Claybourne?" Deacon turned and looked up. "Mr. Claybourne, I'm Dr. Carter. I'm going to check out your wife." Deacon nodded, then stood up and stepped back. When the doctor had finished his examination, he turned back. "I agree with Dr. Morris that it was a brain hemorrhage. Had she complained of not feeling well in the last few days?"

Deacon struggled to think back, finding it hard to reconcile the living, breathing woman he'd brought here with the lifeless one laying on the bed in front of him. He nodded. "She had not been herself for the last couple weeks. Headaches, low energy, that kind of thing. Today she complained that the headache was worse."

"Did she tell you how bad the headache was?"

He thought, then shook his head. "Just that she wanted to take something…" He choked on a sob. "After the baby…."

"The symptoms she was having – headaches and fatigue – would have been signals that the aneurysm could rupture. But those are symptoms of a lot of things, including normal pregnancy complaints in the third trimester, so I don't want you to think that you missed something. And I also want you to know that this would have had nothing to do with the baby or the pregnancy. A cerebral aneurysm isn't caused by pregnancy, so it likely was pre-existing, no telling how long, and it was an unfortunate coincidence that it happened today. If you'd like, we can do an autopsy and get definitive about it, if that helps."

Deacon shook his head. "It won't make any difference. She's still gone."

The doctor put his hand on Deacon's arm. "I'm very sorry for your loss. I know this is a very difficult time, maybe more so because she'd just given birth." He made a note on the chart. "We'll have someone come for her."

As the doctor turned to go, a memory popped into Deacon's head. "Dr. Carter?"

The doctor turned back. "Yes?"

"Um, Emma told me that she'd had a boyfriend back before she came to Nashville who used to…hit her. And that there were times he'd beat her unconscious. Could that have caused this?"

The doctor looked thoughtful. "It's possible. No way to know for sure, though."

Deacon nodded sadly. "Okay, thanks."

The doctor sighed. "I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Claybourne." Then he left the room and Deacon went back to sit beside Emma and the tears came again.

* * *

When the phone rang, Scarlett didn't recognize the number. She thought maybe it was the hospital and, for some reason, Deacon was having to use another phone. "Hello?" she answered.

"Is this Scarlett O'Connor?" came the voice of an older woman.

"Yes, ma'am, it is."

"Scarlett, my name is Dr. Morris, Emma's OB. I'm calling at Deacon's request."

Scarlett felt a cold chill run down her spine. "Is something wrong? Is it the baby?" she asked.

"The baby's fine. But I do have some bad news." She paused, swallowing hard. This was not a conversation she normally had to have. "Unfortunately, after the birth, Emma, well, she very unexpectedly passed away."

Scarlett collapsed on the floor. "Oh my God," she breathed, tears springing immediately to her eyes. "What happened?"

"A brain hemorrhage, apparently. Totally unexpected." She took a deep breath. "Deacon asked us to call you. He's with the baby now, but I think he needs someone to be with him right now."

"I'll be right there. Where is he?" She wanted to cry, but right now she knew she needed to hold it together for Deacon.

"He's in a room in the nursery. Ask for Lynn Windsor when you get here. She's the nurse in charge."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you for calling."

Dr. Morris lowered her head. Her eyes burned from trying to hold back the tears. She'd never lost a mother during childbirth before and this one, especially, hit her hard. She knew about Deacon's health issues and how he and Emma had thought they were in the clear when he'd gotten his transplant. And they should have been. They had a beautiful daughter and now a second one. It was heartbreaking. "I'm so sorry for your family's loss," she said to Scarlett. "Emma was a wonderful person and I'm just devastated about this."

* * *

The nurse walked Scarlett over to the room where Deacon was. She stood in the doorway and her heart broke. Deacon was sitting in a chair, holding little Lily in his arms. He was stroking her cheek with his thumb and she could see tears running down his face, as he tried to comfort his newborn daughter. As she stood there, he looked up. When he saw his niece, his face crumbled and his body shook with sobs. Scarlett hurried over and took the baby from him. He leaned forward, his elbows on his legs, his face in his hands, crying.

Scarlett looked down at Lily Claire Claybourne, laying in her arms, unaware of the tragic turn of events that had occurred on the day she was born. She had little tufts of dark hair, much like Abby had. Scarlett felt her heart wrench at the thought of these two baby girls, growing up without their mama. She could hardly breathe from the sadness of it.

She looked back at Deacon and he was still sitting with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with sobs. She fought her own tears, because she knew she was going to have to be strong for him. She walked over to the hospital crib and laid the baby in it, then went back and sat on the arm of the chair and put her arms around her uncle.

"Deacon?" she murmured.

Deacon took a long, shuddering breath and then wiped his face. He looked up at her, devastation in his eyes. "What am I gonna do, Scarlett?" he asked, brokenly.

Scarlett took a deep breath. "Well, first, I'm gonna take you home and let you get a good night's sleep." She wasn't at all sure he'd sleep that night, but he did look exhausted, so she hoped he might. "Then we'll figure things out tomorrow. We don't have to do it now." She rubbed her hand over his shoulder. "Are you ready?"

He looked over towards the crib. "What about Lily?" he choked out.

"She'll stay here tonight and we'll come back and get her in the morning." She grasped his arm and helped him stand. She was shocked at how shaky he was. He walked slowly over to the crib and looked down at the baby laying there, her breathing shallow and even. He reached down and ran a finger gently down her arm. "If she hadn't already been born, she might not have made it either," he said.

Scarlett hung onto his arm and leaned into him. "I'm so sorry, Deacon," she whispered. She led him out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. He sank back against the elevator wall as they slowly descended.

When they walked out into the darkness, Deacon thought about the fact that it had been dark when he and Emma had arrived just before midnight. He tried to remember how she'd seemed. She hadn't felt well for several days and she'd told him she had a headache that day that labor started. When they'd dropped Abby off with Scarlett and Gunnar, she'd hugged the little girl a little longer than usual, as though she didn't want to let her go. She'd been a little quieter in the car on the way to the hospital, but they had both been excited to meet their new daughter. Tears rolled down his face. He looked at Scarlett. "She saw Lily," he said brokenly. "I heard her say she was beautiful."

Scarlett couldn't stop her own tears at that. She hadn't really thought about how the sequence of events must have gone, but she felt comforted to know that Emma had seen Lily before she died. When they got to the car, she opened the door for Deacon. "I'm gonna take you to my house," she said.

Deacon stopped and looked at her. "No. I want to go home."

"Deacon, I don't know if that's a good idea. And Abby is at our house."

Deacon scowled. "I need to be in my own house." Then his face softened. "And I need to see Abby," he whispered.

Scarlett nodded. "Okay." She closed the door after he got in the car. Then she called Gunnar and asked him to meet them at Deacon's house, before she got in the car herself.

* * *

When they got to the house, Deacon just stood for a moment in front of the porch. He and Emma had made this house a home and he was struggling with the fact that she would never be here again. After they'd climbed the steps and walked inside, he saw reminders of her everywhere. The blanket she'd curled up under, laying in a crumpled heap at the end of the couch. Her guitar. The boxes of pictures that were still sitting against the wall. Pictures on the mantel and various tables around the room of her, of her with Abby, and the three of them together. He felt like his heart was going to explode.

The Christmas decorations she'd put up seemed to mock him with the joy they signified. He remembered when she hung the stockings, personalized with all their names, Lily's included. He was glad the girls wouldn't know it was Christmas and he had the instinct to tear it all down immediately. How could he be joyful this year? He wondered if he could just take his daughters to the cabin this year and hide.

He walked into the kitchen and stood, rubbing his hands over his face. He didn't know how he was going to go on without her. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd been told he had end-stage liver disease and that, without a liver transplant, he wouldn't live to see Abby grow up. But he had gotten that liver, from Scarlett, and he and Emma thought they'd have a long life together. They'd talked about the future, about life with Abby and Lily, when she came. And now Lily was here, but Emma wasn't. He stood at the counter, then leaned down on his elbows and cried again.

Scarlett was instantly by his side. "Deacon, come sit down," she said softly. She took his arm and led him into the living room and they sat, side-by-side on the couch, and Deacon let her hold him.

When the door opened, he had jumped up. Even though he knew it would be Gunnar, he still slumped a little when he realized it wasn't somehow Emma walking through the door after a late writing session. Gunnar had a groggy Abby in his arms, rubbing her eyes. When she saw Deacon, she reached her arms out for him.

Deacon started to cry before he even had Abby in his arms and once he'd pulled her close to his chest, he wept as he held her tightly. She reached her little hand up and patted him gently on the cheek. Gunnar looked helplessly at Scarlett, who jumped up from the couch and walked over to Deacon. "Hey, Deacon, why don't we sit?" she said. Again, he let her lead him over to the couch, but when she tried to take Abby, he clung to her. "Don't you want me to take her?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No," he whispered brokenly, holding Abby against his chest, rubbing her back. Luckily, the little girl was sleepy, so she just snuggled up into her father, laying her head against his shoulder. Then, instead of sitting, he walked into Abby's room with her. Scarlett followed them and stood in the doorway as she watched him sit in the rocking chair he'd made for Emma, gently rocking Abby, murmuring softly, words Scarlett couldn't hear. Eventually he got back up and laid a sleeping Abby in her crib. He stood over her for several minutes, then pulled a blanket over her and turned on the little starfish night light on her bed.

He looked up then and Scarlett saw the devastation in his face. She went to him and put her arm around his waist and led him out of the nursery and down the hall to his bedroom.

* * *

Deacon shut the door to the bedroom and stood, just staring around the room. This was where he felt her presence most keenly. The bed where they'd made love and slept and played with Abby. The bathroom where he'd follow her into the shower and kiss her all over. The closet where her clothes were. He felt the lump in his throat and the burning in his chest. He didn't think he had any more tears to shed, but they came anyway.

The bed was still unmade from the day before, her robe laying across the end. Another of her guitars was in the corner. He walked to the closet and opened the door. Most of what was in there was hers. He reached in and fingered the dress she'd worn the day they got married. The bathroom sink was cluttered with her lotion and makeup. He didn't know how he was going to do this without her.

He thought about Abby, asleep in her bed. She wouldn't remember Emma. She wouldn't remember how much Emma had loved her, how she'd rocked her in that rocking chair that reminded her of the one her own mother had had, nothing. And poor Lily. Born on this terrible, horrible day. In just seconds, one of the happiest days of his life had turned into the worst.

He sat on Emma's side of the bed and picked up her robe. He held it to his face and breathed in, smelling her scent. The last time they'd made love here was the night before she'd gone into labor. When she'd told him she had a little bit of a headache. She'd told him she wanted to make love "sweet", which was their code for gentle and slow. And they had felt connected again, as they always did, and she'd whispered to him how much she loved him. _How could you leave me? Everything was supposed to be all good now and you're gone. _ He felt himself gasping for air. None of this made sense. She was young, she was healthy. She'd been so happy about the new baby, and now this. He had lived and now she was gone.

He put the robe down and lay on the bed, his face buried in her pillow. And he cried again until he fell asleep.

_**A/N: I'm not a medical professional, so if I got any of those details wrong, it's on me. **_


	17. Chapter 17

After seeing her uncle's devastation, Scarlett knew she was going to have to be the stoic one. Once she got him home and in bed, she left Gunnar with the baby monitor and she walked out onto the screened porch. She hesitated for a few minutes before she finally called Rayna.

"Hey, Scarlett!" Rayna answered cheerfully. "Is the baby here?"

Scarlett almost lost her cool, but breathed in. "Yes, she is. But I'm afraid I'm not calling with good news."

"What?" There was a note of alarm in Rayna's voice. "Something wrong with the baby?"

Scarlett shook her head, even though Rayna couldn't see her. "No, it's Emma." She choked on a sob. "Just after Lily was born, she had a brain hemorrhage and she died."

"Oh, God," Rayna choked out. "Oh, God." Scarlett could hear her trying not to cry. "How is…how is Deacon?"

Tears sprang to Scarlett's eyes. "Not good. I brought him home and Gunnar brought Abby here. It was kind of heartbreaking when I got to the hospital. They'd put him in a room with Lily and he was just sitting there, holding her and crying. Lily was fussy and he was trying to comfort her while he was falling apart."

"Oh, Scarlett, I can't believe this. Maddie's going to be devastated." She swallowed hard. "Do you need me to come over?"

"I sent him to bed. I don't know how much he's going to sleep, but he was exhausted. And I think he's a little bit in shock right now. I'm a little worried about him, to be honest. I think he's going to need us all."

"I know Maddie's going to want to see him. We could come tomorrow."

"I think that would be good. I have to take him to the hospital to pick up Lily. They were keeping her overnight." She sighed. "I don't know how he's going to be tomorrow."

"We'll be there, Scarlett. And we'll do anything we can to help."

"Thanks, Rayna. I know that will mean a lot."

* * *

After Rayna hung up from talking to Scarlett, she took some deep breaths and tried to pull herself together. She'd had years of putting on her performance face, during some incredibly trying times, and this was probably the worst. She walked down the hall to Maddie's room. Her daughter was sitting on her bed, reading. She knocked and Maddie looked up.

Rayna smiled sadly. "Hey, sweet girl, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Maddie nodded. "Sure." Rayna walked over and sat down next to her, just looking at her for a moment, thinking about how she was going to tell her the news. She reached for Maddie and hugged her close. "What's going on, Mom?" Maddie asked, concern in her voice.

Rayna sighed. "I have some bad news to share. Something I never expected I'd have to tell you."

Maddie pulled away and looked at her mother, worry crossing her face. "What's wrong? Is it Deacon?" Her voice trailed up as her anxiety increased.

Rayna shook her head. "No, he's fine. Maddie, it's…."

"The baby?" Maddie interrupted. Deacon had texted her, since it was late, when he and Emma had left to go to the hospital the night before, with the promise that he'd call when Lily arrived. She realized that she still hadn't heard from him and that started her worrying about the baby.

"No, Lily is fine. It's…well, it's about Emma." Maddie's eyes had gotten huge and Rayna knew she would be devastated. "Maddie, right after Lily was born, Emma had some kind of a hemorrhage, or something, and…and she died."

Maddie gasped and tears sprang into her eyes immediately. "No! No! Oh, my God, no! This can't happen!" Her voice raised to a shriek. "How did this happen? Oh, my God, no!"

Rayna pulled Maddie into her arms as her daughter continued to cry and repeat the word 'no' over and over. She felt her own tears spill over as she rocked Maddie and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, although she knew there would be none of that. Daphne rushed to the door, upon hearing Maddie's desperate keening, and she looked worried too. Rayna put her hand out and gestured for Daphne to come closer. Her younger daughter ran to her and Rayna pulled her into her embrace as well.

"What happened?" Daphne whispered, already distraught.

Rayna leaned down and said softly, "We got some bad news tonight, sweetie. Right after Emma had the baby, she passed away."

Tears filled Daphne's eyes. "Oh, no, Mommy, why? Why?" she cried.

Maddie pulled back and looked at Rayna. "Take me over there," she said.

Rayna shook her head. "Scarlett said Deacon's gone to bed. It's been a pretty tough day and I think he needs the rest. We'll go tomorrow. They're going to the hospital to pick up Lily and we'll go over after that. Okay?"

Maddie nodded. Then she burst into tears again. "I can't believe this. It's so unfair. Deacon just got better and they were so happy. Why did this happen?"

Rayna pulled her into her embrace again. "We don't know, sweet girl. It's a terrible thing and Deacon's gonna be very sad, so we'll just have to be there for him. And help him get through this."

* * *

Deacon was startled awake, but he was unsure why. Everything felt foggy. He was still wearing all his clothes, including his boots, which made no sense. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. As he lay there, trying to calm his nerves, he remembered. He turned and looked at the clock beside the bed. _1:12 AM._ Tears burned his eyes and he felt that crushing pain in his chest. Emma was gone.

Twenty-four hours ago, they'd been at the hospital. Emma had been laying in the birthing bed waiting for the contractions to speed up. They had talked and laughed and kissed as they'd waited for Lily to arrive. They had talked about having two little ones at the same time. Emma had asked him if he'd mind if she stopped writing for a while, until Lily was a year old. That running around after two would take up so much time. They'd talked about taking a real vacation in the spring, just the two of them. Since Emma had found out she was pregnant with Abby, it had been babies and Deacon's illness that had taken over their lives for more than two years, and they wanted a little time for themselves.

He thought about what the neurologist had said, that the headaches and tiredness she was feeling were early warning signs. His heart hurt thinking that they hadn't taken those things seriously. What if she had mentioned it to her doctor? Would anything have changed? But it was too late now. There was no way to know. And, like the doctor said, there was no reason to have thought those were anything other than late stage pregnancy symptoms.

He tried to remember where things went wrong. He couldn't think of anything out of the ordinary, once they'd gotten to the hospital, other than her still feeling tired and having the headache. She'd been very focused on her contractions, just like with Abby. Just before that final push, she'd told him she loved him. And he knew she'd seen Lily. He felt the tears on his face as he thanked God that she'd at least seen her. But everything that happened after that felt like it was happening to someone else.

They'd let him sit with her until someone came to take her away. He didn't know how long he'd sat there, but it felt like a long time. He'd held her hand and talked to her, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. He told her how much he loved her and that he would take good care of their girls. He remembered thinking that she just looked like she was sleeping. She looked peaceful, there was no stress on her face. He kept waiting for her to open her eyes and tell him she was fine, but it never happened. When they finally came to take her away, he'd felt lost. He stood and looked down at her for a moment, then had leaned over and kissed her gently on her lips, telling her goodbye. He watched them wheel the bed out of the room and then the nurse who'd waited with him took him to the nursery.

He felt terrible that, as he'd waited with Emma, he hadn't given a single thought to his newborn daughter. They'd put her in a separate room, away from the regular nursery. At first he'd been afraid that meant something was wrong with her, but they'd reassured him she was perfectly fine, they just wanted him to have a place to be with her that was private. He sat in the chair they'd indicated for him and then the nurse brought Lily to him. She was asleep when they first put her in his arms. He looked down on her tiny face and he started to cry.

The nurse had asked if he wanted her to take Lily back and he'd said no. She was the closest thing he had to Emma right then and he couldn't bear to let her go. He ran a shaky hand over her face, wondering what he was going to do now. Emma knew everything to do and what was he going to do without her to help? He closed his eyes and held Lily tight to his chest. When he heard a little noise, he opened his eyes and looked down. She was awake and was staring up at him, as though she knew he was all she had in the world. "I'm so sorry, sweet girl," he whispered to her, as she made little fussing noises.

The nurse had asked if there was someone they could call for him. He gave them Scarlett's number, although he hated thinking someone else was going to give her this news. But he couldn't say it out loud. He thought about Maddie and he knew she would be heartbroken.

He'd sat there with Lily until Scarlett came. He hardly remembered the drive home. Now he sat up, rubbing his eyes. It still didn't seem real. It could have just been that Emma was staying at the hospital overnight, ready to come home in the morning. He felt a lump in his throat and what felt like a vise around his chest as he struggled not to sob.

He got up and walked out of the bedroom. He headed for Abby's room and quietly opened the door. The little starfish night light let out a soft glow as he crept over to the crib. He almost wasn't surprised to see her sitting in the corner, a little soft ring in her hand that she was beating on the mattress. He leaned over and she looked up.

"Da da," she said, a smile on her face. She leaned over and put her hands on the mattress, then pushed herself up, grabbing the crib rails. She stood there, lifting one hand to him. "Da da," she said again.

He smiled at her. "Hey, Abby, why aren't you asleep?" He reached down and picked her up, propping her on his hip. She put her hands on his chest and he leaned his cheek down to her so she could give him a wet, sloppy kiss. He ran his hand over her back as she leaned into him and he just let himself feel her warmth as she nestled into him.

He sighed deeply as he felt her breathe. Then she lifted her head. "Mama?" she asked.

He felt the overwhelming need to cry, but he willed himself not to. "Mama's not here, sweet girl," he said softly. He wondered if she would notice when Emma didn't come home. She was so young and he didn't know how to explain that to her or comfort her, if it upset her. He rubbed her back again and leaned his head on hers and she settled into him again. Before long, her breathing was rhythmic and regular and he realized she'd fallen asleep. He walked over carefully and laid her gently in her crib, covering her with her blanket. He lightly ran his finger over her hand, curled up against her face. "I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered. "Mama's not coming home." Then he felt the tears coming and he turned and left the room.

* * *

He sat in the kitchen with a bottle of water, just staring at nothing. His brain felt like sludge. There had been a moment, when he'd sat next to Emma, waiting for them to come for her, when he'd wanted a drink. He hadn't wanted a drink in a while and he really didn't want one now. But he'd automatically gone there in his head. A few drinks would have dulled the ache and the pain, but he'd pushed it aside quickly. His daughters needed him. He was all they had now. He'd gone through the transplant for Abby and Emma and that meant it had been for his future too, which now included Lily. He couldn't let them down and he couldn't let Emma down. She'd be counting on him more than ever now. If she couldn't be here to raise their daughters with him, she'd be counting on him to handle it.

He finally went back to bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Scarlett looked over at Deacon in the passenger seat, as she parked the car. His face was a mask of pain. He hadn't eaten, just drank coffee. He'd held Abby tight until the little girl started to fuss, not understanding her father's grief. Scarlett had walked out to the car with Deacon and then he had put the baby car seat in the back seat. They had driven to Vanderbilt in silence. But now Deacon looked at her, devastated. "I can't do this," he whispered.

Scarlett's heart broke. "Yes, you can."

He shook his head. "I can't go in there."

"Deacon, you have to. You're the only one who can pick up Lily. I know it's hard, but I'll be there with you."

He looked at her with haunted eyes and then they finally got out of the car. She held onto his arm as they walked into the hospital and headed for the elevator. She punched the button for the nursery floor. When the doors opened, they walked slowly out and down to the nurses' station. The nurse on duty looked up and smiled. "Can I help you?"

Deacon looked at her, but couldn't speak. Scarlett glanced at him and then back to the nurse. "We're here to pick up Lily Claybourne," she said.

The nurse's face instantly showed her compassion. Everyone knew about the little baby girl whose mother had died just after she'd been born. Lily had been fawned over all night and more than one nurse had rocked her, weeping for the baby and her family. "Of course," she said. "We're so sorry for your loss, Mr. Claybourne." Deacon looked at her with pain in his eyes and just nodded. The nurse got up and walked back to the room where Lily was.

A few minutes later, another nurse walked out with a tightly wrapped bundle. Her eyes were sad as she walked up to Deacon and placed the baby in his arms. "She is such a good baby," she said. "We made sure someone was with her all night."

Deacon took a deep breath. "Thank you," he said. Then he looked down at Lily. She was wrapped in the pink and white blanket that had been in the bag Emma had packed. She had a little pink cap on. Her eyes were open. She opened her tiny rosebud mouth in a yawn, her little face crinkling up, as though she were content to be in the arms of her father. Deacon felt like he couldn't breathe and his heart felt heavy in his chest.

The nurse handed Scarlett the bag Deacon and Emma had brought the day before and patted her arm. "We were so sorry to hear about Mrs. Claybourne," she said. Scarlett nodded mutely. The nurse checked Deacon's armband, almost apologetically, and then smiled encouragingly at him. "I know this is a devastating time, but I hope this little one brings you great joy."

Deacon looked at her and gave her a ghost of a smile. "Thank you. She will." He took a deep breath. "Thank you for taking care of my daughter."

* * *

Scarlett thought later that she was impressed by Deacon's skill at being a father. She had never paid a lot of attention to it before, other than to take pleasure in his joy whenever he was with one of his daughters. But watching him with Lily had made her heart both swell with love and break with heartache. The nurse had walked them out of the hospital. It had been an awkward thing. If Emma had been there, she would have gone out in a wheelchair, cradling the baby. But Emma wasn't there and Deacon wasn't a patient, so he walked out with Lily, Scarlett on one side, the nurse on the other.

The nurse waited while Scarlett went to get the car. Deacon had put the car seat in the back, behind the driver's seat, before they'd left the house. The nurse inspected it and pronounced it installed correctly and then watched as Deacon first kissed his tiny daughter on the forehead, and then gently placed her in the seat, fastening all the straps and then covering her with the pink and white blanket. He'd hesitated for a moment, running a thumb over her cheek as she slept, oblivious to the heavy emotions of the day and the abject grief of her father.

They were quiet on the drive home. Scarlett noted that Deacon kept looking in the back seat, as though he was afraid Lily would disappear on the drive. When she made little gurgling noises, he reached his hand over the seat, gently running his fingers over Lily's chest until she settled down. Scarlett glanced at him and then had to look away, the look of absolute devastation on her uncle's face too painful to bear. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

It also wasn't how it was supposed to be as they walked up the steps to the house. The homecoming that should have been joyful was bittersweet instead. Scarlett noted that the Christmas greenery on the rails seemed sad and out of place. And while bringing a baby home was still a happy occasion, it was achingly balanced with the knowledge that this baby's mother wasn't coming home with her. Except in their hearts.

As they stepped up on the porch, the front door opened and Maddie walked out, pain written all over her face, tears already streaming down her cheeks. Deacon stopped when he saw her and Scarlett watched as his face crumbled into sorrow. She quickly took Lily from him and he stepped forward and gathered Maddie in his arms and they cried together.

"How could this happen?" Maddie wailed.

"I don't know, sweet girl," Deacon murmured. "I don't know."

Scarlett took Lily in the house, leaving Deacon and Maddie to comfort each other. Rayna was sitting in a chair holding Abby and she looked up when Scarlett came in. "How is he?" she asked, sadness on her face.

Scarlett gave her a sad smile as she went to put Lily in the little cradle Gunnar had brought into the living room. "He's heartbroken. It was hard for him to bring Lily home without Emma." Abby had hopped off Rayna's lap when Scarlett had placed Lily in the cradle. Scarlett smiled at her. "Abby, this is your baby sister. Would you like to see her?" She walked over to take Abby's hand and led her to the cradle.

Rayna's heart nearly broke as she watched Abby reach in and pat her baby sister. But her attention was pulled away by Maddie and Deacon coming in the door. She stood up as Deacon found her eyes and she saw pain there like she'd never seen before. She walked over and took him in her arms and he held her tightly as he cried on her shoulder.

* * *

Rayna and Scarlett sat at the kitchen table with Deacon. Rayna laid her hand on Deacon's arm. "What would you like to do, babe?"

Deacon took a deep breath and looked at her, devastation filling his eyes. "I'd like to do a memorial at the Bluebird, kind of like what Juliette did for her mama. I think Emma would like that. And friends of hers could do some of her songs. Something like that."

"I think that would be lovely," Scarlett said. "I'll talk to Erika right away."

Deacon gave her a sad smile, then cleared his throat. "I've been thinking about this and I want to bury her in Texas. With her family."

Rayna's eyes widened. "Are you sure? It would be so far away."

Deacon frowned. "I don't want to go stand in front of a damn gravestone every year."

"But what about Abby and Lily?"

Deacon's eyes got sad and he looked down at his hands. "They won't remember her. Hell, Lily never knew her at all. I just don't think it would mean anything to them. And there's other ways I can share her with them."

Rayna nodded. "Okay. Do you know where they're buried?"

Deacon shook his head. "I don't. Which is a problem."

"Didn't Emma say her mother had a sister?" Scarlett asked.

Deacon looked at her. "Yeah. Sarah, I think was her name. Maybe she has it in her phone list." Tears filled his eyes.

Scarlett got up. "I'll get it." She knew Deacon didn't want to touch Emma's things just yet. She'd found him that morning, sitting on his bed with her robe, his grief overwhelming. She had put Emma's things she had taken to the hospital in the closet in Lily's nursery and she went in there now. She peeked into the crib first and smiled at the sleeping baby, laying on her stomach with the little pink and white blanket covering her. Her smile faded as she thought about Lily not knowing Emma. "I'm so sorry, baby girl," she whispered. "But I know your mama is looking over you now and she will your whole life. And your daddy will love you enough for both of them."

She sighed and then went to the closet, where she found Emma's purse. Luckily she had a little phone book in her purse and Scarlett went through every page until she found a Sarah. Sarah Holt. She put the purse back and took the booklet with her. She laid it in front of Deacon. "Sarah Holt is her name. Her number's in there."

He looked up at her, devastation in his eyes. "Would you write it down for me?" he asked.

She realized he didn't want to see Emma's handwriting. She knew that eventually he'd need to do these small things, but right now it wasn't important. "Sure," she said, taking it back and writing the number on a piece of paper, which she handed back to him.

He took it and then grabbed her hand. "Thanks," he said. "For everything."

* * *

Deacon dialed the number on his phone and, as expected, got voice mail. He cleared his throat. "Um, this is Deacon Claybourne. I'm Emma's husband. If you could give me a call when you get this message, I'd appreciate it. 615-832-8675. Thanks." He put the phone down. He wondered how you went about telling someone you'd never met or talked to that her niece had died. He wasn't sure that Emma had much contact with her mother's sister. Probably not, based on what she'd told him.

When the phone rang, it was the number he'd called. "Hello?"

"Hey, Deacon? This is Sarah Holt. Returning your call."

"Uh, yeah. So, I needed to let you know…." He felt choked up and cleared his throat. "Emma died yesterday."

There was silence for a moment. "Oh, God," Sarah said finally. "Oh, my God. What happened?"

Deacon could hear crying on the other end and he wanted to cry too, but he needed to hold it together. "Well, we had a baby yesterday and right afterwards she had kind of a hemorrhage or stroke." He paused. "I didn't know whether she'd been in touch with you at all lately."

"No, not really. Oh, dear God, a baby and then this. Oh, my, I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

"I'm going to have a memorial for her here in Nashville the day after tomorrow, but I wanted to bury her with her family and I don't know where that is."

"You don't want to keep her there?"

"I do, but she really missed her family and I just think, I guess, that she'd want this. Be okay with it."

Sarah sniffed. "Okay, let me take care of the details and I'll call you back. But it's in Odessa. If you want to go ahead and make your travel arrangements." She paused. "You have two little ones then, right? She sent me a Christmas card last year with the one little girl. Abby, right?"

"Yeah, two girls. Abby and Lily."

"I don't imagine you will bring them?" Her voice was tinged with sadness.

"No. Lily's a newborn and Abby's too young. It'll just be me." He'd thought about Maddie, but had decided to just make the trip and come back. Maddie would be at the memorial and he thought that was enough.

Sarah sighed. "I want to see them someday." She paused. "You know, it was so hard when Gail and Ben and Gracie died. Poor Emma was just destroyed. We really hadn't all been that close, but she was all I had left." She started to cry again. "I'm so sorry that I didn't stay in better touch, didn't stay closer to her."

Deacon swallowed hard. "I think she understood. It was really painful for her too. Even now…." His voice drifted off as he realized that wasn't true anymore. He cleared his throat. "She really missed them. She felt kind of alone and I just think she'd like to be with them."

"You know, that's very kind of you." She breathed out. "Well, let me get things set up. I'll call you. We'll do a little burial service, if that's okay with you, first."

"Sure." He wanted to get off the phone before the tears overtook him.

"I'm so sorry, Deacon."

"Yeah. So I'll wait to hear from you."

"Okay. Bye."

Deacon hung up and then dropped his head in his hands and sobbed.


	18. Chapter 18

Five minutes in and Deacon wondered again why he'd thought this was such a good idea. While there was a measure of comfort, being with all these people who loved Emma, he kind of just wanted to grieve by himself. People got so maudlin at these things. Plus Emma had been young and had just had a baby. So there was that tragic aura about it that he was struggling with.

Maddie and Scarlett were standing sentinel beside him, keeping people moving, not allowing the wallowing, at least around him, that would have caused him to bolt. And hovering around the perimeter were Gunnar and Avery and Juliette and Rayna. He almost smiled at how protective they were.

He hoped he could get through it. His hands and arms were itching for his babies. The only time the pain seemed to lessen was when he held them and felt their warmth against his chest. Abby had seemed confused by all the people in and out of the house and, more than once, had asked for 'Mama'. It had broken his heart as he held her, thinking that before long she wouldn't remember 'Mama'.

He tried not to look anyone directly in the eye. It hurt so bad to see their hurt. Every time he thought there were no more tears, they came back. Like they were now. He wondered when he'd stop expecting her to be there. When he wouldn't look up, every time a door opened, thinking she was going to walk in. Every time his phone rang, thinking she was calling to tell him she was on her way home. Every time he saw a woman from behind with long dark brown hair, his heart would speed up thinking it was her. And when he wouldn't ache at the emptiness of their bed, where he reached for her still.

He was vaguely conscious of the music playing softly in the background, a compilation of her work, mostly performed by others, that Avery and Gunnar had put together to play as people arrived. Suddenly he was conscious of lyrics he hadn't heard in a while, sung by Lady A.

_You kiss my lips / I can feel that spark / And that's all it takes / Shadows dancin' in the dark_

_I don't wanna think too much / Let's follow where it leads / Just as long as you're right next to me_

_So hold me now / I'm fallin', I'm fallin' / Just lay me down and steal my heart tonight / There's fire in your eyes / There's magic in your touch / I still want you to stay / But it feels like us so / Hold me now, I'm fallin', I'm fallin' for you_

He breathed in slowly. It was the song she'd written for him the day she'd agreed to marry him. He'd found her at her writing room and had stood at the door and listened to her play the song out. She hadn't known he was there until he'd clapped at the finish. It was a beautiful song and they'd sung it together at the Bluebird, the night they'd played here with Maddie. It made his heart ache for her.

* * *

The Bluebird was packed, even with a hard guest list. Deacon sat at a table by the stage, with Scarlett and Gunnar. Maddie sat at the next table with Rayna and Daphne, but she sat closest to Deacon and reached out for his hand frequently throughout the evening. Deacon mostly felt numb inside. The first two days after Emma died, he felt like all he'd done was cry. The only moments when he didn't feel the overwhelming grief were when he was with his little girls, but even then, he felt great sadness. But then the tears wouldn't come anymore and he'd felt like ice inside. He had let Scarlett and Juliette plan this, with Rayna hovering on the sidelines. He'd spent most of the last couple days in his room, lying on his bed, except for when he tended to Abby and Lily.

He felt like he'd done nothing but talk the first two days, going on and on about Emma, but even that seemed to have run cold. He couldn't say her name without having to swallow hard over the biggest lump in his throat he'd ever felt. His heart hurt and his chest felt like there was a vise around it. Ironically, his head hurt. He appreciated the turnout. Scarlett had told him many more people had wanted to come than they had space for, so they'd chosen the ones that were closest to him and to Emma.

Avery started the night. He got settled in on stage and then he looked at Deacon. "Deacon, man, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. Emma was amazing – an amazing songwriter, but an even more amazing person. I was honored to know her and to be able to call her a friend." Deacon smiled sadly. "I know that right now you can't even imagine what life's gonna be like, but we're all here for you and we'll support you any way we can." He then performed a song he'd written about love and loss that spoke of that hope for a light at the end of the tunnel.

_First you fall and then you fly / And you believe that you belong up in the sky / Flap your arms, as you run / Every revolution brings you closer to the sun / You fall asleep in motion, in uncharted hemispheres / And you wake up with the stars fallin' down around your ears / And when they hit the ground, they're nothin' but stones / That's how you learn to live alone / That's how you learn to live alone._

_Bit by bit, you slip away / You lose yourself in pieces in the things that you don't say / You're not here, but you're still there / The sun goes up, the sun goes down, but you're not sure you care / You live inside the false, till you recognize the truth / People send you pictures, and you can't believe it's you / Seems forever since your house has felt like home / That's how you learn to live alone / That's how you learn to live alone._

_It don't feel right, but it's not wrong / It's just hard to start again this far along / Brick by brick, the letting go / As you walk away from everything you know / When you release resistance and you lean into the wind / Till the roof begins to crumble, and the rain comes pourin' in / And you sit there in the rubble, till the rubble feels like home / That's how you learn to live alone / That's how you learn to live alone / That's how you learn to live alone._

Juliette came up next. Avery squeezed her hand as she looked into his eyes, her own filled with sadness. It felt wrong to her, somehow, that she should be happy, that she should be able to leave this place at the end of the night and go home with her husband, to their daughter, when Deacon would go home to an empty space beside him. She took a deep breath to calm herself, to keep the tears at bay. She turned to look at Deacon and gave him the tiniest of smiles. "I remember the night I met Emma," she said. "It was here, actually." She waved a hand around. Then she held her thumb and index finger slightly apart from each other. "I think she was a tiny bit afraid of me." She dropped her hand and wound her fingers together in front of her. "I watched her watch you that night, Deacon. She was so proud of you and so proud to _be_ with you. It practically took my breath away. And I could see that you looked at her the same way. I could not have been happier for you, for both of you." She took another deep breath and clasped her hands over her chest.

"Something that I read recently and I hope you'll hold on to it – 'The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.'" She looked at Deacon, sadness filling her eyes. "I know how painful loss can be. But you _will_ heal and you will rebuild your life. And Emma will always be with you and she has shaped you into the person you are today and you should be glad for that. She helped you know you were worthy of love and that's probably the greatest gift she could have given to you."

* * *

"Emma Taylor was someone I'd heard about because she was from Texas," Liz Rose said. "I met her after she moved here. Actually, I sought her out. We ran in the same songwriting circles ever since but never wrote anything together until we hooked up with Lori McKenna. 'Girl Crush' was an odd thing. Lori came up with the idea and I hated it. When Lori brought it to Emma, she basically sang the first verse as it stands. That's how brilliant she was.

"This was one of those songs you thought no one would like and that we'd be singing it all alone every time we got together. But it was a testament to the brilliant lyrics of Emma Claybourne that it got sold. She was the master. She will be missed.

"So here's our version of 'Girl Crush'. Dedicated to the memory of our dear friend Emma." She looked over at Lori and they started to sing.

_I've got a girl crush / Hate to admit it but / I got a hard rush / It's not slowing down  
I got it real bad / I want everything she has / That smile and that midnight laugh / She's giving you now…._

* * *

When Maddie and Daphne went up on stage, Rayna kept her eyes on Deacon. She had watched him off and on the whole night and she could tell that he was trying to keep all his emotions held in. It was so like him. She knew this was going to be hard, because it would be hard for him to say how he felt to someone else. She knew he wanted to be strong for his daughters, but she hoped that he took time to grieve.

Maddie looked at Deacon, her eyes filled with sadness. "Dad, I'm gonna miss Emma so much. I remember when I first met her. I could tell then that the two of you liked each other, but you were trying so hard to just be friends." She gave him a tiny smile. "She always made me feel like I was a part of your family, the one the two of you built together, and I really appreciated that. I really loved her." Her voice cracked then and she took a moment to compose herself. "Daphne and I want to sing the song that Emma and I sang together the first time I met her. 'Back to Me Without You.' It's still my favorite."

Rayna thought the girls did a beautiful job with the song. She could see the tears glistening in Deacon's eyes and the firm set of his jaw that meant he was working hard to keep his emotions in check. Her heart was breaking watching his pain. She would have done anything to spare him that, if she could have. All she could do now was be a friend and help him get through the saddest time of his life.

In his head, Deacon could see her, sitting in the park on the grass, her guitar in her hands, her legs crossed under her. Her dark hair was draped across her shoulders. He knew it smelled like summer, he remembered that from when he'd kissed her and he'd gotten a whiff of it, before she'd moved away. When she performed, her face lit up, her hazel eyes sparkling with laughter. He loved to watch her fingers dance over the strings of her guitar. He knew she thought her voice was a little off-key, but he thought it was perfect. He'd loved listening to her, whether she knew he was listening or not.

He remembered the day he'd taken Maddie to the park to meet her. Maddie had not wanted to go, had not wanted to meet this friend of her dad's. She was still unhappy about her mother marrying Luke and she definitely wasn't interested in meeting someone that she was sure was more than just her dad's friend. But when he'd told her Emma was a songwriter and that she'd written one of Maddie's favorite songs, his daughter had been intrigued. And when Emma invited Maddie to sing with her, Deacon had been able to see that Maddie liked her as much as he did.

Listening to Maddie and Daphne now, singing that song that Emma had told him later was about the breakup of her relationship with the guy in Austin, he could hear her in his head.

_I don't know if I'll be back again / Turns out they were right again / (Get back to what you know / Get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me / If it's true home is where the heart is / I guess now I'm homeless / (Get back to what you know / Get back to what you do) / Gotta get back to me without you_

_The slow death of a slow dance / The tailspin of a romance / I gotta get back and breathe the old air in…._

When the song was over, Maddie handed her guitar to Daphne and stood, walking over to Deacon. She fell into his embrace and cried on his shoulder as he tried to soothe her, as well as himself.

* * *

When Shane got up on stage, he stood for a moment with his hand over his heart, fighting the tears. When he was under control enough to speak, he looked at Deacon. "I'm devastated that Emma's gone," he said. "I know it doesn't compare to how you feel, but she was special to me. When I met her in Austin, I could tell she would do great things. I knew some about her life, her family, her heartache, and I knew she needed a fresh start. She was pretty broken when I met her and she really had finally come full circle, I think. She'd found the life she wanted. She had her music, but most of all, she had a family again." He choked on a sob and stopped. Then he cleared his throat. "She was one of my best friends and one of my favorite people to write with and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do without her now. She loved you with all her heart, Deacon, I know you know that. And I'm pretty sure she's pissed as hell right now because she's not going to live out the rest of her life with you." He sighed. "I wrote this song with Brandy Clark and Emma. Since I'm from Texas too, I know how football is a religion. As well as everything that surrounds it. Emma probably knew that better than most because of her dad, the football coach.

"I remember talking to her about that and how she never let herself get caught up in all that. But we both knew someone like the woman in this song. The homecoming queen. The girl who never let you forget that she was the queen bee. And I think we always kind of hoped she'd fall off that mountaintop one day. So this was a song for the homecoming queens."

_28, shouldn't look this old / But the last ten years sure took their toll / On the girl in the picture with the plastic crown / That sea queen dress wouldn't fit her now / Like it did / Before the kids….  
_

* * *

Kate York went to the stage. She looked at Deacon, her heart heavy. "Deacon, you know that Emma and I were very good friends. I met her the first week she was here in Nashville. We didn't do a whole lot of writing together, but we supported each other a lot. And I can tell you that the 'corner office' will not be the same without her there.

"I think most of y'all know that when Emma was twenty, her parents and her little sister were killed in a car accident. And even though time made the loss easier to bear, there was always a hole in her heart for them. After having the life she had with Deacon and her girls, the thing she wanted most was to see her family again. I don't know about you, but I'm comforted tonight knowing that they were waiting for her and that now that part of her heart has healed.

"When I was trying to decide what to sing tonight, this song came up on my shuffle. I hadn't heard it in a while, and I thought maybe it was a little bit of fate that it came up now. This was something she wrote with Carrie Underwood not long before she came to Nashville and I believe it was part of why she made the decision to come. She wrote this about her family, I know, but I think it's true now as well." She smiled sadly at Deacon. "Even though we're the ones now with the hole in our hearts, we _will_ see her again."

_Said goodbye, turned around / And you were gone, gone, gone / Faded into the setting sun / Slipped away / But I won't cry / Cause I know I'll never be lonely / For you are the stars to me / You are the light I follow_

_I will see you again, whoa / This is not where it ends / I will carry you with me, oh / 'Til I see you again_

_I can hear those echoes in the wind at night / Calling me back in time / Back to you / In a place far away / Where the water meets the sky / The thought of it makes me smile / You are my tomorrow_

_I will see you again, whoa / This is not where it ends / I will carry you with me, oh / 'Til I see you again_

_Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking / But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know_

_I will see you again, whoa / This is not where it ends / I will carry you with me, yeah, yeah_

_I will see you again, whoa / This is not where it ends / I will carry you with me, oh / 'Til I see you again_

_Said goodbye turned around / And you were gone, gone, gone_

* * *

Deacon sat for a moment, letting the words wash over him. Finally he walked up to the stage and hugged Kate. "Thanks, Kate," he said sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Deacon," she whispered into his ear, and he nodded.

As she exited the stage, he picked up his guitar and turned around. He looked out over the packed Bluebird, filled with people who had known Emma, worked with her, loved her, and he felt his chest tighten and his eyes burn with unshed tears. Maddie and Daphne and Rayna were looking up at him, as were Scarlett and Gunnar, Juliette and Avery. He still couldn't quite believe she wasn't here. He cleared his throat. He was determined to get through this. "I wanna thank y'all for coming tonight," he said, his voice full of emotion. "I met Emma here, not really all that long ago. But it was one of the best days of my life. She was an amazing woman, in every way. A lot of you know her as an amazing songwriter, but she was also a great friend, a great wife, a great mother." He choked on a sob and had to stop to regain his composure. "Abby, Lily, and I have lost the most important part of our family and I'm not sure we'll ever be quite the same again." He swallowed hard. "I wanted to do this song, for her. Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert wrote it and I think it's gonna be true for me as well."

He sat down and started to sing. _Weather man said it's gonna snow / By now I should be used to the cold / Mid-February shouldn't be so scary / It was only December / I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me_

_But you went away / How dare you? / I miss you / They say I'll be OK / But I'm not going to ever get over you_

_Living alone here in this place / I think of you, and I'm not afraid / Your favorite records make me feel better / Cause you sing along / With every song / I know you didn't mean to give them to me_

_But you went away / How dare you? / I miss you / They say I'll be OK / But I'm not going to ever get over you_

_It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone_

_Cause you went away / How dare you? / I miss you / They say I'll be OK / But I'm not going to ever get over you_

* * *

He went to a meeting the day after the memorial, before driving to the airport. He sat in the back of the room and waited until the meeting was almost over before deciding to get up and talk. He stood at the podium for several minutes without saying anything, trying to get his emotions under control enough so that he could talk. Finally, he cleared his throat. "I've been an alcoholic for a long time. More than thirty years. I got sober over eighteen years ago and only had one short lapse during that time. I lost a lot over the years. I lost the first woman I ever loved, the only woman I'd ever loved at the time, and I lost the chance to be a father to our daughter for thirteen years. Seventeen years after I got sober I found out I had liver disease and I thought I wasn't going to make it. I had a wife then, a woman who was the love of my life, and another daughter, and I thought I wasn't going to live to see my girls grow up or grow old with my wife. But I got a transplant, because of my niece's generosity, and I thought life was good. I was healthy, I was married to an amazing woman, we had a daughter and another one on the way." He stopped and took a deep breath. Tears started to slide down his cheeks and he swiped at them. "Emma was the best thing that ever happened to me. I sort of knew how important she was going to be to me when I met her. But every day I knew her, she surprised me. She made me a better man. She accepted me as I am. She loved me in spite of all my baggage. Every day with her made me think that I finally had that life I'd been looking for all those years.

"My youngest daughter was born four days ago and she's beautiful, just like her sister, just like her mama. I'm so damn lucky to have had this chance. But the same day my beautiful Lily was born, her mama died." There was an audible gasp in the room and Deacon choked on a sob. "I sat next to her for a long time, not knowing how I was going to do this. How I was going to live the rest of my life without her, how I was going to raise up my daughters, how I was going to make sure they knew how much she loved them. I thought that a bottle of whiskey might make the hurt go away, might make me forget the pain I was feeling. But I knew that wasn't the answer. I have a big responsibility to my daughters, all my daughters. I lived. And now it's up to me to make sure that they're happy and have good lives. And I can't do that if I look at a bottle of whiskey to be the answer.

"These have been the saddest days of my life. I'm leaving today to bury my wife in Texas, where she comes from, and where her whole family is buried. I'm going to reunite them, because I know she missed them terribly and because I have our daughters to keep her memory alive for me." He stopped and swiped at the tears again. "I don't have any great words of wisdom today. I just needed to say that out loud. That I'm doing this for me, so I can be a good dad for Abby and Lily. Thank you."

* * *

Deacon followed the directions to the cemetery in Odessa. Sarah had offered to meet him and drive him there, but he'd told her he was fine. It had been five days since Emma died. Five days since Lily was born. He felt like he'd cried all the tears he had. The memorial had been tough, but being surrounded by people who loved Emma had been comforting. Now he was in west Texas on a sunny but cold December day, getting ready to bury his wife, which seemed wrong still.

Odessa was a tired looking town. He'd actually flown into Midland and spent the night there, driving to Odessa the morning of the burial. He had smiled a little, remembering how Emma had told him it was the scourge of America. She wasn't too far off in that assessment, he thought. When he got to the cemetery, he easily found the burial spot. The hearse was there, the only one there that morning. He parked the car and walked over to the slender woman with dirty blonde hair. She saw him and walked towards him. "Deacon?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. You must be Sarah."

Sarah nodded and then pulled him into an awkward embrace. "I'm so sorry," she said tearfully.

He breathed in. "Yeah. Thanks," he said. His eyes traveled quickly over the hole in the ground, waiting for the casket that sat next to it. He saw the other gravestones. _**Benjamin Taylor. Abigail Taylor. Gracie Taylor.**_ He swallowed hard. There was a part of him that didn't want to leave her here, so far away from Nashville, but he knew she would be happy to be with her family again. And he knew that the body inside that casket wasn't really Emma, that Emma lived in his heart and would live in the hearts of Abby and Lily, when they were old enough for him to tell them how much she had loved and wanted them. He would keep pictures of her so they would see how beautiful she was and how much he had adored her.

He closed his eyes for a minute behind his sunglasses, thinking about his babies at home. He'd waited so long for the chance to be a dad. Being Maddie's dad was amazing, but getting to see his little girls from the beginning had been a dream come true. He didn't think Emma fully understood how special it had been for him to see Abby and Lily growing inside her, to see all the changes she'd gone through as she'd carried their babies. Truthfully, he was scared. Now he had two little girls that he had to raise on his own and it terrified him.

Sarah had arranged for a brief graveside service, which Deacon found comforting. There were a handful of other people there, people who'd known the Taylors when Emma's father had coached the high school team. He liked the idea of handing her to God, knowing that she'd never have another minute's pain or sadness. He found himself wondering if she'd realized what was happening to her or if it was just as though a candle had been snuffed out. His eyes burned with unshed tears and he clenched his jaw trying not to cry. When the service was over, the other attendees expressed their sympathy to Deacon and Sarah. Deacon couldn't speak, afraid he would cry, so he nodded, while Sarah accepted the kind words for both of them.

When everyone was gone and the cemetery workers prepared to inter the casket, Sarah turned to Deacon. "Do you want to get something to eat? Or are you going right back?" she asked.

Deacon took a deep breath. "I'm not really hungry, but thanks. I'm heading back soon."

She put her hand on his arm. "Thanks for bringing her home, Deacon." Then she reached in and hugged him. "I'm going to miss her." She sighed and then looked up at him. "Maybe sometime you can bring your girls out here. I'd love to meet them."

Deacon wasn't sure when that would happen. "Maybe, someday." He gave her a ghost of a smile. "Thanks for arranging this. I really appreciate it."

Sarah squeezed his arm gently. "Take care, Deacon," she said, then turned and walked off to her car.

Deacon breathed in the chilly air and then turned to watch the cemetery crew lower the casket into the ground and then methodically cover it with dirt. He really had thought he'd cried all the tears he had, but as he watched, he felt the wetness on his face, and felt the hitch of his breathing as he struggled to maintain control. _I can't believe you left me. I don't know how I'm going to do this without you._

When the crew was done and had left, he still stood there, oblivious to the chill in the air. This was so final. Once he left Texas, she was going to truly be gone. He'd go home to the house in East Nashville and she wouldn't be there. He'd have to make a life for himself, Abby and Lily that didn't include her. He had no idea how he would tell the girls or when would be the right time. He felt the tears come again and he pushed up his sunglasses to brush them away.

He was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear the footsteps until he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to face Rayna and Maddie. He was overcome again with grief and let Rayna pull him into her arms. He cried on her shoulder as she rubbed his back and whispered soothing words, Maddie crying quietly in the background.

When he pulled away, he looked at Rayna. "What are you doing here?" he asked brokenly.

"We're family. And we wanted to be here to support you."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up towards the sky. "What am I going to do now?" he asked.

Rayna reached out for his arm and then rubbed it gently. "You're gonna grieve and then you're gonna come back to Nashville with us, because you have two darling babies who need their daddy." She looked over at Maddie, who looked almost as devastated as Deacon. "And this one does too."

Deacon took a deep breath and reached out for Maddie, who curled up against his chest and sobbed. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her, finally feeling like he had no more tears to shed. "Thank you for coming," he said. "I'm sorry I didn't invite y'all, but I just thought it would be too hard and…."

Rayna shook her head. "It's okay. We just didn't want you to be alone."

Maddie looked around. "Is this where Emma is from?" she asked.

Deacon nodded. "Yeah. She said it was kind of a sad place and it is. Not much going on around here." He gave her a small smile. "Not that I was looking for something to do."

Maddie looked past him. "So this is her family?"

He turned and looked again at the three gravestones. "Yeah."

Rayna walked up to stand beside them. "Maddie told me about Emma's parents and her sister. How awful that must have been for her."

Deacon nodded. "She really missed them. I mean, she was happy with her life, but they were all taken at the same time and that was just really hard for her."

Rayna looked at him for a moment. "She _was_ happy. I could see that. She loved you a lot…and Abby. And it would have been the same with Lily." She sighed. "Maddie and I spent some time with them after you left. They're such precious girls and they'll give you a lot of comfort. I'm really glad you have them."

Deacon just looked at her. "Yeah, you're right. It just feels a little overwhelming right now."

"I know. But it'll get better. A little bit every day. And they're happy girls, Deacon. They don't know any of this and I think it'll help. You'll get caught up with their lives and it will help you move forward."

Deacon nodded. "I hope you're right." And then he looked away, off towards the horizon, hoping that was true.

Rayna put her arm through his. "Let's go back to Nashville," she said. He started to protest, but she shook her head. "I know you probably have a plane ticket home, but you're going back with us. I have Luke's jet and there's plenty of room. Besides, I think you need to be with people that care about you right now."

Deacon stood and looked at her. There really wasn't much point in arguing with her and, frankly, he appreciated the gesture. "Okay," he said.

* * *

Deacon slept the whole flight. Rayna suspected he hadn't gotten much sleep over the past five days. And he wasn't likely to get a lot more, given that he had two babies in the house. She and Scarlett had talked about possible solutions and they would talk to him when they were back in Nashville. For now, they just needed to get home.

Maddie curled up on the bench seat next to her, saying little. Eventually she dozed off as well and Rayna sat watching both of these people that she loved more than anything in the world. She knew that it would be hard for them both to move forward without Emma. Maddie had come to love Emma and Rayna knew she'd miss her terribly. And Deacon was devastated. If she'd needed any more proof that he had truly loved Emma Taylor, she could see it now. He looked lost.

Deacon was still, first and foremost, her family, and she would take care of him as much as he would let her. As they headed back to Nashville, she knew that she would do whatever it took to be there for him. She wouldn't let him down this time.

Rayna dropped Maddie off at Teddy's before she headed home. She'd arranged for a limo to pick Deacon up at the private airport and take him to Nashville International to pick up his truck. Before he left, she'd hugged him and he'd clung to her. Then she looked at him and said, "Let me know if I can do anything. Please. Anything at all."

He nodded. "Thanks for coming out, Ray." He turned and hugged Maddie and then he had left.

As she drove to the ranch from Teddy's, Rayna didn't really pay attention to what was going on around her. Her mind was filled with Deacon and his sorrow. She hurt so badly for him. A few miles from home, her thoughts turned to Luke. She hadn't asked to borrow the jet or even told him she was doing it. She had no idea how he would react. He'd been appropriately sorry to hear about Emma's death and had expressed his condolences for Deacon. But Luke had been out on tour and she had been home with nothing to do but think and, even before all this had happened, she'd made her decision about them. He'd told her his plans to add some tour dates around the holidays and she didn't even think he noticed that she'd never actually committed to go with him. She needed to end this, but the timing seemed off yet again.

When she walked in the house, Luke was waiting for her. He gave her a perfunctory kiss and looked at her sharply. "Where've you been?" he asked.

"Maddie and I went to Texas, to be with Deacon at the burial."

Luke huffed. "Look, I know he's Maddie's dad, but you need to stay out of it. Let the man grieve and get on with his life. He doesn't need you to fix it for him."

Rayna breathed in and looked away. She rolled her lips together and then she turned back to him. "I'm going to be there for him. He's an important part of my life, whether you want him to be or not. He's Maddie's father, yes, but he's also my best friend. And he's lost his wife. He's devastated. He's alone with two babies. He can't do all this himself. He needs his friends and family to be there for him. I can't ignore him. I _won't_ ignore him."

Luke's eyes widened. "He's not your responsibility, Rayna. Not anymore. Hasn't been for a long time."

"You know, if this were happening to me, he'd be there for me. I have to do the same for him."

Luke shook his head. "It's always been Deacon for you, hasn't it?"

Rayna scowled. "For God's sake, Luke, the man just buried his _wife_. He's not looking to do anything but grieve that loss and take care of his little girls. This is not a romantic situation."

"Maybe not for him. Just yet. But what happens when he gets overwhelmed with those girls? Are you gonna run over and be the substitute mama? The substitute wife?"

Rayna gasped and reached out to slap Luke. "How dare you!"

He stood looking at her, rubbing his hand slowly over his reddening jaw. His eyes turned ice cold. Finally, he said, his voice deceptively calm, "I'm leaving tonight and I'll be gone for a month. When I get back, I want you and your daughters out of this house. If you want, you can file for divorce, or I'll do it when I get back. But I refuse to watch you run to Deacon Claybourne like a lovesick fool every time he needs help with a diaper or a toddler tantrum. If you want to be his support group, that's fine. You just won't do it as my wife."

Rayna looked back at him. When he'd first started talking, she'd been horrified at what she'd done, but then she began to feel relief. It was done. Finally. She knew she wasn't running back to Deacon, but she certainly was running to something. A chance to rebuild her life away from the media circus. It was too bad that it had taken something this devastating to get to this point, but she couldn't help but feel ready to move on. "We'll be gone when you get back," she said, her voice flat. Then she turned on her heel and walked back to the wing where the girls' rooms were.

* * *

_**Songs in this chapter are:**_

_**Fallin' For You – Lady Antebellum**_

_**How You Learn to Live Alone – "Nashville"**_

_**Girl Crush – Little Big Town**_

_**Back To Me Without You – The Band Perry**_

_**Homecoming Queen – Sheryl Crow**_

_**See You Again – Carrie Underwood**_

_**Over You – Miranda Lambert**_


	19. Chapter 19

Maddie let herself in the house, but no one was in the living room. She looked around. "Dad?" she called out. After a few minutes, she heard the shuffling of feet and then Deacon appeared in the doorway, Lily on his shoulder, and he was rubbing her back. "Hey," she said, with a smile.

"Hey," he replied. "Sorry, but I was feeding her."

Maddie nodded, then looked around the room and frowned. "Where's all the decorations?" she asked.

Deacon frowned, still running his hand over Lily's back. "I told Scarlett to take it all down. We won't be having any damn Christmas here."

Maddie looked disappointed. She held up two large bags. "You'll still take Christmas presents, though, won't you?"

Deacon shrugged. "I guess." Just then, Lily let out a very loud, lusty burp.

Maddie's eyes widened and then she snickered. "Wow," she said.

Deacon couldn't help but smile. "I don't know where that comes from. Abby never did that." He shifted the baby so that she was tucked into the crook of his arm.

Maddie set the bags down and walked over to her father, reaching for one of Lily's tiny hands. "She's so little," she said softly.

"Same as Abby," he said. "Look, let me put her down, okay?"

Maddie nodded and he walked back to Lily's nursery. She moved the bags over in front of the fireplace and then sat on the couch. When Deacon walked back in, she waved in the direction of the bags. "That's for you," she said.

He sat. "All of it?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, it's mostly clothes and toys for Abby and Lily. And there's some stuff for you too."

Deacon frowned. "I didn't buy presents," he said. Actually, he knew Emma had finished all the Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, but he'd had Scarlett put all of that away. He couldn't look at it.

Maddie shrugged. "It's okay." She picked at her sweater. "So we moved out of the ranch. Mom, Daphne and me."

Deacon rubbed his hand over his face. "Really? Where?"

"To a rental house in Green Hills. Just til Mom finds a permanent place." She looked sideways at Deacon. "Luke and Mom are getting a divorce." She found it a little surprising he didn't seem to have any interest in that news. Or in anything, for that matter.

He just sat and breathed in. "Well," he said finally. "I guess that makes you happy."

"Yeah, I guess." She looked at him. "How are you doing?"

Deacon sighed. "I'm tired. All the time. But being with Abby and Lily makes my day." He took a deep breath and rubbed his face, his eyes tearing up. "I miss Emma."

Maddie nodded, swallowing over the lump that had just developed in her throat. "I know," she said quietly, then leaned in and hugged him, realizing that the reason he didn't really react to her news was that he still wasn't thinking about anything except what he'd lost.

* * *

Maddie and Rayna stood at the door, waiting for Deacon to answer. Maddie frowned and looked at her mother. "I wonder if he's not here," she said.

Rayna looked towards the street. "His truck's here." She thought for a moment. "I guess he could have taken the girls out for a walk. But he knew we were coming over." She reached for the door. "Maybe it's unlocked." She pressed down on the latch and it opened. She pushed the door open slowly and quietly and she and Maddie walked in and then stopped.

Deacon was laying on the couch, sound asleep, with Lily in the baby carrier on his chest, also asleep. He had his hands folded protectively over her. Rayna felt her heart clench as she looked at him. She stepped forward and saw that Abby was in her pack-and-play, sitting up and playing with her toys. When she and Maddie looked down at the little girl, she looked up and smiled, immediately pushing herself up and walking to the edge of the playpen. She raised her hands to Maddie and shouted "May!"

Deacon was instantly awake and sat up abruptly, waking Lily up in the process. She started to fuss and he ran his hand over her back soothingly and then looked up to see Rayna and Maddie smiling at him. He frowned. "I was exhausted," he said, thinking they'd need an explanation as to why he was sound asleep. "These two are the worst sleepers. At least last night."

"It's okay," Rayna said. "They were fine. Lily was asleep too and Abby was keeping herself occupied." She couldn't help but think that Deacon looked incredibly sexy sitting with his infant daughter wrapped tightly against his chest, his hair mussed, and his hand still resting on Lily's back. Not that he had any interest in anything other than his little girls right now, just four months after Emma had died. And, to be honest, she was more interested in fixing herself than in getting involved with _anyone_.

Deacon rubbed his face and then looked at Abby, who'd walked over to the other side of the playpen and grinned at her father. "Daddy," she said.

He smiled at her. "Hey sweetheart," he said.

She stood up on her toes. "Up, Daddy," she said. At almost two, she was starting to say words and was surprisingly able to put together very simple sentences.

Maddie walked over to her father. "I can take Lily," she said, as Deacon looked up at her. She reached down to pull Lily out of the carrier.

Deacon's eyes crinkled as he grinned at her. "She needs changing," he said, teasingly. Maddie made a face and shrugged as she walked out of the room with Lily. Deacon stood and reached into the pack-and-play to pick up Abby. The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He smiled at her and kissed her back.

Rayna watched all this and then walked over to sit on the couch. Deacon looked at her and then he sat as well, perching Abby on his leg. Rayna put her hand on his arm. "How are you doing?" she asked.

Deacon nodded. "Okay," he said. "I just wish they would be on the same schedule. Life would be a lot easier for me that way." He sighed.

Rayna smiled at him, with compassion. "That's how it is sometimes with little ones," she said. "But I meant you. How are _you_ doing?"

Deacon took a deep breath and his eyes clouded over with sadness. "During the day, it's easier, because all I can focus on is taking care of Abby and Lily. Sometimes though, I think about Emma, because if she was here, it wouldn't be so exhausting." He cleared his throat and looked away. "But at night, that's when I really miss her…." His voice trailed off, full of emotion.

Rayna's heart hurt for him. "It's okay to grieve, you know. It's going to take some time."

Deacon turned to look at her, his eyes filled with devastation. "I don't feel like I have time, though, Rayna. I have two little girls that are depending on me and I feel inadequate every single day. I know what to do, but she was so much better at this than I am. And they _need_ her. I can tell." He sighed. "Sometimes I think she's gonna walk out of the kitchen or that she'll be there in the nursery when I hear Lily crying. But she's not." Tears filled his eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to do this without her."

"Well, that's kind of why I wanted to come in with Maddie," Rayna said. Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Now that things are over between Luke and me, I'm cutting back on most of my touring and I'm spending more time on Highway 65. Which means I'll be in Nashville more. And with Maddie out of the house and Daphne being a little older and maybe a little wiser, I can handle it myself." She smiled wryly. "So I don't really need Maggie. The nanny. And I thought maybe you could use her. She's really excellent and she's been a nanny to small children." She looked at Deacon. "What do you think?"

Deacon closed his eyes for a moment and then breathed out. When he looked back at Rayna, his eyes were moist with unshed tears. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Rayna nodded. "Positive. And she'd love to do it. I already asked her if she'd be interested. If you said yes." She put a hand on Deacon's arm. "She can do as much or as little as you like." She really wanted Deacon to take the nanny. He'd refused help up to this point, but he clearly needed time to himself. She mentally crossed her fingers.

Deacon sighed. "It really would help. I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel like I need to get out of the house. Scarlett helps some, but she's busy too."

"Then I can tell her yes?"

Deacon swallowed hard and then nodded. "Yeah." He ran a hand over his mouth. "And thank you."

* * *

It was a pleasantly warm spring evening as Rayna walked out of the auditorium at Belmont University to wait for Maddie. The end of the year musical was a highlight at the college and Maddie had been thrilled and surprised to win the role of Girl in "Once". Rayna had been so proud of her, both for winning the role and deciding to go to college after all. She had hedged her bets by applying for college, even though that wasn't in her original plan, and got accepted at Belmont. She did push her start to the winter/spring semester so she could try making the rounds as a performer.

While she'd had modest success around town, Maddie always felt that she got gigs based on who her parents were. Plus she found she missed the camaraderie of her friends and decided she could wait to be an artist. She seemed happier now and that made Rayna happy. It had been a tough year all around and Maddie really deserved some fun. Rayna was surprised, then, when she saw Deacon walk across the lawn towards her. He'd told Maddie he wasn't sure he could make it.

"Well, this is a surprise," she said, when he stopped in front of her. She didn't see much of Deacon these days, mostly by choice. Her decision to leave Luke had been about her wanting to fix her life and she didn't want to confuse the process. So she'd made an effort not to always be around. Not that he'd paid much attention. His life these days was his girls and his grief. But it was nice to see him tonight. She was glad he'd made the decision to do this for Maddie.

Deacon worked his lip. "I felt bad that I told her no." He put his hands in his pockets and rolled his shoulders. She noticed dark circles under his eyes and that same deep sadness she saw whenever she did talk to him. "I thought I should make the effort."

Rayna smiled. "I'm sure she'll be pleased. She'll be out shortly. She has to change clothes."

Deacon nodded and looked away. Then he turned back to her. "So your divorce is final," he said. They hadn't talked about it, really. Maddie had told him, of course, when they had moved out of Luke's house right after Emma died. And Rayna had made offhand mentions a couple of times, in the context of something else. He hadn't wanted to probe, because the timing of it made him wonder about her motivations.

Rayna frowned. "How did you know?"

He gave her a small smile. "Magazine cover at the grocery store checkout line. Where I get all my Rayna Jaymes news."

She smiled ruefully, remembering that he'd found out about her split with Teddy that way. "Yeah, well, I guess it would have been easier if I'd signed that damn pre-nup he wanted me to sign, but it's done now. Thankfully."

He worked his lip again and breathed in. "You didn't…."

She realized what he thought and she interrupted. "No. Absolutely not. I'd made up my mind when he was on tour that I was going to leave. I just didn't want to show up at his hotel room and tell him like that, so I waited. It was a coincidence." She wasn't going to tell him about the horrible fight she and Luke had had about Deacon. "It was time. Past time." She looked sadly at Deacon. "I had made such a mess of my life and I need to spend some time figuring out how to change that."

He nodded. "That's good. I never understood why you wanted to live like that."

She shook her head. "I'm not sure I realized what it would be like when I got into it. What Luke and I had before that felt different, you know? Not to say there weren't some plusses, but it just wasn't how I wanted to live my life anymore." She breathed in. "So, how are you? Is everything going well with Maggie?"

He nodded. "Yeah. That's been great. Thanks again. She's watching them now, so I could come. It's really been a big help."

"Dad! You came!" Maddie trotted up to the two of them, smiling happily when she saw Deacon. He turned to her and hugged her. "I thought you wouldn't be here."

He smiled but his eyes were still sad. "I couldn't let you do this without me," he said. "And you were amazing."

Maddie beamed. "Thank you. It was so much fun."

Rayna took her hand. "Maybe this is your calling, sweet girl. Musical theater."

She was still smiling. "Maybe." She looked back at Deacon. "Will you go with us to get something to eat?"

He looked sad and just shook his head. "I need to get home and see about the girls," he said.

"You're sure? I haven't seen you in a while."

Deacon gave her a ghost of a smile. "I'm sure. But you can always come by and see us, you know."

Maddie nodded. "I know. I will. Now that school's almost out, I'll have more time."

He leaned in for a hug and nodded towards Rayna. "You were great tonight, Maddie. I'll see y'all later." And then he was gone.

Maddie watched him walk briskly away and then looked at her mom. "He still looks so sad."

Rayna nodded. "I think he will for a while. We just need to give him some time to heal. It's just been six months."

"I wish I could help him."

Rayna put her arm around her daughter. "You do, sweetie. Just by being there for him, you do." Then they turned and headed for Rayna's car.

* * *

When Deacon woke that morning he felt like a two ton weight was on his chest. He lay there, the sun starting to dance over the sheets on his bed, scarcely able to breathe. He'd planned for this, but it still made his eyes burn and he could hardly swallow. It was Emma's birthday. The first one without her. It had weighed on him heavily for the past week, knowing it was approaching. He hadn't talked to anyone about it, hoped they didn't remember. He'd arranged with Maggie to come stay with the girls so he could go to the cabin. He had been sure that he would need to be alone and now that the day was here, he was certain of it.

He closed his eyes and stretched his hand out to his side. To her side. For as long as he had slept alone, between the time that Rayna had left this house and the time that Emma had come into it, he couldn't get used to being by himself now. As he lay there, one of the baby monitors came alive with a plaintive cry. _Lily._ Abby rarely cried in the morning, unless she was sick. Lily demanded attention.

He rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed. He rubbed his face. Lily's cries were getting a little louder and he didn't want her to wake up Abby, so he reached for a pair of jeans on the floor and stepped into them as he stood up. He stretched and then padded out and down the hall to Lily's room. He walked over to her crib. She was sitting up against the side, tears rolling down her face. When she saw Deacon, she lifted her hands towards him.

He smiled. "Hey, baby girl," he said softly, reaching for her. The tears stopped and she gave him a little smile. He nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss against her soft cheek. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" he murmured. He took her to the changing table and changed her diaper and then put her into a clean outfit. Then he carried her out into the kitchen and, using one hand, got a glass and filled it with water, and then took the immunosuppressant medications he took every day to prevent rejection of his liver. It was a daily reminder of everything he'd gone through to get here.

He turned to look at his daughter. She smiled and gleefully clapped her hands. He smiled at her. "Wanna go get Abby?" he asked. She stretched in his arms, holding her little arms up, and shrieked. Deacon winced. _Damn, she was loud._ He had no idea where she got that from, although Scarlett had tried to tell him he was a yeller. He shook his head and then put his hand on Lily's back, pulling her in so he could kiss the top of her head.

He walked across the hall to Abby's room, opening the door and heading for her crib. She was awake and playing with one of her stuffed animals. He and Emma had felt fortunate that Abby was so seemingly self-sufficient. His throat closed up when he thought about Emma and he forced his focus back to Abby. He set Lily down in the crib. Then he picked Abby up and, after changing her, got her dressed. There was a loud screech from Lily and he turned to see her standing at the rail. This standing thing was new and just added to his feelings of being a little overwhelmed.

"Lily's a silly girl, isn't she?" he said to Abby with a smile. He picked her up from the changing table and they turned back towards the crib.

"Yes!" Abby cried and Deacon kissed her cheek. He walked to the crib and reached in to pick up Lily and then carried them both into the kitchen, placing them in their high chairs. He felt exhausted already. Taking care of two babies was tough. Especially when their schedules didn't complement each other, which they often did not.

He looked over at the clock on the wall. Maggie would be here in less than an hour. He needed to get the girls fed, as well as himself, and get dressed. He wanted to be ready when Maggie got there so he could hit the road. He spread Cheerios on the girls' high chair trays and fixed himself a cup of coffee. He wasn't all that hungry and figured he could find something along the road, if that changed. When the girls were done, he took them into his room, placed them in the playpen and took a quick shower. He was dressed and ready to go when Maggie arrived.

* * *

He walked down the porch and sat in one of the porch chairs that looked out over the lake. He and Emma had sat out here countless times, enjoying the peace and quiet. It had been a risk to bring her here the first time and a risk to tell her that he'd originally meant this place for Rayna. Their relationship was still pretty new and she was still a bit anxious about the shadow Rayna cast over his life. Truthfully, it had been a milestone for him as well. Other than Maddie, he'd never brought anyone else here, especially never a woman he'd dated. The cabin, quite honestly, had been a shrine to Rayna, her album covers and pictures on the wall, the 'Eternity' sign hanging over the door. It hadn't changed a bit since the last time she'd been there. He remembered when she and Luke had showed up that day the news had hit about Maddie's viral video. She'd seemed a little flustered by what she'd seen.

It wasn't until after he'd brought Maddie up for the first time that he'd finally started to take down the remnants of Rayna. And when she'd stood outside his house before Christmas that year she'd married Luke and chastised him for not being able to move on, he'd gotten rid of all the reminders of her, both at home and at the cabin.

That all seemed so long ago. A lifetime ago. And yet it hadn't really been that long at all. As he looked back over the past four, almost five years, though, everything in his life had changed. When he was in the middle of it, he'd known that Emma had made a difference, but from this vantage point, he'd really come to realize how profoundly she'd changed his life. He could never go back to anything from that time before her, not unless there was a true sea change. He was a different man than he was then. He was a different man even than the one that had stood in Rayna's kitchen the night Luke proposed, and proposed to her as well.

He breathed in, his eyes burning with unshed tears. He felt so incredibly alone. Even with Abby and Lily and all the energy and momentum they created in his life, he felt alone. When they were asleep and the house was quiet and he went to pick up a guitar, he felt overcome by the aloneness. There was certainly no room for anyone else in his life, nor did he want that, but he was acutely aware of his loneliness. The longing he felt for his wife.

The last time he and Emma had been here had been a year ago, for her birthday. They'd brought Abby with them, who'd just turned one. Deacon was still recovering from his transplant, but he'd felt so much better by then, practically his old self. He'd even followed Abby all over the yard, running after fireflies and falling when she got to running too fast. He smiled sadly thinking about that. Emma had stood watching them, clapping gleefully. She'd been pregnant with Lily. He sighed. They'd had no clue she'd be gone in just a few short months.

His chest hurt. His heart ached. His eyes were burning with tears. And finally, he leaned forward, putting his head in his hands, and sobbed. Loud and long, gasping for breath, feeling like his heart was being torn out. It was almost more than he could bear and he wondered when it would ever stop hurting this much.

* * *

Rayna was walking down the hall at Southern Ground studios, after sitting in on a recording session for one of her newer artists. It was two weeks before the CMA's and her label had several artists nominated for whom they were promoting heavily. Not as heavily as the year she'd won every award she'd been nominated for and bested Luke. That had caused much drama and it was the closest she had come, before the wedding, to calling it off. But the artist she had been listening to was nominated for Best New Artist and Rayna had also come to tell her she would be performing at the awards. Just ahead of her, a familiar figure exited another sound studio.

"Deacon!" she called out. She hadn't seen him in a while and had resisted asking Maddie what was going on with him.

He turned and stopped, waiting for her to approach. "Hey, Rayna," he said.

She smiled at him. "This is a surprise. Are you back in the studio?" She noticed he still had that sorrowful weariness about him.

He nodded and sighed. "Yeah. I need to finish my album and I was laying some tracks for a song I already had recorded."

She hesitated a moment. "Do you want to go get coffee?" she asked finally.

He raised his eyebrows and worked his lip. "Yeah, I guess," he said.

"If you need to get home…."

He shook his head. "No, I'm good.

They walked to a small coffee shop around the corner and sat across from each other. "How's the album coming?" she asked.

He shook his head with a wry smile. "Not great. I had laid down four tracks and one of those is crap. I need more."

"Have you been working on anything? Do you need to find some material?"

"I don't want to do someone else's stuff." He swallowed some coffee. "I got a couple things I'm working on. I guess I need more quiet time to work on them. But you know how that is."

She smiled at him. "How are Abby and Lily?" She thought this was safe ground for them and she was right. He lit up when she mentioned their names.

"They're great. Growing like weeds. Keeping me busy." He chuckled. "Abby's running everywhere. Not walking. Running. And Lily's trying to keep up with her, so she walks around with her fingers on the edge of every table and piece of furniture in the house." He shook his head. "You know, that girl is _loud_. I mean, seriously _loud_. I don't know where that comes from."

Rayna gave him a look. "From you, babe."

Deacon looked surprised. "I'm not loud."

She laughed softly. "Yes, you are. Especially when you're frustrated, which I'm sure Lily is, too, trying to chase after her sister." He scowled at her. She decided to change the subject. "Have you talked to Maddie lately?"

His face softened and he grinned. "Yeah. Sounds like she's really doing well in school. She invited me to the choral recital."

"Are you gonna go?"

He breathed in. "I want to."

She looked at him carefully. "I know it's still hard. If you'd like, you could meet me there. We could sit together." She knew he wasn't comfortable going out alone and it had caused him to miss some of Maddie's activities. Maddie was worried about him too and tried to visit as often as she could, but school kept her very busy.

He sighed. "Maybe. I'll think about it."

She smiled at him encouragingly. "I'll save you a seat." She didn't want him to close himself off from everything and everyone. She knew he was still grieving and she also knew that his little girls kept him busy. She also wanted to be careful that he didn't think she was overstepping. She knew he was far from ready for any kind of relationship and she was actually enjoying being on her own. A lot more than she'd ever expected she would. What she did want was to try to rebuild their friendship.

* * *

Rayna found Deacon sitting at the kitchen table. Things were winding down after the small gathering for Lily's first birthday. Even though there had been lots of laughter and warmth, there had been an undercurrent of sadness as everyone thought about Emma. She sat down and took his hand. He looked at her, his eyes haunted. "How are you, babe?" she asked gently.

Deacon breathed in. "Okay. Not great, but okay." He sighed. "I think you were right that we did this a couple days after her actual birthday."

Rayna smiled sadly. "You might need to do that for a while. She's so young, she won't know the difference."

Deacon looked away. "How long will it hurt?" he asked, his voice shaky.

"A while, I think. But it will get easier over time."

"What do I tell Lily, when she asks if it was her fault?"

Rayna shook her head and frowned slightly. "It wasn't her fault. It had nothing to do with her or with Emma's pregnancy. It was a health issue that no one knew about."

Deacon swallowed and then looked back at her. "I don't know if I can do this."

"But you _are_ doing it. You have two beautiful daughters who adore you. And they're happy and thriving." She squeezed his hand. "You're a great dad, Deacon."

Tears filled his eyes. "I miss her."

"I know. We all do."

Just then Maddie rounded the corner with Lily on her hip. "Lily wants her dad," she said with a smile.

Deacon swiped at his eyes and forced a smile. The little dark haired girl with the sparkling blue eyes reached towards him and he took her from Maddie. "Why? Does she need changing or something?" he asked Maddie, with a grin.

Maddie smirked. "No. She was just squirming. Which means she wants you." She gave Lily a little wave and then walked back out of the kitchen.

Rayna watched as Deacon settled Lily on his lap, the little girl babbling happily. When he looked up at her, she smiled. "See? They love you. You're doing great."

"Well, it's helped to have Maggie. I thank you again for her." He tightened his grip on Lily as she started squirming again. He smiled crookedly at Rayna. "I don't think the squirming thing means she wants me at all. I think that was Maddie's way of handing her over."

Rayna laughed softly. "You might be right." She reached over and grabbed Lily's hand for a moment and then let go. "I heard you're going back out on the road after New Year's."

Deacon nodded. "I am. Tim McGraw wants me to go out with him again. Just for thirty dates. And Maggie's going out with me so that I can take the girls." He cleared his throat. "I've got some new material I can try out and then when I get back to Nashville, I'm going to go back and finish that album I'd started back before…well, before Lily was born."

"I'm glad you're getting back out there. I think it'll be good for you. For all of you." She reached out and gently squeezed his arm. As the silence between them grew, she felt awkward. She let go and smiled uncomfortably. "I need to get going," she said. "Thank you for inviting me." She stood.

Deacon looked up at her. "Thanks for coming. And for being a…friend. I appreciate it."

She smiled and then she turned and walked out.

* * *

At the knock on her door, Rayna flew out of the kitchen. She pulled open the door and squealed happily, her arms outstretched, as Tandy walked in, grinning from ear to ear. "You're here!" Rayna cried and threw her arms around her sister.

Tandy hugged her back. "I'm actually happy to be back in Nashville," she said. She pulled in her rolling bag and Rayna got the other one. "The rest of my stuff will be delivered later," Tandy told her.

Rayna was ecstatic. "I'm just glad you're back. And you can stay here as long as you like. Maddie almost never comes home and, even if she did, she can share with Daphne."

Tandy looked around. "Speaking of, where are my nieces?"

"Maddie has a rehearsal and Daphne's out to dinner with Teddy. They'll both be here later. So it's just you and me for now." Rayna was thrilled that Tandy was coming back to Nashville from San Francisco. The non-profit she worked for had opened an office in town and she had felt ready to return home.

Rayna got a bottle of wine and two glasses and headed for the living room, with its view over the city skyline. Rayna had her old Christmas decorations out and it made the condo look cozy. Tandy shed her coat and kicked off her shoes and followed. When they were curled up on the couch, wine glasses filled, Tandy looked at her sister. "So, how are you?" she asked.

Rayna smiled. "I'm really good. Highway 65 is going gangbusters. We won 5 CMA's, including Best New Artist and Female Vocalist of the Year. Juliette's album went platinum, her tour's sold out, Sadie is going great. Everyone is really tracking well."

Tandy reached out and put her hand on Rayna's. "I don't mean the label. I mean _you_. After Luke."

Rayna rolled her eyes and flipped her hand. "Oh, that. It's all water under the bridge now, thank goodness. We finalized everything in May and that was kind of that."

Tandy looked at her carefully. "And what about Deacon?"

Rayna made a face. "What about Deacon?"

"You know." Tandy raised her eyebrows.

Rayna frowned. "No, I don't know. Tandy, his wife died a year ago. He's not on the market. And in any case, that door is pretty much closed. I'm trying to figure out my own life. He's really not a part of that. Except as Maddie's father." She shrugged. "And as a friend, I guess."

Tandy looked puzzled. "But I thought you still loved him. Isn't that what you said? Before all this happened?"

Rayna waved her hand. "I do love Deacon. I'll always love Deacon. But right now, neither one of us are looking for a relationship. And even if we were, it doesn't mean we'd be good for each other." She looked at her sister. "He's changed a lot, Tandy. He's not the same man I knew. That's not a bad thing, for him, but we both have had to really take stock."

Tandy sipped on her wine and thought about what Rayna said. "But would you _ever_? You know, would you be interested if he was?"

Rayna looked away. When she looked back, there was something in her eyes that Tandy couldn't place. When she spoke, Rayna's voice was both soft and heavy with emotion. "Would I ever? Tandy, I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him. If life ever brought us together again? Yeah. I'd be interested."

Tandy noticed that her sister's eyes got sad and just a touch misty. She gave her a small smile and reached out for her hand, squeezing it gently.

* * *

Maddie had called Rayna and told her that Deacon was playing at the Bluebird that night. She was out in Utah skiing with college friends or she would have gone. But it was pretty momentous. Deacon hadn't played the Bluebird since Emma's memorial. It had been almost two years. He'd never said much about it and, when Maddie asked if they had asked him to play, he'd told her he just wasn't able to fit it into his schedule. She knew that wasn't true, but she also knew he was still a stubborn man and he had to do things in his own timetable. He'd told her once, years earlier, that he'd gone four or five years not playing the Bluebird after he and Rayna had split. She really wished she could be there, but she thought it would be nice for someone to be there to support him, so she'd called her mom.

Rayna had called Erika and gotten a table for herself and Daphne. They had slipped in just before the show started. It was a writer's round and, as it happened, Deacon's back was to them, so he didn't see them. The leader of the writer's round made a big deal out of welcoming Deacon back, which Rayna knew embarrassed him. He would not have liked being called out like that, but she also knew he'd be a good sport about it.

He played mostly new songs that she hadn't heard before. His last album had sold well and he continued to tour, although usually for no more than twelve weeks at a time. She knew well that touring with small children was challenging, even with a nanny. Deacon was very hands on, from what she knew, so it would have been hard to maintain that for a long period of time. She saw him from time to time and she noticed that he seemed better, less unhappy. Maddie had worried about him for a long time after Emma died. She'd said he seemed uninterested in most everything, except taking care of his younger girls. But he finally seemed to be moving forward and Rayna thought this was a positive step for him.

At the end of the show, she and Daphne walked up to him. "Deacon!" Daphne cried and he smiled at her. As he hugged her, he noticed Rayna with her.

"Hey, Daph. Rayna. Thanks for coming. I didn't know y'all were here." He was smiling and Rayna noticed he didn't have the dark circles anymore.

She motioned to the little two top up against the wall by the bar. "We were up there. Kind of out of sight. And behind you." She smiled and squeezed his arm. "You sounded great. And I love your new music."

"Yeah, you were awesome, Deacon," Daphne concurred.

Deacon grinned. "Thanks. Both of you." Then he looked at them pointedly. "How did you know I was here?"

Rayna smiled. "Maddie. She wanted to come, but she's off skiing, so she told Daphne and me." She crossed her arms. "You know, I might be interested in pairing you up with one of my artists the next time you're ready to tour."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Someone you know. Will Lexington."

"Wow. I didn't know he'd signed with you."

"Well, he got kind of a raw deal with Edgehill. Even after Jeff got fired. He was kind of languishing out there and I picked him up. We repackaged him and he's doing great now. I'm looking at a small market venue headlining tour for him and you'd be a great opening act." She smiled ruefully. "Unless you're doing a headline tour."

He shook his head. "That kind of passed me by. I'm good with what I'm doing though. It lets me do shorter tours with more time in between."

"How are the girls doing?"

He smiled broadly. "They're doing great. Now that they're both mobile and talking, life is easier."

She smiled and nodded. "It always helps when they can tell you what's wrong instead of you having to guess."

He shook his head with a rueful smile. "Ain't that the truth. I'll tell you though, I thought it would be easier when Lily didn't just make loud noises when she wanted something, but she just yells what she wants now. She's so different from Abby."

Rayna nodded towards Daphne. "She was the same. Maddie was so quiet and polite, but Daphne was always demanding something."

Daphne put her hands on her hips and frowned dramatically. "Hey. I'm standing right here." Then she laughed.

Deacon smiled and reached his arm out to pull Daphne in for a hug. "If Lily is half as adorable as you were, she'll be okay," he said.

Rayna smiled. The silence that followed seemed to drag out and she thought maybe they needed to leave. She reached out again and rubbed Deacon's arm. "I'm so glad we got to see you tonight. And I'm glad you're back here. At the Bluebird. It feels right."

Deacon worked his lip and nodded. "Yeah. It felt good to be here again."

Rayna dropped her hand. "We should go."

Deacon looked at her. "Thanks for coming, Ray. It was really good to have you here." He stepped forward a little hesitantly and pulled her into a hug. At first it was a little stiff, but after a moment, they both seemed to relax a bit and it felt more natural. It felt good. When they pulled away from each other, Deacon smiled. "I'm glad y'all came."

She smiled back at him. "Me too."

He turned to hug Daphne. "Thanks, Daph." And then Rayna and Daphne walked out and headed home.


	20. Chapter 20

Rayna and Deacon were alone on her balcony, which had a stunning view of downtown towards the Cumberland River. This, more than anything, had sold her on the spacious, yet cozy condo in downtown Nashville. It was a little cool on the early November night, but not unpleasant.

This had become a biweekly thing over the last few months. Deacon and the girls would come over and have dinner with Daphne and her. Maddie came as well, which was the primary reason for doing this. Maddie had surprised them when, after a few months of playing gigs around town, she decided to go to college after all. She was at Belmont and loving it. She still liked to perform, but she was enjoying being a college student. She lived in an apartment with some of her high school friends and didn't come home often anymore.

Deacon had enjoyed the adult conversation and Rayna had just enjoyed reconnecting with him, in a different way. He'd shown no interest, up to that point, in any relationship other than the one he had as a daddy to his little girls. But they had settled into an old familiar friendship, even though both of them were no longer the same people they'd been back before the accident. And they had been able to move past the difficult years that followed that.

"Thanks for having us over, Ray," Deacon said, as he always did.

Rayna smiled at him. It had been almost three years since Emma's death and he finally seemed more relaxed. He didn't have that haunted, devastated look in his eyes all the time. She thought a lot of that had to do with having two young children. It was hard to not smile and laugh with little ones around. She knew he still missed Emma, but he was getting better. "I'm glad y'all could come." She looked at him closely. "How are you doing?"

He breathed in. "Okay. I still have good days and bad days, but I have more good ones now." He gave her a small smile. "Having my girls around helps. Including Maddie."

"She loves them. And loves spending time with them. And you." She reached out and squeezed his arm. "You're a good dad, Deacon. And I'm glad you have gotten to have this experience." She sighed. "I'm still so sorry I robbed you of that."

Deacon shook his head. "We're long past that, Rayna." He looked at her. "Why don't you and Daphne come to the cabin with Maddie and me and the girls next weekend?"

"Oh, we don't want to interfere with a family weekend."

Deacon frowned. "Ray, you and Daphne _are_ family. We want you to be there." He smiled. "Besides, I have two high energy little girls now and having a couple extra sets of eyes and ears and hands would be appreciated."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

Rayna smiled. "Okay then. We'd love to come."

* * *

Rayna felt nervous as she and Daphne headed for the cabin. She hadn't been there since right after Maddie had posted that music video, calling herself Maddie Claybourne, that caused such a huge ruckus. She and Teddy and Deacon had gone on GMA to talk about it and afterwards, she'd gone to see Deacon. It had ended with them having sex and she'd put it out of her mind after that. That was part of what had spurred her towards Luke.

Before that, the last time she'd been was when she'd gone, with Tandy, to tell Deacon she was pregnant. They'd found him drunk and destructive and she had reluctantly left with her sister, without telling Deacon. She'd ended up putting him in rehab instead and marrying Teddy.

She knew that Maddie had been to the cabin with Deacon on several occasions and that, since Emma had died, she'd gone with Deacon and the little girls for long weekends. Rayna knew that Emma had been there too and she wondered what she'd find when she got there. The last time she'd been, very little had changed. Pictures of her, album covers, things she'd left behind were all there. The 'Eternity' sign was still over the French doors. She couldn't imagine that he would have left all of that on display for Emma to see.

She and Deacon had only recently come back into each others' orbits in any kind of significant way. She had stayed close to him right after Emma died, but as time went on she saw less and less of him. Maddie was going off to college and there wasn't the same need to be parents together. She knew he needed time to grieve over Emma and she didn't need to be in the middle of that. But Maddie had asked her to invite him for dinner about six months earlier, something that had turned into a regular family gathering, and they had started to revive their old friendship.

Still, this was a big step. He was inviting her, and Daphne, into his orbit now, a place she hadn't been for a very long time. It seemed significant, not necessarily in any kind of romantic way, but as a signal that he was ready to step back out into the world. He'd been touring again, but took his young daughters with him and stayed close to them, without venturing out beyond that. She took a deep breath. She didn't want to assume anything, but it felt like a big deal.

* * *

As she pulled into the drive, Rayna thought things still looked the same. The dock, the canoes, all of that was still there. Deacon's truck was already there and he came out when he heard them drive up. He walked down the steps and over to her car. "You need help with things?" he asked.

She smiled and nodded. "We got groceries and they're in the back, if you want to get those."

He nodded and went around to the back of the car and opened the trunk. He gathered all the bags in both hands and headed for the house. She and Daphne got their overnight bags out and followed behind. Maddie was sitting on the couch in the great room reading to Abby and Lily. She looked up and smiled. "Hey, Mom. Hey, Daphne," she said.

Deacon came out into the great room after dropping off the grocery bags. "I can show you your rooms, if you like," he said.

Rayna gave him a small smile and nodded. He started up the stairs and they followed. Maddie and Daphne were in the bedroom that ran the width of the house and looked out towards the woods. Rayna was in one of the smaller bedrooms, but one that looked out over the lake. She stayed upstairs to unpack her things and took the time to look around.

A lot had changed, which made her smile. Deacon was such a creature of habit, but she felt sure that a lot of the changes were either made by Emma or were because of her. She'd noticed that her album covers weren't on the walls downstairs and the 'Eternity' sign was gone. She felt a smidge of sadness about that, but it would have been the right thing to do, for Deacon to have gotten rid of the reminders of her so that Emma would be more comfortable.

And comfortable would be a good way to describe the place. It felt more homey somehow, than when she and Deacon were coming here. When she walked down the hall to the stairs, she noticed that Deacon had moved the guitars he kept here to the other upstairs bedroom. She assumed that meant that he kept the little girls downstairs near him. She was glad he had this place to bring them to. This was a wonderful family place. She was glad he'd invited Daphne and her to come.

* * *

He'd surprised himself when he'd asked her to come to the cabin. It had not been his intention, but as they had talked that night, it somehow seemed right that she come. Everything was different between them these days. He knew that he'd pushed most everyone away in the days and weeks and months following Emma's death. He hadn't been able to deal with any of it and all he'd wanted to do was grieve. But eventually, life started to move forward. His girls were growing up and he had gotten past those dark early days and he'd moved beyond all the firsts – the first Christmas, the first birthdays, the first wedding anniversary, the first anniversary of her death – and every day got easier.

He remembered what Juliette had said at the memorial. He would never be "over" her, but he'd learned to live with it and to start to rebuild his life. At first, it had just been Abby and Lily, but he'd leaned on Scarlett and Maddie, and eventually let himself open up to others. Rayna had been one of the last, in part because she was on her own journey. They had needed that space and now that they were becoming friends again, it felt good. It felt normal and comfortable and, well, like a part of their shared journey.

It was practically all he'd thought about on the drive up. Luckily Maddie was with him and she entertained Abby and Lily on the drive. Or, more appropriately, Abby and Lily entertained her. He was nervous about Rayna and Daphne coming, especially Rayna. Maddie had been excited about it, so that was one hurdle overcome. But there was a lot of history at the cabin for him and Rayna.

He'd bought it for her. Everything in it had been about her, for so long. They had shared a lot of love there. They'd also shared a lot of pain there. And Maddie had been conceived there, he now knew. The last time they'd both been there had been the day they'd told the world Maddie was his daughter. The last thing they'd done was have sex and it had ended badly. They'd both wanted it in that moment, but it had been a mistake.

He'd removed everything that had been about her, back before Emma. Truthfully he had hardly noticed it at that point. It was just part of the scenery, that barely registered at all. He remembered when he'd taken it all down. It had been that weekend that she'd married Luke and he had torn things down, slammed pictures into the floor and put everything in the trash. It had felt both cleansing and heartrending. But it was done and it had helped, back then, as he moved on.

Now she'd be back and she'd see that it was a different place than what she'd left. It had Emma's touch now, something that comforted him. He'd moved things around, put the guitars upstairs and moved the girls into that room. He found himself hoping she'd like it.

He took a deep breath as they turned off the highway and started down the country road. Even though this had been a spur-of-the-moment ask, it somehow felt like a major milestone.

* * *

Daphne fell asleep within five minutes of them leaving the cabin. Rayna smiled. It had been an exhausting weekend. Fun, but exhausting. She had forgotten how energetic three and four year olds could be. By themselves was one thing, but two were a challenge. She was amazed at how well Deacon handled them though and how patient he was with them.

He'd moved his guitar room upstairs, to one of the bedrooms there, turning the downstairs space into a room for the girls. He'd told her that it had been one of the first things he'd done, so they'd be closer to his bedroom on the main level. And now that Abby was in a big girl bed, it was even more important they be close.

She felt a little teary thinking about him as a father. He had adapted to being Maddie's dad almost effortlessly, once he had the chance, and that had increased her regret at keeping them apart. But now that he had this chance, she could see that he was really good at this.

She really appreciated him including Daphne and her. Daphne missed Deacon and she had enjoyed having some time with him. As for her, she and Deacon had been rebuilding their friendship and this invitation had made her feel like they had come full circle. There had been an ease between them that hadn't been there in a long while. They had talked and laughed and even let themselves be talked into singing some of their old hits. It felt good to see how far they'd come.

When Emma had died, her instinct had been to rush to his side, to be his support. She had to admit that Luke had been a tiny bit right in that she wanted to fill the void Emma left. But she'd also known right away that she couldn't do that. Deacon had been incredibly clear with her, ever since he'd met Emma, that his loyalty was to her. And even in death, that hadn't changed. She respected that.

Her own life had taken a huge turn after her split from Luke. In spite of everything that had happened, she didn't want to fall into her old patterns. So she made a vow to herself to focus on herself. After the holidays that year, when she was certain Deacon was over the initial shock, she took a long, solo vacation. It had been just what she'd needed. Her focus since then had been to explore what it meant to be Rayna Jaymes and to redefine herself.

She and Deacon had both come a long way. These days they were able to be parents to Maddie, although she didn't need much parenting now, and they had repaired their friendship, building something brand new.

It had been a very good weekend.

* * *

Rayna felt refreshed after a good night's sleep in her own bed, as she walked into the Highway 65 offices. She'd spent the morning with Sadie, going over tour details and wardrobe. She always felt a tiny twinge of regret that she'd decided to step away from touring and just focus on the label, but she was enjoying this new life she'd built for herself. She smiled and waved and greeted everyone as she walked to her office. She took off her jacket and turned on her computer. As she waited for it to power up, she got a mug of coffee. Then she settled in to review contracts and tour schedules.

When her cell phone buzzed, she looked over and saw Deacon's name. She smiled as she picked it up. "Hey, there," she said.

* * *

Deacon had been sound asleep, wiped out, as usual, from the high energy antics of his two young daughters. But when the door to his bedroom slammed back against the wall, he'd jolted up in bed. He looked over towards the door and saw Abby and Lily, hands over their mouths, their eyes huge.

"Sorry, Daddy," Abby said, her voice tiny.

He looked at them a little wildly, still trying to get his bearings. Then he smiled. "It's okay," he said and they burst into smiles and ran to jump on his bed. He wrapped an arm around each one, pulling them in for kisses, as they squealed and laughed. "How come you're not still sleeping?"

"Sun in my eyes," Lily announced.

Deacon looked at the clock and was surprised it was almost eight. "Eggs and bacon?" he asked.

"Please, can we have pancakes?" Abby asked, wringing her hands.

"We had pancakes all weekend. It's eggs and bacon," he said.

Abby pouted. "Oh, all right," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lily looked at her sister, then back at Deacon. "Yeah, oh, all right," she mimicked.

He had to fight a smile. "Let's go. Daddy's got a lot to do today."

* * *

Maggie was getting the girls dressed to go to the park. Deacon had several stops to make and wasn't sure when he'd get back. He leaned against the door jamb, watching. He breathed in and there was a catch in his throat. It happened less and less these days, but he still sometimes thought about all that Emma was missing. It hadn't been easy these past three years, but Maggie had been a huge help. He'd felt less stressed every day and more able to enjoy being a dad.

The girls were thick as thieves, the best of friends, the way he and Emma had hoped they would be. Abby was quieter, more thoughtful, and she sometimes let Lily run over her, figuratively and literally. Lily was all energy, loud and boisterous, all smiles. He smiled proudly at them.

He clapped his hands together. "I gotta go, girls," he said. "Can I get kisses?"

"Yes! Yes!" they cried and ran over to throw themselves at him. He knelt down and let them plant kisses all over his face. He never got tired of this.

He smiled up at Maggie. "I'm not sure how long I'll be gone," he said.

She shook her head. "No problem, Mr. Claybourne. I'll keep them busy."

He hugged the girls tight. "Be good for Maggie," he said. "I'll be back later."

* * *

Deacon stopped first at the studio to meet with Avery about the tracks he'd been laying down. This album was moving more smoothly than the last, mainly because he was more focused this time.

Since his meeting ran shorter than he'd expected and he wasn't meeting his tour manager at Sound Check until later, he stopped off to pick up a ballerina outfit for Lily's birthday. She'd become fascinated with everything ballet, after watching _The Nutcracker_ with Maddie. He thought she'd be surprised and delighted with the gift.

He was standing in line to pay when he heard his name. "Deacon? Deacon Claybourne?"

He looked up to see a pretty blonde smiling at him. He was drawing a blank. She came closer. "Stacey," she said. "Stacey Douglas."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded, then smiled a little sheepishly. He hadn't recognized her. "Right. Stacey. Hey. Sorry, I was deep in thought," he said.

"I could see that." She looked over at what he had in his hands, confusion on her face.

He smiled again. "For my daughter. She wants to be a ballerina. At least right now."

Stacey's eyes widened. "You have a daughter," she said, more statement than question.

"Three, actually."

She nodded. "Oh, right, I remember about the older one. With Rayna. I saw all that." She noticed he looked a little uncomfortable. "But, you have a little one?"

"Two actually. Three and four."

She registered surprise. "So you got married."

He nodded. "Yeah. I did." He decided he didn't need to tell her all the details.

"Wow. Married and a family. What you always wanted. That's great, Deacon."

"Uh, what about you?"

Stacey smiled. "I'm married too. To another vet. We opened our own practice near here. And we have two boys. And dogs."

"Congratulations." He frowned slightly. "Do you still have Sue?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I renamed him Blue though. But yeah, I still have him. He's a good dog."

He nodded. "Great." He looked down at the outfit in his hands. "Listen I need to get to an appointment, so I need to pay for this."

She waved him off. "No problem. Listen, it was nice to run into you. I'm glad life worked out for you."

It had worked out. It had just ended sooner than it should have. "Yeah. You too."

As he was driving to Sound Check, he had to laugh. Stacey had been off his radar for a long time. He felt bad for not recognizing her. He was glad, though, that things had turned out okay for her. He'd felt bad about how things had ended between them. He could have handled it better.

He spent an hour with his tour manager, working out details for the forty city tour he was doing with Lee Brice and Randy Houser. He was starting to wonder how much longer he wanted to do this. Touring was hard on a real life and the girls needed more stability than a life on the road. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd do, but there was some time to figure that out.

He had one more thing to do and he'd saved it for last. He'd been thinking about it for a while and finally decided to stop thinking about it and just do it. He made the short drive to his next destination and then pulled out his phone. He worked his lip for a moment, then took a deep breath. He scrolled down his contacts and hit send. He waited for just a moment. He smiled and said, "Hey."

* * *

When she got there, he was already there. It made her wonder if he'd called her from here and she smiled to herself. The last time they'd been here was when he'd talked to her about Emma being pregnant the first time. It had always been their place, though, where they had both serious and lighthearted moments. This was where they often met to talk, back in the days when she was still married to Teddy. Where they could be alone and just be Deacon and Rayna.

She gingerly climbed over the wall and walked down the hill. She wasn't as young as she used to be, that was for sure. She got up on the picnic table next to him, then turned to him and smiled. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hey. Thanks for coming. Here."

She smiled a little sadly. "I was remembering the last time we were here."

He remembered. It had been to talk about Emma. "A long time ago, feels like." He took a deep breath. "Thanks for coming with us to the cabin. I really appreciated the help, but more than that I appreciated the time together. Reconnecting."

She nodded. "I did too. It felt…comfortable. Familiar, but in a different way."

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "So, it's been almost three years now." _Since Emma died_, were the words he didn't say. "I guess I'm ready now."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Ready?"

"To date. Or whatever it is you do at our age."

She smiled. "People our age do date."

He breathed in, looking out at the horizon, then back to her. "What if it's someone you've had a relationship with before? Someone that has all this history with you? Is that still dating?"

Rayna felt her heart flutter. For a moment, it was hard to breathe. "I would guess you could slide back into the old routine, but I'm betting people have changed in that time," she said finally. "I think it would make sense to sort of build something new, don't you? Take some time to do that?"

Deacon was looking at her seriously and he nodded. "I do." He worked his lip for a moment. "In a lot of ways, I'm the same, Rayna, but I've changed. Emma changed me. I'm not the same man I was back when we were together or when we were just friends or even before you married Luke. Because of her, I believe that I deserve love and respect and to be a partner in a relationship. I can't follow you anymore. I want to walk beside…you."

Rayna let out the breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding. "I know you've changed. And it's not just Emma that changed you, it's your girls. You've gotten stronger. And you do deserve love, Deacon. That's always been true. I think you just didn't always think you did. You thought that the things you'd done in the past meant you couldn't have that. I'm glad that Emma helped you understand that wasn't true." She didn't want to say _I wish I'd been the one_, even though she did. It didn't matter anymore.

"You've changed too, though," he said.

She nodded. "Yeah, I have. I think living these past few years with just myself, building my business, focusing on what I need and how to untangle all the patterns I've built up over the years has made me stronger. I need someone that can travel the rest of the way _with_ me, _beside_ me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you think we could do it together?"

"Do you think you can love me the way you used to? Now?"

He shook his head. "No. I can't. I can't go back to the way things used to be. I gotta love you different. I gotta love you like you deserve to be with _me_, not just the other way around."

She nodded. "Yeah. I can see that. And I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I've always loved you, Deacon. I think I just didn't always give myself permission to go all in after everything we'd been through. I focused so much on that, I forgot the love."

"So can you do it now? Can you see yourself doing that?"

She felt tears spring to her eyes. She nodded. "Yeah, I can."

He leaned in and kissed her softly. Then he sat back. "I don't want to jump into everything all at once. Are you willing to take it a little slow with me? I mean, I know they aren't really old enough to understand everything, but I have little girls at home. And I need to be a responsible daddy."

She smiled and then she started laughing. "We can do whatever you want." She put her arm through his and leaned into him. "I love that you take them into consideration. I love seeing that side of you."

He pulled back and looked at her again, frowning just slightly. "A lot is different, Ray. Now we've both been married, but I didn't leave my marriage by choice. So you have to know that Emma isn't ever completely gonna go away, not like Teddy or Luke. She'll always be in my heart. At some point, I'm going to need to talk to my girls about their mama, so she's always going to be there in some way."

She nodded. "I know. And I'll support you in that." She took a deep breath. "I know things are different, Deacon. I'm different too. If we're going to do this, and I want to, I know that it's not going to be like it was when we were young. We've both been through a lot and now, if we're going to try this again, we have to move forward without _our_ past. Without our past shaping who we are, individually or together. I'd rather look forward. We have Maddie together, I have Daphne, and you have Abby and Lily. I'd like for us to build on all that and create something new."

Deacon finally smiled. "I'd like that too. For all of us."

* * *

Rayna was looking over some contracts when her phone buzzed. She smiled when she saw Deacon's face pop up on the screen. "Hey, babe," she answered.

"Hey. Look, I was wondering if you'd be okay with a slight change in plans for tonight."

"What did you have in mind?" It had been different this time, being with Deacon. The fact that he had two small daughters meant that she couldn't spend the night at his house. It was not unusual for one, or both, of them to get out of bed in the middle of the night and wander into his room, so he didn't want them confused by her being there. And she'd been okay with that. He regularly had either Maggie, or one of the girls, or Scarlett, take over so the two of them could spend time at her condo. Maggie would even spend the night or stay for a weekend so that they could have some alone time.

He paused. "Well, Maggie's sick so she can't watch the girls. And everyone else already has plans. So, why don't you come over here and you can eat with us and hang out?"

For just a moment, Rayna felt disappointed. As much as she adored Abby and Lily – and she did – she hated giving up the private time with Deacon. But this was his life now and she had promised to take him as he was now, so she pushed her own disappointment aside, and smiled. "Of course. Do you want me to bring something?"

"Nope. Tonight's spaghetti night, so we're good."

Rayna grinned to herself. "Canned spaghetti?"

Deacon chuckled. "_I_ learned how to cook, I'll have you know. I can make my own spaghetti now. And Abby and Lily think it's the best."

"I'm sure it is then. I'll be over soon."

* * *

"Hey, thanks for helping with the lullabies," Deacon said with a smile, as he and Rayna walked back into the living room.

Rayna smiled. "I've missed doing that," she said. "Maddie and Daphne aren't interested in me singing lullabies anymore, unfortunately."

Deacon chuckled. They sat on the couch and he put his arm around her while she laid her head on his shoulder. "I have a confession to make," he said.

She looked up at him. "What's that?"

He looked a little sheepish. "I didn't even ask Maggie to watch the girls tonight. I planned it this way."

Rayna sat up and her eyes widened. "You did?"

Deacon nodded. "This is my life, Ray. I have two little girls and I'm all wrapped up in potty training and poopy diapers and toddler tantrums. If you really want to do this with me again, this is what it will be like. Raising two girls, all that goes with that."

Rayna smiled. "Not like I haven't done that before."

"But they're not yours. They're Emma's daughters."

Rayna shrugged. "I love them because they're _yours_, babe. Isn't that what you always told me?" She smiled. "You're not going to scare me off, Deacon. You and I have been through much worse than raising up a couple daughters together. And I like the idea that we'll finally get to do that."

Deacon leaned in and kissed her. "Me too." He pulled her close and kissed her more fervently, running his hands over her back as he pulled her into him. Rayna wrapped her arms around his waist, thinking that she was incredibly lucky to have another chance with him.

* * *

Rayna decided to surprise Deacon and the girls with lunch. She knocked on the door and then walked in. "Hey, everybody!" she said and then she stopped. Deacon looked around from where he was sitting on the coffee table. Lily was sitting with her feet propped on his knees and Abby was sitting next to Lily. "What's going on?" she asked.

"We're getting our nails done!" Abby shouted, as she started to hop off the couch.

"Don't move," Deacon warned, as he quickly turned back.

"Oh, right," Abby said, as she scooched back. She grinned at Rayna. "They have to dry."

Rayna stifled her laughter. "I see," she said, with a big smile. She walked over and sat next to Deacon, who was putting nail polish on Lily's toenails. "You're very good," she said, looking at him. "Maybe I'll have you do mine."

He frowned. "I only do theirs."

She looked at Lily's feet. "I like the color."

"Pink sparkly!" Lily cried. "Daddy picked it out for us."

Rayna smiled at the little girl. "You two are very lucky girls. Not only does your daddy paint your toenails, but he picks out such a pretty color too."

Deacon gave her a look, then put the brush back in the bottle and screwed the top on. He looked sternly at his daughters. "Okay, y'all need to sit here for twenty minutes so they dry, okay?"

"How long is twenty minutes?" Lily asked.

"I'll tell you. Just sit here and don't get up and don't move your feet around. Both of you."

"Okay," the girls said in tandem.

Deacon got up and headed for the girls' bedroom, Rayna trailing after him. He set the polish on the little vanity and then turned to face her. "Not a word to anyone," he said.

Rayna grinned. "Oh, babe, I think it's sweet that you do that for them. And they love it, I can tell." She put her arms around his neck and drew him in for a kiss. "You are the sweetest daddy any little girl could have."

He smiled sheepishly and shook his head. "There's a lot of things like that you do when you're the only parent. You end up getting good at stuff you never thought you would."

"They are lucky to have you, you know that. You're a great dad."

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "Thanks. I just always want to do the best I can for them." He kissed her. "Now, I need to get back out there or they'll get off the couch. And then there will be hell to pay because their toenails are smeared."

Rayna watched him as he walked out of the bedroom. She smiled as she listened to him gently chastise Abby for having gotten off the couch too early. She thought about what a wonderful father he'd turned out to be and she felt a twinge of sadness that he'd missed all these mundane things with Maddie. But he'd gotten a second chance with Abby and Lily and he was really making the most of it. If anything, it had made her love him more. He took such care with them and she loved watching him do little daddy things. She closed her eyes. _Thank you, God, for giving me a second chance to love him._

* * *

It was two weeks until the wedding. Rayna wanted to do something simple and no fuss, but she wouldn't dare suggest a backyard wedding, which would have been her preference. They were trying to create that dividing line between Deacon's time with Emma and their reunion. They had finally decided on the cabin, which was the perfect place.

It would be a small group. The girls, Tandy, Bucky, Scarlett and Gunnar, Juliette and Avery. Beverly had declined, thankfully. Rayna had been thinking a lot about the little girls. She loved them fiercely and they had attached themselves to her from the start.

Abby was four, serious and quiet, like Deacon and Maddie. Lily was almost three and, if someone didn't know that Emma had given birth to her, they might have thought she'd sprung from Rayna's womb. She was a chatterbox, a sunny dispositioned child, all energy, a lot like Daphne and Rayna. And Rayna adored them both.

Deacon was sitting on the couch, working on a song. Rayna sat next to him and he stopped, putting aside the guitar and drawing her in for a kiss. Then she sat back, her hand resting on his arm. "So I was thinking about something," she said.

Deacon raised his eyebrows and looked towards the bedroom. "Yes," he said with a wink. Scarlett and Gunnar had taken the little girls for the weekend, to give Deacon and Rayna some time alone, which they both appreciated.

Rayna made a face. "Not that," she said, giving him a light swat. Then she got serious. "I've given this a lot of thought, and I would understand if you didn't want me to do this. But I know we've talked a lot about Abby and Lily and raising them together. And I would never want to take Emma away from them. But I love those little girls and I wondered if you might consider letting me adopt them."

Tears sprang up in Deacon's eyes. "Oh, Ray…."

Rayna put her hand up. "It's okay if you don't…."

"Ray," Deacon said firmly and Rayna stopped talking. He took her hands in his. "Abby and Lily would be lucky to have you as their mama," he said quietly. "I love that you want to do that for them. And…I think Emma would approve."

Rayna smiled. "Really? So you'd be okay with that? I promise, when they're old enough, we'll tell them together about Emma and make sure they understand that she's their real mama."

Deacon squeezed her hands. "Rayna, _you'd_ be their real mama. The only one they'll ever know. But yeah, when they're old enough we'll tell them that Emma gave birth to them and how much she loved them. And that she'd want them to have another mama that would love them as much as she did." He took a deep breath. "They mean everything to me and all I want is for them to be loved and happy. I'm really glad you want to do this for them."

"Oh, babe, thank you. I was so afraid you'd think…."

Deacon shook his head. "I know you, Ray, and you're a good person. And a good mama. You'd never do anything to hurt my girls."

Rayna blinked away her own tears and smiled at him. "Good. I'll call my attorney and have him draw up papers for after the wedding." Then she winked at him. "Now, I'd be interested in…." and she nodded towards the bedroom.

Deacon grinned and pulled her up off the couch and they hurried into the bedroom.

* * *

It was the morning of the wedding. Rayna, Maddie and Daphne had stayed up at the cabin overnight. Deacon would be bringing Abby and Lily up late morning. The sun shining in through the blinds woke him. He lay still, listening, but all was quiet in the house. He rolled over on his back and closed his eyes again.

He thought about something that Juliette had said to him long ago, back when he and Emma first started dating. She'd been talking to him about Rayna and how she didn't believe you necessarily had only one person you were meant to be with in your life. She'd been right, of course, because Emma had definitely been someone he was meant to be with. She had gotten him through one of the biggest challenges of his life, when he'd been diagnosed with cirrhosis and had the liver transplant, and she had given him the chance to be a dad again, only this time he'd gotten to be there every step of the way.

He knew she had eventually made her peace with Rayna and Rayna's place in his life, although that didn't really happen until not long before she had died. In the aftermath of losing Emma, he had leaned on Rayna. She'd been there, as a friend, as family, to support him, and he had been grateful. Maybe it wasn't a surprise that they were drawn back to each other because, he acknowledged to himself, he was meant to be with her too.

But they were different people now. His time with Emma, as brief as it had been, had given him new strength. Not the strength he'd often had towards others, to protect the people he loved, but the strength to know that he was worthy. She had helped him understand that he was not the sum of all his failures, but that he had survived those, and she helped him learn to love himself. And Rayna, breaking things off with Luke and settling into a life that was just hers, learned to be strong on her own merits.

The Rayna Jaymes he saw today was not the same idealistic teenager he'd fallen for all those years ago. She wasn't even the same woman he knew later, who tried to protect her heart and let herself settle for less than what she deserved for so many years. She had learned to stand on her own and to find her own way. She had learned to stand beside him, which was what he'd realized he'd always needed most from her. And he knew that the Deacon Claybourne she saw now wasn't the insecure kid from the wrong side of the tracks she'd fallen in love with, or the drunk who couldn't get sober, or the man who, once he did, couldn't move on with his life. He'd conquered his demons, but he'd also learned to be a better man, first by being a father to Maddie, and then by loving Emma Taylor.

_I hope you understand. I hope you wish us well._ He wished he could talk to Emma today, to tell her that while he would always have a place for her in his heart, that this was going to be good for him too. And for their daughters. Somehow he thought she knew. He thought about her on their wedding day, in the backyard of this house, when he'd felt an overwhelming sense of peace in his life. He was feeling that again today.

Just then, he was startled by running footsteps and then two small bodies hurling themselves on his bed. "Daddy, Daddy!" Abby and Lily cried out as they curled up on either side of him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around them, kissing each one on her forehead.

"Daddy, today is the day we wear our pretty dresses!" Abby shouted.

"I wanna wear my ballet slippers, Daddy!" Lily cried.

Deacon grinned happily. He looked from one to the other. "Yes, Abby, today is the day you wear your pretty dresses. And Lily, if you want to wear your ballet slippers, you should do that."

"Yay!" Lily clapped her hands with glee. She snuggled even closer to him and held her hand up to her mouth as though she were going to tell a secret. "So now does Mom come live with us?" she asked.

Deacon nodded. "Yes. Now Mom will come live with us. And Daphne too."

"What about Maddie?" Abby asked, a frown creasing her face.

He looked at Abby. "You know. Maddie has her own place. But she'll come see us a lot."

"I guess," Abby sighed. She wrapped her arms around Deacon's neck and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, Daddy."

Deacon felt tears prick his eyes and he breathed in. He kissed her forehead. "Oh, sweet girl, I love you too." Then he turned to Lily, whose face was screwed up in a playful grin. "And you too, baby girl." When he kissed her, she exploded in giggles. He held them tightly to him, thanking God, and Emma, for his precious little girls.

Abby stroked his cheek. "Daddy, can we have pancakes today?" she asked, in a tiny voice.

He smiled at her. "It's a special day, so yes, I think we can have pancakes." He dropped his hands from around them. "Let's get up and go!" And as the girls jumped up, squealing with happiness and hopping off the bed, he got up and followed them into the kitchen. _This was, indeed, a very special day._

* * *

Two days after they returned from their honeymoon in Mexico, Deacon and Rayna drove to the lawyer's office. When they got to the office, Rayna put her hand on Deacon's arm before they got out of the truck. He turned to look at her. "Are you sure, babe?" she asked. "It's still okay to say no."

Deacon took a deep breath. "I'm sure." He looked at her, a twinge of sadness in his eyes. "I loved her, Ray. I really, truly loved her. Just like I really, truly love you. I look at Abby and Lily and I see her and I'm real grateful for that. That we shared that, that we created them together. The way you and I have Maddie." He paused. "They're lucky that you want to be their mama, Ray. _I'm_ lucky that you want to. That we'll share that together."

"I just didn't want you to feel like I was taking something that belonged to her."

Deacon shook his head. "I think she would be happy you want to do this. And that you love them like you do."

Rayna felt teary. "I'm going to do my best to honor her. And make sure those girls know how much she loved them and wanted them, how proud she was to be their mama."

Deacon smiled and squeezed her hand. "I know you will."

And with that, they went inside and signed the documents that made Rayna Jaymes the legal parent of Abigail Grace Claybourne and Lily Claire Claybourne.

* * *

Back at Deacon's house, the people they loved had gathered to celebrate the new family. As Deacon and Rayna walked up the steps to the front porch, the front door opened and Abby ran out. She was dressed in a tiny denim mini-skirt and plaid top and she had on the little red cowboy boots that had belonged to Maddie when she was the same age. Rayna remembered when Maddie had brought them over and Abby had squealed with delight, wearing them for days on end. Now she ran to the top of the steps, a huge smile on her face. "Mom!" she cried. "I've been waiting for you. We have cake!"

Rayna looked at Deacon, tears pricking her eyes, and Deacon looked back at her with warmth and love in his. Then she turned back and opened her arms wide as she hurried up the steps, enveloping the little girl in her hug. Once she and Deacon had started seeing each other again, the little girls had started calling her 'Mom', copying her own girls. It had worried her, that Deacon would be upset, but he never corrected them. Now she felt like she could take on that honor without guilt. "Cake?" she asked, a big smile on her face. "Who's the cake for?"

Abby looked thoughtful. "Scarlett said it's for me and Lily," she said. "But it's not my birthday." She narrowed her eyes and looked at Deacon. "What's it for, Daddy?"

Deacon leaned in and kissed his daughter on the cheek. "It _is_ for you and Lily. Today is a big day and we're celebrating you and your sister. It's a non-birthday party, how about that?"

Abby smiled. "I like it!" She squirmed to get down and, when Rayna put her down, she ran back in the house, screaming, "The cake is for me!"

Rayna laughed and Deacon put his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. "Thank you for being their mama," he whispered into her ear. Then he pulled back and looked into her eyes. "And for being my wife. I love you, Ray."

She kissed him. "I love you too." She turned and took his arm. "Let's go in and celebrate our family."


	21. Chapter 21

**Epilogue**

Deacon watched Lily and Abby as they pressed their faces against the window of the airplane. They were less than two years apart and looked almost as though they could be twins. They both had Emma's thick, chestnut brown hair, but other than that, even he could recognize that they took after him.

Lily turned around. "How much longer, Daddy?"

She was almost six but she didn't really understand time. "Not long," he said, with a smile. "You should sit down." He patted the seat next to him.

Lily pouted. "I want to sit by the window," she whined, as Abby looked at her.

"Lily, you get to sit by the window on the way home. That was the deal."

Lily hopped up on the seat and crossed her arms over her chest, frowning hard. Deacon stifled a smile as he buckled her into the seat. Rayna told him repeatedly how much Lily looked like him when she threw a tantrum. Within a couple minutes, though, she'd lost the anger and she turned to look up at him. "Where are we going?" she asked. "I forget."

Deacon took a deep breath. Both his daughters were looking up at him. "Texas. We're going to see where your mama is. Your mama from the pictures." He and Rayna had had long conversations about this. Before Rayna adopted the girls, they had met with a child psychologist to get advice on how to handle this very conversation. The therapist had told them to let the girls lead the conversation, that one day one of them would ask a question that couldn't be answered in any way but with the truth.

And so it had happened one afternoon, when Rayna had gone to pick up Abby from school. In the car, just the two of them, Abby had asked Rayna about the day she was born. Rayna had told her they should wait to get home so that Deacon could be part of that story. As soon as they walked in the house, Rayna had rushed Deacon into their bedroom and, in a panic, said, "What do we do? What do we say?"

Deacon had looked at her sadly, working his lip. Finally he sighed. "I think it's time to tell them the truth. I don't think we can tell Abby some fairy tale story and have her believe it."

And so they sat down with the girls in the living room and explained as simply as they could that Deacon had had another wife before Rayna and that she was Abby and Lily's mother. That the reason she wasn't here now was because she had died and that when Deacon had married Rayna, he'd asked her to be their mother.

When they had told the girls, neither one had fully understood at first. Deacon showed them pictures of Emma and he had smiled when they both talked about how pretty she was. He showed them a picture of Emma with Abby, when she was eight months pregnant with Lily. It always made him a little sad that there were no pictures of Emma with Lily, except when she was in Emma's belly. He was worried that it wouldn't seem real to her.

Lily did understand that she wasn't in any of the pictures, because after Deacon and Rayna had explained everything and then showed them the photos, Lily looked pensive. Then she stood next to Deacon, with her hand on his leg and sadness on her face. "Why isn't there a picture of me?" she asked.

Deacon looked at Rayna and took a deep breath. He turned back to Lily and picked her up, putting her in his lap and hugging her close. "Lily, she died after you were born," he said quietly. "She got to see you, but we never got any pictures of the two of you together. She loved you, though. She was so happy you were coming." He didn't think she was old enough to understand the real circumstances of Emma's death and he hoped his explanation would satisfy her, for now at least.

Lily sat quietly on his lap, her eyes taking on the same sad look as Deacon's. She sighed and then looked up at him. "Do you think she was sad?" she asked.

Deacon hugged her tightly. "I think she was very sad to leave both of you. She loved you very much."

Lily thought about that and then tears welled up in her eyes. Abby came over to stand next to her and she took Lily's hand. "It's okay, Lily," she said. "I don't remember her either."

Deacon thought his heart would break. Rayna had turned away to hide her tears. He took Abby's hand. "I thought y'all might like to go see where she is now. We won't see her, but you'll know where she is if you ever want to go back. Would you like to do that?"

Both girls looked at him and nodded. "Is it a long way?" Abby asked.

Deacon breathed in. "Texas. Do you want to see that on a map?" Abby nodded. Deacon pulled out the map he had and showed them, also showing them where it was in relation to Nashville. "We'll fly out there."

Lily hopped up and down. "On a plane?" she cried. When Deacon nodded, she danced around the room, executing a little pirouette. "On a plane!" she shouted.

And now they were on the plane headed for Texas. There had been an argument between the two girls at the airport about who was going to sit by the window. Usually the two of them got along well and rarely fought, but this, for some reason, had turned into a yelling match. Deacon was embarrassed as other passengers looked over at them. He had grabbed an arm on each of them and pulled them gently, but firmly, to stand next to him. He had frowned at them and they both quieted down instantly, looking remorseful. He leaned down and spoke softly. "No more fighting," he said. "Abby is going to sit by the window on the way out there and Lily, you will sit by the window on the way home." Abby smiled and Lily pouted and looked like she was going to say something. "Not a word," he warned. "I don't want y'all to fight. You know better than that."

Lily had sighed dramatically. It had made him wonder more than once about the whole nature versus nurture argument. Rayna had been the only mother figure she'd known and she certainly could be a diva, just like Rayna. Abby, even though she'd also known Rayna longer, seemed to have picked up Emma's quiet strength, even from the short time she'd been with her birth mother. "Okay," Lily conceded. Then she went and sat on the other side of Deacon, her arms crossed over her chest.

* * *

When they landed in Midland, Deacon had taken them to a hotel to spend the night. It was early evening, too late to drive to Odessa, so they would do that the next day. Rayna had suggested finding a hotel with an indoor swimming pool, which had turned out to be a great idea. The three of them had gotten in the pool and the activity had worn both girls out. They ordered pizza and then the girls fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

Deacon stepped out into the hall and called Rayna. "Hey, babe," she said, when she answered.

He smiled. "Hey, Ray. Great idea about the hotel with a pool. The girls sacked out early."

"I knew they would. How did they do on the plane?"

He rolled his eyes. "Once we settled who would sit by the window, it went pretty well."

"Uh oh."

He smiled to himself. "Yeah, uh oh is right. I don't know if I've ever heard Lily yell that loud. And Abby was right there with her. It was embarrassing."

Rayna chuckled. "What did you do?"

"You mean after I wanted to pretend like I didn't know them? I had to lecture them and then I had to decide for them who would sit where. They calmed down after that."

Rayna was quiet for a moment on the other end. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" she asked, finally.

Deacon worked his lip. "Yeah. I guess. I'm not planning anything. We'll just see how it goes." He paused. "Thanks, baby. For letting us do this."

"Deacon, you had to. They need to know her. She's their mama. She'll always be their mama. I don't ever want them not to know that."

"Ray, you're their mama now."

"I know. But she's who they came from. They are yours and Emma's, first and foremost. I want them to be proud of that. You know, Deacon, you're the man you are now because of Emma. You're the dad you are now because of her. She's such an important part of your life and I'm good with that."

His eyes burned with tears and his chest hurt. He pushed the door open slightly and, by the hallway light, he could see his girls curled up together in the bed, fast asleep. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. "I love you, Ray," he said quietly.

"I love you too, babe. I'll see you day after tomorrow."

"Yeah."

After he hung up with Rayna, he quietly came back in the room and closed the door. The light from the bathroom, through the cracked open door, softly illuminated the sleeping forms of his daughters. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall as he looked at them, sleeping together in one of the two beds.

He had always loved watching them sleep. He remembered all the times when Abby was a baby and he'd stand over her crib and watch her, ever so gently running a finger over her back, hoping not to wake her. He'd felt like he'd never get a full nights' sleep after Lily was born. For months, he was afraid to leave her alone for long, as though there might have been something Emma passed on to her, although he knew he was being ridiculous. But he'd been afraid he'd lose her and that maybe, if he was always watching, she would be okay.

Of course, she'd been fine, something the pediatrician told him every visit. He'd bonded with his girls more and more every day. He'd clung to them as the only part of Emma he had left. He was all they had and he'd made a promise to Emma, when he stood there at her gravesite, that he would always take care of them and keep them close.

He sat on the edge of his bed, still watching the girls in the dim light. He felt that crushing feeling in his chest that he'd felt back right after Emma died. As often as he thought about her, it was different being here, in this place where she'd come from. And especially with her daughters.

He drew in a deep breath as he prepared himself for the next day.

* * *

Deacon was awakened by a hand tapping his chest. He was instantly awake, just slightly disoriented as he opened his eyes to peer into the face of his youngest daughter. He breathed in and out several times to calm his jangling nerves. "Lily," he whispered finally. "Are you okay?"

"Can I sleep with you, Daddy?" she whispered back.

"Of course," he said, lifting the covers so that she could scramble in. She nestled in close to him and he put his arm around her. "What's the matter, baby girl?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't know where I was," she said, her voice a little pitiful.

Deacon smiled and ran his hand over her head. "But Abby was right next to you," he said.

"I know, but we weren't at home." She snuggled a little closer. "Why didn't Mom come with us?" she asked.

Deacon sighed. "She wanted us to do this by ourselves. Because Emma, your first mama, she just belongs to you and me and Abby."

Lily was quiet for a moment. "Does she miss us, Daddy? Emma?"

Deacon got that pressure around his eyes that came when tears threatened and he didn't want them to. "Yeah, baby, she does," he said, his voice choked with emotion. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head and felt tears slide down his face.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah, baby girl, I do miss her." He pulled her a little closer to him and she wrapped her small hand around his larger one. She and Abby had kept him going all the time he grieved for Emma and he never stopped feeling grateful for their presence in his life.

Lily fell asleep quickly, but Deacon couldn't immediately fall back asleep. He thought about Emma, as he did frequently, although not as often as he had in the beginning. They were approaching the anniversary of her death – and Lily's birthday – and that was always a bittersweet day for him. He was grateful to have Rayna back in his life. He was happy with her, just as he'd always believed he would be, in the time before Emma. They had fallen back into a familiar place, once they'd decided to be together again, and it felt good. He'd been lucky to have had two great loves in his life, he knew that.

He did miss Emma though. He had loved her with his whole heart, fully and completely, with no regrets. They had gone through so much together, during the short time they'd had, both good and bad, and that had bonded them in a way that had been special. She had given him two of the greatest gifts of his heart – Abby and Lily – plus an unconditional love that accepted him and all his flaws and insecurities. She had completed him in a way he hadn't expected and he missed her deeply. She'd been there when he'd lost hope, when he thought he was going to die, and hadn't let him give up. It had seemed so unfair that they had survived that, both literally and figuratively, only for her to be taken away so suddenly.

He still remembered those precious few moments at the end. She'd gripped his hand tightly, they'd told each other they loved each other. They had watched Lily being born and he had the comfort of knowing that the last thing she saw was her new daughter. He remembered how the life had been pulled out of her as though a light switch had been turned off. There had been no chance to save her. He felt the tears and he concentrated on breathing deeply so that he wouldn't give in to the grief he was feeling in that moment, so he wouldn't wake Lily, his precious gift from Emma. The last thing she'd given him was this perfect little girl, a match to her perfect older sister. As long as he had his girls, Emma would always be with him.

* * *

He didn't know when he finally fell asleep, but when he woke up, the girls were sitting on the end of his bed watching TV with the sound turned down low. He laid there for a few minutes, just watching them, smiling to himself. They were sitting so close, they were almost touching, both in their little nightshirts – old Bluebird t shirts that Rayna had given them – their dark hair hanging down their backs. He thought Emma would be proud of them.

It hadn't been easy, in the beginning. Abby wasn't quite a year and a half old and Lily was a newborn, and he had been seriously out of his depth. He knew how to feed them and change them and comfort them, but there were times when they needed a mama, and he couldn't be that. He'd had days when he'd felt overwhelmed, both by the challenge of raising two baby girls and by the fact that he was alone in doing it. He'd missed Emma tremendously then. Even when things were going well, not having her there to talk about it all with left him feeling lonely and depressed.

Rayna had come to the rescue by giving him Maddie and Daphne's nanny. Maggie had been a lifesaver, filling in when Deacon needed time to work on his music or just to get away and grieve. Just after Lily turned one, he'd started touring again and Maggie went on the road with him and the girls, which had given him great comfort. Rayna had been right, that his daughters had kept him from dwelling on his loss, but there were still times when he'd needed to miss Emma.

Being so close in age, the girls had always been tight. Abby was always looking out for her younger sister, even when they were small. Although they certainly loved Rayna, and he was grateful for her presence in their lives, they were both daddy's girls and that always made him smile. As he watched them now, his heart felt overfull with love for them. They were his precious angels and he couldn't imagine his life without their love and laughter and hugs in it.

He smiled as he watched them sitting quietly together, watching who knew what on the TV. Lily was holding the remote, not surprisingly. He sat up and they turned around to look at him. "What y'all watching?" he asked.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. Some ladies talking."

"Yelling," Abby added.

He smiled. "Well, turn it off. We need to get dressed and get some breakfast."

* * *

Deacon parked the car at the cemetery. He'd only been here once since Emma died. Three years earlier, when he'd been out on tour, there had been an off day after a Dallas show and he'd taken a quick over-and-back flight to Midland and driven to Odessa. It made him wish he hadn't buried her so far away, but he'd quickly gotten past that. It had been the right thing to do and, as he'd always said, Abby and Lily were his reminders of her. He really didn't want to spend his time at a gravestone. But he wanted to do this for his girls, and he would do this with them whenever they wanted, from this point forward. He turned to look at them, both strapped into booster seats in the back seat. "We're here," he said. They both just nodded, not saying anything. He looked at them for a moment, wishing Emma could see them now.

He got out of the car and first helped out Lily, then went to the other side of the car for Abby, who'd already unfastened the seat belt. He took their hands and they walked slowly to the gravesite. Deacon felt like he had a vise around his chest, it hurt so bad to be here. It was different to walk up here with Emma's daughters. The girls were silent, gripping his hands tightly. When they got to the gravestone, he fell down to one knee so he was at their level, dropping their hands. Lily leaned into him, her arm around his neck. Deacon put his arm around her. Abby stood there for a moment, then slowly walked forward. She ran her fingers over the letters of Emma's name.

"Claybourne," she said, turning back to face her father and sister. Deacon nodded, his eyes full of pain and sorrow. Abby sighed. "I wish she was here," she said softly. Deacon worked his lip, breathing in. _I wish she was too._

Abby turned back to the gravestone. "December 8," she read. She turned back. "That's Lily's birthday."

Lily gripped his neck a little tighter. "My birthday?" she said.

Deacon cleared his throat and pulled her in a little closer. "I told you, baby. Mom and I told you. She died after you were born."

Suddenly big tears started to roll down Lily's cheeks and Deacon's heart broke. "Was it my fault?" she asked.

Deacon pulled her into his arms, feeling his own tears spill over. "Oh, baby, no. It wasn't you at all."

She put her head down on his shoulder and cried quietly. Abby walked over and put her hand on Lily's back. "Don't cry, Lily," she said. "You still have us." Deacon reached for her and pulled her into his embrace as well, holding his two sad girls, while the tears rolled down his own face.

Deacon breathed in, getting himself under control. "She wouldn't want you girls to be sad," he said. They both looked at him. "She loved you both so much. I know she wishes she could be here with you but, you know, you have me. And you have Mom. And we love you both so much."

"I wish I could remember her," Abby said, sadly.

Deacon smiled at her. "I do too, sweet girl."

"I wish I could've seen her," Lily said, a little petulantly.

Deacon kissed her cheek. "But you did, Lily," he said. "I was watching you when you were born and your eyes were open and you looked right at her."

Lily's eyes widened. "I did?"

He nodded. "You did. And then you started crying, like all babies do."

Lily leaned her head on Deacon's shoulder, looking towards the gravestone. "Did she send Mom to us?" she asked, finally.

He hugged her close. "I think maybe she did. She knew Mom would love all of us, the way that she did, and that would make her happy."

"I wish we could see her now," Abby said.

Deacon looked at her. "I do too, Abby. I miss her too, just like y'all do. But she's always part of us. She's right here…." And he touched both his daughters' hearts with two fingers, as well as his own. "We'll always love her."

They stayed there for a while longer. Deacon looked back and forth between his two girls and wondered what life might have been like if Emma hadn't died. How different everything would have been. And for just a moment, it felt like she was standing there with them, letting him know that she would always be with them. He couldn't help the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He loved Rayna and he was happy with her, but he had a hole in his heart that he knew would never be filled, even by her, that belonged to Emma. _But you went away / How dare you? / I miss you / They say I'll be OK / But I'm not going to ever get over you / It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone._

"Don't cry, Daddy," Abby said softly, bringing him back to the present. He turned and looked at her, her own eyes as sad as his. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "You have me and Lily."

He smiled at her through his tears and kissed her, hugging her close to him. "Yes, I do. I'm so lucky to have you." He turned to Lily and kissed her as well. "And you. My little angels."

Lily snuggled up to him. "I love you, Daddy," she whispered into his neck.

"Oh, baby, I love you too." He pulled Abby in. "And you." They cried together for a few minutes and then, finally, Deacon stood and, taking their hands, walked with them back to the car.

* * *

Late that night, after the girls had gone to sleep, Deacon stood out in the hallway and called Rayna. "Hey, babe," she said, when she picked up. "How'd it go?"

Deacon sighed. "It was hard. Both the girls cried a little." He breathed out. "Did we do the right thing?"

"Yeah, we did." She hesitated a moment. "You know, I didn't tell Maddie about you and that was wrong. The circumstances were different for Abby and Lily, but I don't think they would have understood the difference between Emma and me before. And Emma's gone, so it's different. They won't get the chance to grow up with her the way Maddie would have with you."

"You know, I get why it would have been hard to tell Maddie when she was really little. I guess I didn't really think about what kids can understand. They were sad, Ray. I think it was hard for them to know they'd never know her."

"And it was hard for you too, wasn't it?"

Deacon was silent for a moment. "It's different for me."

Rayna sighed. "Deacon, you loved her. I know that. It wasn't like you fell out of love with her. You were still head over heels in love with her. You'll always carry some of that with you. I understand."

Deacon rubbed his face with his free hand. "I don't want you to think…."

"I don't," she interrupted. "I know what we have. And I know it's separate from what you had with Emma. I'm glad you had that. You deserved it."

"Thanks for letting us do this. I love you, Ray."

"I love you too." She smiled on her end. "Tell Abby and Lily I've missed them and I can't wait to see them tomorrow. And you too, babe. I'm ready for you to come home."

* * *

_**A/N: So this is the end. Thanks to all of you who took this journey with me. **_

_**To those who embraced Emma and were open to Deacon and Emma – I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed imagining and writing it.**_

_**To those who couldn't quite go there, but read it anyway – thank you too and I hope you were happy to get the Deacon and Rayna ending you wanted.**_

_**To those who wanted this to turn into a Deacon and Rayna story – it was never going to be that. This was Emma's story, first and foremost, as well as Deacon and Emma's story, and the influence she had on his life. Deacon and Rayna getting back together was always in the context of how their lives were changed because Deacon fell in love with Emma.**_

_**I am already working on a new story, but I'm not sure when I'll post it. And just so you know – it'll be Deacon and Rayna.**_


End file.
